re did it now that im in a normal state of mind

For taylor-tut

Prompt:  I’m absolutely cool with anything sick Lance related lmao. I’m a slut for that Lance whump
   

A/N:  Just giving Lance a causal fever/ cold for starters :) Also, ending this on some platonic cuddling w/ Hunk because honestly, who can resist?

It was a burn that coursed through his skin. In moments of quiet, Lance almost felt like he could hear the crackling of a fire. In moment of clarity, re realized that was his own dry throats breathing.He was sick. Gross and sweaty and isolated to his room.

The Princess and Coran, they had no immunity to earth illnesses which meant Lance couldn’t leave his room. At all.

Keith too was stuck in his room, sweating out his own fever and sucking back his own snot. Of course, he separated himself from the others days before Lance had gotten sick so for all Lance knew, the mullet could be walking the halls already, doing, stuff. And things!

It wasn’t fair! Somehow.

He’d- Lance would definitely get back at Keith for this. He’d do it when he wasn’t so tired and gosh. When the temperature in this castle wasn’t so unbearably hot!

This couldn’t just  be him either. No, Lance never got high fevers. He was probably just overreacting. If he had something to drink, he’d probably cool right down.

Lance turned over to reach for his glass of water-

Right, there weren’t even nightstands here. And no one gave him water either. His team was the absolute worst at caretaking.

Lance couldn’t remember falling asleep. What he did remember was how parched his throat had been. Now it felt like he could drown in his own mucus.

The boy sat up, and reached to the end of his bed, he could have sworn there what some sort of fancy shmancy alien tissue down there-

Lance paused.

No.

Please.

Don’t.

Hheh’ksuh!

Gross.

Now there was icky snot all over his hands.

He sneezed again, then once more. Vaguely he remembered an advertisement on tv for embroidered handkerchiefs that boasted about how all buyers could get three handkerchiefs for the price of one if they’d call in the next 30 minutes.

Lance lied back down, snot cooling on his hands and felt a lump near his spine.

He’d found the handkerchief. How’d it even get there?

After he’d wiped his   clammy hands clean, Lance fell asleep again. This time in a much thrashyier fashion. Lance’s long limbs jolted out   awkwardly when he shifted, his blanket and sheets pushed around the bed with each movement. It was an uncomfortable and restless sleep that lasted no longer than an hour.

This time, Lance woke slowly, first his eyes cracking open, and then his legs twitching him awake before he fell unconscious again. Momentarily afterwards, Lance became aware of his own breathing. His mouth was parted widely and with each congested breath, a low and breathy, ‘guh’ sound fell from his mouth.

Lance’s mind was fuzzy as well. He could barely remember where the clock was so he could see the time. When his eyes finally met the shiny face of the clock, his eyebrows twitched. Hunk had said something about dropping off food around now… right?

That did happen?

It was happening.

Hunk had just made his way to the hallway outside Lance’s room when the thought crossed Lance’s mind.

As Hunk came to Lance’s door, his face morphed into one of worry.

“Hey, uh, buddy? Are you alright in there?” From the hallway, Hunk heard loud and labored breathing.

There was a wet sounding cough and a small affirmation. Hunk let himself in when he heard nothing afterwards.

“h-ey.” Lance seemed to croak. “is that food?”

Hunk nodded, though Lance only saw it faintly.

“ You don’t sound all that good, Lance.” Hunk stated plainly.

“really?” Lance coughed. “my face is so plugged up i can’t really tell.’’ Lance began to sit up while asking, “ is Keith out yet?”

“Yeah, he left his room for dinner. Shiro is making him skip training tomorrow but after that he’ll probably be back to normal.”

Hunk chuckled while Lance pouted but then handed him a bowl full of food goo.

Lance made quick work of his small portion, then gulped down his provided water, realizing how hot he was. When the pouch was empty, he pressed it to his neck, feeling the condensation on his sweat damp skin.

Hunk of course, saw this. I mean, he was wasn’t blind.

“You hot?” he asked.

Lance smirked. “You know it.”

‘’No, seriously. How bad do you feel?”

“Less than well.” Lance conceded with a ‘guh’

The back of Hunk’s plush hand found Lance’s forehead, an overly warm surface but not dangerously so. Lance was surprised to find himself leaning into his friend’s palm ever so slightly. The two of them got closer, before Hunk made himself comfortable sitting on Lance’s bed.

