real men like curves

#112 Because "real women have curves."

You’ve probably seen this meme. Or a similiar meme. Or just heard people express the idea in conversation. You might also have heard that real men like women without make-up or women who wear pyjamas or who don’t have a fake-tan.

Problem?

Well, first of all: Anyone who identifies as a woman is a real woman.

Though the purpose of these memes are often to boost the self-confidence of women who don’t fit the beauty norm set by fashion magazines, they essentially just establish another beauty norm. They fail to see that the biggest problem isn’t what our beauty norm is, but the fact that we as a society have a beauty norm and women feel obliged to adapt to it. So, establishing a “curvy beauty norm” is really just an extension of the problem, not a solution. What is and is not attractive should be up to the individual to decide.

Secondly:  the “real men like…” first assumes there is such a thing as a “real man” who differs from other inferior men. As previously mentioned, if you identify as a man, you are a real man. You’re not a chocolate man, an imaginary man or a Play-doh man, you are a real man.  And then, it assumes that women only exists to give men ocular (and pretty much any other kind of) pleasure. The “Real men like…”-memes are based on the assumption that men have a right, and an obligation, to dictate what women should and should not look like. That a woman diets, gains weight, shops, and puts on make-up for the benefit of heterosexual men. 

Summary:  Though these memes are created with a good purpose, they don’t really improve women’s views of themselves or other women.

Prejudice vs Racism/isms: A Discussion

.

We need to discuss the difference between “prejudice based bullying” and racism/isms.

Prejudice Based bullying isn’t a good thing at all. But it is literally not even slightly as bad or the same as racism or any other ism.

Prejudice based bullying is when someone bullies someone based on prejudice.  The aspect of “institutional power” is absent from prejudice based bullying. Examples of this is POC vs POC prejudicial actions, thin shaming, POC being “mean to” white people, etc. 

Prejudice based bullying can and does hurt feelings, and can get physical and can end in deaths. But it is not racism, or an ism. 

Racism is the above + institutional power.

Racism is Prejudice based actions committed by a  group with institutional power.

Sexism is prejudice based actions committed by a group with institutional power. etc.

I’ll give some examples:

PREJUDICE:

  • Black person calls an Asian person a racial slur = Prejudice Based Bullying
  • White person is called a racial slur = Prejudice Based Bullying
  • Fat person makes fun of thin person = Prejudice Based Bullying
  • Girlscouts of America not allowing cisgendered boys to join= Prejudice Based Action 
  • Black owned businesses giving discounts to other POC but not to white people = prejudice based illegal activity
  • Asian Restaurant hiring only other asian people and throwing away resumes from all other applicants = prejudice based illegal activity 
  • Black people being “mean to you on the internet” = Prejudice Based Bullying
  • “White Girls and Starbucks” = Prejudice Based Bullying

RACISM/SEXISM/LOOKISM/ ANY OTHER-ISMS

  • Fashion Company releases statement that their clothes should only be worn by white people = racism
  • White people calling POC racial slurs = racism
  • Housing discrimination for POC = racism
  • Boyscouts of America making it so that we even needed a Girlscouts of America instead of just making a Scouts of America for everyone and/or creating a girls division = sexism
  • A store owner turning away a woman who appears to be a size 14 from his store because she “wouldn’t fit any of the clothes”= lookism/illegal discrimination
  • A black person calling a white person a cracker, and the white person responding with the N word = racism (and by the way, “cracker” is short for “whipcracker” not “saltine cracker because the cracker is white.” When a black person calls a white person a cracker; they are saying that whatever it is that that white person is doing is reminding them of overseers who used to whip black people to death during slave times. Which is deep as shit.)

In every situation that can be called “racism/ism”, the action must be enacted by a member of the party with the majority of numbers and/or institutional power. An “Oppressor”, for lack of a better word. 

For example, I am a minority in certain ways and a majority in other ways. Just because I am a minority in particular ways, doesn’t mean that I cannot be an oppressor in other ways.

If I were to issue slurs or try to oppress people with mental illness or with disabilities of any kind, I would be participating in an “ism.” As someone without mental illness or a physical disability, my actions contribute to the whole of the oppressing force that has trampled them for ages. Even if whatever it is that I’m doing is significantly less damaging or “hurtful” than their response. 

You see. 

When you belong to an oppressive majority–no matter what majority– every single oppressive action you do is fueled and weighted by years and years of previous oppressive action by others in your group. Whereas, people in the contrasting minority not only have less institutional power, but they may also be vastly less able to defend themselves in any meaningful way.

Which is a reference to the INSTITUTIONAL part of institutional oppression.

