really stressed and unhappy :')

ed is definitely someone who is sensitive to emotional environments and other people’s needs and he NEEDS love and appreciation (hence his big ego…when he doesnt have love and attention he acts overly cocky to compensate, and when he DOES have love and appreciation we see his confidence and happiness skyrocket but it also gives him a big head which leads to his unhealthy behaviors), but lacks actual social grace to act like the kind and caring individual he is. his defense mechanism to emotionally charged environments is to be insensitive or explosive because he doesn’t know how else to deal with the stress of other people being unhappy. and i really like that ed is simultaneously a kind, sensitive, insecure and selfless person but also a mean, harsh, self centered and egotistical, selfish and insensitive person. because it may sound like he’s an inconsistent character but really it just makes him such a human character and makes me able to understand him so well. humans are messy and full of contradictions and they make no sense but at the same time they makes tons of sense and i get that from ed and thats why edward elric is one of the most fleshed out and well rounded male leads ive personally ever encountered

today the director of the dept wanted to talk to me and was really getting into the … whole… “we really need to work on your introversion” topic and ive just been hearing that from SO many people over the past few weeks its really aggravating me? i know ppl in the office have been talking about me (with respect to the introversion) which is prob why this came up…? but he was rly pushing for me to give presentations in front of the dept and other stuff.. and im just… like… 

as much as i apprecuate how supportive theyre trying to be at this point its just so … it really just sounds to me like “hey introversion as a trait in general is Really Crippling and Bothers Other People Who would Rather you be Extroverted for Their Own Comfort” (which is legit what he was saying lmao) like holy shit

whats wrong with not having the best social skills? i mean in regards to my job i just write all day.. im very “backdoor” and im certainly NOT the face of the organisation.. i get along well my coworkers i just keep to myself for the most part ?i seriously dont see why ppl have to take such issue w the fact that im just very quiet /?? why is that a crime and why am i being made to feel so terrible over it.. theres so many successful people who arent good at socialising it isnt a freaking disability it doesnt mean they cant be good at other things!

anonymous asked:

Imagine that your Otp is still in school. Person A doesn't do that well but tries really hard and person B notices they become progressively more stressed and unhappy. One day person A comes home and starts sobbing and calling themselves a failure. Person B is heartbroken and does everything in their power to comfort them.

(Thanks for the prompt!)

ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵈᵃ ᵗᵃᵍˢ ᶦᶠ ᵘ ᶜᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵐᵉ ʷʳᶦᵗᶦᶰᵍ

How to deal with an unhealthy INFP

So I have seen some posts about how to help an unhealthy INFP and as I am an INFP myself I thought I would give my two cents. Especially because there were some things I didn’t agree with. I'm not an expert on this and I am simply speaking for myself here in the hope that some other INFPs will relate. And of course, no two INFPs are the same.

First of all, I said ‘ deal with’ rather than ‘help’ for a few reasons. INFP’s are generally - or at least deep down on the inside - vulnerable, emotional and self conscious people. This sensitivity means we are going to have our low points - a lot. These low points can be really clear and concerning to others, or it could be more subtle as it fluctuates. Basically these low points are inevitable - regardless of the form they take. INFPs can also be quite stubborn and distant when unhappy so any attempt to help will be in vain and leave you feeling frustrated. Rather than trying to ‘help’ them so you can fix them, I advise that you simply acknowledge and accept them as they are. Know that eventually it will pass, but it’s vital also to remember that it will return again at any point. (This of course does not apply if you are seriously concerned for their mental health in which case you should encourage them to seek professional help). 

Words that best describe unhealthy me:

  • Moody (grumpy/serious and/or mood swings - cannot take pleasure in things the way I do when I’m healthy)
  • Stubborn 
  • Easily frustrated (can get unnecessarily angry about things that would not usually effect healthy me)
  • Forgetful (about physical possessions and events in mine and friends lives)
  • Disregard for physical possessions (Messy room - like REALLY messy, dirty clothes, un-organised uni books etc)
  • Distant, guarded, quiet, private (to a point where I can come off as cold and unfriendly)
  • Fatigued, sleep-deprived.
  • Uncaring and self-centred (it’s all still there deep down inside but it’s hard for me to focus on external things when I’m unhappy/tired)
  • Lost sense of humour. 