“Wanna hear a secret?”

“Sure.” Lance said  languidly, resting his head against his best friend’s thigh. Hunk’s hand nestled its way into Lance’s sweaty hair. God, that fever was raging.
“I,” Hunk started. “Was the one that got you and Keith sick.”

Lance stilled for a moment then shrugged.

“At least you got Keith sick…guh”

A/N: GOOD GOSH IM LATE! I am so sorry,it seems that the plan never goes according to plan. I know it ended suddenly and I’m sorry for that.
Still, I hope you enjoyed. @taylor-tut

Bucky Barnes Imagine: Accident

(Warning: Sadness for our little cinnamon roll ahead) and it’s quite long :)

Word Count: 2034

Please message or ask me your requests! 

-

One of Bucky’s biggest fear was to hurt the one’s he loved. That include you and Steve. The first time he hurt Steve he couldn’t  get over it for months. He was terrified that he’d turn back into The Winter Soldier and injure one of you two, all they had to do was say the goddamned words. You had encouraged him that it would be alright. That you would take care of him and fix the broken pieces that refused to be fixed, yet somehow you managed to mend them slowly. Everything was going great. He was getting better. He was remembering things, and getting back to normal. You almost couldn’t tell the difference between 40’s Bucky, and now.

That’s when everything went to shit.

You, Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Pietro had been on a mission. The mission was to destroy the HYDRA base and get out, as quickly as you could but things took a turn when Bucky got knocked out when exploring another part of the base.

“Buck? You ok over there?” You asked into your earpiece only to hear silence. You tried again. “Bucky? Answer me, are you ok?” Silence. You could feel your stomach churn at the thought of something happening to him and you quickly found Steve who looked just as worried as you. “Have you tried contacting Bucky? He isn’t answering?” He asked, looking around the dead HYDRA agents in hopes to find his friend, but nothing.

“Come on, they must have got him.” You stated as you made your way into the nearest hallway where more dead HYDRA agents laid.

As you and Steve made your way down the corridor you heard a heart clenching scream and you both knew exactly who it was. You didn’t even glance at Steve before taking off in the direction of the scream, hoping they hadn’t put his brain back in a blender.

As you turned the corner you felt a hand clasp your throat, and from the chill that ran up your spine at how cold it was. You knew it was Bucky.

“B-Bucky. It’s m-me Y/N.” You managed but he didn’t budge until Steve knocked him to the ground. A look of pain on his face. As you gasped for air, needing to re-inflate your lungs. You couldn’t help but notice a man leaning against the opposite wall, a red book in his hand and a smirk plastered to his face. You recognize the book as the book with The Winters Soldier’s trigger words bedded in it.

As faint as you feel, you kicked your legs when he tried getting past you making him fall onto his back. You glance at Steve and Bucky still fighting wondering where the hell Sam and Pietro were before snatching the book from the agent.

You took the lighter that you always kept in case of emergencies and tempted to light the book on fire until a metal hand grabbed your wrist. You looked up to see Bucky scowling at you before turning back to Steve, a gun in his hand. “Buck-” you tried but he had already pulled the trigger twice, imbedding two thick bullets into Steve’s abdomen.

Bucky turned back to you and lifted you up by your arm that still held the book. You winced as his grip tightened, knowing that you’d have a hand print shaped bruise in only a matter of seconds but frankly, you couldn’t care less at the moment.

“B-Bucky, please. You know me.” his eyes flickered before a deep scowl returned and he threw you into the opposite wall. You felt your head hit the corner before everything went dark.

-

When you heard a faint beeping sound, you knew you were in the infirmary at the compound. You opened your eyes slightly only to be blinded by the all to familiar white lights that were completely unessacary. You could clearly hear the booming thunder and cracks of lightening outside as the rain poured down. “Glad to see your awake shake weight. You took quite a hit into that wall from what Sam told me.” You turned your head to see the infamous Stark, who at this point wasn’t really infamous considering you saw him everyday.

“What happened?” You asked, your mind not letting you see anything past the lights at the moment.

