rearrange my life

I’m back from my trip and thanks so much for the headcanons/etc I got! I’ll post them real soon! ♥

Tomco Week

Day 6 - Apr 17 - Tomco Songs

Maybe I’m just lucky cause it’s hard to believe~
Believe that somebody like you’d end up with someone like me~
And I know that it’s so cliche to talk about you this way~
But I’ll push all my inhibitions aside~
It’s so very obvious to everyone watching us~
That we have got something real good going on~

And I’m racking my brain for a new improved way~
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say~
You’re OK with the way this is going to be~
This is going to be the best thing we’ve ever seen~

If anyone can make me a better person you could~
All I gotta say is I must’ve done something good~
I came along one day and you rearranged my life~
All I gotta say is I must’ve done something right~
I must’ve done something right~

- “Must Have Done Something Right” - Relient K


I have a long playlist’s worth of songs for tomco, but in the end i chose this one cause: A. It’s one i haven’t done before.

and B. It suits them so well it might as well have been written for them.

does anyone ever get manic urges to change or do something in your life
like i should run an aesthetic blog or i should grow out my hair like this and dye it like this or i should rearrange my entire room and life and then get really disappointed when you aren’t automatically super gorgeous or have thousands of followers or whatever

Cherry Stem Knots

Supernatural Hiatus Writing Challenge, Week 2!

PROMPT: “I know! Isn’t it great?”
CHARACTERS: Dean Winchester, Female Reader, Cassie Robinson, Jo Harvelle, Sam Winchester, Jess Moore
WARNINGS: Angst. (Y’all. There is so much angst.) AU, unrequited love, language, emotional crap, this is just painful and I’m sorry.
WORD COUNT: 4264

TAGS: @one-shots-supernatural, @mrs-squirrel-chester, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog, @deandoesthingstome, @kittenofdoomage, @oriona75, @aprofoundbondwithdean, @deanwinchester-af, @fandommaniacx, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @leviathanslovedick

Originally posted by justkeepchill

“Hey!" 

The smile spread across your face before you even realized it. You turned around and saw the green eyes with crinkles beside them, the plump lips open in a cheeky grin, and you let out a laugh. 

"Hey, you!" 

You reached under the bar and grabbed his favorite beer without him asking. You popped the top on it and set it on a napkin in front of him, and he shook his head. 

"You’re too good to me, pretty girl." 

You shrugged your shoulders and Dean took a long drink from the bottle. He motioned with his head and you leaned a little closer. He winked at you. 

"How’s the crowd tonight?" 

You rolled your eyes, dutifully ignoring the twinge in your chest. 

"Slim picking, not to mention the fact that Cassie would literally kick your ass into next week." 

Dean threw his head back with a laugh, and you swallowed, turning back to straightening the bottles on the shelf behind the bar again. You glanced in the mirror behind the bottles and saw Dean turn around, leaning his back against the bar as he surveyed the crowd. 

Your heart gave a thump in your chest as you stared at him, and you let out a quiet sigh. 

"Something on your mind, pretty girl?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I want to work out and eat clean but I always feel so tired that I cant find the energy to begin and rearrange my life:( I really wanna have new habits but it seems so big and impossible to do and idk how to keep myself motivated in spite of my lack of energy. Any tips?? Thank you so much have a good day xx (love your tumblr btw it's inspirational!)

Set small goals, and work on achieving them one at a time. Don’t try to do everything all at once. Try eating clean for a week, without working out. Even if that just means drinking more water than usual and finish eating at least 3 hours before you go to bed. After making a habit out of eating better (doesn’t even have to be “clean” just healthfully) try to go to the gym 3 times a week for 20 minutes and get a rhythm. Once you think you’re ready, try going to the gym 5 times a week for 30 minutes. Just don’t overwhelm yourself. Weight loss takes time and patience. Be patient with yourself. If you stay dedicated and try your best, eventually, you will see results.    & thank you for liking my tumblr, it means a lot :) 

Twin souls:  why do you want “confirmation?”

And why does it scare you to worry that you’re “mistaken?”

