reality tv recaps

Dancing with the Stars, Season 25, Recap #9

The tragic thing about the semi-finals of Dancing with the Stars’ fall season is that WINTER IS COMING. Every season, I’m shocked at how quickly the season moves and then I’m smacked in the face with the reality of winter and The Bachelor.

Somehow, Drew Scott has weaseled his way to the semi-finals, but I hope that almost catching a glimpse of his taint with his Scottish tango will keep people from voting for him. Drew Scott is very pale, but nothing is as pale as Len Goodman’s atrocious trench foot from Season 22. 

For his iconic dance, Drew did this jazz dance to this big band remix of Usher’s “Yeah!” and I was cringing throughout the entire thing. I mean, good job, good effort, Drew… but I’m ready to forget about that forever.

Victoria Arlen’s story on this show is shaped by her traumatic sickness, there are endless barefoot contemporary dances that can be performed to her story. In this one, Val and Jenna played Victoria’s mommy and daddy and they danced and emoted around the dance floor and the judges would have been monsters to not eat it up. Whenever I watch Dancing with the Stars and I see either the pro or the star pick up someone and have a crotch in their face, I wonder if they get a sweaty whiff. Victoria’s “iconic dance” was good and loads of fun and the kind of stuff that makes this show such a hoot.

This was the first week that I don’t want to talk about Jordan Fisher in all caps. His Argentine Tango was good and all, but I don’t think that the song paired with the inspiration for the style of dance, as it turns out, the judges felt the same way. FOR HIS ICONIC DANCE I’M TYPING IN CAPS AGAIN BECAUSE JORDAN FISHER JUST WINS GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE, HE WINS - GOOD BYE!

Lindsey Stirling is as good as Jordan Fisher at this point, but contemporary dances just don’t do it for me. Of course Mark Ballas would pick a song by his band because he’s that self-indulgent. If I was his partner and he did that to me, I’d be like “DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME!? OR DO YOU JUST WANT SOME AIR TIME FOR YOU STUPID SONG, MARK!”.

I have a confession to make, I love Calvin Harris singing songs so I was all in with Lindsey’s Tango to “Closer”. Similarly to Lindsey, I’ve always wanted to dance and have never had lessons, but unlike Lindsey, I am not flexible and I am not good at dancing.

I’m all in for normal ass dudes, like Frankie Muniz, ripping off their shirts and getting fake “Edward Cullen in New Moon” contour abs so I was loving his salsa. For his iconic dance, Frankie just looked like an angry baby with a mustache but I thought it was pretty good.

So… somehow Drew Scott is still on this show and Victoria Arlen is not. That is the way this show goes and there is nothing that will ever compete with the fervor of HGTV fans. 

DWTS Season 25 Week 9 Recap

1. Drew Scott & Emma Slater danced the Tango to “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers. The judges said that he lost a little bit of the style of the dance. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
2. Frankie Muniz & Witney Carson danced the Salsa to “Shake” by Yin Yang Twins & Pitbull. The judges said there was too much hip hop and not enough hip action. Judges’ Score:25/30 points
3. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold danced the Argentine Tango to “Brother” (feat Gavin DeGraw) by NEEDTOBREATHE. The judges said that it was not his best performance. Judges’ Score:28/30 points
4. Lindsey Stirling & Mark Ballas danced Contemporary to “ahead High” by Alexander Jean. The judges said it was a fabulous performance. Judges’ Score:28/30 points
5. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy danced the Waltz to “To Build a Home” (feat Patrick Watson) by Cinematic Orchestra. The judges said the dance was beautiful. Judges’ Score:27/30 points

