re register

please if you’re a registered voter in the United States, make this call.  You do not have to speak to anyone, you only have to leave a message if you have phone anxiety like me.  Here’s a potential script:

Hello, my name is [your name] and I’m a registered voter in the United States.  I’m calling to urge that the Electoral College vote be postponed until a full investigation of Russian interference in the election, and the Trump campaign’s potential coordination with Russia is complete.

I just did this, you won’t have to speak to anyone, you can leave a message for Paul Ryan in the end if you choose to, but his inbox is currently full right now.

The long awkward silence is real, and after you get to press 2, you’ll hear a long Paul Ryan propaganda on how he has a “better way” to replace ACA, just bear through it and wait til you’re prompted to register your support for ACA by pressing one. 

Share this image to everyone across all social media and get the word out!

Imagine being a cashier and suddenly these magical, multi-color alien ladies literally burst into the store.

They all scurry off into different directions shouting at each other, the blue one is flying, the giant one is lifting away the entire card aisle. 

After awhile but before you can call your manager, they return with: baby shower items, party favors, balloons, flowers, and - why does the blue one have a tombstone?

They hurry out the doors and when you finally snap out of shock, a lady with a poignant-nose hands over tons of cash both to pay for their items and the damage they did with their dramatic entrance.

Before you can get a single word out, she runs off to stop her cohorts from apparently stealing some shopping karts and signs. You can hear her giving a lecture about why stealing is immoral as you carelessly stuff the cash into the register. 

You’re gonna need some cigars for this.

Colony Vs. The Tax Evaders for Freedom and Justice

This fills the tentacle square on my bingo card. 
Challenger @rose-on-the-mountain, who is also responsible for the Tax Evaders. 

I’m not sure if this will actually fit into the Happy Lights ‘verse, or if it’s just a fun sort of what-if scenario, but I hope you enjoy it!


“They call themselves The Tax Evaders for Freedom and Justice,” Steve explained. He rubbed at the center of his forehead. “They’re registered as a church.”

“That is a joke,” Tony insisted. “There’s no way that is actually not a joke.”

Steve shrugged helplessly. “That’s what the file says. They’ve recruited some B-list villains including… The Kangaroo, Asbestos Lady, and… Flag Smasher?” He was miserable just reading the names and pushed his tablet away so he could put his face in his palm.

“Wow,” Clint said, “You are a massive troll, Cap, but I don’t think even you could troll this hard. Why are we getting called for this one? Isn’t this something that the cops can handle? Or, you know… the local biker gang?”

“We don’t really have anything better to do at the moment,” Steve pointed out, “And it would be a good training exercise for our newest member.”

The colony didn’t quite understand the point of chairs, but it was trying to imitate its human colony members. Several of the larger tentacles were coiled around the empty chair at the briefing table, and the rest were spread out over and around the table to keep limbs wrapped around their humans. It was a small subcolony of only forty-seven members who had come back with ‘Steve Colony’ after their last trip to the colony homeworld, and looked intent on setting up a permanent colony presence.  

“Can’t we just sic the IRS on them? I mean…The Church of the Tax Evaders for Freedom and Justice. Really,” Clint persisted.

Think of it like a team building exercise, Tony suggested, and the colony lit up gold at his mental voice. I have new arrows for you to try out.

Sold! Clint agreed.

Sold! the colony repeated, flickering through a quick rainbow of colors, and then asked, Sold?

The colony did not understand currency, and the last time Tony had tried to explain the concepts of buying and selling, they’d ended up in a circular loop of Why? for most of the night. About the only thing the colony had been attracted to during the conversation was Tony unleashing financial ‘logic’ into the colony mindspace. It was a good thing they weren’t interested in using the colony’s understanding of math to their own benefit, because they could just about take over the world with only minimal effort and the colony’s help.

Let’s not start that conversation again, Bruce pleaded. “Asbestos Lady?”

