real talk this is my favourite thing in existence in all things ever in the history of the world

So I’m now doing a little typology of Atheists.

1. Why-do-I-have-Herpes-Atheist

This sort of Atheist has never really went deep into religion and

 faith. Often times she is coming from a loosely religious household and was never able to leave it mentally, because she has never overcome her puberal grudge on the world and her family. All the sad tragedies that happened to her, that she was always the last pick in sports, the F in religion class, that her great love Leon has left her for her best friend, but that he gave her Herpes before, all of that must be God’s fault. And therefore she is punishing him with non-existence. And of course the church is also stupid, nothing that requires you to get up early on Sunday can be good. It isn’t always that this childish attitude is paired with low intelligence, but almost always it is tied to a sense of entitlement.

Favourite argument: „Yes, but if God really exists, why is there so much shit going on in the world?!“
Is often confused with: People with real issues, that lost their faith over their immense existential crisis.
Favourite food:  Gluten-free spaghetti with vegan tomatosauce, Salad, Vegan and gluten-free Pizza, Starbuck’s coffee.
Weakness: She has little to no idea what she is talking about.


2. The Political Atheist

The political atheist, contrary to our first entry, really got into the matter of religion and faith, with help of famous Authors like Karl Marx, Richard Dawkins and Ludwig Feuerbach. In his opinion there are some religions worth his protection and that would be Islam and all non-Christian religions from non-european countries and all religious groups that have fewer followers than Marxes whole work pages (except of course national-socialist esoterism and right-wing neo pagans!).

His problem with religion is, that it in his opinion creates all that is bad in the world: War(except for peace loving muslims of course), Social Injustice, Intolerance, pedophilia and sexual inhibition.

The only reason that people still follow those fairy tales must be a world wide conspiracy, for example those of war loving priests or those damn zionists, which control all the world’s finances. On special occasions like the 9th of November he is sometimes posting his theories to the facebook wall of his local communist worker’s party, for example that Israel belongs to the peace loving Palestinians and that Hamas is a proxy of the Mossad or he is inviting himself for a lecture of the history of Christianity, only to point out that Christians are ruthless barbarians that slaughtered the poor muslims and that ISIS is just a product of processing the trauma which the crusades have left.

Favourite argument: „The church is run by money-loving ruthless criminals that would burn homosexuals and Jews alive if they could.“
Is often confused with: Nobody. Really you will know him when you see him and you will hear him before you see him.
Favourite food: Kebab and Hummus, because he is based and multicultural. AND NO, THOSE ARE NOT EXPENSIVE DOLCE AND GABANA SHOES!
Weakness: his logic is often flawed by his political agenda, his arguments are often bordering antisemitism, his greatest weakness is reality itself


3. The Beatles Atheist

He really took the song “imagine!” by heart. He probably really has done some research and experience with religion or so, but somehow he never really felt welcome and taken serious or so.
He feels very spiritual, sometimes ultra spiritual. He also has been to India where people in his opinion have a completely different understanding of the universe and their environment, but to believe in God? That’s not his thing really, an old man that tells you what to do, in his mind he doesn’t need such boundaries to his spiritual flow. He doesn’t really know what to think about all day and he likes talking about things, but really to make a commitment to something he refuses. And of course Mahatma Gandhi also said something about that, if he could only remember what. So if Mahatma says that, or something like that, who needs a God am I right?

Favourite argument: „I don’t want to be so constrained by that, man.“
Is often confused with: People who seriously and without naive expectations have interest in far-east religions.
Favourite food: Weed, Vegetarian Ayurveda-Curry 
Weakness: He has no weakness. He isn’t even interested in beef with you, he is just annoying.

4. The I-Outsmart-You-Atheist

This sort of Atheist has at no time even considered to read into religion or faith. I mean why? Science will answer all our questions we could ever ask, and for all those questions for which science cannot find answers, those questions aren’t even worth asking and she is too intelligent to even consider wasting time on them.
Humans feel love because it makes sense in an evolutionary context. Mankind produces art because we have an overflow of thought and religious experiences have always been reproduced under influence of strong psychoactive drugs or magnetic waves, whatever.
The idea that, how the earth was created and why the earth was created, could have different reasons is too hard to grasp for her. And that is why she is leading her own crusade against every creationist she can find, it doesn’t matter if their religion has something to do with it or not. That for example the catholic church is leading in research of natural sciences and that every christian and jew can study as much natural sciences as he/she, wants will be ignored by her.

So the only explanation for her is that religious people are simply too stupid to grasp her advanced concept of thinking and that they simply cannot think as sharp as she does. The only Martyr she knows is Galileo Galilei and if one day she is might be struck by an existential crisis she will lose everything she usually does rely on.

Favourite argument: Genesis 1
Is easily confused with: Real signs of higher intelligence 
Favourite food: We eat food to digest it and get the necessary energy input for our bodies to function properly, coffee and sugary stuff.