Iconic Dances

1. Drew Scott & Emma Slater danced Jazz to “Yeah!” (Feat Lil Jon, Ludacris) by Usher. The judges said he captured the spirit of the dance. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
2. Frankie Muniz& Witney Carson danced the Paso Doble to “Carnival De Paris” by Dario G. The judges said he has to breathe through his movements. Judges’ Score:26/30 points
3. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold danced the Jive to “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner. The judges said the dance was amazing. Judges’ Score:30/30 points
4. Lindsey Stirling & Mark Ballas danced the Tango Tyler Oakley “Feel So Close” by Calvin Harris. The judges said there was snap, crackle and pop. Judges’ Score:28/30 points
5. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy danced the Charleston to “Bang Bang” by will.i.am. The judges said the timing was spot on. Judges’ Score:29/30 points
6. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy were eliminated

Dance Moms Season 7 Episode 25 Recap

1. Jill and the other mothers of the older girls welcomed Cheryl Burke as their new coach this week.
2. Nia and Chloe got the first duet and Kendall and Camryn got the second duet.
3. The moms got rowdy and Cheryl came out to tell them they were being too loud.
4. Cheryl told the mother’s to shut their mouths.
5. Cheryl met with the moms and the girls and explained to them that their children are insecure.
6. The ALDC group dance paid tribute to Abby with their first performance.
7. Kendall and Camryn won first place for their duet.
8. The ALDC ladies took 2nd place in the group dance.
9. The Dance Academy Moms pressured Cheryl.
10. Cheryl agreed to return next week.

@tuckersucks

School sucked.

At this this was the good kind of suck, the suck that mattered, not the Mr Garrison isn’t teaching us he’s just recapping reality tv kind of suck. Tweek was doing well in school, best grades he’d ever had, and the pressure was building.   This was the kind of suck that mattered and kept him up all night with the possibilities – both good and bad – and had him needing to shove all his attention into other things to work off the excess energy.

For now, it was baking.

Stress baking. 

At three in the morning.

He hears the front door open and shut quietly and aggressively brushes a smudge of flour off his cheek.

“I-In here, dude. I’ve got cupcakes.”

DWTS Season 25 Week 5 Recap (Disney Night)

1. Drew Scott & Emma Slater danced the Viennese Waltz to “Rainbow Connection” from The Muppets Movie. The judges said they liked his footwork a lot. Judges’ Score:25/30 points
2. Frankie Muniz & Witney Carson danced the Argentine Tango to “Angelica” from Pirates of the Caribbean. The judges said the dance was good. Judges’ Score:29/30 points
3. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold danced the Foxtrot to “You’re Welcome” from Moana. The judges said the dance was perfect. Judges’ Score:30/30 points
4. Lindsey Stirling & Mark Ballas danced the Foxtrot to “When you Wish Upon a star” from Pinocchio. The judges said they loved how the dance wasn’t quirky like their other routines. Judges’ Score:28/30 points
5. Nick Lachey & Peta Murgatroyd danced the Quickstep to “The Barenecessities” from The Jungle Book. The judges said he lost a step a couple of times. Judges’ Score:22/30 points
6. Nikki Bella & Artem Chigvintsev danced Jazz to “Remember Me” from Coco. The judges said it was her best dance. Judges’ Score:27/30 points
7. Sasha Pieterse & Gleb Savchenko danced the Rumba to “Kiss The Girl” from The Little Mermaid. The judges said it was a well crafted routine. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
8. Terrell Owens & Cheryl Burke danced the Quickstep to “I Just Can’t Wait to be King” from The Lion King. The judges said they liked that he worked hard to maintain his frame. Judges’ Score:25/30 points
9. Vanessa Lachey & Maksim Chmerkovskiy danced the Waltz to “Un Jour Mon Prince Viendra” from Snow White. The judges said they loved the Waltz content. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
10. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy danced the Charleston to “Steamboat Willie” from Steamboat Willie. The judges said they loved the playful combination of old-school 20’s styles like Charleston & Lindy Hop. Judges’ Score:27/30 points
11. Sasha Pieterse & Gleb Savchenko were eliminated.