Some food for thought to help you understand yourself better.  :)



INTUITION:
It’s hard to explain this succinctly, so I’ll skip over the details:  the bottom line is, twin soul connections seem to catalyze a spiritual growth process that comes along with an intuitive awakening.  “Reality” seems to bend, and this even for people who weren’t very mystically inclined to begin with.  In other words, they’re not “looking for” what is happening to them.  They are not “reading into” anything.  The messages just happen to be there, happen to KEEP coming, and the messages feel loud and clear.

… at least at the beginning.

People in twin soul situations – if they haven’t already – start learning how to “read” the universe through this process.  Picking up subtle (and not-so-subtle) “messages” from Spirit.  Seeing “signs” in everyday life.  Once they get the hang of it, “signs” pointing toward other kinds of experiences start coming more frequently too.

… but what if you interpreted the “signs” about your twin soul all “wrong?”  Then what?  What are any of the other “signs” worth?  Can you trust yourself?  Can you trust your intuition?

And if your intuition is “leading you astray,” then what?

Fundamentally, then, the question, “Is this my twin soul?” reflects a spiritual crisis in itself.  The crisis being, “Can I trust my own intuition/guidance?”

It’s not frivolous to want to know.  The thing is, probably, nobody can tell you.  And guess what:  having “the answer” is not really all that important.  You need to learn how to live with the uncertainty.  Trust yourself and trust life anyway.  Tune into the healthiest choices.  Honor your inner truth.

And none of what I’m saying — i.e., the “healthiest choices,” “honor your inner truth” — needs to look any specific way.  That will look different for everyone.

But I’m telling you here that, while the desire to find some kind of “confirmation” is perfectly understandable, it isn’t necessary.  The point is to be (and to have been) honoring your heart and yourself all along.



MENTAL HEALTH:
On a related note, because of all that bending-reality stuff, some people want to know, simply, because they’re worried they might be “crazy.”  Everyone’s life is different, but to be entirely honest, my life has been so rife with mind-blowing synchronicities of all shapes and sizes that I have sometimes gone into freak-out mode, wondering how this world could be “real” and on the brink of melting down at the thought that, “This is all just in my head.”  And I’m talking in general — not just about twin soul stuff.  And I know that a lot of people in twin soul situations experience so much of this kind of thing too that they worry exactly the same thing.

And you know what?  Sometimes there are no easy answers when your consciousness is expanding that rapidly.  If you’re genuinely concerned that you might have an emotional, mood, or personality disorder, see a counselor.  I saw a counselor through some of the earlier stages of my life rearranging itself into a festival of synchronicity, when I was worried I was “just imagining things” or maybe projecting my desires onto the external world, and the simple fact of having someone I could speak with about all of this who was qualified to evaluate my mental state was hugely reassuring for me.  I knew that, if I started tottering off the deep end (if I was even anywhere close to the deep end to begin with), I had someone watching out for me, so to speak, who could be there to help me make my way back into healthier territory if I stepped too far.

The experience of seeing a counselor through a period like this is extremely grounding.  It may be that your counselor reassures you that you’re perfectly grounded and in a good head space.  Yay!  Or maybe your counselor would notice some areas where you could use a little more grounding, and he/she could help you work on those areas so that you can approach what you’re living with a deeper sense of clarity and empowerment.  Also yay!

There is no reason to be scared here.  Amazing synchronicities and amazing soul connections are a reality.

And if you come to the conclusion down the line that this person isn’t “the One?”  Guess what:  you’re still golden, and it doesn’t mean anything is or was wrong with you.  Finding someone you love dearly, and then finding someone you love even MORE is a natural, very common part of the human experience.  And it has nothing to do whatsoever with questions of “sane/insane.”

You’re living something magical right now?  Hold gratitude in your heart for that; pray for guidance and clarity; and just trust that it will eventually make sense.  Talk to a mental health professional if you need to make sure that you’re approaching everything from a grounded place, but remind yourself that you don’t need “confirmation” right now one way or the other as to whether this person is your “twin soul.”  The experience seems to be designed to get you to drop labels, connect with your heart’s truth, and all that good stuff.



TRUSTING THE HEART:
Sometimes people worry about whether they’re “mistaken” about their twin soul because they’re worried that if they’re “wrong,” then they can’t trust their heart.

… RUBBISH!

Yes, you CAN trust your heart!  No matter how much it’s been bruised before, or how many different people you have loved!  Check this out here.  And this.

