anonymous asked:

Headcanon on how everyone found out about touken: kaneki is just talking to the others but when touka walks past, they notice him just staring so lovingly at her as she passes by, smiling slightly. Then everyone just looks at each other and smiles knowing what's up. Except for ayato, he's still oblivious until naki shouts out 'why you looking at her all the time?" Really loudly. Kaneki just blushes and changes the subject.

“why are you looking at her all the time?”

that’s such a naki™ thing 😂  i love it

anonymous asked:

I say what the frick frack because I'm conditioned not to swear at work

I have the complete opposite problem and I once scared a tech guy bc I said “fuck me” really loudly in response to something that happened but like I work in a secluded area so I can usually get away with cursing lmao

anonymous asked:

May or may not have a headcanon that The Host knows how to use echo location and uses it to fuck with other egos/people he's chasing down

okay no but imagine you’re running away from him through some abandoned building and you hide and he just slowly walks around the room, humming. the sound of his voice echoing through the room as he drags the blood soaked bat behind him

also imagine him walking into a room, screaming really loudly and then just going “oh hey bim” and just casually sitting down

i had a dream where at my school it was a meme to groan about a toothache really loudly and suddenly bang your top row of teeth down on the top of your desk and act like your tooth came out and my friend thought the joke was really annoying and shed always complain about it and she thought i agreed with her when i actually thought it was really funny

Lmao this American girl walked up to a Hungry Jacks (Burger King) register with her drink and really, really loudly (I was at the other side of the place) proclaimed:
“I asked for Lemonade, you gave me Sprite” in a really bitchy, entitled voice.

The cashier (and everyone within earshot) just looked at her like “the fuck is wrong with you”

In Australia, Sprite IS lemonade as far as we’re concerned.

Enjoy your 90c refund you cheap ass ho.

Mutually Assured Dating

‘You were singing really loudly in the shower when I broke into your apartment but then i heard you slip and crash and oh god i should probably check on you in case i get done for murder instead of just robbery’ AU

It took all of fourteen seconds for Derek to realize he was in the wrong apartment.

First, he noticed the very large and scuffed up sneakers and boots ditched haphazardly kind of near the door but half into the living room. Cora was meticulous about her shoes and kept them neatly arranged in a shoe rack right next to the door. The only time they touched the floor was when her feet were in them.

Second, the stuff. There was so much stuff everywhere; clothes thrown over the back of the couch, dishes across the coffee table and all over the kitchen counters, books on every surface, a gaming console dragging wires across the floor and surrounded by games, in cases and out of them. Cora was an unintentional minimalist, in that she threw out anything she didn’t need and lacked a single sentimental bone in her body. Derek and Laura regularly made trips to wherever she lived to save family keepsakes and memories from her ruthless cleaning sprees.

Then he noticed the manly warble coming from somewhere deeper in the apartment, and Cora’s favorite topic of rant floated lazily to the forefront of his mind.

—but my neighbor, oh my god this guy! I’m going to kill him if I ever see him in the hall! His bathroom shares a wall with my bedroom and he sings in the shower, every shower, at all hours. Literally all hours, like 4am, and he only sings Christmas carols at 4am. I’ve have Jingle Bells stuck in my head for a week! 

Shoes, stuff, singing.

This was not Cora’s apartment.

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“if lgbt+ people have always existed then why aren’t they in history books?” shit. you got us sharon. you’re right, we’re a recent invention. the truth is, chad, gay people were invented in 1974 when there was a m*a*s*h episode about a gay soldier. bisexuality wasn’t invented until freddie mercury wrote “bicycle race” in the late 70s. the song starts with him going “BI” really loudly and we were like hey thats a cool idea lets be into multiple genders. and then ellen invented lesbians in the late 90s on her sitcom that was pretty cool. please don’t be mad at me fellow gays i just thought it was about time to give up the ruse, donna over here already figured it out anyway

BTS as things I’ve done

Seokjin: Purposely gave my friend a broken Wii remote so I could beat her at Mario Kart.

Yoongi: Made my friend think my house was haunted by moving things around and turning things on and off and scared her so bad she refused to stay the rest of the night.

Hoseok: Almost made my mum crash the car because I shouted really loudly when I saw a bunny in a field.

Namjoon: Accidentally set fire to the greaseproof paper I was using while cooking and almost burnt the house down.

Jimin: Went on a rant about how stupid crocs are without realising the woman standing behind me was wearing them and then ran out of the store because I was so embarrassed.