DWTS Season 25 Week 8 Recap

1. Drew Scott & Emma Slater danced the Waltz to “Both Sides Now (Torch Song) by Years & Years. The judges said they loved the expression. Judges’ Score:22/30 points
2. Frankie Muniz & Witney Carson danced the Viennese Waltz to "Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. The judges said the dance was elegant. Judges’ Score:26/30 points
3. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold danced the Quickstep to “Chuck Berry” by Pharrell Williams. The judges said the dance was outstanding. Judges’ Score:30/30 points
4. Lindsey Stirling & Mark Ballas danced the Samba to “Morning Drums” by Gregor Salto. The judges said they loved the creativity. Judges’ Score:26/30 points
5. Terrell Owens & Cheryl Burke danced the Charleston to “Bad Boy Good Man” by Tape Five (feat Henrik Wagner). The judges said they loved the way he captured the sense of style, time, and place beautifully. Judges’ Score:27/30 points
6. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy danced the Argentine Tango to “Down” by Marian Hill. The judges said they loved her body movements. Judges’ Score:24/30 points

Trio Dances

1. Drew Scott & Emma Slater & Rashad Jennings danced the Cha Cha to “Get Uo Offa That Thing” by James Brown. The judges said that Rashad raised Drew’s game. Judges’ Score:25/30 points
2. Frankie Muniz & Witney Carson & Alfonso Ribiero danced the Jive to “Good Place” by Leo Soul. The judges said the dance was beautiful. Judges’ Score:27/30 points
3. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold & Corbin blue danced the Salsa to “Que Viva la Vida” by Wisin. The judges said the dance was amazing. Judges’ Score:30/30 points
4. Lindsey Stirling & Mark Ballas & Kristi Yamaguchi danced Jazz to “Let’s Face The Music And Dance” by Seth MacFarlane. The judges said the dance was terrific. Judges’ Score:28/30 points
5. Terrell Owens & Cheryl Burke & Kelly Monaco danced the Rumba to “Slow Hands” by Niall Horan. The judges said the dance was well performed. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
6. Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy & Laurie Hernandez danced the Jive to “Magic” by B.o.B (feat Rivers Cuomo). The judges said it was good. Judges’ Score:24/30 points
7. Terrell Owens & Cheryl Burke were eliminated.

Dancing with the Stars Season 23 Recap #6

We’ve been #blessed for Latin Night, Pitbull is in the house and it’s not even Wednesday. Week 6 is just another victory lap for Laurie Hernandez, the girl can perform events with her gymnastics crew all week, but you know she learned that choreography from stick figures that Val drew on a cocktail napkin in the Delta Lounge. At this point, if I was in this competition, I would just hope I could stick around long enough to continue being adorned in Swarovski crystals and having people smash that like with my training photos on Instagram.

I know that I can’t be the only person t that felt super uncomfortable by Ryan Lochte’s day-glow salsa. Those weird shorts, the kneepads, the janky-ass black light body paint. It was weird. It was wrong. He was pointing at Cheryl with a long “come here” finger that looked like one of those instruction illustrations of how to give G-Spot orgasms in Cosmo. Yet, Ryan survives another week and continues to serve the most lenient suspension from USA Swimming by getting custom salsa outfits and having Pitbull smile at him with his alarmingly small teeth.

Julianne Hough borrowed Lady Gaga’s National Anthem wig from the Super Bowl, who wore it best?

I haven’t talked about Bruno Tonioli much this season, but he really impressed me with his flexibility.

No one was having more fun than this guy.

Have you ever found yourself in a position of power and you were like, how the hell did I get here? This is how I felt when I was the judge of a karaoke competition and I’m convinced that this is how Pitbull feels tonight. I bet that he chugged a 6-pack Bud Light Platinums before the show, and that is high gravity stuff. During Jana’s Argentine Tango, he managed to grope both Carrie Anne and Julianne and asked Jana to throw her wet dress at him. Gross, Pitbull, no. If there is something that has been made totally uncool within the last few weeks it’s unwanted groping.

Somehow, Maureen’s reign of emotional terror over Artem continues for another week and my favorite, Amber Rose, was eliminated. Len Goodman comes back next week, which means that law and order will be restored to the ballroom.