Sometimes these things don’t shine through as I can still act interested or like I find something funny even if I really don’t.

For me personally some signals that I’m probably stressed and unhappy include: losing personal possessions/leaving things behind more often and getting sick, always tired.

What to do:

  1. Give me space. I mean this in the most literal way possible. When I’m not doing good the last thing I need is someone being close in proximity or trying to be physically affectionate (healthy me is the opposite as I do not ever feel comfortable expressing affection in words and prefer to opt for hugs and close proximity). Sometimes great hugs can feel relieving, but generally speaking - unless I’ve got the hots for you - don’t touch me (please and thank you). I need to be left alone completely. If you want to contact me - use social media and I will respond if I want to. Please do not demand attention or affection from me. This ties in a lot to the way I become distant and quiet when unhealthy. I cannot explain why I feel any of these ways, but I do and I need space to combat it. I am usually guarded with everyone except for my closest friends and family, but when unhealthy I become distant to everyone. It will pass. Like a cat, you need to wait for me to come to you on my own terms.

  2. Patience. I’m just going to apologise for this one. Sometimes I will be self-centred and even though I’m thinking of them, I will not show support, care or friendship for those I care about and their struggles. I will be stubborn, short-tempered and probably quite irritating. All of which I am sorry for. (But also if you keep your distance you probably won’t have to deal with this as much). 

  3. Don’t use guilt. Please don’t make me feel guilty for not being affectionate, social, interested or open. Guilt is like poison to me and will eat away at my insides and will definitely not improve anything. I cannot help the way I feel, nor do I want to feel this way but I do and you need to let me breathe. 

  4. If you are frustrated be open and honest. One of the things I hate most is passive aggression. It makes me furious. (Surprisingly a lot of posts have described unhealthy INFPs as being passive aggressive which astonishes me. I cannot imagine ever being passive aggressive. I internalise and do not tend to let my anger out or show people when I am annoyed with them. I am more likely to be blunt and honest - if provoked - than passive aggressive. Or I will vent to a friend. I cannot be passive aggressive or tell people what I think to their face because it feels cruel and unnatural. It is just not possible for me. My anger goes deep down inside and then explodes later when my anger bank is full). Find a time to speak to me gently about what is on your mind and I am 10x more likely to listen and take it on board. 

That’s it for now. We are all complex beings and even this lengthy post doesn’t really do me justice. 
If you relate to this please let me know. If you need more help dealing with someone like this feel free to ask me things. IF YOU DISAGREE/DO NOT RELATE AS AN INFP LET ME KNOW BECAUSE I AM CURIOUS.

my sanctuary, this is my everything, where I feel safe and calm, where I go to dance off whatever stress or pain I’m going through, where all my beloved books are kept safe, my jewellery and my bags are boxed carefully. The mattress on the floor is where I watch my shows or where I blog. It’s also a comfortable place to write in my journal. The pictures on the side of the book shelf are of Algeria, it reminds me of where I belong. That incredible flowers was given to us as a present from Chinese family friends, the smell is very strong right now. Idk I just take great pride in my room, everything is chosen and decided by me and tbh whenever it’s messy I can’t operate, I can’t revise and I feel really stressed and unhappy. I hope u feel the same way about your room, you feel safe and calm and regard it as your sanctuary. xo

10 Things I've Learned Since Starting To Study Clinical Psychology

My very smart and helpful anon who suggested the last list sent in another suggestion- a list about what I’ve learned since starting my clinical psychology PhD program. I really liked the idea, and decided to run with it- this list thing may be a great way for me to rein in my rambling tendencies :). As with the last list, I could have gone on much longer, so there may be another list, but here’s some things I’ve learned since starting to study psychology.

