Witches Of Moonlight Falls (Season 5): Part 62}

- Whip  “ Neigh Neigh! ” -

The crumplebottom sisters were just arguing in the palace grounds. Trespassing royal grounds is dangerous and the punishments are severe for such a crime in the 18th century. {faint sound of horse trotting} Bianca whips {neigh neigh) her head around to find the source of noise. A man on a horse! The horse started neighing in alarm! They’d been caught!
Bianca: “ Uh oh! ”
A gaurd? The man on a horse has spotted them, but he wasn’t doing anything just staring at Bianca. It won’t go down well that three witches were snooping around the palace versailles.  Bad timing? Bad luck? Both? He looks very alarmed by seeing three women… He also looks like he thinks their beautiful… Ok then;
Bianca: “ Guys! We’ve been caught, we must leave now!! He looks really hot though. ”
Belinda: “ Oh shit!
Beatrice: “ Quickly, theres a trap door down here! Quickly! ”
Bianca: “ He’s staring at me, HEY MR! DO YOU THINK I’M HOT? ”
{Belinda slaps Bianca again}
Beatrice: “ SSSSSSSSssssssssssh!! ”
Belinda: “ Urg, shut up you stupid idiot! ”
Bianca: “ You bitch! ”
{Bianca slaps Belinda}

Jeremy Kyle

For the Read Horse’s 11th issue. Topics were Alarms, Statues and Cheating.

He’s a skinny, rat-faced man in double denim

Squirming in the chair under the studio lights

And the audience have only heard her side;

They boo and jeer and he looks sullen, charmless

As a damp little denim spunk-rag.

How controlling he is. Not letting her go out

He tells her she’s fat, she’s ugly

Constantly accuses her of cheating

Casts doubt as to Jayden’s paternity.

“You have. To trust her!” -You tell him, Jeremy.

He sulkily mutters a reply from the side of his mouth.

This never goes down well with Jeremy.

“Oh grow up!” he snaps. More cheers.

Then it turns out ratface was a cheat himself.

The booing reaches fever pitch, as his conquest is paraded

Before us all. The women scream at one another

Jab jewel-encrusted fingers. Jeremy

Admonishes them all. For the children

They must sort this out. He must trust her.

Sort his life out, Jeremy says. Sort your life out.

Jeremy gets into the back seat

And  his driver  takes them smoothly, quietly,

Back to leafy Surrey and his pebbled driveway

He opens a bottle of Chablis.

Kisses his daughters and wishes them goodnight

The Nanny , smiling, sweeps them upstairs

And he and Carla go for tapas, somewhere local.

He smiles at those who stare. They return

And he sleeps soundly. Proudly.

He’s done a good job. Let’s not forget

These are the dregs. They need some cold.



This woolly, namby-pamby, bleeding heart, Trisha Goddard approach

Won’t help. They need to sort their life out.

What he doesn’t see:

The love that grows between the cracks of

All these broken lives

The love that, fed on nothing but hardship and neglect

Sunk its fingernails in


I dream tonight. As he sleeps soundly

I am fitful, fevered.

I dream of a Second Coming.

I dream the whitest brightest flash blinds everyone

And the rafters burn with holy fire

And the studio roof is opened and heaven is right above

Furls of white cloud and gold and shafts of sunlight

And Jesus looks into the hearts of every person

And in the darkest hearts he finds some pity

Tenderness. Mercy. Hope.

And he feels their sorrow and their wretchedness

And he forgives them. All know peace.

He cradles ratface in his arms, now suddenly beatific,

And he fills his heart with such love

That ratface melts into tiny particles of light

And rises up to heaven with the angels.

Then Jesus turns to Jeremy.

Darkness clouds his face.

The winds of the earth sing with fury

And Jeremy darkens. Hardens. Cracks.

He is stone. A pillar.

A statue.



The Golden Nug Contest at PAX Prime

Buy a deck of exclusive PAX Dragon Age: Inquisition Playing cards - Series Two at the Dark Horse Comics booth and you could win!

How It Works: If you buy a pack of Dragon Age playing cards and find any of the 5 “Golden Nug” or 20 “Silver Nug” cards, you will win a prize!