The bottom line is, your heart knows what’s up.  And if you deeply and truly love someone, then they ARE very special in your spiritual growth.  Just because your heart might have compelled you in the past toward people you eventually outgrew, this does not at ALL mean that your heart cannot be trusted next time another love question comes to the table.

Give your heart more credit.  Drop labels, go on feeling, and really get in touch with your innermost truth.  And your innermost truth isn’t about labels at all, but about feelings; if you know your feelings, then why worry?  ;)


SEEKING RELEASE:
Some people, on the other hand, want to “know” because they feel like a “no” will give them release.  Will free them to make other kinds of choices.  To get involved with someone new, move someplace far away, or, hey, maybe even remain in a given groove (or outright rut) that feels comfortable (because, hey, why go through the arduous process of climbing a mountain when there’s no clear “incentive” for reaching the top of it?).  But this is another situation where you need to be able to do what’s best for you.  Regardless of who you imagine will or won’t be in your life further down the line.

Delving further into that idea, this is a huge part of the reason why some people might wonder whether someone is “really” their twin soul or not:  they’re trying very seriously to figure out whether to get involved with somebody different.  Or whether to leave somebody different, in favor of the suspected “twin soul.”  But why?  Our relationship decisions shouldn’t come down to the question of “who else is available” but rather how we feel about them, how we feel in their presence, how they treat us, what our heart (not our ego, but our HEART) is telling us about whether or not they feel “right” — no matter who we’re with.  No matter who we’re thinking of getting with.  If, say, a reader tells you “A is your twin soul” but you’re really feeling drawn to B… then are you really serving yourself by closing your heart down?  And has their “answer” really helped you, one way or the other?

As Rumi says, “Love is the bridge between you and everything.”  As long as you’re making your choices from a place grounded in genuine love… then what bridges worth walking along can even be burned?  ;)


FEARS ABOUT “SPECIALNESS” AND “WORTHINESS”:
There’s another reason.  Some people have been told that twin soul unions are “special,” reserved only for “very advanced” souls.  Within this framework they have come to adhere to, they want the “reassurance” that they, themselves, are so advanced.  Are worthy of something special.  If you can relate to what I’m saying in this paragraph, here’s a little secret to help free you from those fears:

Those thoughts are just ego.  ;)

All love is special.  No love, no soul, is “lesser.”  If you are radiantly, blissfully happy with someone and feel like they are a gift from the Heavens in your life and like absolutely “nothing is missing” with respect to your connection, what does it matter whether you call that person a “twin soul” or not?

It doesn’t.  We are all worthy of love.  The very best of love.  In (MORE of) the wise words of Rumi:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”


DIVINE MISSION:
Other times, people are worried about their “mission.”
 Twin souls seem to have an instinctive sense, early on, that they just sort of “fit” each other, including each other’s life trajectories.  That they complement one another in some ways, and mirror each other in others.  In fact, for a lot of twin souls, something about their meeting “switches them on;” that is, it wakes them up (at least one of them) to what they really want to be doing with their life, or at least it gets them pointed in that general direction.  Not surprising then that many come to imagine that they are “meant to” be working with their partner, in some capacity, for the greater good of humanity.

But guess what?  Whatever your work is, it is absolutely sacred.  As such, you will never have to “go without” something or someone you might “need” to fulfill it.  If someone or something is not currently in your life, all it means is that you don’t “need” that person or thing right now.

And if someone or something is never in your life in that sort of capacity?  Then it means it never was necessary.

Your work will be fulfilled.  Your contribution to the worlds will be no less significant, beautiful, or holy.  Let go of the idea of “needing” any person to “be all you can be.”  You are already and always enough.



If you press and try to find “answers” of the “yes/no” variety, these may ultimately not help you very much.  It would be more helpful for you to reflect honestly on why you are craving such a definitive, deterministic type of answer, and then try to heal that concern instead.  You will find more release by getting to the root of your fears and treating yourself (your insecurities included!) with love, rather than trying to confirm or debunk the twin flame label itself.  :)

Wishing peace and divine love to all of you!