Steve checked the notes. He grimaced, but offered, “Apparently she’s fire-proof?”

“And dying of asbestos poisoning?” Sam guessed. His chair was conspicuously tentacle-free, but he had his head propped up on one fist and was casually petting the magenta tentacle that had wrapped around his water glass, the end periscoped up to eye level and nuzzling against his fingers. It flickered gold and the colony was suffused with a definite sense of smugness at the attention. “Has the colony been cleared to leave the tower?”

“Technically or theoretically?” Tony asked innocently. He was completely bound to his chair by a dozen thick loops and being towed around the table at the colony’s leisure.

Sam hastily held up a hand. “I don’t even want to know. Plausible deniability is a thing.”

Keep reading

After 32 years in the House of Representatives, here is my advice on how people opposed to President Donald Trump’s assault on our basic values — a majority of those who voted last November — can best influence members of Congress. 

Done the right way, communications from citizens can have a significant impact on legislators, even when they claim to be immune to “pressure.” (“Pressure,” in legislative jargon, is the expression of views with which legislators disagree, as opposed to “public opinion” — the term used for sentiments that reinforce their own.)

The key to doing it right is being clear about the goal, which is to persuade the Senator or Representative receiving the communication that how he or she votes on the issue in question will affect how the sender will vote the next time the legislator is on the ballot.

This means the following:

Make sure you’re registered to vote — lawmakers check.

Many office holders will check this, especially for people who write to them frequently. Elected officials pay as much attention to those who are not registered to vote as butchers do to the food preferences of vegetarians.

Lawmakers don’t care about people outside of their district.

You can only have an impact on legislators for or against whom you will have a chance to vote the next time they run. In almost all cases, this means only people in whose state or district you live. Senators or representatives whose names will not be on the ballot you cast are immune to your pressure. There is a small set of exceptions — representatives who want to run for a statewide office in the next election will be sensitives of voters throughout their states.

Your signature — physical or electronic — on a mass petition will mean little.

You are trying to persuade the recipient of your communication that you care enough about an issue for it to motivate your voting behavior. Simply agreeing to put your name on a list does not convey this. I have had several experiences of writing back to the signer of a petition to give my view on an issue only to be answered by someone who wondered why I thought he or she cared.

The communication must be individual. It can be an email, physical letter, a phone call or an office visit. It need not be elaborate or eloquent — it is an opinion to be counted, not an essay. But it will not have an impact unless it shows some individual initiative.

Know where your representative stands. 

If you have contact with an organization that is working on this issue, try to learn if the recipient of your opinion has taken a position on it. When I received letters from people urging me to vote for a bill of which I was the prominent main sponsor, I was skeptical that the writer would be watching how I voted.

Communicate — even if you and your representative disagree.

On the other hand, even where you are represented by people whom you know oppose you on an issue, communicate anyway. Legislators do not simply vote yes or no on every issue. If enough people in a legislator’s voting constituency express strong opposition to a measure to which that legislator is ideologically or politically committed, it might lead him or her to ask the relevant leadership not to bring the bill up. Conflict avoidance is a cherished goal of many elected officials.

Say “thank you.”

If your Representative and Senators are committed to your causes, you should write or call to thank them — not frequently, but enough for them to feel reinforced.

Enlist the help of friends in other districts.

Your direct communication with legislators outside your voting area will have no impact. But you do have friends, relatives, associates etc. Find out who the potentially influenceable legislators are on issues of prime importance to you, think about people you may know in their constituencies, and ask those who share your views to communicate with those who represent them. On an extremely important issue, get out the list to who you mail holidays cards or important invitations and ask them to communicate with their legislators.

To repeat the essence of point 5, if a legislator who you might have expected to vote differently — e.g. a Republican who votes no on a Trump priority — votes as you have urged, send a thank you. 

