13 Reasons Why (Tape 2)
Characters: sister!reader, Dean, Sam, Crowley, mention of John, readers mom
Warnings: blood, angst, death, swearing, blackmail
Word count: 4775
Summary: Dean listens to tape two and learns the truth about what happened to your mother. His suspicion grows as he finds out more about who is and who isn’t part of the reasons why.
A/N: sorry I’ve left you waiting for so long but part two is finally here!
You ran inside your old house, it felt strange to be home. But that’s where this place was… Home. Your place with John was never a home, it was just a motel; a room with four walls. That’s not what a home meant to you, it was a person more than a place. That person to you was your mom and you needed her now more than ever.
When you opened up the door you had expected her to be on the couch watching a movie or something. The TV was on, however she wasn’t there. Your mom would never have left the TV on and gone to bed, so where the hell was she? You shut the door behind you and checked in the living room once more.
Heading up the stairs you heard the noise of the TV from her room. Why would the upstairs and downstairs TV be on?
“Mom?” You called out, but there was no answer. “Mom, it’s me, Y/N… I’m sorry, things didn’t work out with John.”
You walked into her room and saw her foot hanging off the end of the bed. You figured she must have fallen asleep while watching TV. You smiled as you thought of her peacefully laying there and not having to worry about anything. You wanted to cover her with a blanket but as soon as you walked in, you saw something you weren’t prepared for.
Everything stopped for a moment, you couldn’t move or breathe. Not a single sound came from your mouth, you just stood there and stared at her lifeless body covered in blood. “No.” The short word just about escaped your lips. Your throat was dry and you still couldn’t move. You weren’t sure if it was fear or shock doing this to you but it was as if you had been frozen on the outside yet your mind was screaming on the inside.
Then the smell hit you. That smell your brothers and father had told you was an instant alert of demons. Sulphur.
“Fuck. No, fuck fuck fuck,” you finally screamed now that your body finally let you move. “Mom?” You sobbed as you moved forward and held her body close to you. You didn’t care that you were getting blood all over your clothes, all you were desperate for was to bring your mother back. “Please wake up!”
You laid her back down on the bed and looked down at her. She looked so… Peaceful. That’s not how someone should look when they’re dead, should they? Before you could even begin to think of a way to fix this somehow, a voice spoke.
You jumped and turned around to see a man in a black suit, an evil grin plastered on his face. “Hello, love,” he spoke in a British accent.
“What the hell are you doing here? Are you a demon?” You snapped as you stood away from your mom. “Did you do this to her? I swear I’ll-”
“Yes, I know. You swear you’ll kill me and bleed me out and blah blah blah blah,” he interrupted. “And I’m not just some demon, little Winchester. I am the king of hell.”
* * *
“Crowley. Welcome to your tape,” you revealed.
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had no idea that Crowley was the demon that killed your mother. Now that Dean recalled it he realised that you never really gave details on who killed your mother. But why?
“Not only did you destroy my life by taking my mother away from me, but you also made sure I could never tell anyone it was you because you knew my secret. You held that secret over me to make sure that my family never came after you for hurting my mom… I kept you safe to keep myself safe,” you explained. Dean fidgeted in anger and anticipation. “But now I’m gone, I’m dead and I don’t have to keep my secret anymore… Now I can let it out on this tape that you are the one that murdered an innocent woman. But when people know your motive, well, that’s the real twist in this story.”
Dean had so many questions about this. He had mixed emotions: he was confused, angry and intrigued. Crowley being the one that murdered your mother wasn’t the twist of his story? What the hell could his motive have been? What could you or your mother had done to make him want to hurt you so badly? But if Dean needed answers, that’s what the tapes were for.
“So, Crowley,” you said in a sassy voice, a voice that Dean missed so much. “Let’s begin with my secret.”
* * *
“I know who you are, Y/N,” he smiled. “We just need to have a chat, my names Crowley.”
“I don’t fucking care who you are,” you spoke dangerously low through gritted teeth. Tears of anger and sadness slid down your cheek as you talked to him. “I wanna know what the hell you’re doing here, what happened to my mother?”
