really this is a tortoise

anonymous asked:

Save me. I don't know what to name the alien s/o fic. How do you think of titles I need help-- ☆☆@letshaveskeletonsoffun

* Oh man, I’m not great with titles, and I usually default to puns or alliteration.  

Something space-related?  Uhhhh

Close Encounter with a Skeleton
Invading Papyrus’s Heart
Light-Speed Japes
Out-of-this-World Romance 
Galactic Japes
Stardust and Skeletons

Maybe some of that helped a little??

i love animals that have nothing to worry about so they are really stupid and clumsy. like a tortoise has a big box around it so nothing can eat it and it doesn’t know how to do literally anything except munch on some leaves maybe. and a pufferfish can make itself spiky so it just bumbles its way through the ocean 

3

… For a 3 A.M. drawing these actually turned to be a bit decent??? Like phew, they’re only as bad as I thought they would be and not more. They’re more than a little bit blurry tho.

Anyway, this is fanart of Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady by Tyrant_Tortoise! I really love their work, which is why I felt like drawing. This scene is from chapter six, where Reader has a breakdown after she gets into a fight with her boss over being seen with US!Papyrus and US!Sans. Also, because her boyfriend is a grade-a jerk.

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I just wanted to know if you answer every imagine or if it's more selective? Just curious, cuz I submitted a couple, but my ideas are always super lame. XD I'm absolutely in love with your blog and your fanfics, by the way!

I can assure you that your ideas are NOT super lame by any means!  Every single one of the prompts/imagines I’ve gotten, I’ve thought are great.  Seriously, every imagine I’ve received has been super creative.  

I currently have well over 100 imagines in my askbox.  Sooo, I do skip around quite a bit.  A lot of them deal with the same themes, so I try to combine them when I can, or if it’s a prompt I’ve seen answered somewhere else before, I tend to push it off until later.  If I get an imagine requesting additional characters for a prompt I did that day, I may go ahead and do it while the scenario is still fresh in my mind.  The same goes for prompts/questions regarding my fanfics; I always get to them first, too.  

And then it may just depend on what I feel like writing at the time.  

I do feel terrible that you’ve been waiting so long and haven’t seen yours answered, though.  Maybe you could tell me what they were about, and I can see where they are?

Also, thank you for reading my fanfics/imagines! <3

How to Take Care of Russian Tortoise

So, long ago when I just got my tortoises, I realized people have no idea of how to properly take care of these little things in order to avoid diseases and all other kind of unpleasant stuff. People think tortoise don’t really demand much care, but they actually do! What I’m going to talk about does 100% apply to Russian Tortoises; however, I believe it can also work for alike kinds, but I still suggest to double check. 

You should have:

• A terrarium. Your tortoise should not be on the floor or any other places but it’s terrarium, as it is pretty cold for it on the floor and you can also occasionally step on it. In addition, being on the floor all the time leads to deformation of tortoise’s nails (they get crooked). It should be in a warm place (don’t put terrarium on the windowsills, so as tortoise might catch a cold). If you can’t get a real glass terrarium, you can get just a big plastic box from Walmart or any other place. 

• 2 lamps: heating and UV. As long as tortoise’s shells need calcium, they need sunlight, but it is not always possible to spend 12 hours per day outside with the pet. At this point, UVB lamps 10.0% should be provided. It is suggested to change UV lamp at least once per year. Heating lamps should be 40-60 watt. Both lamps should be open for 12 hours.

• Base. Base layer should be at least 10 cm. It is better to use mix of hay and pressed sawdust. DO NOT USE sand or soil, because it’s not good for tortoise to be in this dust. 

You should do:

• Bath. You should give your tortoise a bath at least once per week for 30-15 minutes. (Check video on my profile for more details). Temperature should not be lower than 30 degrees celsius and not higher than 35 (use special water thermometer which you can get in baby’s section in any store). 

