reasons why dan's a fail yay

the reasons the signs are fails (yay!)

aries: butterfingers

taurus: mumbles

gemini: inappropriate winking

cancer: psycho thoughts

leo: hates letting others use their laptop

virgo: dislikes human interaction

libra: spiral of lies

scorpio: procrastination

sagittarius: can’t sleep

capricorn: has near-death experiences

aquarius: room’s a mess (especially the sock drawer)

pisces: people can’t touch your neck. ever.

danisnotonfire roast (but like the nice version)

So I was thinking “I can rap and I like Dan but I’m too unoriginal to think of something creative so let’s just make a nice version of Dan’s roast” so yeah enjoy~

Almost eight years of being on Youtube he has a whole brand to his name (yay)
Three tours, two books and a shop, no one else can say the same (except Phil)
So prepare for some praise and by that I mean cringe (cringe)
Cause my rhyming skills are worse than Dan’s 2007 fringe (lol jk)

First things first you’re scarily tall but hey it’s totally cool (tol bean)
You’ve got some really attractive curly hair whenever you step out a pool (hobbit)
Throw in an articulate british voice and that’s Dan, see? (Posh)
You’re the best example of Phil-Lester puberty (woah)

You procrastinate making videos, cause making original content is hard (ooh)
We should know, no one leaves this website mentally unscarred (oh shit)
The best things about your videos include all the ship feels (*sigh*)
I mean come on, who doesn’t think that Phan is real? (Did she just do that)
(I’m kidding stop already please)

Oh
Reasons why dan’s a fail (Yay!)
I’ll tell you why not

You put yourself last you got that sass all you do is work off your ass
You’re jokes are lit and got that wit with unique originality (uh huh)
Everyone’s proud you made it far and got this whole Youtube career
Even though every Internet Support Group vid you drink like five pints of beer (rekt)
You went to America for like what three months and somehow you haven’t had enough? (Tour)
Wow I’m actually impressed you made it even though it’s really rough
You’re genuine affection for your fans is sweet
Trust me on that most of Tumblr thinks you can drop some sick beats

I could go on there’s more if I look
There’s more things on this list than followers on your Facebook

It’s totally cool that you think the meaning of life and death is debatable
If anything, that something that somehow makes you even more relatable

So you were in Uni for law but now you’re on TV?
What the fuck dude how did you get so lucky?
It’s hard to put your job in a box when the roles are so blurry (what is it)
I think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry

I’m joking
Obviously

Okay that hit home
Repress it? Yup!
Before someone else cries let’s kinda just give up

I’m gonna go and cry a bit, then stare at some bathroom flooring
Shout out to my frens at @pretive and @imreallyboring
A rhyme compilation mixed with Dan Howell appreciation
For an Internet sensation it’s the Tumblr nation

Click reblog, if you wanna see this post go far (or not)
To see more posts like these (dunno why tho) just tap the follow bar
So send me all the asks you want where you can call me a liar
Cause you just read another long-ass post, ‘bout danisnotonfire

*fire effects end*
*creator begins crying*

Reasons why Dan’s a fail

Butterfingers x

Procrastination x

Stupid Handshakes x

xxxsexyllamas.com x

Spiral of lies x

Inappropriate winking x

Left handedism x

Near death experience x

I care too much x

I can’t sleep x

Personal space x

Human interaction x

I’m a mess x

Psycho thoughts x

I talk to myself x

I mumble x

Audience participation fear x

Reasons why Dan is a human being just like us 

An Open Letter to Dan Howell

on June 11th, 2014, I was counseling two-week summer camp, fangirling because it was the 23rd birthday of a youtuber I had discovered only two months earlier. I spent lunch break that day watching his videos, giggling like an idiot.

and here I am, one year later, writing him a list of all the reasons he’s great.

now I know you don’t like your birthday; it’s a lot of unnecessary and unwanted attention. it’s people calling you and giving you presents, leaving you with the obligation to say “oh thank you” on repeat for at least a week.

but this is something you don’t have to say thank you for. don’t try to say “oh I’m nothing special” or be bashful; I’m simply telling the truth, and there’s no need to feel like you don’t deserve to hear the truth.