“All in good time, darling,” he smiled evilly. As much as you wanted to just jump forward and kill him, you needed answers. The fact that you had just lost your mom failed to sink in, the mixture of rage and sadness was more towards the fact that something bad happened and it was out of your control. Right now, talking to Crowley was the only way to take control of the situation.
“We shouldn’t talk here,” Crowley insisted. With a snap of his fingers you were gone from your mothers bedroom; you appeared in a humid room full of people with black eyes. Crowley simply raised his hand as a motion for them to leave and they did it right away, no questions asked.
So maybe this guy really was the King of Hell, he had such a power over everyone. He walked over to a large, black throne and took a seat where you stood a few feet away from him. It felt like he was your King and you were bowing down to him but there was no way you would ever bow down to this asshole.
“Why did you bring me here?” You demanded.
“We need to discuss things. There are reasons I killed your mother, and there are reasons you can never tell your brothers or your father. They would kill me,” he explained.
“That’s exactly what I want,” you spat through gritted teeth. “There’s nothing you can say that will stop me from telling my brothers that you are the one that killed my mom.”
Now, now,“ he spoke confidently. “There’s a little more to it than that, Y/N. I know things… Things you wouldn’t want your family to know about you.”
“And that is?” You questioned, you had no idea what it could have been but there were so many options. You had a lot of secrets and a lot of bad history. How would Crowley know about any of them?
“Do you remember-” he stood up from his throne, walked down the step and towards you, “-that night you were drunk, we spoke in the bar.”
Now you started to remember him. You were so drunk that night you didn’t even think about who you spoke to. He circled around you as he continued to explain the story. “Drunk girls really like to open up about their feelings, especially the feelings about their daddy’s that leave them.”
What the hell did you say about John? What was Crowley talking about?
“I remember you,” you said with a shaky voice. “But, I didn’t talk about John. You just helped me out of the bar and back to my motel room, then you left. That was it.”
“You really don’t remember, do you?” He asked with excitement in his voice.
You stayed still in your place as Crowley continued to walk around you in a circle, time and time again. “I do- I don’t- I don’t remember.”
“You really don’t remember the fact that you wanted to kill John Winchester?” He questioned and now it all hit you. You remembered the whole night. You remembered that you told Crowley about hunting, thankfully he already knew about it or you would have revealed it to someone who might then start telling everyone. You thought back to sitting in the bar and telling Crowley your whole life story; how you father left you; how your mother was all you had; the fact that you were bullied for questioning your sexuality all through school; the amount of times you had sex with countless people just because you wanted to feel something other that hurt. He knew everything.
* * *
“You knew everything about me, didn’t you? You made sure you did your research before hurting my family so that you could cover your back. When we met in that bar… I thought you were kind. I guess I always made judgements too quickly.”
Once again, Dean paused the tape. Instantly, Crowley was a dead man walking. There was no chance that Dean would let this dick get away with it. But then he remembered the message at the beginning of tape one, you said there is someone making sure they always listen to the whole thing. Maybe this person watching is also making sure Dean or whoever is listening can’t react by hurting the others.
Dean stepped out of his room. He left the tape in the player but put the rest back inside the box so he could find them easily for the time he listened to them.
John, Mary and Sam were all in the library and looking for a case. “Hey,” Sam said as he noticed Dean. “I think we found us a case.”
“It was Crowley?” Dean snapped, changing the subject of the conversation completely.
“You’re only on the second tape?” Mary demanded. “What’s taking you so long?”
“It’s hard to listen to,” Dean replied.
“I listened to it in one night the first time,” Mary revealed. The first time? She listened to it more than once?
“We need to have a life outside of these tapes, okay?” John intervened. “Look, Sam has found us a case and we haven’t been on a hunt in weeks. I say we go check it out.”
“Not all of us need to go,” Sam said as he held his laptop in his hands and looked at the case. “You two can just go, I can tell you’re eager for a hunt. I can find another one for me and Dean.”
“Sure, we’ll take this one,” Mary agreed. “I’ll go get some stuff for the road,” she told John before walking off.
Sam walked away with Mary and said it was to help her pack things but Dean was sure it was so they could talk about the tapes. He looked over at his dad who was slouched in the chair; he must have been drunk again.