What You Can Win: 

Gold Nug Cards

  • Dragon Age: Inquisition Stein
  • Logitech G700 Wireless Gaming Mouse
  • Logitech G710+ Mechanical Keyboard
  • Logitech G35 7.1-Channel Surround Sound Headset

Silver Nug

  • Code for digital copy of Dragon Age: The World of Thedas Volume 2

Read more at [Dark Horse]!

Special Note: If you can’t go to PAX Prime this year, if I can get my hands on them, I will be doing a Golden Nug + Playing Cards giveaway following PAX!

The Read Horse will be appearing at the 2nd International Alternative Press Festival (#IAPF2), which is at the beautiful Conway Hall in Red Lion Square. Last time we were  hawking zines, but this time we will be doing some spoken word (stories and poems), accompanied by live illustration. (The trusty OHP will be dusted off and fired back into life). Last time, some illustrators did some hilarious pictures of cats and rastas for my story Tapping the Tin. Knowing the audience was laughing at what was on the screen behind me was a weird, brilliant experience, as was looking through the acetates afterwards. 

Really looking forward to this event as it’s a buzzy, diverse, creative scene and it’s humbling seeing the amazing amount of love and attention that people put into their comics/ zines/ illustrations. I am saving my pennies now as I always want to buy loads of stuff- badges, zines, calendars, prints, comics… Do come along if you think it might  "tick your boat" (a madwoman said that to me in Superdrug recently about a moisturiser. I’m not sure if she actually worked there or was just going round putting moisturiser on people. But that’s another story.) 

Latest Read Horse submission. Themes: Stem, Sink, Cage Fighter

We have grown;

Our waistline ballooning as

buttons ping from our pinstripes

Like some obscene planet

darkening smaller worlds

Growth is God

Not growth for all,

But we who sit at the table fattening

Whilst the third-world workhouse

Grinds away beneath us

We have evolved,

Our bread is now a triple-layered tower burger

Rubber cheese dripping onto golden hash brown

Nestled on juicy chicken-fillet

Smothered in mayonnaise,

Gently licked by a wet tongue of wilted green lettuce

Our circuses beamed in 24 -7

Glossy weeklies/ tabloid rags

Discuss and summarise



Follow Tulisa’s tweets

Every waking minute a shiny blur of distraction

Meanwhile, the gamblers re-mortgage us

Create debt upon debt upon overblown debt which will never be paid

They don’t care, they’re safe

Millions neatly tied up

On offshore tax havens

We don’t care, we’re safe

Watching CBB on flatscreen TVs

Whilst the world burns

Whilst the world starves

Whilst the world riots

We sleep through the alarm-clock,

Blissed out,


anonymous asked:

Izaya's fem s/o happens to be a an Equestrian and he meets her horse? Thanks! :)

Animals don’t like Izaya.

He doesn’t know why this happens. Nearly every animal he meets irrationally hates him. 

That’s why he’s just a bit nervous as he stands a safe distance away from your horse. 

He’s generally a well-informed person, but he hadn’t gotten the time to read up on horses, so for the first time in ages, he isn’t sure what to say.  

“……Nice horse…..”


“…Do we ride it?”

“…I guess, if you want to…?”

Izaya would really rather not, but before he can voice his concerns, the horse shifts, making a peculiar sort of noise and begins to move towards him.

“Oh, Izaya, he likes you!”

Coughing nervously, Izaya backs away.

“Aah, that’s nice, but please keep him away—”

“Oh shit wait, I think he’s going to kick you—”

Read Horse Submission 9: Ring of Truth

Written for issue 9. Topics were Pawn Shops, Abandonment, Japan. 

See it on the website:

First time I saw them looking at me,

I wasn’t surprised by what I could see

(What you’d expect in my price range.)

Him: Next jeans and short back and sides

Her clutching copy of beautiful brides,

Both flushed and asking if they could try me

I glint and I gleam, I shimmer with “Buy me!”

And somehow it works.