The entire system that gives you the benefits of being in the majority, usually gained through decades of being an oppressive force, give the minority group the exact opposite of benefits. Which is restrictions.

Restrictions in regards to:

  • The effectiveness of any rebellion.
  • the effectiveness of any complaints
  • the validation of their history and point of view
  • protections they are afforded

As well as the impact of any offending actions towards the oppressive party.

Examples:

  • “That black person called you a cracker and now you’re sad, but at least you do’t have to live with the knowledge that George Washington pried the teeth out of your ancestors heads and put them in his own mouth as dentures because he was shitty at keeping his teeth clean, and your ancestors were basically thought of as expensive cattle
  • that transgirl said "die cis scum” and now you are sad, but at least your mortality rate isn’t like 1 in 10 just for being alive.
  • that fat girl said “real men like women with curves” and now you are sad. But at least you can buy clothes in your size at any store ever.
  • that boy with depression was mean to you, butat least you don’t have a horrifying history of people with mental illness being shocked to death and thrown in cages, killed, being tortured, or having their organs harvested to look back on, with a scientific misunderstanding spanning centuries that has created stigma that negatively impacts any interaction you have with anyone who knows about your mental illness. 
  • That girl is wearing a shirt that says ‘misandry for life’ and that makes you angry but at least you don’t live in a world where there are so many crimes against humanity committed towards women that I can’t even come up with one that could encapsulate the entirety of the term “sexism”.
  • that man with a wheelchair parked halfway in your parking space and the wheelchair parking space in protest of people talking the wheelchair spaces, but at least you didn’t have to fight tooth and nail for decades to even get a parking space that suits your vital need.

In conclusion; if you have been a victim of Prejudice Based Actions:

Yes, you may be upset and yes you have been bullied or treated unfairly or disrespectfully. And yes, your feelings may be hurt. But you are not a victim of institutional oppression. And your retaliation, if violent or excessive, comes with the power of your entire group behind it.  

It is like if you, are a grown man and  are hit by a two year old, and in retaliation, you choke slam that two year old child into the concrete. Yes the two year old shouldn’t have hit you, but Dont Do THAT.  You should say “please don’t hit me, that hurts”. Or, as in the case with racism/prejudice, say that the POC hurt your feelings, but understand that they have special circumstances.

Nothing will ever change that. So you need to just swallow it. 

{Today is International Women’s Day 2016. Today I thought a lot about what it means to me a woman and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. I still have a lot to learn and at 17 I am still growing into a woman but as I feel that the past few years have been incredibly defining for me and my expectations of “life as a woman” I wanted to write something, also to possibly look back on in a few years. *Disclaimer: English is my second language, excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes.}


I wish I could tell you that today when I thought about what it means to be a woman the first thing that came to mind was how beautiful, magical and strong women are. Unfortunately I have to disappoint you, because the first thoughts coming into my head were all negative, one of them being Insecurities, specifically the insecurity I have about my breasts.

**(I realize that I am incredibly privileged and have nothing to complain about, however since I am so privileged I have the time and energy to think about my insecurities as much as I do and I’m sure most of the people reading this do as well. Most of us don’t have to worry about running from a civil war or how to feed our child so it wont die in the next 24 hours. We are privileged enough to talk and think about things such as insecurities and I feel incredibly lucky that this is one of the main “issues” in my life right now.)

I have always been more mature than most people around me and started going through puberty very early, I got my period when I was 12 and was the tallest girl in my class from year 5 on, however I have always had incredibly small breasts. When I was 13 I started wearing push up bras and my crush told me I was flat chested. When I was 14 I started dating and that’s when I started feeling a little more confident. Guys started calling me “pretty” and “beautiful” at 14 and “hot” at 15 and 16 and no one ever complained about the size of my breasts. I remember asking a guy what he thought of them and he said “It’s fine, they’ll grow”. That was a relieve to me. “They’re gonna grow. It’s just because I’m still young.” I thought to myself. At 15 I also started to grow a following on Instagram and thus received more compliments under my photos, resulting in an ego boost. This was also the time that I threw most of my push up bras away, went vegan, started eating well, got really fit and I can honestly say that for over half a year I was happy with the way I looked.

After turning 16 I went through a break up, friends of mine went through similar situations, school got tougher and I had less time and motivation to prepare healthy meals and exercise.

Before this time I had always felt like a girl, a kid almost. I never considered myself a woman. But at 16 I started to feel like now was the time that I had to turn into a woman, the worst part being that I had (and still have at times) a very false perception of what that actually means. Because at 16 I thought turning into a woman means developing curves like hips, big breasts and a big butt. I believe in my case this is due to 2 things.