“Well, after you blacked out, bird brain and hot feet ended up knocking Bucky out. He’s fine now and Steve woke up about 10 minutes before you and went to his room to take a nap. So all is well in the magical Stark palace.” he explained, messing around with a few things. The nurses slapping his hands away from annoyance.

“B-Bucky didn’t see us…did he?” You prayed he didn’t come in here while you were unconscious, because you knew he would beat himself up about it if he saw the damage that had been done.

You noticed Tony roll his eyes before answering. “Of course he came in here. He wanted to check and see what he did.” As he explained, you felt your heart drop. “Where is he now?” you asked slowly.

“He went to your guys room. He looked pretty upset but I would bl-”

“And you just let him! You know he’s probably beating himself up about it and know one bothered to go check on him?” You were now on your feet with clenched fist because you were scared Bucky might be having a panic attack or doing something rash.

“Well-we…I mean…I..uh-” you threw your hands up as he couldn’t give you a proper sentence and made your way out of the room.

As you passed the living room you saw the rest of the team besides Steve and Bucky sitting in a circle, but one thing caught your eye.

You didn’t even care at this point, Bucky told you how much he wanted that book gone. He hated that it exists and the longer it does the longer he suffers.

You marched up to the coffee table ignoring the questions and remarks you got as you bent down to pick up the book. You didn’t hesitate to chuck it into the fire place earning a few screams as to why you did that.

“I don’t care if Tony or whoever wanted to read it or look it over. That book has caused this team and Bucky especially to much shit. Im not risking it being intact any longer. Tell whoever cares to bring it up with me.” You said before leaving the living room to almost run to you and Buck’s shared room.

You stopped in front of your door before carefully opening the door to a semi-dark room. The only light was the continuous lightening going on outside.

“Buck?” You asked into the dark room, you could make out the outline of him sitting on the floor at the end of your bed. His shoulders heaved up and down and you knew he was crying.

“Go away.” he choked out. He didn’t want you to see him like this.

You slowly made your way over to him nonetheless, knowing he needs comfort. As you got closer you could faintly see an object in his hand near his head, you couldn’t make it out until a crack of lightening lit the room up exposing…a gun pointed to his head that was hung low as he cried.

You could feel your eyes water as you tentatively made you way closer to him. “Im so sorry I did this. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He sobbed, pressing the barrel harding to his head.

“B-Bucky, baby. I know you didn’t, it’s ok. This isn’t your fault whatsoever. P-please Buck.” You could feel your heart break  as his hand tightened on the gun, afraid he was about to pull the trigger.

“N-no, I can’t live with this. I don’t want to be this person, I just want it to be over.” He pleaded.

“Baby, I promise you that you will get through this. You’re not in any way shape or form what you think. The book is gone, burned. You don’t have to worry about it any more. Please just let me help you?” Your throat burned with each word, fear that you would lose him making itself more apparent.

“But look what I did to you! To Steve! Im capable of that! Im capable of hurting you both and I did.” His voice got quieter as he dropped his head once again. You looked at your wrist where a hand shaped bruise was and you knew that there were a few other bruises along with a cut on the side of your head but you didn’t care.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you took another shaky step towards him. “Buck, thats not you. Me and Steve know for a fact you wouldn’t dream of doing that in a million years. We love you and we don’t want to lose you no matter what has happened. You mean the world to us and we know your hurting, we’ll help you through everything but I promise, losing you would hurt us more than anything physical ever could.” you took another step as he looked up at you, his beautiful blue eyes, bloodshot and he hair a mess.

“Please Buck, please put the gun down?” You asked as softly as you could.

You watched as he hesitantly put the gun on the floor and as soon as his hand had left it you kicked it off to the opposite side of the room before throwing yourself onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

You let the tears fall freely as he dug his face into your neck, you mimicking his actions. “I thought I was going to loose you Buck.” You cried hugging him tighter.

You let him sob into your shoulder as you both just held each other for who knows how long, maybe hours. Just thankful to have each other.

“I love you so goddamn much Bucky.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead when he looked up at you.

“And I, you.” He whispered back as usual. He hated saying ‘too’. He felt as if you’re supposed to say that to family or friends but when it came to your lover, you didn’t say it as if it was something you HAD to say. It meant more to him and you loved that.

