real lettuce

It's not just the food that's revolting.

(long story)

Back in my college days, I lived on campus and ate the 20-meals-a-week meal plan at the cafeteria. It was… terrible. Seriously. I know people complain about their college cafeteria all the time, but they still gain their “freshman 15”. I lost mine. The food was disgusting. Sunday spaghetti was made from tomato sauce and Saturday’s cheap hamburgers. One week they didn’t bother ripping up the hamburgers: watery, sauce-tinted, overcooked noodles garnished with dry, leathery, two-day-old hamburger patties. It was still better than the other options. At first, they had a “make your own pizza” line, but removed it because everyone was using it, and “bread isn’t cheap.” I remember seeing a real salad in their “healthy eats” line and getting excited, because it’s hard to screw up salads, only to realize that it was literally floating in oil. The salad on the actual salad bar was not an option; it was changed out every morning, whether it needed it or not. Oh, sorry, I meant the ice in the salad bar. Not the salad, no. A student wrote his initials in the tuna and it remained for a solid week. Sometimes the salad would grow its own salad.

They had a big board set up for student complaints, and they would write responses back. Oddly enough, the board rarely had bad things to say; the manager, may he be haunted by a thousand bedbugs, confessed that he didn’t have time to answer every complaint, but he did read every one, and took the complaints into consideration. And, as far as we could tell, threw away all the ones he didn’t like.

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i take trees at their word.

1. be rooted 2. be grounded 3. wiggle your toes in soft dirt.

did you know a tree can walk? its slow.

if i had tree bark over my skin i would be less likely to ignite.

once i saved a cedar sapling which was trying to grow in a sidewalk crack.

once i was growing in my friends garden but he replanted me in a fake rock pot and bonsai'ed me.

remember edward scissor hands?

if i were a punctuation mark i would be isosceles.

my friend dreamed of me until i became a real rabbit.

i said lettuce. he said lets not.



taco bell lettuce tastes weird

anonymous asked:

I absolutely NEED to know Spells, Fangs, and Raven.

spells: do you believe in magic?

I believe in some types of magic, absolutely.  Curses and the like.  I have a hard time believing in things like potions, but I guess anything is possible.  For the most part, I believe that the earth has power within it, and some people are very good at utilizing it, and this is what we call magic.

I dunno if that makes sense lol

fangs: favorite poem?

i’ve answered this one!

raven: favorite fairytale?

i think rapunzel will always be my favorite simply because it’s so ridiculous i mean she was traded to a witch because her mom had a real hankering for some lettuce and then she was named after said lettuce like…a+++ parenting holy cow it’s so funny

Take this sinking ship and point it home [ bellarke ]

Or 4 times they thought Bellamy was dating her and 1 time Clarke couldn’t keep lying to herself.

This is for the prompt “a small child asks person a if they are in love with person b” and I kind of got too excited, here’s your fic @royalblakes. The title is from Glen Hansard’s Falling Slowly. I hope you enjoy!
Beta-ed by the cutest of all cuties @antebellamy

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5sos blurb imagine thingy: #2 you're insecure (#dontknwowhatfor) (I'm sorry that was v lame of me)


You stood in front of the bathroom mirror looking at your nose. You had been looking at it for the past twenty minutes. Out of all the things on your face the one this you couldn’t stand your nose. you always thought it was huge and you hated that. you tried everything you could to make it look smaller. Make-up contouring, different hair styles, nothing worked.

“what are you thinking about?” Michael said from behind, wrapping his arms around your torso.

“oh, nothing just stupid stuff” you faked a smile.

“well obviously not nothing” he retorted “please tell me”

‘it’s just that my nose is so freaking big" you gave in “I can’t stand it”

“what!?” he said turning you around “I happen to think your nose is freaking adorable” he said kissing it.

“Thanks” you giggled at him.


“My boobs are so tiny” you complained out loud while you looked at yourself in the full length mirror.

“What are you talking about?” your boyfriend of two years, Ashton spoke up from the doorway.

“Yeah they are, Ashton I have the chest of an eight year old boy” you complained.

“Will you stop being so down on yourself” he said wrapping his arms around you “your boobs happen to be one of my favorite things about’

"you’re just saying that cause you think you’re going to get some” you joked.

“So I’m not going to get any?” he said with a giggle and sounding fake hurt.


“You want to know something cute?” Calum asked you as he drew shapes into the skin on your hip.

“What?” you asked back.

“You” he smiled.

“I’m not cute” you laughed at the idea.

“name one thing that isn’t cute about you” he retorted.

“Fine. My laugh” you offered.

“what is there to not like about your laugh?!” he asked sounding offended.

“Cal, I snort when I laugh” you said.

“well what if I think snorting is cute” he teased.

“God you’re such a dork, Hood” you teased back.


You’re Fiancé Luke had taken you out to dinner at one of your  favorite restaurants for your birthday. But unfortunately you had just started a new diet and most of the foods on the menu weren’t exactly diet friendly. So you just ordered a salad.

“a salad?” Luke questioned after you ordered.

“what I like there salads” you shrugged.

“(y/n), you’ve never had their salads” he said.

“well I guess we will find out if I like them” you replied.

“baby’ he said taking your hands in his over the table "you have been starving yourself for two weeks. Please eat some real food. Not just lettuce and protein shakes”

“Luke” you squeezed his hands “I need to lose weight”

“No, you don’t” he said “you don’t need to lose weight for anything or anyone. For yourself, me, your dress. You’re perfect in every which way and I need you to see that”