1. Media: Because when I was 16 those “Real men like meat, only dogs go for bones.” and “Real women have curves.” quotes started to pop up all over Facebook. Movies and TV Shows are another great example because let’s face it the hot girl that the male characters drool over always has big “cans”. And of course those photos of Victoria’s Secret models all of which are a size 6/8 yet look like they have C and D cups in the shows and catalogues even though most of them actually have very small breasts when you look at natural photos of them (naturally due to their very slim bodies), but hey -  push up bras, tape and makeup can change that and being super skinny and having big breasts at the same time is totally realistic for everyone. (please notice:sarcasm) 2. People around me: Because I can’t count the times I have heard guys say “She has great tits.” or “Man I love big cans”. At 16 (and long before that) for me it was just a fact of life that men love big breasts and when they see them they can’t help but stare at them. And it was also a fact of life that they didn’t just love them, big breasts are important to them because why else would they talk about them so much?

So here’s our situation:Maxi at 16 has an A cup. The first issue: Big breasts are what makes you a woman. The second issue: All guys love big breasts. Maxi thinks (completely irrationally): She is not a real woman. Guys don’t love her breasts. This also matters because it matters what guys think of you. Maxi forgets that breasts don’t actually matter and don’t define you as a person (Maxi still forgets this today sometimes). This resulted in a severe insecurity of mine that I still struggle with today. At the moment my boobs are growing a little bit, but I know that I will never be a C or D cup. I have felt like less of a woman because of this for a while now and at 17 I think about it every day. I feel ashamed to talk about this because I want to be a role model for young girls and show them that you need to love yourself and be confident in order to be truly happy but the truth is that I have not reached that point yet. While I find myself attractive most of the time and I know that so do a lot of other people I still feel incredibly insecure and jealous when I see a girl with beautiful, big breasts, part of me feels like I will never be enough, that I will never be the complete package, that I will never be a “real woman”. I flinch at the words “tits”, “cans” and “jugs”, they make me feel insecure, uncomfortable, objectified and degraded, no matter in what context they are used. But the nicknames women get for their body parts are a whole different story and definitely something I want to address in the future.

I feel incredibly emotional writing about this and I would lie if I told you that this hasn’t made me cry many times. I am in an incredibly happy relationship with someone who has become my best friend and I feel valued, beautiful, intelligent and happy with myself whenever we are together. However I struggle watching movies together with actresses who have big breasts, I struggle walking past a girl with big breasts together not because he has ever told me that mine are small or not enough but simply because “Guys love big tits and they can’t help but look at them” crosses my mind every time and I get all chocked up for a second and this incredible sadness and feeling of insecurity hits me. If you have ever felt like you are not enough you know what I’m talking about. It’s unbelievable.

I am trying to work on this insecurity every day and I know that one day I will be able to overcome it. I try to constantly remind myself of the fact that I am so much more than the size of my breasts. I am my thoughts, my dreams, my talents, my work ethic, my strength and my empathy. I am more than a piece of flesh. I have a soul, a brain - I matter ! I have learned that it’s a very hard and possibly never ending process to get over an insecurity but I believe it will be worth it in the end.

I wanted to share this because I know we all have our insecurities and sometimes we feel like we are alone but we forget that so many other people are going through exactly the same thing. I also wanted to share this because today I asked myself what it means to be a woman and I realized that I actually don’t know the answer to that.I want to know what you think it means to be a “woman”. Because after having this false perception of it for so long I am incredibly confused. Feel free to reblog this adding a sentence of what you think being a woman is all about, I would love to know all of your thoughts!

Thank you for reading this incredibly personal and emotional post, I look forward to writing more in the future (hopefully planned more carefully).

Much love and good luck with your insecurities,x Maxi

Be a man. Men are strong. Real men have muscles, real men are secure, real men don’t cry, real men show emotions, real men like curves, real men don’t like fat girls, real men don’t rape… all men would sleep with a 14-year-old if they had the chance. Those are just some of the many confusing phrases you will hear about the opposite sex (and yes, I have literally heard them all). First of all, “real” men? As opposed to what, mannequins? Stop saying that. Second of all, it’s probably going to be tough not to let yourself believe some of those things, but if you’re going to believe one of them just believe that men are strong. Yes, men ARE strong. For dealing with those stereotypes, for dealing with us feisty women and for dealing with the same damned society that we have to deal with as well. So yeah, men ARE strong. And so are YOU. We’re ALL strong. We are all huMAN.
—  I Hope I Never Have a Daughter: Reason #33, © 2015 Sarah Marie Pardy

If you’re fat and you still recite a phrase like “real women have curves” or “men like meat but only dogs like bones” to justify your size, you are an embarrassment.