“I don’t care what happens, I don’t care how much this world changes or how many different paths we branch onto. You will always be you, the Bucky I love and nothing can change my mind about that. You mean the world to me, you are my world and I CANT lose you Buck. You’re still the cute, sweet Bucky bear that I fell in love with to begin with and no one on this earth can make you someone you’re not.” I saw a smile stretch onto his face and I could feel my heart flutter because it was a genuine smile. Not a fake one that says “Please just believe I’m ok.” One that meets your eyes and shows just how much that affected him.

“If it wasn’t for you, id probably crash and burn. I’d be lost and afraid and probably clinging to Steve 24/7.” we both chuckled at the thought, making me relish in his beautiful laugh.

He looked up to me, all his love evident in his eyes. “I love you more than anything else and I promise to never let you go and never to let myself go.” he whispered. A goofy smile found its way onto your face as you pressed your forehead to his.

“And I, you my love.”

-

Ok let me just say real quick. In these imagines I will probably NEVER write one where the reader or the character dies. The only way that’ll happen is if someone requests that. The closest you’ll get to a death in this is if I do a preference to their reaction to your death but other than that I wouldn’t have the heart to do that to your fragile selves. Also I’m sorry that this was so long, I got really into it and before I knew it I couldn’t stop. Okay, continue.

alright, so now im going to talk (rather extensively!) about something that has been bugging me for quite a while, concerning aa and, more specifically, narumitsu, and a certain exchange between the two that has been WIDELY misinterpreted by narumitsu shippers.

and before any of you use that gross argument of ‘oh, but you arent a shipper. youre just hating on the ship.’ im gonna say right now how i am most definitely a narumitsu shipper. even if you dont trust me, or the multitude of posts about narumitsu on my blog, i could easily recommend to you some of my friends to confirm this for you.

Keep reading

A spiritual struggle: This is all too real for me.

There are a few reasons why i want to make a post like this however, the main one is just to keep you informed and up to date with everything that’s going on. Before anyone says it themselves, i know i don’t owe anyone an explanation but i do believe if you share a certain amount of your life with a large group of people it’s just nice to keep them in the loop. Just as you would with any family members or friends. It was also suggested on twitter that i share some of my worries with you as it may make me feel better..

Usually when i have something like this to share with you all i tend to make a video about it, that tends to involve a lot of emotions flowing uncontrollably out of me and it briefly skims over the point i am trying to make. So this time i felt that writing it down would mean i could have more time to think about what i am saying and have it (hopefully) in a format that is easier to take in.

I warn you, this is a completely self centred post! I am fully aware there are people worse off than i, with bigger problems and harder struggles. But this is plaguing my mind and i need to share it.

To start with i would like to apologise that again i am not as involved in the vlogs as i could have been this past few weeks.. my video schedule on Beautaeyi has suffered and my play time with all my online friends has dwindled. To note it isn’t just one thing that’s fallen through the cracks it is everything. When my body decides it wants to give up trying there isn’t really much i can do about it.. i can fight it for a period of time but inevitably it only ends one way. 

I constantly get asked ‘how hard is it to just pick up a camera?’ and 'where are the videos?’ and 'what exactly are you doing all day?’.

Some days physically picking up a camera, getting dressed, presenting myself is just too much. I am fighting to just wake up everyday, to get washed, dressed and fed. Then i have to figure out if i have the energy to do any of the things that as an adult i need to do. Then with what i have left i vlog or film a video etc. 

I really want people to realise that YouTube is not my job.. its still a hobby for me. If i was well enough i would be working doing my dream job still and earning a good wage for myself and my little family. Yes i have more time now for YouTube and i adore that i can really focus on doing things i enjoy rather than what i felt i had to do. But it is still not a job.. i am not able to work so therefore i am not able to consistently pick up a camera every day.

ITLD & Beautaeyi are passion projects of mine, things that i do that i thoroughly enjoy and put my heart and soul into. I will never create content for either of the channels for the sake of it. I never want to put up filler content just to get more views or earn a bit more money. That is not me, i put up content i am proud of, that makes me happy and grows my passion for creating things. I am eternally grateful that so many of you (nearing 90,000) love watching our lives and going on this journey with us and i really do apologise that their isn’t content each and everyday for you, i wish i was well enough to do that.