Blessings,

Laura

I want to tell
you every single
thing that runs in
my mind. Are you
not tired? You keep
rearranging my life.
I couldn’t think straight.
I love the way you disturb
the peace within me.
You are on every corner
of my room, in this gallery-
I found you, a masterpiece.
Do not leave yet, please.
Stay for awhile, I want to
make this moment worth while.
Hold my inner soul, I am now yours.
Stay with me, do not hold the exit door.
It’s not the distance when we’re apart
It’s the distance when we’re heart to heart
Like your ears are open but you’re still
Missing
Like you eyes are open but you’re still
Missing
Every now and then I think what if I went
Missing
Would you even
Miss me?
Try to pick up the
pieces
Of my broken heart
You remember the one that you tore apart?
After night after night after
Everyday I’d fall faster
Everyday’s a disaster
Then you’d tell me you miss me
You’d kiss me
And then I’d fall right back
To the beginning just like that
And I know I was the one who wanted to take a break
I wanted a second take
I wanted to rearrange
My life, my thoughts
Figure out everything I need to do coz
I wanna have a life with you
But now we gotta take a step back or two..
—  Kris Ruaro

LISTENif we got nothing, we got us - a #platonic(mostly)soulmates makorra fanmix.

I. what’s a soulmate? II. i would walk five hundred miles, and i would walk five hundred more. III. one day we’re gonna come back and laugh at it all, one day we’ll look at the past with love. IV. i know we don’t talk as much but i can hear you still. V. everything is shit (except my friendship with you). VI. if you were an ocean, i’d learn to float. VII. if anyone can make me a better person you could, i came along one day and you rearranged my life. VIII. you’ve just written ‘wondering…’ and i reply fast. IX.i could see our fingers all intertwined, with all your wrinkles perfectly suiting mine. X. i know that we’re not the same, but i’m so damn glad that we made it. XI. just when you think you’re all adult swim, is precisely when somebody shows you to the ocean. XII. some things just make sense and one of those is you and i.

We Should Get Jerseys

It’s late by the time Andrew gets back to the apartment. He’s exhausted from the away game and travel but as he sets down his bag in the hall and slips off his shoes he feels a quiet surge of happiness: he’s finally home.

Neil is sleeping curled up on the couch. The cats are nestled around his body like a furry protective barrier. Andrew stands there for awhile, just watching Neil breathe. Finally he nudges Neil until he opens his eyes.

“Andrew,” Neil says, his voice slurring with sleep, “hey.” He’s got a blissed out look on his face and looks way too relaxed. Andrew leans in and sniffs him, which makes Neil giggle. “Neil, have you been drinking?” Andrew asks though it’s pretty obvious that yes, Neil’s been indulging.

Neil yawns and sits up. “Yeah,” he replies as he stretches his arms above his head, revealing a bit of his scarred abdomen. “Nicky came over to keep me company and we split a bottle of wine and watched a movie. Something with giant robots and monsters from the sea? Nicky would not shut up about the main actor…” Neil rambles as he pushes himself off the couch. He totters a little and then falls against Andrew. “You are such a fucking light weight,” Andrew grumbles as he helps Neil walk to their bedroom. Neil just laughs and tries to walk in a straight line.

Andrew makes Neil brush his teeth before leading him to bed. Neil is still acting goofy and playful and is prattling on about the most random shit. Andrew would like to go to sleep but drunk Neil is too cute.

“Hey, hey, Andrew, you know what?” “What?” Andrew sighs, gazing down at Neil. “So I was thinking…we should get jerseys…because we’d make a good team,” Neil pauses for a moment before continuing, “but yours would look better than mine because you’re out of my league.” Neil is smiling so hard and Andrew is fighting to keep his face blank. Finally he sighs and leans down to whisper in Neil’s ear, “We already have matching jerseys, idiot, because we’re on the same team.” Neil just laughs and nuzzles against Andrew before replying, “In more ways than one!”

The next day Andrew calls Nicky to chew him out for getting Neil drunk when he was supposed to be recuperating. Then, because he can’t help himself, he asks about the weird jersey stuff. “Oh my god!” Nicky screams. “I made Neil listen to that song yesterday! It’s Relient K. You know, back from my good boy days. I’ll send it to you.”

Andrew listens to the song and while it’s far too upbeat for him, he can’t help but relate to some of the lyrics like “you came along one day and you rearranged my life” and “if anyone can make me a better person you could.” Neil isn’t the answer to everything, but he was right, they do make a good team.