Find your confidence in yourself without having to step on someone else to get there.

  • 1900s feminist: If you don't give us basic rights right now, we'll-
  • 1900s male: Stop washing the dishes? Cook our least favorite vegetable for dinner? HA!
  • 1900s feminist: Nay, your sons and daughters alike will pay for your transgressions!
  • 1900s male: Ooh, I'm so scared!
  • 1900s feminist: You'll see! You'll ALL see! In due time, WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE!
  • *time passes*
  • 2010s feminist: REAL MEN LIKE CURVES ONLY DOGS WANT BONES LOL
  • 2010s feminist: ALL MEN HAVE TO DIE, IF I FIND OUT I'M HAVING A SON I'LL GET AN ABORTION, DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY
  • 2010s feminist: IF A DRUNK MAN SLEEPS WITH A DRUNK WOMAN, HE'S RAPING HER
  • 2010s feminist: You're a male dressing as a female for comedic effect? THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO TRANSVESTITES
  • 2010s feminist: ABOLISH GENDER! ALSO YOU CAN BE BORN THE WRONG GENDER BUT WE HAVE TO ABOLISH IT TOO
  • 1900s male: *starts shaking other 1900s male* WE COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS, HENRY! WHY DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN?!

Let’s be real about what it means to be “skinny." 

I’m 5'8” and 95lbs. I have a BMI of 14.4 which means I’m extremely underweight for my height. I am not anorexic. I am not bulimic. I have no eating disorders what so ever. I don’t exercise. My diet is pretty standard of the average American- not great but not not total shit either. What I do though is snack throughout the day and maybe have one small-to-medium sized meal a day rather than eat three massive meals. This makes my metabolism very fast. That compounded with the fact that my metabolism is pretty fast because of genetics means that food just goes right through me. I cannot gain weight without using unhealthy measures.

Those are the facts.

Now let’s talk about perception. If you talked to the average person, they would say that being skinny is something that is put on a pedestal. The media glorifies it and the “normal” person with a “normal” body is shamed because they can’t reach these unrealistic standards. They say only skinny people get to be models or “pretty” actresses (forget Tyra Banks, Queen Latifah, Whitney Thompson -a former America’s Next Top Model-, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Hudson, the Kardashian sisters, Ashley Graham, I could go on). They say the world works against “normal” sized people and caters to “skinny” people and tells you that if you aren’t “skinny” no one will want you.

Now let’s talk about how it really is:

My entire life I’ve been asked if I was anorexic, even when I was as young as seven or eight. My entire life, people have told me “men like ‘real women’ with curves; only dogs go for bones,” that no one was ever going to want me because of my body. My entire life I’ve been threatened to be force-fed if I happened to not be hungry at any given time. My entire life I’ve been asked if I was okay, if I was eating right, if I wanted some of whoever’s food because I looked hungry. My entire life I’ve been looked down on and laughed at because of my body. People call me “stick” and “skeleton” thinking it doesn’t hurt me. People have told me I’m “so lucky” because I don’t gain weight and in the same breath tell me I need to put on twenty pounds or I was going to die. People have wrapped their hand around my wrist and neck saying “wow I could snap you like a twig” and thought I wouldn’t find that uncomfortable and threatening. People have thought I was helpless just because I’m smaller in size than them, then become surprised when I was strong enough to handle my own. I can’t find clothes that fit me anywhere because average clothes aren’t made with my body type in mind, and clothing stores don’t stock as much small and petite and size 0 and 1 clothes (if they stock them at all) as they do the larger sizes because people my size aren’t looked at as “normal” so they don’t expect people like us to walk into their store.

So don’t tell me there is a “skinny privilege.” That’s fucking bullshit.

My entire fucking life I’ve never been told I’m beautiful by anybody but my parents, my aunt, and my current boyfriend. I’ve never been seen as anything but an anorexic little nobody just because I’m smaller than the average person. So I’m the expected size of a model? So fucking what? In the real world, nobody gives a shit if you’re built like a fucking model. You’re just a sick freak who needs to eat a cheeseburger.

Let’s talk about how I hate how I look naked, how you can see my ribs and spine and how my hips look like they’re going to stab out of my skin and my collarbone juts out so I look like a skeleton and My knees and elbows are knobby and I DIDN’T CHOOSE ANY OF THIS. Let’s talk about how most normal stores don’t carry size 32B bras (and finding an A-cup when my breasts were still developing was FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE).

Lets talk about how I just broke down and CRIED yesterday because I can count one one hand the people who actually find me attractive and it’s the most horrible feeling in the world to know (to be reminded constantly) that no one will ever want me.