Why it takes so long? The thing is, that you should give your tortoise time to drink (they absorb water through skin) and also to relieve themselves. Don’t forget to change water once they did it and to dry them with soft towel after bath (✿◠‿◠)   

• Food. You DON’T have to feed your tortoise every day. As long as they are no longer in their natural habitant, (where they actually eat around once per week), they don’t walk much, but eat a lot, which can lead to obesity. With that said, it is better to give them food once in 2 or 3 days. 

What is better to feed them with? Lettuce, pumpkin, red pepper, carrots, dill, dandelions. Make mix of, for example, lettuce, pumpkin and carrots. From time to time you can treat them with apples, but be careful, don’t give too much, otherwise it will lead to gastric problems. Make sure all foods are warm (not right from the fridge)!

NEVER FEED TORTOISE WITH HUMAN FOOD (milk, cheese, meat, bread, whatever else you can find on your table). Tomatoes and cabbages are also BAD for them.     

• Cut nails and beak. Since you’ve noticed your tortoise has nails that give it hard times moving, or a beak that does not allow it to eat, means that it’s time to cut it a bit. Usually there is no need to cut a beak in couple of years and you are supposed to cut nails once in about half of the year. Often there is no need to cut a beak if you feed your tortoise right, but if you think it’s too big, it is suggested to do so.

Helpful videos on how to cut nails and beak (sorry, there are no good videos in English):

Beak: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P8NCdkFtCY&feature=youtu.be

Nails: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzQbdEkdlQ0&feature=youtu.be

If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, ask a vet for help _〆(。。)

• Go for a walk. In summer, when the temperature is higher than 20 celsius, it is good to take your tortoise for a walk, so it can enjoy real sun and eat some fresh plants. But be careful and don’t lose your pet ʘ︵ʘ

More important things:

• Tortoise SHOULD NOT go into hibernation. Even though in their natural habitant they do, while living in captive they should be active all year round! If they will sleep in wintertime it might be dangerous for their health. 

If you noticed your tortoise wants to go into hibernation, try to give it a bath more often (like 3 times per week).

• DO NOT color their shells and DO NOT smear it with anything.

• Try to keep them away from contact with other animals, so as it gives tortoise lots of stress. 

• Vets don’t always know how to treat tortoises properly, so it is better to double check on the internet if you got any suggestions or if you got any medication prescribed to your tortoise.

I hope it was helpful, and don’t hesitate to ask questions if you have any ◕ ◡ ◕

Alright you guys! Are you ready for a tale of life long friendship, an odd old man, and a reunion of epic proportions?! Because I’ve got you!

So for my tenth birthday I asked my parentals for a turtle, thinking they’d get me like, a little box turtle or whatever and I’d have it for a year or so until it died or “hibernated” and I could move on with my life, but nope! They decided to get me a motherfucking baby sulcata desert tortoise! Now for those of you unaware these things live to be like a bajillion years old and like a billion pounds, basically, they’re fucking huge! And durable and the type of pet you’ve gotta put in your will because it WILL outlive you! I named her Joey aka Josie aka Josephine and we were supposed to be best friends 4 lyfe! Well for mine. Anyway, I loved her and put a lot of energy into her well being, for an irresponsible ten year old who just kinda wanted a turtle on a whim. Fast forward 11 years and Josephine and I have been through some shit together! She never left my side, literally, my family was homeless living in a hotel for awhile once when I was a teenager, and we moved Joey right into that room with us, hotel staff be damned. I used to take this tortoise for WALKS in the park everyday when we lived in a house with no backyard. A couple years after that however, we moved into the perfect house for Josie! It has a big backyard and I just let her freaking roam the place from dusk till dawn. She was living the life! But tragedy fucking STRUCK 11 months ago when a panel of our backyard fence fell off. I thought that the hole that panel created was too small for my darling reptile to get through, but a was sorely mistaken. The next day when I went to check on my baby she was nowhere to be found! I put up signs! I put up Craigslist adds! I searched the neighborhood and nearby farm fields for weeks, but with no luck in finding my scaly, shelled, best friend, I had to give up hope.