Weakness: Unimaginative, Boring personality and an almost zealotistic defense of science as “the only true answer”


5. The I-Eat-The-Souls-Of-My-Enemies-For-Breakfast-Atheist

This sort of Atheist has really gotten into religion, but the dark side of it. Because he is “evil”. He want’s his mother to be sad. He would grow a Whisker like Nietzsche but for that his puberal beard growth isn’t sufficient. He has a very broad collection of metal-bandshirts, because he is the Antichrist, but to be honest he never really made it beyond the first two pages of the St.John Revelation.
For shits and giggles alone, he pretends to be a real satanist, but he is secretly shitting his black underpants at the prospect of Satan answering to his calls. But good for him it is all nothing more than a charade in reality he doesn’t believe in it so it is not real, at least he hopes that.
But to be fair, under this menacing crust of dried beer, black and white face paint and eyeliner(that his little sister had to buy him), there is mostoften a good heart, he doesn’t really feel superior to religious people, he probably has a very social attitude, that only comes forth, when sits home at his granny’s place and drinks tea with her to listen to her old stories or when he meets somebody that is listening to the same music as him. As rough and brutal as he might seem, he just wants company and a feeling of belonging and in reality he doesn’t want that his mom is sad and crying, he only wants to be more interesting than the TV for once, so that she will take notice of him.

Favourite argument: Something with Witch trials, women and the medieval era
Is easily confused with: Guys that can be really dangerous
Favourite food: Human Flesh of course!
Weakness: Split ends in his Metal-Head; his social insecurities and his emotional vulnerability.

anonymous asked:

If you had to pick your top 10 robron moments - like you're stranded on a desert island and you can only watch these 10 - what would they be??

anon anon this question… might destroy me….

(i reserve the right to change my mind when people inevitably remind me of scenes i have forgotten which should be here) (this was so hard to do i can’t actually tell you)

i’m strictly strictly sticking to robron only scenes because otherwise this list would be entirely different

ok in no particular order:

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EXCLUSIVE || Rising Star Harry Styles’ Interstellar Secret Relationship Revealed

The galaxy-trotting star on Graham Norton on Friday April 21st promoting his stellar single Sign of the Times

The 1D star has attracted a lot of rumours over the last seven years, with some more grounded in reality than others (looking at you, sheep placenta facials), and in a bid to honour his goal to be “more honest” with his solo record, Harry Styles (23) decided to have a sit down with us here at the AAS and come clean about one of his biggest rumours: Hobama.

Here’s an look at the exclusive interview.

The original revelation of Hobama to the world

Rumours of the two men’s relationship began swirling in 2014 after an article stating that Barack Obama (55) was hiding a “gay lifestyle” came out in the National Examiner and they haven’t died out since. With Styles’ recent confirmation of their relationship on Graham Norton, those rumours have now proven to be based in reality after all.

“It’s real,” Styles confesses, “Barack and I are together. Have been for a long time now. There were a lot of things keeping us from sharing the truth. He was the president of the United States, I’m an alien in a boy band. But we’re ready now. We don’t want there to be any secrets anymore.”

Styles mingling with local LA Earthlings

Styles explains, “We, uh, actually met at Area 51. My saucer had just crash-landed in the desert. I was coming back from a quick weekend trip to my home planet and I misjudged how much fuel my craft had left. Re-entering the atmosphere is always a little hard on the saucer. Makes it difficult for my family to come visit.

But it’s like it happened yesterday, I think is how that saying goes. The stars were so bright, and you could see what you humans call the Milky Way galaxy in the sky. Barack and his secret agents had come out to investigate the landing sight, and when he stepped out of his Range Rover and his eyes met mine, well. We both knew. Barack likes to say that when the headlights of the vehicle shone in my face time stopped, and he knew his life would never be the same. The rest is history. Proper romantic, if I do say so myself.”

Styles’ beau Obama throwing one of Styles’ favourite touristic activities to do on Earth: attend yacht parties

“We had to keep it quiet, you know?” Styles says, “He had to lead the United States. Can you imagine if it got out that he was in love with an alien he met on highly secretive government property? Disaster. I don’t even want to think about the kind of conversations global leaders would have at world conferences. Never mind what congress would have to say about it.”

He continues, “It was hard, sometimes. We both travelled a lot for work, so we didn’t get to spend as much time together as we wanted to. I mean, I still travel a lot, but now that Barack doesn’t have to run a country anymore we get to see each other more often. I still haven’t had a chance to take him home to meet the rest of the family on my home planet, though.” 

A young Styles discussing his wishes to marry somebody from another planet

“The boys have always been really great about it though, ever since they heard about mine and Barack’s love for each other,” Styles adds. “Actually,” he amends, “Niall was jealous for a while. Did you know he has a statue of Barack? Bit strange, that. But he got past it and now they’re great friends.”