“Why are you all so fine with these tapes?” Dean demanded. “Why have you all listened to them and never brought them up? Why aren’t they affecting you?!“
“Dean, they did affect us. And no one on these tapes could tell anyone anything, Y/N said it was part of her legacy to be the one to tell everyone how they ruined her life,” John explained as he stood from his chair. He pushed himself up by leaning his hands on the table. He was barely fit to drive, Dean had no idea how he was going to hunt.
“We’re family,” Dean snapped. “We’re supposed to tell each other everything!”
“We used to the first time around. But since your mother and I came back, things have been different.” John shook his head as he walked past Dean to go and find Mary.
Dean shouted before John could leave, “what about Sam?”
“He’s not even on the tapes!” John hissed. “He was the first one to listen to them and now he’s making sure all of us do too.”
Dean was taken aback by what John had revealed. Sam isn’t on the tapes. Sam is the one that you talked about on the tapes when you said the people listening are always being watched. But how did Sam know what to do? Did he know that you were going to kill yourself and not stop it?
Dean had too many questions running through his head. He wanted to ask John about it but if he tried to speak a jumble of words would just pour out like vomit. He waited to speak to Sam, he wanted answers right from the source rather that trying to get more out of John.
Once your dad and Mary had headed off for the hunt, the boys were left alone in the library which gave Dean the perfect opportunity to ask questions.
“Dad told me that you’re not even on the tapes,” Dean revealed.
Sam was shaken by what Dean said. He knew he would eventually find out, but never this early. He hated that he would have to explain this all. “I can explain.”
“Did you know?” Dean questioned which left Sam a little confused.
Sam stared at his brother with furrowed brows, “did I know what?”
Dean had to take a second to realise what he was accusing him of. Him and Sam had done some terrible things over the years, but suggesting that he knew you were going to kill yourself and letting it happen wasn’t something he would do. Never. His eyes darted to the floor, he was trying to think of what to say but it didn’t matter; Sam figured out what he was implying.
“No,” Sam shook his head. “No, you can’t accuse me of that, Dean. Of course I didn’t know she was going to kill herself, do you really think I wouldn’t have done everything I could go stop her?”
“I know,” Dean agreed. “But that doesn’t explain anything, Sammy. You’re not on the tapes, but you were the first person to listen to them.”
“Y/N left me the box with a note on the inside,” Sam began to explain.
* * *
The box was sealed and ready. You made sure Sam busy in the kitchen before hiding in the drawer in his room. He wouldn’t need to go in there until tomorrow when he changed his clothes which meant he wouldn’t find the tapes until you were already dead… He wouldn’t find them before it was too late.
It was hidden under a few of his shirts to be sure that if he did go in the drawer to put something away he wouldn’t be able to see it. When you left his room, you had a quick thought, something changed inside of you and you started to believe that maybe you could beat this.
You pushed past it. You couldn’t let that get in the way of everything.
* * *
“A few days after she… Took her life,” he stuttered as he looked down at his hands. He tapped them against the table nervously. “I found the tapes in my drawer. Inside was a note, she explained about the tapes and that I needed to listen to them and make sure everyone on the tapes heard them. She wanted me to make sure that no one could hurt each other until everyone on there had heard them. I have the note here if you wanna read it.”
Sam pulled out his wallet and dug out the note. He held it and looked at it for a few seconds before passing it to his brother.
Dean took the crumpled, folded piece of paper and held it in his hands. “I don’t know if I can. Not yet. Can I keep it for a while?”
“Sure,” Sam nodded. “As long as you need.”
“This note is instructions on what to do?” Dean asked.
“She said it’s her only legacy…” Sam replied. “She wanted me to pass it on for her.”
“Why are you?” Dean questioned. “Why not just kill everyone on the tapes?”
“Because there are people on there that I care about. And Y/N begged me to not do anything until everyone had heard the tapes… I owe it to her to make her mark,” Sam explained. He stopped tapping on the table and moved his hand to his mouth where he nervously bit his nails. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, he felt awkward and weird. He finally just folded his arms over his chest and stood still.
“People you care about are on there? What about Crowley?” Dean snapped.
“We can do something about Crowley when you finish the tapes. You’re the last one on there,” Sam told him.
“The last one? So everyone else on there has heard them?” Dean asked but he already knew the answer.