2

I know this is super long but if you don’t mind either scroll past or if you really don’t mind reblog and help Taylor see this? Thanks.

The left picture is me last year vs. me this year. I guess like Taylor, I chopped off my hair around the time when my life was changing and I felt like a new person. Let’s see, so if I look back to a year or so ago I was on the verge of completely rearranging my life. I just didn’t know it yet. A year ago I learned that sometimes going against the grain and doing what feels right for you may be looked down upon by others. A year ago I learned that you can’t change peoples’ minds and you can’t make them stay if they don’t want to. A year ago I learned how valuable the people who do stay are. That those are the kind of people I want to look for. I went through a time where I felt lost and kind of stuck. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, I gained a great group of friends but lost them, and the guy I really liked kind of disappeared from my life. The darkest times I remember were when I was trying to find a job and nothing was happening, and when I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I felt like I was fighting this war all on my own and had to go through all of these blows. But, I wasn’t alone. I had my family and friends and I had this this one person who taught me so much. I had a long list of songs I related to, and this one person’s lessons I lived by. I learned how hard it can be to lose people, but the worst is losing yourself. And that’s what had happened. For the past 2 years I never realized that I lost myself all because of one friend’s words. I stopped being open, I started expecting people to turn out to be different than what I thought them to be, and I expected everyone to leave. Although I did lose touch with myself, I did learn some valuable lessons because of someone else. taylorswift you have been there with me when I was at my lowest points. Flash forward to this year and all of a sudden everything clicked. In September I got a job at the library and I’m still there, I still love it, and I want to aim to be a writer and hopefully find a way to be a full time shelver at the library. And one day I want to live in the middle of the mountains somewhere in Tennessee. In the winter I found myself appreciating the best friends I do have more than ever and that alone put me back together. I also found that some people invite friends to their houses to listen to their album before anyone else and sends them gifts for the holidays. Although I wasn’t one of those fans, just watching it happen and having the ability to talk to Taylor on here and get a follow was what taught me that real friendship is when people make the effort to be in your life. In the spring, I went through a really tough situation that really got in my head. And then I found myself in different situations that I just didn’t feel like dealing with and the weekend before Memorial Day I watched Endless Love and I kept crying because all that I wanted was for once for it to be my turn. I was okay with being alone. For 2 years I’ve been single and because of Taylor Swift I learned that I don’t need a guy to be happy. So, I was okay with not having a boyfriend, but it felt unfair to then have to deal with what was going on at the time, nothing serious, but just really got to me. I just wanted to feel like one day I would find someone who was right for me. So, going onto literally a week later, I met someone. I didn’t think much of it at the time except for the fact that all I wanted to listen to were taylorswift​ love songs the whole way home I haven’t done that in who knows how long. To spare all the details we’ve only been able too see each other twice and we’re keeping it a friendship because now it’s long distance. This is typically when people feel sad for me, but honestly, I don’t remember the last time I was this happy. This is really embarrassing to talk about (luckily he’ll never see this) because I am literally a giddy school girl about him. Most nights I fall asleep smiling without even realizing it. We really had a connection when we got to see each other, and so the long distance is definitely not an ideal situation. I’m definitely scared of him deciding to leave my life only because he has the option to. But taylorswift​ I really really reaaaally like him as a person and I don’t know why but I’ve had this really good feeling about him in my gut from the start and it’s something I’ve never felt before. He’s really cute and such an incredible person, and I’ve found myself feeling like my old self again, but a better version. I thought I was happy this past year, but ever since he came into my life I realize I don’t even remember the last time I was this happy. So taylorswift​ let’s keep this between us, I really like him and I’ve never related to your music more than I do now, so much so that sometimes I have to skip some songs because I relate too much to them. Also he’s a fan too and we’ve listened to your music together when we first hung out. I wanted to tell you all of this Taylor because I can’t thank you enough for teaching me lessons and being there for me when I was lost and being here now as I’m finding myself again. Because I know 2 years ago I wanted your advice and I wanted to feel like things would change, and now everything is changing and I’ve never been more happy, so of course I had to tell you about it. I really hope I can meet you someday and talk about all of this.