She holds me up to the light,

On her splayed hand, fitting just right

(size N- bit on the sausagey side)

Soon I am safe in my velveteen darkness

Awaiting my moment sat next to my partner

On some silk cushion, held pageboy aloft

Then nervously squeezed onto her soft

(bridal manicure, moisturised)

Fingers. Then for a second his hand lingers

Squeezing hers, his eyes certain, fixed

They’re so sure this is it, this is it

I am the symbol of all that sureness

I’m the declaration right before this

Fascinated Fascinatored audience

I’m the investment, testament

To their mutual adoration

The sun shines thru the stained glass in a glorious affirmation

Of God’s approval of their legal annexation

I catch the sunlight, for a sec

They see me glint and I reflect

The hopes of all, that love can rule

Then I’m on honeymoon

Mid-range double room

(Seychelles- quite a nice buffet)

And back home to look at the snaps

Where she carefully unpacks

The toasted sandwich maker and George foreman grill

Promises are intact, still

She gets a new job

They get a dog

Years pass, and her arse

Takes up slightly more

Of the sofa cushions

(nasty orange ones from DFS)

So long since she’s touched his skin

So long since he held me in

His hand and kissed

Her fingers, wrists, and palms

Held her in his arms

The last time he said the words “I love you”

Was slurred in her ear

After six pints of beer

And his pickled tongue

Sought only the pillows in the end

I am grimy and she cleans me at the kitchen table

I feel her sadness. I am almost able

To hear the wind sighing inside

My fidgeting fat-fingered bride

For now her skin is drowning me

I am a manacle, she’s a chained animal

A dancing bear who moves from sink to sofa

In a daze of disappointment, oh for

Things to be as full of promise as they seemed

When she and he had dreamed

Seeing me shining in my case

Now he can’t read the lines upon her face

The lines upon her brow

Like a piece of sheet music, doesn’t know how.

Then one day I feel her spirits lift

As she picks up a small wrapped gift

That somebody has left on her desk

(maltesers- cruel when she’s a stone overweight)

Then I feel her start to perk

Up when she is off to work

Wear more make-up, shave her legs

Cut down on the trips to Greggs

Smile when she takes spreadsheets in

Leave his office with a grin

Go for after-work drinks Fridays

Slug her wine and then find sly ways

She can let me graze his thigh

And I see her catch his eye

Feed her some of his spaghetti

Months of this and I grow sweaty

(and loose, like I could slip…off)

Til the company AGM

Where I must accompany them

To some nasty naff hotel

Of the kind she knows so well

Patterned carpets, plastic petals

Custard creams and small beige kettle

Yet this time it so excites her

And that night when he invites her

To his room -nine six two three-

She has the cheek to pull me free

From her left hand, and leave me stranded

In the front of her vanity case

Nestled against imitation lace

In the dark, in this strangest place

I fear what is to come.

Next day begins a tacky charade

Of placing me on-off- really it’s hard

Being wedged in a handbag, a glove compartment

Listening to her grunting ardent

Passion in his Astra

This is a disaster

Nights in Bella Pasta

Her Nokia buzzing next to me


Every text vexing me

But nothing could prepare me

For what happened next to me.

I sit in the window

In the jewellery section

Next to such a sad selection

Handwritten price on dirty card

Feel so tarnished, tawdry, tarred

None of us gleam or glisten


The air is full of sadness

Desperation, and this

Price devalues me.

I am love. I am promise

Wasn’t made to sit here on this

Tatty threadbare throne

Half a pair, now all alone

Three globes swinging through the sky.

Read Horse Submission 12: Bones

From the Read Horse issue 12. Topics were Cider, Trains and Skeletons.

To view on the website:

One day I’ll be a pile of bones
And so, indeed, will you
And so will he and she and him
(and her over there too)

And if they dig them up
These bones
And if they scan and label
Will they know who I was?
Will they one day be able
to carbon-date and know my fate
to scrape my DNA away
and know I had green eyes and freckles
and was a redhead, will they say,
“A rare specimen. You don’t often see this”?
Will they lean in closer, peer some more?
And measure my long-leggedness by slender taping femurs?
…I’m not sure.

But when they dig our bones up
The things they’ll never know:
they’ll never know they way you held my face
and kissed me, fierce and slow;
they’ll never know the dizzying details of a moment
a life like a flick book of a million photographs;
they’ll never know the dreams and disappointments
the way we loved and lived; what made us laugh;
they’ll never know the great swell sea of it; our secret hearts. to see Annika’s brilliant accompanying illustration.

I love making aesthetics
If gives me an excuse to spend ages on tumblr ☺️
It’s almost 2 in the afternoon and I still haven’t had breakfast 😭
QOTD: Godly parent?
AOTD: probably Athena maybe Apollo

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