Sam nodded. He didn’t want to answer anymore questions because what you wanted was for people to know your story through the tapes.
“I just have one more question. Just one more,” Dean promised.
Sam looked up from the floor and back over at Dean; he noticed how serious his face was. Sam knew he wouldn’t be prepared for whatever question was going to follow, but he never knew those words would leave Dean’s mouth.
“Did I kill Y/N?” His hands shook as he asked the question. He knew he would have to listen to his tape, but he would have to wait through everyone else’s first.
“We all killed her,” Sam replied, avoiding the real answer.
“That’s not what I asked,” Dean spat. “Sammy,” he spoke in a sad voice, “after listening to these tapes, and knowing what you know now, answer me that. Did I kill our little sister?”
Sam paused as he stared at his older brother. Dean had never looked so broken or damaged. There was no point in lying because Sam was a terrible liar. Dean knew what the answer was.. But he just needed to hear it. “Sam..”
“Yes,” Sam finally said. “Yes… You did.”
Dean just nodded. He heard what he needed to hear, that one simple word summed it all up for him. He was at the end because he was the final reason.
“But Dean, it doesn’t mean you did it on purpose.” Sam tried to convince him that somehow this wasn’t his fault. “It was just what happened, there was nothing you did or could’ve done… It was just the final straw that drove her to the edge.”
“She’s dead because of me,” Dean concluded.
“Dean!” Sam shouted because his brother wasn’t listening to him. “I already told you. We all killed her.”
There was no reply. He just walked off and went back to his room to listen to the tapes. Dean knew it wasn’t just his fault, but the fact that he even had a part to play in this all was something he would never forgive himself for.
Back in his room, he picked up the tape player on his bed, put the headphones back on and played the tape again. It was like an endless cycle. He felt like all he was doing was listening, leaving his room, listening, leaving his room. Maybe after this tape he should go on a hunt… Even if it’s just a hunt for Crowley. Dean is the last guy on the tapes, Sam said so himself. So if Dean went after Crowley it wouldn’t stop your story from being passed on.
He held it in his hands and once again pressed play.
“So now you know, Crowley, that the people on these tapes will find out that I did want to kill my own father. Everyone knows my secret, now it’s time they knew yours. You do remember why you killed my mother, right?”
* * *
“Why did you do it?” You cried. “What did she do to you?”
“Your mother had a lot of secrets,” Crowley revealed as he stood still in front of you. “There were a lot of things about her that you didn’t know, love. It’s even one of the reasons she wanted you to go live with daddy.”
“No,” you shook your head. “She sent me to live with him because she wanted me to know my father. She always said that a girl should think well of her father.”
“Not that you ever did, considering you wanted to kill him,“ he replied sarcastically.
“You’re still not answering my question,” you hissed. “What the hell could my mother have done to make you do this?”
“Your mother,” he said with power in his voice, “was a hunter.”
“What?” You demanded. “No! She had no idea about hunting, she would never have sent me to live with John if-”
“She sent you to live with John because she wanted you to have knowledge of the life,” Crowley interrupted. “And the reason she couldn’t be the one to teach you was because she was going to do the trials.”
“The trials? You mean like- like the ones that Sam-” you stuttered. “Like when Sam was going to close the gates of hell?”
“Exactly,” he nodded before walking back to his throne and sitting down. “She was going to destroy this place, I couldn’t let my kingdom go down.”
“It wouldn’t go down it would just be closed meaning demons can’t get out! You hate earth anyway, why would you want to stay? You had no good reason to kill her!” You screamed as you stepped closer to to him. You swore that for a minute you put the fear of God in him. “You fucking asshole!”
“I did what I had to do!“ He shouted back. “Your mother became a hunter when John left you because she wanted to protect you from demons.”
“Exactly, she wanted to protect me!” You screeched through tears of anger. “She was a kind woman who wanted to help the world and you killed her so you could feel powerful… You did it so that everyone in hell didn’t know that you are weak, Crowley.”
He knew that everything you were saying was true, but he couldn’t put up with it. Not if he wanted to keep up his image as this big, scary King that ruled hell. He pushed his hand out and as if by magic you flew back into one of the pillars. When you stood up he was standing directly in front of you with a knife pressed against your face. It dug into your skin and cut along your cheek, causing you to whimper.