24 Reasons Why Dan’s Not a Fail (yay!) (in no particular order)

  1. He’s attractive. While looks are not everything, it would only be fair to include the fact that you’re cute. From your dimples to your cute lil tummy, everything about you is nice to look at (especially accidental model Dan Howell like that’s gr8.). 
  2. He’s intelligent. While you see your opinions and thoughts on things you’re passionate about as rambling or waffling, I personally find them to be well-thought-out and gracefully worded. That’s part of why I love your liveshows so much; I love hearing your thoughts on things you care about. I (and many others) would be so willing to just sit and listen to you talk for hours because when you feel strongly about something, everything you say about it is so well-put and eloquent and articulate.
  3. He’s successful. At 24 years old, you should be just out of college, still trying to find your place in the world. Instead, you’re living in London with your best friend and working for one of the largest radio companies in the world. You’ve met, interviewed, and played little games with countless celebrities. I mean you and your best friend have written a book and been in an Oscar-winning film for god’s sake, and that’s pretty damn incredible.
  4. He’s nerdy. You get really enthusiastic about anime and music and video games, which is extremely adorable. You whole-heartedly, completely unironically love so many things that most people I know would look at me strangely for liking, and I love that about you.
  5. He’s a survivor. From dropping out of university to the multiple existential crises, you made it. Even when you had no hope for yourself, even when all seemed pointless and you felt as though you had no worth, you kept going. You survived, and because of you, I survived too.
  6. He’s selfless. You care so much about others, sometimes more than yourself. You seem to go out of your way to help others, and that’s something not many people will do nowadays.
  7. He’s relatable. From your reflections on the universe to your fear of the dark (tbh same), people watch your videos and they understand where you’re coming from. Although it wasn’t until I started watching your videos that I started to realize that I have a place in the universe and became self-aware, which is both the greatest and worst thing to have happened to me in a while.
  8. He’s inspirational. Your videos have inspired so many people. More specifically, you’ve inspired me to start making youtube videos. It would be a dream to create content as creative and funny as yours, but just making the videos would be enough. 
  9. He’s heroic. From personal experience, you’re a hero. You - and many others - saved me from myself, saved me when I felt lost and hopeless and alone. Numerous people (including myself) are on the road to recovery from mental disorders because you helped them get there.
  10. He’s humble. You refuse compliments even though you deserve them. You don’t believe you’re anything special when you are. You don’t let people tell you how lovely you are, even though it’s one of the truest things about you.
  11. He’s sarcastic. You’re full of witty comments and sarcastic remarks. From one smart-ass to another, your sarcasm is just another great thing about you.
  12. He’s funny. From your “Danecdotes” to random comments in liveshows, your somewhat dry sense of humor paired with your sarcasm makes for a comedic style that cannot be replicated.
  13. He’s awkward. Just another relatable thing about you is that you’re awkward. As someone who is very prone to feeling alone in a crowded room or feeling overwhelmed in large crowds, I find knowing that you sometimes find yourself in the same situation a bit comforting.
  14. His ironic appreciation. Your ironic love for Comic Sans, swag, yolo, etc. is one of the dorkiest and cutest things I have ever seen. Although I do sometimes worry whether or not it’s all ironic.
  15. His meme-ness. There is no denying that you are meme trash (with a surprisingly good doge face), but you’re cute meme trash so it’s okay. (Also I - a stupid American - am now educated on how to speak Lad so thanks for that, too.)
  16. His laugh is contagious. Whether you’re laughing at one of Phil’s silly jokes or something else, I can’t help but laugh along with you.
  17. His smile is a beacon of light. Your smile is possibly one of the greatest things I have ever seen. You seem to light up a room whenever you’re happy, and your smile is just another thing that glows.
  18. His fashion sense. Although some of the things you wear might seem odd to some people (but they look damn good on you tbh), your wardrobe is something I envy. I always seem to find myself wondering “wow where did he get that shirt?”, occasionally paired with “holy shit I can’t afford that what the fuck is this?”
  19. His friendship with Phil. You and Phil’s friendship is one of the most genuine friendships I have ever seen. I can only hope that one day, I will find that companion. 
  20. His taste in music. Although I personally don’t listen to rap music, I love your appreciation for weird artists (also I used to hate Kanye but now I have a respect for his music). The first Muse song I ever heard was “Panic Station” on one of the old radio shows, and now they’re one of my favorite bands. An old friend originally introduced me to Fall Out Boy, and now - despite not really listening to them when he was still my friend - I own all of their songs (my favorite song is “Coffee’s For Closers” even though that’s irrelevant information). You introduced me to St. Vincent and My Chemical Romance, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the 630-song iTunes library that reminds me that I’m alive. 
  21. He can play the piano. Despite your arguments that you’re bad at it, you’re actually really good. As a matter of fact, I asked my mom if she would teach me to play because of you. I actually taught myself three songs; well, part of three songs (the intro to “Welcome to the Black Parade”, the intro to “The End of All Things”, and the intro to “Terrible Things”), but I’m learning.
  22. He’s a star. Dan, simply put, you glow. In everything you do, you shine and sparkle and glow. You are made of starstuff. We all are, and that is why we are all beautiful.
  23. He’s wise beyond his years. You’re smart, Dan. You know so much for someone so young, and you’ll only learn more as you get older. You have taught me so much about life, about my existence. You know more than I can ever hope to learn, but I hope that you can teach me more.
  24. He’s only 24. Dan, you’re still so young. There is so much life ahead of you. Few people are your age and as successful as you are. There are still so many things you haven’t experienced, so many things you are yet yo learn, so many days left to enjoy.