I’m really fucking lucky I found one man who loves me for who I am and loves my body the way it is. A lot of girls don’t find that much, not matter what their size is.

But there is so much propaganda these days (especially on sites like tumblr) that we need to be accepting of people of any size, as long as they are on the heavier side of the spectrum. Never once have I seen a blog on tumblr saying “we should stop judging girls on how small they are” unless it’s on this unpopular opinion blog. No, it’s “don’t fat shame” and “don’t look down on me because I’m curvy” and “check your skinny privilege.”

WHAT FUCKING PRIVILEGE?! WHAT HAS THIS BODY EVER DONE FOR ME?

It’s earned me a lot of judgement and shame and disgusted comments and looks. It’s refused to do what I tell it, remaining just as flat and straight no matter how much I eat or work out to gain muscle and curves. It’s made total fucking strangers make assumptions about me and try to force their way into my business because they think they know what’s better for me than I do. So yeah, I feel so fucking privileged. I feel really fucking lucky, thanks.

If you want to comment on this blog about how much more shit plus sized people get: don’t. I don’t fucking care. I hear it every day of my life how worse plus sized people have it and I AM DONE. NOBODY HAS IT WORSE THAN ANYBODY ELSE SO FUCKING QUIT IT. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING YOU HAVE THE SHORT END OF THE STICK BECAUSE “SKINNY PRIVILEGE”, YOU JUST BE ACCEPTING OF EVERYONE AND STOP THE JUDGEMENT.

You have beef? Send it straight to me: http://addesin.tumblr.com/

Yeah, she squats.

Getting really fucking sick and tired of the ‘yeah, she squats’ constant reposts on facebook. Not because its guys liking ass but because it points at girls who don’t have an ass and basically saying they are unattractive, lazy and something to laugh at that no guy could want.

Fuck off with your body shaming. Saying you like something or giving compliments to one group should not bring down others. It’s the whole 'real men only like curves’ bullshit all over again.

Real quick.

Girls who say “Real men like curves” or “No one likes skin & bones” why?!?! Just why?!?! aha I’m definitely the farthest from curves but it’s not like I have a choice, some girls are naturally thin & I see no problem with that, just like I see no problem with being “thick”.  I’m happy you’re confident with your curves but you don’t need to put other girls down for not having what you have. I’m sorry but no one’s winning here. Girls are so mean.

deathfucker  asked:

why take issue with lammily? as I understood it it was good to have realistically proportioned toys for kids.

reasons to dislike lammily;

  • it does nothing to tackle or criticise the actual causes of problems with female body image and instead does what every other exploitative mainstream garbage product does aka. pits women against each other in a battle of Real Girls vs. Fake Girls
  • the male creator has spoken at length about how he sees traditionally attractive women as “intimidating” and “cold” and that lammily is designed to be more “humble” and if that’s not a massive warning sign idk what is
  • in terms of design it doesn’t even break any boundaries, it’s still a pretty white able-bodied woman with clear skin, a flat stomach and a thigh gap. The only difference is that it’s not stylised and is made to look “realistic”
  • as a result of this, the character design itself is boring and bland as shit and I can’t imagine any kid being excited to imagine up adventures for this human equivalent of congealed rice pudding. Lammily’s entire personality is that she’s Not Like Other Girls & when you remove that backhanded internalised misogyny then there’s literally nothing left but a dopey looking normie
  • there have been multiple dolls made before to attempt to encourage the self esteem of young girls, the only thing lammily does differently is that it consistently tries to pick a fight with barbie bc i guess they figure that controversy will sell their product

honestly if you want my extended thoughts you’re better just going through my lammily tag. But what it generally boils down to is I’d be less harsh on the product if it didn’t feel like it was coming from such a cynical and backhanded angle. In terms of representation and positivity Lammily is generally on the same level as those t-shirts that say shit like “real men prefer curves ;) ;)”

9721) It frustrates me to no end when people say skinny shaming isn't a real thing. Until you've had someone tell you to "go shove a burger down your throat before you pass out" or been told that "Real men like curves, only dogs like bones," don't say that it doesn't happen. No one should be shamed for their body, and the victim being skinny doesn't excuse it.

anonymous asked:

why do you say that nicki ain't about that feminist life?

she does acknowledge that one time that some girls don’t have vaginas but repeatedly associates masculinity with penises so that’s like strike one! strike two was body shaming other women with that “real men like curves” instead of supporting women who come in all shapes and sizes and I’m waiting on strike three

I’m all for body positivity but is it really necessary to say things like “fuck skinny girls” and “real men like curves”? Love all body types not just your own