“If you speak a word of this to any of the Winchesters, and I mean any of them, I will feed them to my hell hounds and make sure you’re the last one and that you suffer. And even before that your secret will get out and they may even try to kill you themselves. It’s not like you ever fit in with them anyway,” he growled. “Do not try me, Y/N. I’ve already killed someone you love, you weren’t there to stop it. Don’t let it happen again.”
Crowley snapped his fingers and you were back in your mothers bedroom. The warm blood was dripping from your cheek and onto the floor. Your moms body was gone, the only thing to show that she was once there was the pool of blood on her sheet. He must have taken her to hell when he sent you back home.
Now you just felt numb. Nothing could happen to change your mood right now. Someone could literally come running at you with a knife and you would just let them. You didn’t care at all because at least you would be feeling something.
The only thing you had left now was going back to live with John. You didn’t want to; the only plus side was that you would get to live with your brothers again. You didn’t really know what to feel about Mary yet, you hadn’t known her long enough but you had a strong feeling that she didn’t like you.
You rummaged through your backpack and found your phone. You called the only person you thought you could trust right now. Sam.
You clicked on his name and waited. After three rings, he finally picked up. “Hey, Y/N. Look, I’m sorry about what dad did to you, I know that he regrets-”
“Sam,” you spoke. Your voice was at a low tone, the kind that if someone spoke in that way anyone would know something was up. “Sa- Sammy.”
“It’s my mom,” you sobbed. “She’s, she’s dead.”
“Y/N, where are you? Stay right where you are I’m coming to get you. Dean!” He shouted to his brother. You heard a door open, Sam must have stepped outside when you called. “Get the keys we need to go get Y/N.”
“Sam,” you cried. “I- I don’t know what happened. It smells like sulphur so it must have been a demon… But I don’t know who.”
“Did you see the demon?” Sam asked as you heard the Impala door shut and the engine roar. They were on their way. “What did it look like?”
“I don’t remember… It cut across my cheek with a knife but everything just happened too quickly,” you lied. “I just, I need you to come here and get me.”
Sam stayed on the phone to you until they arrived. Once they were there they broke the door down and ran upstairs to find you in your mothers room. “The demon took her,” you told them as they came in.
Dean held Ruby’s knife in his hand firmly as he moved around her room to see if anyone was still there. He then walked out of the bedroom and went to look around the rest of the house. You weren’t paying attention to what Sam was doing until you felt his body weigh down the bed next to you.
You both sat next to each other on your moms bed in silence. Anything he said wouldn’t have been enough, so he wrapped his arms around you from the side and held you close. That’s all he could do and the comfort was what you needed. Sam and Dean were the only people left that you considered as family.
It felt like all you could do was cry in the arms of you big brother and hope that his comfort would be enough to not only help you through losing your mother, but help you forget that you have to lie for the man that murdered her.
“This is all my fault,” you whispered.
“No, Y/N don’t say that,” Sam replied as he kept his arms around you. “This isn’t your fault. I promise you are going to get through this. We love you.”
You simply shook your head. “I don’t deserve to be loved.”
* * *
“You ruined my life Crowley,” you concluded. “Have you ever heard that saying, ‘keep your mouth shut and your eyes open’? Well, that’s what I did all those years. I thought my brothers would figure it out, because sometimes silence speaks more than words. But they never did… So now that I’m dead I don’t have to keep my mouth shut. And my eyes may not be open anymore but I’m glad that I can open everyone else’s to what you really are. I can open yours to what you really are. A monster and a coward.”
And that was it. That was the end of tape two. Dean knew what Crowley had done to hurt you and he had never been more angry. Rage took over his body as he thought about that accent in a black suit destroying your life and forcing you to lie to your family. Crowley didn’t just break your family, he broke your trust which meant you never felt safe with trusting someone ever again.
Those were issues that followed you until the day you died. You were hurt and alone and that was all the fault of Crowley. The worst thing Dean realised was that there were 11 tapes left of awful things that people had done to you.
He would have to sit through even more of these and know that people had hurt you and he didn’t do anything to stop it. He would have to listen to everyone else’s tapes.
But worst of all, at the end of it… He would have to listen to his.
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