Dan, life is short. You helped show me that. You helped show me that I only have one life to live, and that I’ve got to have the courage to live it. Because of people like you, I’m figuring out what I want to do with my life. I’ve figured out that I want to go to an arts school in my state to take writing classes during my last two years of high school. I’ve figured out that I want to move to London when I’m older. I’ve figured out that I want to be a youtuber and a writer. I know so much more about myself than I did a year ago.

“I don’t know who I am, but now I know who I’m not.” This lyric by one of my favorite artists (Sleeping At Last) could not be more true to me. 

I’m still young, and yet I know so much about life. In comparison to the vast expanse of the universe, I am but a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of it, and that’s okay. I know death is inevitable. I know that I only have a relatively short amount of time to really live, but because of you and Phil and so many others, I know how I want to live it. There’s so much to life that I have yet to learn, and it wasn’t until recently that I started wanting to learn it.

Daniel James Howell - born June 11, 1991 - turned 24 today. He still has his whole life ahead of him, and yet he’s done so much with it already.

For anyone else reading this, you still have your whole life ahead of you. There is so much life has to offer, and you only have a short amount of time to experience it. I was in a bad place a year ago, caught in a war with depression. Since then, I’ve started to recover. We all have bad days, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay.

But because of this man, this meme-loving, anime-watching dork of a man, I know that I will be okay.

So, Daniel James Howell - danisnotonfire - thank you.

a month without uploading he comes back with a tag - whoo That no one even tagged him in he's not a challenge to drag - ouch So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe - cringe cause this motherfucker's bout to be dragged by his firing First things first yore freakishly tall it's weird you look like a noodle - tru You've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle - hobbit Throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that's dan - posh You're what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fucked slender man You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? - ooh You're so close to being forgotten your hates imaginary - woah The only reason you get views is because you're another white guy that people ship with his friend cause they think it's kawaii Oh Reasons why dans a fail -yay I'll give you some You never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep Your jokes are shit posts and memes with no originality - uh huh Your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university And anything from your past you just delete you were a vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? - milk wow I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic But can't make toast without tumblr saying your problematic - boo I could go on there's more if I check There's more things on this list than chins on your neck On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death 100? Yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath - real So your celebrity crush was j-law but now it's Evan P - mhmm wtf even is your sexuality It's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry - what is it I think it's to hide that you're secretly a furry *cough* I'm joking Obviously .. Okay that went deep Repress it? Yup Before I start crying let's wrap this shit up. I'm gonna go, then masterbate and cry into a slice of pizza - feelings Shout out to the other youtubers especially Ryan Higa A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation Met with no depreciation it's the YouTube nation - youtubeee Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year - or 3 To see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here - fail So leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar Cause you just witnessed the roast of Danisnotonfire