Until today! It all started when i got out of the shower only to hear a voice coming from my driveway. I peaked out of the blinds to see a very old man with a large bicycle, bike trailer in tow, looking through our trash cans and talking to himself. Although this disturbed me i let it go, and told my dad, who told me that it was the same man he had talked to the day prior. That day my father spotted a suspicious old man looking through our neighbor’s bushes. He went up to this man and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing! The old guy calmly explained that he was looking for a tortoise he had found a few months ago and had now lost. My father, bless his heart, told him all about how I had lost my tortoise and asked the man if the turt he found could be ours! The guy agrees that if he finds the tortoise he’ll bring it by and we’ll see if its the same one I had lost all those sad, lonely months ago. Well my dad tells me all of this, and I try to not to get my hopes up, having already had some leads disappointingly go nowhere. But sure enough, here we are, today, on Memorial Day! As the sun sets to set the scene, my family, all standing on the front porch, me in the driveway, this glorious old man in a red flannel and flip flops comes trudging down the street wheeling a wagon that’s got a crate on top. Inside that fateful crate was a much larger tortoise than I had, but there was no mistaking the resemblance in shell shape! One look at her face and I knew that it was my Josephine! The chip in her beak, the nick on her shell from the time our dog had mistaken her as a toy, her brown beady eyes! It was all unmistakably her! Needless to say I cried, and laughed, and held that beautiful shelled reptile for dear life! I thanked that man profusely and I think my father might have offered him a reward, but I was to excited to pay attention to much of anything else! The tortoise I loved and raised for 11 years was back! And she remembered me to! Let me pat her tiny scaly head just like I used to, let me give her a bath and not once did she try to hide away in that magnificent shell of hers! I don’t know what exactly she got up to on her long adventure away from home but I know that the next adventure she goes on, we will be going on it together.

drewbocalypse  asked:

I'll take a 43, 47, 85, and 216 if you don't mind

43: favorite hobbies?-
i don’t really do anything besides art

47: favorite animal?-
hhhhhhhhhh uh i like turtles and tortoises

85: favorite genre of music?-
anything that isn’t country tbh

216: favorite fictional character?-
this is a REALLY HARD ONE okay… i have a couple… ishidou natsuo from teppu, tails from sonic games, foo fighters from jojo, peko pekoyama from dangan ronpa

please reblog!!

i just saw a picture on here of a lil baby turtle flipped over on his back in somebody’s palm to show how cute he was–and he was really darn cute–but please, please, please NEVER flip a turtle or a tortoise over!!! it’s very dangerous for them. their respiratory systems can be crushed by the weight of their other organs in just minutes!

if you come across a turtle or a tortoise who has been flipped over onto their back, please pick them up and very slowly and gently and gradually flip them back over the right way! 

if you’re a tortoise-owner checking for shell-rot or cleaning your tort’s tail, only turn them over like a quarter of the way, and put your head under them so that you can look up at their belly

thank you!! i just wanna make sure all our favorite lil dinosaur buddies are safe out there <3 

let’s talk lenny turtletaub!

  • he seems to most directly act as a reference to robert evans 
  • though i’m guessing his namesake is marc turtletaub?
  • is he a turtle or a tortoise???
  • “turtletaub” implies turtle but his apparent age suggests tortoise
  • (tortoises have really long lifespans)
  • (also, he lives out of water, but so do dolphins in this universe, so that doesn’t mean much)
  • see that picture to the far left of the frame? it’s lenny turtletaub with charlie chaplin
  • entertainment, as an industry, is pretty… old-school. it rewards longevity with power. as long as you never ever stop working for a single second, since it’s kind of the ultimate in “resume gaps equal professional death.”
  • lenny could easily sit in his office and do nothing while raking in cash, but he comes to set! he interfaces with the truly plebeian, i.e. diane!
  • therefore, i choose to believe he’s truly just in this because he wants to make some goddamn movies. i love it. such a classic archetype. 
  • if bojack horseman were a forty-minute dramadey series on hbo, i’d get jack nicholson to guest as lenny turtletaub. (unless i could actually get robert evans, but that’s a lot of work for limited payoff.)
Cats or tortoises

notes: ficlet, Spectre, 00Q, tiny one shot…they are just too cute together!


