reasons to watch top gear


It’s the year 2015 and I think we can all agree that despite the advances we’re making as a society, every step forward is marred by at least two steps backwards, particularly in the media. Every time something decent happens, someone who should know better fucks it all up. It’s situations like that that have left the British public talking about Jeremy shitting Clarkson for a fortnight.

When you think about it, it’s not even been a slow news week. The general election campaigns are hotting up as we see a man who resembles a small badger take on a really posh condom; In America, some seriously fucked up things are happening regarding police deciding they can murder people of colour for being people of colour; in France, not only did 150 people just die in a plane crash, but the whole country appears to be in a very tense standoff with its Muslim and Jewish residents. But no, the British media would rather talk about JEZZA.

Sadly, they kind of have good reason to. Literally millions of people tune in to watch Top Gear on the BBC every week to see their hero, the millionaire everyman Jeremy Clarkson give it to them straight about automobile engines before remembering that the public know and/or care very little about engines. To fill these gaps in knowledge, he uses a series of words intended to be funny and, because it’s the light-hearted, bantery environment for it, many laugh. It’s about now that we really stop doing that though because when you look at the information readily available, Jeremy Clarkson isn’t a very good person. Got an argument against that? Let’s go to a quick FAQ shall we?

  • “He’s a family man!”
    Whilst he does have daughters, Clarkson’s no stranger to extra-marital affairs. The information’s out there to read but most of it requires clicking The Daily Mail and we’re not going to link you to that.
  • “He’s involved in charity!”
    At this point, it’s virtually impossible to be famous and not be affiliated with at least one major charity. It’s good press as well as the right thing to do. Clarkson though has repeatedly used charity events as platforms for his own brand. Whilst he made nearly £100,000 on “One Last Lap of the Top Gear Track” in an auction last week, he spent most of his time on stage ranting with plenty of foul language about the BBC (who at the time of writing are still his employers and the people who’ve paid him huge sums of money to do his job). Charity’s one thing, being a decent person is another.
  • “He’s not a racist!”
    Whist he doesn’t adhere to the very reserved, base level notion of racist that we as a public hold; pushing any form of national or racial stereotype is a form of racism that we shouldn’t be so passive about. Remember that being on a prime time BBC slot means that families watch the show together and kids love repeating jokes they don’t fully understand. That harmless quip about lazy Mexicans just became a playground joke and as a parent himself, Clarkson will know exactly what happens when you tell a child not to say something…
  • “He’s just having a joke around, stop being so PC!”
    On his last warning at work, he punched one of his subordinates because he couldn’t have a warm steak after a day of filming. If you think this is acceptable behaviour then it’s not political correctness that’s the issue; it’s your sense of celebrity entitlement and your juvenile mind worshipping a man who very loosely talks about cars.
  • “People say stuff like that all the time, especially older people. lighten up!”
    Why do older people say ‘stuff like that all the time’? Because they’re from a different time when people acted differently and that was fine because we hadn’t developed as much as a society away from times when we owned half the other people, had women stay at home and when homosexuality was a crime. Clarkson knows better and we all know he does so stop enabling him and tell him. He’s not an old relative that you don’t want to offend; but he might punch you.

In short, Top Gear doesn’t need him and nor does British television. We’re so quick to vilify Katie Hopkins for espousing not-too-dissimilar and equally awful views, but when a rich, old, white man who talks about cars on the dear old Beeb says “I’d have them executed in front of their families” about TFL workers on strike he’s suddenly a national fucking treasure.

Jeremy Clarkson does not own the rights to Top Gear anymore; the BBC bought them off him long ago. Yeah, they’ll have to pay off his contract and spend an ungodly amount of money to get rid of him but when we, the British public have already spent so much money on listening to his bullshit, what’s a few extra quid to never have to listen to it again (until someone hires him again)?