— Barney Frank, former Democratic representative for Massachusetts. Read more

Pizza

okay, i’m too stressed looking at election results (fuck you florida, get your shit together) so have a stripper au i was too chickenshit to post (bc i don’t really like stripper aus, so this was a challenge). i don’t think i posted this already, but i did share it with a bunch of people privately so my brain is all confused. ~1700 words, adorable cat named pizza


“Come here often?”

“I…”

Eren looked around at the half naked bodies lining the stage and the horny middle-aged women screaming at them and Jean smirking as the stripper pulled him into the VIP room.

“Relax, it was a joke.”

The man pushed him into the dimly lit room.

“Sit, but try to only sit on one asscheek these cushions have so much shit and spit and cum on them it’ll make your head spin.”

Eren’s mouth hung open, still a little buzzed from the shots earlier until the words registered.

“You’re…not very good at sexytalk,” Eren said.

“Not paid to talk, I’m paid to dance,” the stripper said, teasing by dipping his fingers down beneath his thong.

Keep reading

Our Girl - Jesus/Paul Monroe Imagine Request

Youngand-beautiful asked:
Can I get a Jesus (paul) imagine? Where you first meet him on the run with rick and Daryl and paul starts flirting with you but your like a little daughter figure for rick and Daryl so they get kind of protective?thanks I love your writing -
I hope you enjoy this @youngand-beautiful :)

‘C’mere you son of a bitch!’ You hear Daryl shout and although both he and Rick told you to stand by the car in case there were any unsavory survivors hanging around something makes you pull out your gun and head towards the sound of the commotion. As you approach you see Daryl trying to grab at a man wearing a long leather coat and beanie. He runs past where you’re stood and doesn’t register you’re even there. You use it to your advantage and jump on the mans back. He slows down but flips you over to the floor. ‘Oh..Shit!’ He bends over his hands on his knees and looks down at you smiling. Daryl comes over and punches the guy in the face ‘Get away from her!’ You hear Rick running towards the scene. He offers you his hand and pulls you up, checking you over with his eyes ‘Are you ok?’ You nod your head and roll your shoulders ‘Just a little winded.’ Daryl drags the man up to his feet mumbling ‘Piece of shit!’ Rick puts his hand on your shoulders ‘You sure you’re ok?’ You nod your head and hold your side with your hand. ‘I didn’t realise you were a woman..I am so sorry.’ You turn to look at the jackass who knocked the wind out of you and feel your stomach do a somersault. He has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen. ‘If I realised it was such a beautiful woman, I definitely wouldn’t have reacted that way either!’

Daryl pushes the mans shoulder ‘Shut up..You don’t get to talk to her!’ Rick smiles at you and you roll your eyes ‘Daryl it’s fine..He’s apologised!’ Daryl spits on the floor and puts his hand on your arm ‘So..Prick shouldn’t have been running anyway…You sure you’re ok?’ You nod your head and look at the man once more, suddenly aware that he hasn’t taken his eyes off you the whole time ‘What are you smiling at? Just cos I accepted your apology it doesn’t mean I like you!’ He tilts his head ‘I’d like to do something change that.’ Daryl shoves him once more ‘Shut up..Let’s get him in the car.’

You sit in the back with man, and after much grumbling and disagreeing from Rick and Daryl they reluctantly sit in the front.  Daryl turns in his seat to keep an eye on the man. ‘So what’s your name?’ he asks as you look out of the window ‘Not interested!’ you retort. Daryl chuckles ‘Good one!’ and turns forward in his seat, comfortable in the knowledge you can look after yourself. The man moves closer to you and something about his breath on your cheeks makes a warmth pool somewhere low and intimate, you feel your cheeks flush but stick your chin out as you turn to look in his eyes. ‘Can I help you with something?’ He flashes you a smile that despite the circumstances you find charming. You see Rick swerve the car purposefully so the man is jerked away from you and you bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.  ‘My name’s Paul Monroe but my friends call me Jesus.’ You shrug your shoulders and say ‘Well I’ll call you Paul then.’ He nods his head and moves closer to you again. He lowers his voice and looks at you, his head tilted close ‘I really am sorry for what I did to you back there, and I really meant what I said. Had I known I was harming such a beautiful woman I wouldn’t have flipped you over like that.’ You can’t stop the blood rushing into your cheeks and as you stare into his eyes you feel mesmerized. Rick pulls the car over ‘Ok..Daryl’s going to get in the back!’ As Daryl opens the door to the back seat to let you get out you flash him a smile and settle into Daryl’s seat in the front. Rick starts driving again ‘I don’t like him or trust him with you back there..Flirtin’ with you…What a punk!’