„James? What are you doing here? Where’s the blonde French girl?”

Bond strolled into Q’s underground base with the usual swagger that let Q’s head swirl and made it harder for him to breathe. He was back: the walking and gun firing dream on two legs in a designer suit that fitted the man like a second skin.

“Looking for you. Madeleine? She’s not with me.” James replied casually, looking around the large room stacked with technical equipment.

Q took off his steamy glasses. “Are…are you coming back to MI6?”

James approached the desk Q was sitting behind. He stopped right in front it, placing his palms on the table’s shiny surface.

“No, Q. I’m not coming back…at least not to MI6. In fact, I’ll be leaving for the Seychelles tomorrow morning. Bought a small house there.“

Q’s heart sank.  

“Oh, I see.” He looked at the screen of his laptop which showed the construction plans for some new gadgets in order to avoid the sharp blue eyes of the older man.

“Q?”

“Um…?” The quartermaster forced himself to look at Bond who gave him one of his suave smiles.

“Are you all right?” James asked.

Q started to rub his smeared glasses with the hem of the winter jumper his grandmother had knitted him for last year’s Christmas. He was sweating now.

“I’m…um…fine, I guess”, he mumbled, thinking about Madeleine. Would she be there in James’ new house? Waiting for her white knight in shiny armour?

“How are your cats?” James asked.

Q was confused now: “My…my cats? Yeah…I mean…they are fine. Thanks for asking.”

James started to circle the table. “I figured I owe you an apology for risking your career. It was careless of me, but I had no choice.”

Q gulped. He didn’t want James to feel guilty about it. Now, that he knew about Oberhäuser and James’s past he felt like it was the least he could do for the man he was so fond of.

“No apologies necessary, James. It was a…um…pleasure.”

James smiled again, now standing right in front of the quartermaster. “Was it?”

Q looked up at him. He should feel intimidated by the strong man’s physique, but he felt rather spellbound: “Yes, of course. We are kind of friends, right?”

James touched Q’s shoulder: “Yes, I guess we are.”  

Q’s chest ached. “Are you here to say goodbye?”

“It depends.”

Q’s eyes scanned James’s face and stopped at the man’s lips. “On what?”

“It depends on if you want me to leave or not.”

Q chuckled involuntarily: “Do I have a say in that matter?”

“My dear, sweet Q,” James’ hand left his shoulder only to stroke through the young man’s curly hair.

Q closed his eyes. “Is she…will you…are you…what about Madeleine?”

“You are babbling, Q. Do you see her somewhere? Our enchanting friend?” James chuckled softly, before he took the younger man’s face between his hands to kiss Q’s trembling lips.

“Oh…” Q mumbled against James lips.

Q’s cheeks were blushed and his breath had become erratic. Bond brought some space between them, but only just enough that his blue eyes could bore into Q’s.

Q felt like the bright smile that had formed on his face would crack his skull any moment.

“Are you allergic to animal hair?”

James embraced Q, holding him tight. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“Cats on a tropical island?” Q mumbled.

“Maybe we should get some tortoises instead?” James smiled against Q’s lips.

 “Also…,” James added, “…we need a car.”

“Jaaames!”


The End.

… are you saying wizards actually invented this spell

before they invented an ironing spell?

This is a clear sign that #ThePatriarchy historically dominated the field of spell development.

Spell Developer #1: Should we try to figure out a spell that irons clothes?

Spell Developer #2: Nah, my wife irons my clothes. You know what spell we really need?

Spell Developer #1: One that turns teapots into tortoises?

Spell Developer #2: Exactly. #yesallpatriarchs need to turn teapots into tortoises.