I wish i was well enough to do a lot of things.. to imagine a healthy future.. the possibility of one day having children.. to think of a career i could follow… all of which i am unsure if i will ever have! This is real-life! This is something i am really struggling with, it is not just a made up persons baggage. I am a real person with real feelings and real problems. Although most of you have never met me, and just watch me through a screen, it doesn’t make me any less real. I am just like you.

I know its bad luck to share this sort of thing.. but my birthday wish this year was simple! 'I wish that next year i am no longer ill’. Although i didn’t have a cake to blow out candles on, i lit a candle and made the wish to myself.

I can tell you that because i know it wouldn’t come true anyway. Yes i hopefully will get to a point where one day i am 'better’ but i am always going to be ill. This is hard for me to take in and i thought i had finally accepted my fate but recently its obvious i haven’t.

Before New York i was in a really good state.. i was doing really really well, i had lost 7 lbs, which to me felt like i had regained control over my body. I was so happy about this.. i was obsessed with my weight gain since becoming ill and it was really taking a toll on my mental health.. but after feeling like i was making progress.. I was sleeping great and i was really proactive.

Every day i was doing something meaningful to me.. whether it was baking cupcakes, cooking nice meals, keeping on top of the cleaning, planning ITLD videos as well as keeping to my 3 videos a week on Beautaeyi. This was on top of going to the gym and barely taking any pain medication. I had regular breaks in between any activity and i always put my health first and it worked out well for me.

New york was a huge hit for me health wise, the travel there was a huge test of how stable my health was and ultimately i failed it. At the airport i just broke down after being awake for over 24 hours. I thought then and there that my trip was ruined, i honestly didn’t know if i would even make it to my Uncle’s wedding. Some how though after a long nights rest i seemed to be okay, i managed to do all the things i wanted to do and i was extremely proud of myself despite having to leave every meal early or decide to not hang around at places too long, but i don’t think any of my family minded.

Unfortunately though i couldn’t keep to my tailored diet which was keeping me so healthy and i was walking a huge amount and generally doing a lot compared to what i would do back home. I thought i had dodged a bullet though.. no Dr’s visits in America it was all good.

However its a month now since we’ve been back and i still haven’t recovered, its obvious that this isn’t still jet lag. I have pain all over my body constantly, extreme tiredness, fatigue, sickness, lack of motivation, unhealthy thoughts and i am unable to get some decent sleep. My routine has gone, im waking up around 11am again and struggling to sleep even at the early hours of the morning. I have re gained the weight i had previously lost and my overall health is extremely low.

I feel i have lost all my steps of progression that i made forward to managing my illnesses. I am in exactly the same position as i was when i was in and out of hospital and had to leave work. Which is extremely upsetting. 

Worst of all my brain will just not SHUT UP! Every night before bed i worry i may not wake up, i think about my age obsessively and worry that i am getting older and older. If i am this unwell now at 24 what am i going to be like at 30? 40? even 50? Will i ever be able to work again? Will i ever be physically well enough to start a family (my ultimate dream and goal in life)? Let alone just make plans with my friends and not get so anxious that i may have to cancel.

This is all too real for me. Is this normal? Should i be worrying this much? Do i need to get help? Honestly i need some advice.

I have always been completely open about my fear of death. It is the only thing i am scared of and trust me i have experienced a lot that should of scared me. If you have watched my draw my life you will know that i didn’t exactly have a pleasant upbringing and i have seen and experienced a lot of terrible things. I have been scared of dying for as long as i can remember. I’ve been told that i was around two years old when i first voiced my concerns about dying. Was i born with this fear? How did i know about death?

Anyway the more i think about it though i am not actually scared of dying, i am scared of what happens after death. I am terrified that i do not know what happens. I cannot accept that this is the only life i have. That at any point this could all be over. Or the fact that there are people who go out of their way to be hateful, cruel, abuse people and even end peoples lives.

I cannot be the only person who feels like this and worries about it as much as i do? I understand as someone with diagnosed clinical anxiety that it is common to have these worries.. but to this degree? Should i be constantly thinking about this stuff?

Being ill means each day i am reminded that i cannot live life to the full and that an inevitable end is coming. I don’t want to have this negative cloud hanging over my head. Any wisdom, guidance, experiences you have had that could help me, i would really appreciate this. I don’t think it is something that medication or doctors could help me with. This is purely a spiritual struggle between what my heart wants and what i fear.