You smile at how protective the two men are of you, but as you drive back to Alexandria you find yourself looking at the stranger in the mirror and wanting to know more about him.

from my personal opinion if you’re working retail tomorrow night, or on Friday for the sales, and it’s your first time, it’s okay.

It’s not as crazy as it seems, because all stores will have every available register open. At my old walmart, my line got only 6 people deep, which, can and usually happened regardless of the day.

It’s okay. The time is going to go really fast, because you’re constantly working!

I know, with some electronics though, the Serial Number is really small, so hey, don’t get frustrated when you can’t get it scanned. Take a deep breath in, try again. It’ll scan eventually. The customer can wait an extra moment if they really want it.

Stay hydrated, trust me. You’re going to need that when you’re moving around the register, and constantly greeting and answering peoples questions.

If you’re working on the floor, stay hydrated as well, because you’ll be all over the dang store. Don’t let yourself get stomped on by crazy people. If you don’t know where something is, it’s okay to tell the customer that you can get someone else to help them. If you can, before the sale starts, walk around your store and familiarize where things are. If you can, scan through the ad for your store. It’ll help you in the end.

It’s okay. It’s really not all that scary. You’ll do great! Good luck!

If you want, send me a message and we can talk it through :)

Another Random SU Idea:

Steven: Wow, I can’t believe you guys were willing to pretend to get married just to get on Andy’s good side!
Pearl: Pretend? Steven, we ACTUALLY got married.
Garnet: All of us.
Steven: Wait, what?
Pearl: We’re registered down at the courthouse. Our certificates are in the back of the van.
Peridot: Oh, that reminds me, can Lapis and I have ours? : 3
Lapis: She wants to hang it up in the barn.
Pearl: Of course! *hands it to them*
Peridot: Yes! Nyehehe! Legalization is ours! Oh, almost forgot. *hands Amethyst a large stack of certificates* These are yours.
Amethyst: Suh-weet!
Peridot: C'mon, Lapis, lets go put ours on display so the rest of the world can bask in its glory!
Lapis: *shrugs* Alright.
Steven: I can’t believe it…
Pearl: Steven…?
Steven: You guys got married WITHOUT ME??? D:

Just tell me to remake it while you're at the register

So I made this lady’s bowl wrong usually nbd I’ll ask if they want me to remake it and I usually remake it and it was only rice and beans and i accidentally put sour cream on it bc she was too busy not paying attention to her screaming children and looking at her phone and I ask if I should remake it and she’s like oh no dw and I’m chill nice

So literally 5 minutes pass and she’s back in line saying “he didn’t like it remake it” and I’m pissed bc she’s gonna talk to my manager and get me in trouble and god she was a piece of work

Also we’re out of corn tortillas and i explained it to her and she’s like “i want to talk to a manager” and so the manager over hears and she’s like “ma'am we didn’t get them in our delivery we’re sorry for the inconvenience” and she’s like “you usually have them” and our manager had to explain it again and she’s like “is there someone higher I can talk to?!” And she’s like “no I’m the general manager ma'am we don’t have them” “are you sure?” “Yes ma'am”

Tldr: if I make a mistake let me fix it when I ask to and don’t get into an argument about corn tortillas jfc act like an adult