  1. There may not be an answer. We do research to find things out, to make things better. Education is often for the same reason- to know things, to have certainty. There is certainly more information in grad school, but the more I know and understand, the more I realize that in many cases there is no certainty. No matter how good the research is, there is error and bias, and some things are not objectively measurable. There may not be a definitive answer, and being comfortable with that is an important skill.
  2. If there is an answer, it’s probably not just the one answer. Research, and clinical work, and probably everything else, is multifaceted. There are rarely effects with just one cause. Life is too dynamic and complicated for something like that. Often, there are many factors, which are might independently impact the thing we’re studying, but are probably impacting each other, along with random effects. This is actually one of the things I like best about research and clinical work.
  3. There are many paths up the mountain. It’s amazing how many different kinds of people, with different backgrounds and skills sets and outlooks are in this field. They have had and will make different decisions as they navigate their ways into and through grad school, and afterwards, as professionals. This is a good thing- there are infinite ways to become a psychologist and be a successful one. If you think you are on the only path up the mountain, you haven’t seen the mountain yet, as the saying goes.
  4. Saying “no” is an essential skill. There are so many opportunities in grad school. It can be overwhelming to figure out what you want to do, because everything is amazing and exciting and could totally add to your CV and maybe get you a presentation or a publication or some clinical hours. But- you cannot do everything. And if you try, you’ll end up doing a shitty job and hurt your reputation and be really stressed out and unhappy. So it’s so important to prioritize, pick what you really want to do and are able to do, and nicely say no to everything else.
  5. Criticism is a good thing. If you go to grad school, you want to learn a lot about something and get really good at it. You need feedback from people who know more than you in order for this to happen- you need criticism. Usually I don’t go looking for people to tell me the areas I suck in, but in grad school I want my supervisors to tell me where I need to improve and how to do it.
  6. No one’s going to tell you what to think. Grad school- specifically doctoral programs, which are so much are developing scholarly identity –is not about teaching a set of curricula in the traditional sense. It’s about creating an environment where students can develop their understanding of the field and learn how to think, how to explore, and how to test ideas. This is probably my other favorite thing- the program teaches about tools and methodology so that each student can think critically about the ideas and come to their own understanding.
  7. Doing research improves clinical work, and vice versa. I can’t imagine just doing one or the other- research and clinical work are so innately tied up for me. My master’s thesis taught me how to develop and evaluate assessments. Learning how to norm assessments by hand have made it infinitely easier to read journal articles. I constantly consider what I have read and learned- in articles, manuals, supervision, and so on –in clinical interactions and in my research. They are not nearly as separate as sometimes described.
  8. Methods are actually super awesome. I thought they might be boring in college- I didn’t do clinical research then –but my opinion has vastly changed. Methods- the assessments, the techniques, the measures, the procedures, etc. –can be the greatest, most interesting part of research. It can make or break a study, and it sets up the purpose of the study- what are you interested in? How do you want to apply it? It’s all in the methods. And sometimes the simplest things can get you the furthest. (Doing an IRB is still boring).  
  9. You get just enough rope in grad school. We’re given a lot of responsibilities, usually spread across multiple areas (classes, research, clinical work, administration, advocacy). We get lots of independence, and we’re expected to be able to handle everything with minimal supervision. But- there is supervision. This is great, because if we’re having an issue or need help with something, there’s usually a supervisor or another student who can help. However, sometimes students decide to take advantage and do as little as possible because they believe no one will notice. This is not true.
  10. You don’t need to walk out with all the answers. (If “all the answers” were a thing that existed). Grad school is so much more about discovering possibilities, developing a skill set, and translating that into a program a research and other work you want to continue to develop. It is not the end- it is the beginning. So you don’t have to leave knowing everything about psychology, or knowing exactly what you want to do with the rest of your career. You just need to know what excites you, what your strengths are, what you still want and need to work on, and what the first step is. 

anonymous asked:

Why isn't anyone talking about how miserable Harry looks lately? I don't get it, doesn't anyone care? All I see is posts about how wonderful it is that he's lying low. Which is all good and would make sense if he was looking well rested and happy but he just looks sad and tired. Do you think maybe he didn't want to carry on with 1D but has had to or is doing it for the others? You always talk a lot of sense what do you think?

Hi Nonnie:-)

Well, first off, no I don’t think that he wants to leave 1D.  I have never believed that he had endeavors to leave 1D to pursue being a solo artist but that’s just my opinion.

I don’t know why he has looked so sad in all of the fan pictures, but I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t noticed.  Of course I have.  I hate seeing him unhappy.  There could be a myriad a reasons though and anything I guess is just a random stab because we’ve barely seen him and I have hardly anything to base them on.  But you’re asking for my guesses, I assume, so here they are:

-Maybe he looks tired because he is. Some people in relationships don’t sleep well when their partners are away.  Harry’s always struck me as someone who would be a good cuddler.  Perhaps he’s missing his big spoon?