Chapter Fifteen

Tyson

I hated media. Have I mentioned how much I wanted to smash the interviewers face against the camera multiple times? Maybe even shove the microphone down there throat. Yes, I liked the sound of that idea better.

Media, press, paparazzi and whatever else you’d like to call it, was one giant mother fucking pain in the ass that I chose to avoid at all costs. Key word, tried. Shit was usually easy until my management gets involve and then all hopes of avoiding these leeches goes out the window.

Take today for instance, I had just got done sitting in a over crowded room of reporters that had one to many microphones shoved in my face as they fired off questions left, right and centre. To make matters worse, I had to refrain from pulling out sunglasses to block the thousand camera flashes that seemed to go off every second for a whole hour.

How I made it through the entire press conference without swearing, abusing or punching someone in the face was beyond me and I thought I deserved a gift or at least a fucking pat on the back for my cooperation.

“I know you just wanna go home man but we just got one more interview and your free from all this press for a little while”, Remy assured me after noticing my unsettled state as I sat on the passenger side in the front while Brock sat in the back.

“Dont book no more of this shit Rem, you guys lucky Im even doing this”, I sighed out in frustration as I adjusted my sling that held up my arm. The pain in my shoulder was throbbing and it seemed the painkillers had worn out quicker than normal due to adrenaline pumping in my veins which was caused by the strength I was mustering up from me trying to stay calm during these interviews.

“You know this is only to keep up appearances man, your fans and the NBA association need to hear it from you, that you were okay and would be training to come for the next season”, Remy explained as my mind drifted back to the press conference that had ended less than 20 minutes ago where I stood up in front of the world to re assure them I was okay and looking forward to playing again.

I knew he was right but it didnt mean I had to like it, because I didnt. Not even a little. As for this interview on some Breakfast club? Now that was completely unnecessary and Im still trying to remember why the fuck I agreed to it. I didnt even know what the fuck ‘The Breakfast club’ was.

“B, hand me my painkillers bra”, I grumbled over my shoulder before placing a cigarette in my mouth and lighting it as I welcomed the smoke that inhaled and traveled down to my lungs.

Reaching forward Brock handed me 2 pills causing me to look back with a frown. Sighing he reluctantly handed me another 2 on the low making sure that Remy wasn’t paying attention. My dose was 2 pills every 6 hours but due to my body being so immune to drugs and alcohol I needed higher doses for the effects to kick in. As you can imagine no one agreed to my theory and instead monitored my intake, though I some how got Brock on my side with this. 

Pulling my light smoke from my mouth I exchanged it for the 4 pills and quickly swallowed them all without water in one go before returning the cigarette to rest in between my lips.

“How’s Nalani feeling?”, Brock asked after we had sat in silence for a good majority of the drive over to the studio that held the interview.

My mind drifted off to Lani who had caught some sort of bug. My poor girl, was disoriented for the past few days and I even had to call a house doctor to check up on her. Thankfully after some strong antibiotic’s she had been doing much better.

“She’s ight, almost back to normal”, I informed as I slowly groaned at the sight of the studio coming into sight. My mind raked over different ideas and excuses to get out of this. If my shoulder wasnt already fucked up I would have gladly jumped out of the moving vehicle.

Thankfully I felt the painkillers start to do there job and by the time we pulled up to the doors, my muscles had relaxed and I was no longer tensed or irritated.

The shows producer met us at the door and took us through to the dressing rooms as they prepared for the tapping of the show. I wasnt nervous. Nothing made me nervous but the thought of Lani leaving so I didnt need to stress or prepare.

“Everything you need is in the room, the interviewers Sandra and Wendy will be in soon to introduce themselves before you go on. If theres anything you need please just use the phone in the room and someone will be up to assist you”, The producer informed me in which I returned a head nod before shutting the door in her face.

Have I mentioned how much I hate people?

“Yo they got Krispy Kremes, see aint you glad you came now?”, Brock cheesed as he went straight for the box and opened it up, not wasting a minute as he began to stuff his face.

Chuckling as I shook my head, I pulled out my phone and dialed Lani. I hadn’t spoken to her since this morning in bed and that was hours ago, call me whipped, obsessed or whatever the fuck you want but I NEEDED to hear her voice. 