We reached out to former Vice President Joe Biden (74) for commentary on his feelings about Hobama, and he responded:

“It’s great. I’m very happy for Barack. They didn’t want to say anything at first, but eventually they realized that ol’ Joe would be the first person to defend their love to the world. And I will. If anybody has anything nasty to say about these two I’d like them to come see me. Has anybody said anything nasty? Do I need to take down some names?”

Styles on his home planet, Keewee

With the two men coming from different planets, certain cultural differences for the couple to work through would be expected, but Styles assures us that the two haven’t ever had any problems of the sort, and that their relationship is based on love and mutual respect, like any healthy relationship.

“We wouldn’t have lasted this long if we didn’t share the understanding that we do. And there’s a lot of understanding that needs to happen between the two of us for our relationship to work!” Styles explains.

The 1D star, who is proud of his heritage, talks about it openly. “My home planet and culture really has had a huge impact on who I am today and the art I create. In fact, the cover art for my single, Sign of the Times, is a picture of me back home on Keewee. I love sharing my Keeweesian heritage with Earthlings, and especially Barack. He’s always eager to learn and experience more. The song is actually about us being able to get off Earth so I can show Barack Keewee. I hope we get to make the trip some day. I think he’d really like it.”

Styles showing solidarity for his fellow extraterrestrials by wearing the intergalactic brand Gucci

Styles’ brand of choice, Gucci, is Keeweesian, and the star does what he can to support the local business.

“I wish it didn’t cost so much, but it isn’t cheap to send materials all the way to Earth from Keewee, you know? I just want Earthlings to love Keewee and Keeweesian culture as much as I do, but I understand it’s not easy. I do what I can. It’s a beautiful planet and the Keeweeans are a beautiful people. Considering Barack knows one of us personally, I think he would agree with me. Or, at least I hope he would!” Styles jokes. 

Obama and Styles at a recent photo shoot to showcase their relationship

What’s next for the couple? Styles isn’t sure, but he isn’t worried.

“We’re just taking it one day at a time. I’m doing my solo stuff, Barack is enjoying his well-earned time off. Maybe we’ll be able to take that trip to Keewee sooner than we think. Until then, we’re just going to enjoy finally being able to share our love with the world.”

We here at the AAS are certainly ecstatic for the couple, and wish them all the best. Don’t forget to check back here again with us for all the future Hobama exclusives!

(in light of Harry’s #confirmation of Hobama on Graham Norton, here’s another article! as usual, all the thanks to the lovely wonderful people in the AAS. these don’t exist without you guys and your help! it’s y’all’s brainstorming and ideas that help to get these things off the ground. credits to any of y’all whose ideas are in the article, and special thanks to Harry for making my Hobama dreams come true. love you guys forever, and i hope y’all enjoy! 😘❤️)

Larry Royalty AU Fic Recs

In light of Prince Louis at the Ball, I’ve comprised a list of Royalty AUs that I have found/have liked for your enjoyment.
I have seperated them into Royalty Louis, Royalty Harry and Both Royalty sections.

24 fics under the ‘read more’:

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anonymous asked:

hey! i've been looking to get into lotr, but i just wanted to know a few things before diving in! Do you find it a hard or slow read? What are all the books I should read to get the full experience? And at what age did you read them?

Hey! :) I’m so glad you want to start reading Tolkien’s books. It’s an excellent decision. (I mean, there’ll be a lot tears, frustration, tears, taking pages and pages of notes at first because of the complexity of his lore and family trees, and tears. But still, a wonderful decision.)

I’ve read The Lord of the Rings when I was eleven, and the rest of the books followed. This is the order in which I’ve read Tolkien’s books: The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, The Unfinished Tales, The History of Middle-Earth, The Children of Húrin, The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien and The Adventures of Tom Bombadil. I’m not saying this is the “correct” order or anything (there’s no such thing) but it worked out well for me. Don’t ask for a “chronological order” or anything, because in many of these books, the Ages and timelines overlap so there’s no way to establish a 100% accurate chronological order.

A lot of people find Tolkien’s language quite difficult to read at first. But I’ve always found that the real challenge was keeping all the names straight and remembering all the complex lore he wrote. Is his language more formal and old-fashioned than most books we read today? Yes. But honestly, his stories are so captivating that I quickly got over the initial frustration about the language. It’s purely up to the reader. I know a few people who got turned off by the language and stopped reading Tolkien, but most readers agree with me about this.

What are all the books you should read to get the full experience? I would say all of them, but The Adventures of Tom Bombadil especially is kind of debatable.

Now I’m going to give you an extensive review for each book. You can’t tell by my blog since I mostly post gifs here, but in real life, when someone asks me a Tolkien question, I can’t stop talking for hours. I physically can’t stop. You asked for this.

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