Taehyung: Got lost at the Kennedy Space Centre because I walked off to take a picture of a squirrel.

Jungkook: Embarrassed my friend by dancing around a store, passionately singing along to ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ when it started playing.

27 Dress Code Violations

@jilychallenge 04/2017 | @bantasticbeasts vs @anxiouspotter

Muggle AUs | “i get dress coded so you give me your jacket and we protest unfair regulations for girls together/you sass the teacher about how distracted you are by my shoulders”

Word Count: 2500

special shoutout to @jiilys. solidarity, sister



She walks into English fifteen minutes late, wearing both a deeply unflattering smock and a scowl. Neither are an especially new look on her.

“Vector,” she says under her breath, as an answer to Mary McDonald’s unspoken question. It’s the answer to every question in the room. Ms Vector is notorious among them all for her very strict adherence to the school’s dress code.

“Yes, Miss Evans’ entrance was very exciting, but I’ll have your attention back to the lesson now, please,” says Ms McGonagall. James snaps back to attention. It’s for the best.


“Here,” James says, shrugging off his jacket and thrusting it toward Lily. She gives him this look like, fuck off, and James has to bite his tongue to stop from aggravating her. “They’re doing uniform checks up the hall. Just put it on.”

Evans gives him a very strange look, and it takes him a second to realise that it’s neutral.

She looks good in his jacket.


Every third dress code violation results in a lunch time detention. It’s only October, and Lily’s already had six. She doesn’t look at James as she takes the seat three ahead and one to the left of him.


There’s a thump from somewhere in the back of the classroom, and McGonagall isn’t planning on looking up - it sounds like it came from the general vicinity of Potter and Black, and that’s certainly not a situation she wants to engage with - but the entire class is already turned around to see what the fuss is.

She strides down the aisle between the desks, and is about three years past surprised to find James Potter lying on the floor, gazing at the ceiling, glasses knocked aside.

“Am I boring you so much that you decided to take a nap?” she asks, and James gives this wicked smile, and here we go–

“Sorry, Miss, I can’t get up. It’s Evans’ shoulders - they’re overwhelming me. I simply can’t do anything until she covers them up. Sirius, tell me when it’s safe.”

He’s a funny boy, she’ll give him that. “Potter, get up. This is hardly the time for foolishness.”

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high school teachers act like college professors are gonna be all serious and tough but one time my history professor showed up to class 10 minutes late on a rainy day looking 500% done and he just stopped in the middle of the room and sighed really loudly and was like
“guys, you know, I had to stop by my car on the way here to get something and I realized….I realized I could literally just get in my car and drive away. I could drive all the way home and sit on my couch and drink a beer. But I came here for you guys. FOR YOU. I love you guys, and when I go home I’m drinking a beer then taking a nap, and then maybe I’ll grade your papers”
and another time in the same class the classroom technology wasn’t working (it rarely ever did) and he was like “well, looks like I’m just going to have to go outside and set this ipad on fire and while I’m at it might as well set myself on fire too”
And one time we spent a whole class talking about those creepy clowns in the news and he somehow managed to connect it to the societal hierarchy of colonial america

My friend and I were walking down the walkway, talking about the fanfiction I was reading instead of doing work. After telling her a cringy line from it, she laughed and said “good thing these don’t get published as books”. I then replied “unless it’s Fifty Shades. But at least this doesn’t have malec doing BDSM… I don’t think.” A couple of minutes later, we passed another of my friends. So, naturally, I stopped him and said “imagine malec doing BDSM” and ran off

BTS as things my friends have said at the cinema...
  • Seokjin: It's so dark in here... I spent like an hour on my make-up and no one can even see it
  • Yoongi: *falls asleep and wakes up at the end of the movie* That was a crap film
  • Hoseok: *is the only person in the room laughing at a joke* wow, that's funny! *starts applauding really loudly*
  • Namjoon: I'm not crying, okay? This is a kids movie and the characters aren't even that likeable so don't accuse me of crying, alright? *wipes away a tear*
  • Taehyung: I can't believe this is my fourth time watching this movie and it's only been showing for a week
  • Jimin: I'm gonna pretend that the guy in front of me isn't eating his popcorn at an unreasonable volume and that the kid behind me isn't kicking my chair *fake smile*
  • Jungkook: Called it! *jumps up and nearly knocks over his drink* I fucking told you that would happen!