Thanks Tay.

Jess.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Can I request a Luke imagine/one shot (is there a difference?) where you guys argue and you're terrified that he's going to blow up/be super angry with you and break up and he notices how scared shitless you are and he calms down and reassures you that no matter how bad things get he'll always be there if you'll have him. Sorry this got so long. And I just realized it sounds like the plot for Mine by Taylor Swift :p I really really love and enjoy your writing and blog so much :)

An imagine is on the shorter side, like a blurb, whereas a one shot can be as long as the author wants, upwards of like, 1,000 words or so. Anyhow, I hope you like this! (Also, thank you!!!)

It was another Saturday night when you found yourself at Luke’s apartment. You’d watched a few movies and were now laying on his couch, you on your back and Luke draped over you, his head resting on your chest and his body between your parted legs.

Both of you were watching the TV, your hands idly playing in his hair as you watched whatever episode of Family Guy was playing.

Luke’s arms were wrapped around you, essentially hugging you, as he began to drift off to sleep.

After he’d been quiet for a few moments, you craned your neck to look down at him.

“Luke,” you shook him softly, “don’t fall asleep, I have to go home soon.”

“No,” he grumbled, wrapping his arms around you tighter. “Just stay.”

You sighed, wriggling out from under him and sitting up in the couch. “I can’t, I don’t have any more clean clothes here and I have to work an early shift at work tomorrow.”

Keep reading

Every Moment Until Goodbye

Wrote this a couple days ago in a few hours! Enjoy

“I’m sorry I do have to go, Adam” she said looking up at him seriously.

His hands that were resting on the skin under her shirt fell. He was trying to convince her to stay. Something he thought he’d be good at but so far he wasn’t winning

“Why? Can’t you film the video sometime else?” he groaned she could tell he was actually upset about this “you just got back babe"

She was now just telling him that she would have to leave in two days to film the Out of the Woods music video for her fans out of the country. She knew he did understand but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be upset  

“I can’t I have to get everything cleaned up from the tour and I have to get everything settled before I have a break” she said her voice frustrated why couldn’t he just understand her  

“But I have only seen you for five days after being away from you for two weeks and now we have to say goodbye and then see each other four more weeks from now. Taylor just stay here for another five days please” he tried to calmly explain how he saw things and what he thought was logical  

“But I can’t. I would if I could. You know I would stay here as long as I could to be with you. I have to do this” she tried to counter his argument but he still wasn’t going to give up until she decided to stay with him for at least a couple days  

“You can. That’s the thing. Just stay two extra days. I haven’t seen you in forever. We’ve been with our friends or surrounded by someone. We haven’t gotten any alone time” she sighed when he said those words because it was true  

They hadn’t had any alone time. They never really had any alone time unless they were both off work for a long time which had been long time

“But I can’t Adam. We will have forever to spend after I get back from Australia. Can you wait-“

“I always wait. I’m always the one waiting for you.” the atmosphere between the two of them shifting completely "Don’t you get it. I just want to spend time with you. It’s like you don’t want to spend any time with me.”

He was walking up and down and Taylor didn’t want to fight before she left  She wasn’t going to allow him to decide what she was going to. She did want to stay. She wanted to do that instead of do this music video but she had a job. A job that she signed up for.  

“I do Adam!” she shouted back “How could you even say that. Every moment I’ve head off these few days I’ve been with you”

“No you haven’t!” he protested “You were with Gigi or Selena and leaving me in the dust. You can’t say that you always put  me first. You don’t! You put your job and you’re friends first! I’m no where on your priority list"

“That’s not true”she whispered and wiped away a tear that had fallen from her eye “You and I both know that’s not true!“

He was angry. Almost as angry as he was when the paps made him mad. He sometimes felt like he had to fight for a place in her life. She was needed by tons of people and she felt like she had to fulfill all their needs.

All he wanted was to spend a little more time with her. Just a a couple more nights where they went to sleep after making love and a couple more mornings where they woke up next to each other.

She shook her head and bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She never meant to make him feel that way. At all. She wanted to spend time with him she’d spend forever with him. There were things to do though that had to get done. If she had it her way she and him would live in a castle somewhere in England where no one could find them.  