-Maybe he was looking forward to finally having a break where he wasn’t the one on fan service (because he’s done this heavily in the past and this time, clearly, the others are assuming the role, especially Louis). Maybe fans asking for pictures and hugs and autographs on his off time really does bother him.  I have to state for the record that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him wanting to fill his car w/ gas or go for a round of golf without posing for pictures.  It doesn’t make him a bad person at all.  He’s “on” so much of the time, he is entitled to a little time to himself.  A lot of 1D fans feel very entitled to every little piece they can get of the boys including and not limited to stalking them.  (case in point: the girl who did a load of Niall’s laundry and then decided it was okay to wear his clothes and take pictures.  What.  The. Actual. Fuck. Fandom?) Maybe it’s taken it’s toll.  God knows, I would have been done with aggressive requests a long time ago.

-The band’s just had a major shake-up with Zayn leaving the band.  Maybe we’re seeing some of his feelings about the situation.  And please don’t come at me and say I’m implying something I’m not.  I personally don’t think they are angry with him.  But that doesn’t mean they don’t all have some emotions to deal with concerning this major change.  We all do.  So certainly, they should be expected to as well.

Really, I don’t know.  I hope he’s okay.  I want him to be happy always.  In a perfect world, Louis will fly to LA after his footie match, they’ll both disappear for a while, and then re-emerge looking tanned, well-rested, all smiles and rejuvenated.  Let’s just give it a little time.  Try not to stress:-)

You know what would be refreshing? If the Captain or similar in position type character was actually QUITE GOOD at self care.

“Ooh! Vacation? NEAT! Second in command, you’re in charge, I stayed behind last time!”

“Hey doc, I think I sprained my wrist while fighting the bad guy, wanna scan it and then gimme some pain killers?

“Why would I feel guilty about taking time off? I haven’t had a day off in 5 months, even Captains need a break! Are you really suggesting that an over worked, over stressed, grumpy cloud of unhappiness and bad efficiency reports is a BETTER OPTION as your leader?

Like I get representing for your crew, but my god, you are not automatically a bad leader if you choose to relax.

HEY, TO ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS FINISHING UP YOUR COLLEGE APPLICATIONS

you made it this far and that’s fucking amazing. this sucked and it shouldn’t have had to suck, you shouldn’t have to be this stressed and unhappy, and i’m really sorry

things honestly honestly only get better from here. i’m so proud of you.

AND TO ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL JUNIORS

i’m so sorry about junior year

i think i’m gonna take a semi-hiatus from tumblr again. i know my reasons sound ridiculous and small but it doesn’t change the fact that it is hard for me to handle all of this stress.

it’s harder to avoid looking at my follower count now since the stylish extension takes a couple of seconds to hide it because of the new update and honestly looking at it stresses me out.

i don’t feel like i have any freedom on this site as much as before, i hesitate talking about things i like and things i need to bring attention to because no one pays attention and it makes me feel bad.

and no one is tagging negative posts on this site either and it’s making me very unhappy and anxious and i really don’t like how i feel here. i feel isolated and unimportant.

the only time i will be on tumblr for now will probably be to upload gifs or art, i may spend some time reblogging stuff too and talking to a couple of mutuals.

being on this website is really stressful and makes me unhappy. it no longer works well as a distraction so i’m going to spend more time being more productive irl by doing arts and crafts, spending more time on studies, and spending more time to learn how to raise my dog.

like if you read

seriously i dont know why people are okay with this

once again kishimoto butchered sasuke and sakura’s character. ESPECIALLY SAKURA THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT HER RIGHT NOW - SHE’S BEING CALLED NAMES MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, BEING DEGRADED MORE THAN WHAT WE COULD IMAGINE. we have to accept that this is kishimoto’s fault - i am not in any way hating him but this unnecessary drama makes this chapter worst of the worst ever. He can’t still handle her character well even after all these years. i know this will result in a happy ending but sasuke being away for a decade for whatever reason it is will always break my heart. sarada not knowing her dad is really painful. my favorite character being unhappy and stressed makes me sadder. this is not okay guys. its a poor choice of kishi. there are 1000000000000 ways to start this new gaiden but what? he gives us shit from some cheap soap opera plot device. really sakura and sasuke had enough of this shit. why not just let them be happy? kishi is milking the fuck out of this two. i am not hating him personally but i do truly hate many of the choices he made regarding his characters.