We can do this, guys! Just please, if you’re registered, go out and vote today. Every vote counts!💓🙌🇺🇸

anonymous asked:

Can you give me advice on how to not be so self-conscious in the free weight section? I want to get away from machines but it's hard for me with so many "seasoned" people (mostly men) over there. Thanks in advance =)

To be super honest with you, I am the world’s most awkward person. When I first started going to the gym I had to have my headphones in constantly and just convince myself that no one was paying any attention to me. That went for every single thing I did in the gym. I would only do cardio in the dark cardio cinema because I didn’t want people to see me struggling to run a pace they would think is slow. I feel you on so many levels. You are not alone with feeling self conscious in the gym, no matter the area. 

I just want to touch on two things here that I think people sometimes forget:

  • for those concerned about the more experienced lifters: they’re barely registering your presence unless you’re asking for a spot. Not because they’re rude but because it’s just routine for them. If they do notice you, they’re usually impressed that you’re even over there. But the last thing they’re thinking? Is that you look stupid for trying to get stronger/better yourself JUST LIKE THEY ARE.


  • when you first start lifting, the gains come quickly. you’ll get stronger and stronger, PR’s will happen often. You will work hard but you will be gratified with results. If you let this drive you, you will be amazed how quickly you get sucked into working for that next number. Going to the gym is no longer a chore when you really WANT it. I WANT to be strong. I WANT to be fit. I WANT to impress myself (and others, if we’re being honest) over and over again at the sheer volume that I can move.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was quickly getting stronger (and still losing weight! which may not be important for you but is the whole reason I had started lol) and that is addicting. These days I could care less if people are watching me. I’ve made that gym (and any other I go to) my space just as much as it is anybody else’s. I work hard there and I’m proud of my progress.

 Fake it til you make it. Tell yourself they’re not watching and you don’t care if they are until you realize that they are watching because you are impressive and you freaking want them to. 

anonymous asked:

One of the most annoying things is when people wait until they're at the register to start inspecting their items. It's like they literally don't know what they're grabbing when they shop. They bring it up to the register and make me wait for ages while they look at the item and then ask me questions that they could answer by reading what's on the box, or y'know... asking an associate on the floor for help. Nope, they need a line of waiting customers behind them to make a choice. 🙄

anonymous asked:

I was talking to some coworkers about how self check is great because you can fart more easily. Like, if you're stuck at a register it's really hard to pass gas without anyone hearing or smelling it but at self check you can step aside and do the polite thing. Then one coworker chimed in and was like "Nah, I crop dust them. If I know it's going to be silent I walk past real close to as many people using the machines as possible." I WAS DYING. So rude, lmao.

first this lady comes in like “WHAT IS THIS PLACES ADDRESS”. and i just… idk. ive worked here 3 weeks and lived here only a handful so i dont even know this streets name. and i tell her so. and she’s like “YOU WORK HERE WHY WOULD YOU NOT KNOW THATS SO UNPROFESSIONAL” and i was like, “ma’am, you’re being rude, but i’ll google it for you” and she gets all “GOOD WE CAN LEARN TOGETHER” but like in a snappy tone

then as i’m getting ready to leave this hag comes in and she’s a regular but like a bitch one. and she’s like “WHY IS NO ONE BUT JUST YOU AT REGISTER”. so i point to my coworkers like, “well, as you obviously see, they’re stocking”. and she sighs and says loudly so they hear, “WELL, THEY SHOULD BE RUNNING MORE REGISTERS. THEY’RE FUCKING LAZY.” then she wants lotto, which we just did shift change, so our machine needed signed back in, which takes like barely a minute. and so i sign it in ‘cause no one had time to. and she fucking bitches about how it should never be offline and it’s fucking stupid. like bitch no youre stupid working a convenience store isnt entirely about your satisfaction we got more shit to do

frankly fuck customers