“Yes it is true! Are you bind?” he shouted and walked up and down while she stood  frozen and out of his way “I always put you first. I rearrange my gigs so I can be with you. I rearrange my life for you and you can’t even stay here a few days to be with me!”  

She didn’t even know what to say his words stung her so much that she was tongue tied. He grunted when she didn’t say anything and stormed out of the room. She heard the door slam and she couldn’t help it. She covered her face and cried. She sat down on the floor and cried. she never wanted him to feel this way. He was more important to her more then she cared to admit to anyone but herself. Of corse she periodically told him how much she loved and appreciated him but no one really understood the high level that she did love and appreciate him. She didn’t even know what to do anymore. After a couple hours her tears finally stopped and they were finally just stains on her face.

She went upstairs and opened the slammed door and peaked to see him inside. He was passed out on the bed. She went to where he was and saw tear tracks on his face as well. She felt shame, she never wanted to hurt him. She kissed his head before getting her clothes to take a nice hot bath to relax her body. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep unless they resolved their conflict

She relaxed as soon as one foot was in the warm comforting water. She sighed and closed her eyes. The ambiance of the room was now peaceful and calm. She didn’t hear Adam coming in but she noticed his presence when he kissed her head

“Hey babe” he said calmly, causing her to open her eyes and look at him  

“Hey” she answered back and looked into his eyes and saw hurt and pain. Hurt and pain that she had caused and that broke her “Adam I’m sorry. You are one of the most important things in my life right now. I’m sorry that I don’t show that often enough.”

“It’s fine Tay. I was overreacting. I know that you love me, and I…I just wasn’t thinking straight” he looked into her eyes. He grabbed her hand that was out of the water and held it tightly before continuing “I love you and I want to spend every moment we have together.”

“I want to spend every second I can with you.  If life worked they way I wanted it to I’d spend forever with you. But it’s not how it works. I have to do this before I go into hibernation for god knows how long. Can you please understand this for me?”

“I do.  I love that you love your job. I do. But what are you going to do when we have kids. Are you going to go off and film a music video instead of staying here with them?” he spoke more gently and pulled her into his arms relishing the warmth her body left on his  

“I will be here with them. I won’t even be working. I’ll be home for the kids. We will get through this. I promise babe” she said reassuring him. He pushed back some wet hair that stuck to the side of her face so he could cup her cheek in his big hand

“I know we wil. So that’s why I’m saying that you should go to New Zealand. And I’ll go with you” he spoke softly and gently  

“You have to be in Mexico..” she reminded him knowing that he already knew that

“I know I can rearrange that” he reasoned. She sighed hoping this was not the next thing they were going to argue about  

“no you can’t babe. I want you to be there with me. You have things you need to do too” her hand reached up to touch his that was resting on her cheek  

“I know but-“

“No, Adam. I don’t want you to cancel your gigs again to be with me. Just go to Mexico now and then three weeks will pass by and we can be together again.”

“That’s four fucking weeks! A month.” He was getting angry again and she grabbed his hand before he could walk out on her again  

“I know and I don’t want to be away from you for that long. It’s going to absolutely kill me that you’re not going to be with me during Thanksgiving. I really want you there. But Adam think about it just four weeks. Four weeks until we can move in together for real. Four weeks until we can wake up next to each other everyday. Think about it. This is all we have to get through and then we’re there.” her voice sounded reassuring and the feeling her her hand capturing his made him feel like they did have a chance  

He was sitting on the toilet lid once more. “we can do this right? We will get through this”  

“Yes we will get through anything” she assured him and brought his face to hers so she could kiss him “so let’s just enjoy these next few days. Just you and I. No friends or anybody. Let’s just enjoy every moment we have left ok?“

“Ok” he whispered closing the small gap between their lips. She bit gently on his bottom lip and stroked the scruff on his cheek.

He took in what she said enjoy every moment they have left. He made sure to enjoy everything in that moment. The way her lips tasted, the way the shampoo from the bathtub smelled and especially how beautiful she looked right now.

“Get in here, Adam” she said pulling away and letting him take off his clothes so he could join her in the tub. He sat behind her once undressed and they continued to enjoy every moment they had of each other until goodbye.  

If you do or don’t celebrate thanksgiving take sometime and make a mental note of everything you are grateful for! Lots of love!