Placing the phone to my ear, I patiently waited for her to answer although after ringing out for a while it diverted to her voicemail causing me to furrow my eyebrows together. Again I tired and tired until I had called 7 times with still no success.

“Whats wrong man?”, Remy asked after noticing my distress as I clutched my phone tight while trying not to get worked up or worried.

“Lani aint answering”, I muttered lowly knowing fully well that they would most likely think I was over reacting but I didnt no how many times I had to stress my love for her. Fear ran through me as my mind started to race with possibilities.

What if she ran away? Did she leave me? Maybe she fainted? Was she hurt? Did someone kidnap her? Maybe she had enough and left? Could she have met someone else and thought she was better off? Is she sick again and cant move?

“Maybe shes asleep man?”, Brock suggested causing me to stop in my tracks.

Maybe she was asleep?

“She has been sick so shes most likely sleep it off?”, He continued once he realised he got my attention and became un tense a little. He was right, she was most likely just sleeping. 

Instantly all doubt and anxiety I had just experienced went out the window as I told myself over and over again in my head that she was sleeping. She didnt run away and she wasn’t hurt, she was just sleeping.

“Shoulda got her to come with me”, I mumbled lowly to myself as I shook my head and reached for my packet of cigarettes as the need to puff on one was strong after my little misunderstanding.

“Have you thought about going back and getting a new therapist?”, Remy suddenly asked causing me to look up at him as I took the lighter and slowly lit my smoke up.

“You fired that other bitch right?”, I asked with a raised eyebrow as I avoided his original question.

“Hell yer I did bra, fired her and made her hand over all your files, soft and hard copies”, He insisted causing me to nod my head as I had no doubt him and Brock would looked after everything for me.

“Ight good, couldnt stand that hoe anyways”, I grumbled as I plopped back onto the large leather couch that was situated in my dressing room. As soon as I took a seat, two women stepped into the room insisting they were here as make up and clothing stylist

I almost slapped one of the hoes for even suggesting she as going to put that homo shit on my face and judging my the scared expression she knew better to even try.

On the other hand I didnt give the stylist a hard time as she suggested a few outfits for me to wear. I usually do not give a fuck what I wear to these things but again my management want me to keep my appearances up so I kept my mouth shut and let her work.

Both the hosts soon came in and introduced themselves but there names fell on deaf eyes. However the younger one of the two definitely tried to make her presence known at all the arm touching, eye battering and lip biting she had going on.

“Your as good looking in person as you are on screen”, She breathlessly purred out causing me to raise a eyebrow in amusement as her co host looked at her with embarrassment.

 "Is that so baby?“, I chuckled was a smirk

"If theres anything I can get you or do for you just let me know and I do mean anything”, She panted as she licked her lips one more time.

“You gonna suck my dick now or after the interview?”, I asked in a blunt tone causing her eyes to light up as she  squeezed her thighs together.

Yep she was a hoe.

“Your girl is calling”, Brock grumbled loudly as he threw over my phone that I easily caught with my good hand. The young host looked down at her feet in embarrassment, remembering that we weren’t alone in the room as she was practically on the verge to dropping to her knees right then and there.

“Wassup up baby?”, I mumbled into the phone with sending a smirk to the stylist before winking at her and walking away, leaving her standing there dumbfounded.

“You okay Ty? Ive got a ton of miss call from you”, She rushed out as I heard her shuffling out of bed, followed by a echo from her voice indicating she was now in the bathroom.

“Im good, just couldnt reach you before so I was getting worried”, I muttered truthfully as I closed my eyes and took in the sound of her voice and her breathing through the phone.

“Sorry baby, I crashed out once you left this morning. Just waking up now and about to have a quick shower”, I heard her sigh out as I tried to get the image of her naked in the shower out of my mind.

I was horny. Horny as a mother fucker. I havent got my dick wet since visiting New York with Lani which was a little over three weeks ago. This has been the longest Ive ever gone without sex since the first time I ever fucked and I was not enjoying the celibate stage one bit.

Between not talking for a week after NY, than the accident in LA, to Lani being sick there was just no right time to fuck, as well as Lani being afraid I might hurt my arm .

“Ight as long as your okay baby, just wanted to here your voice before I go on”, I sighed out as I pulled another cigarette out and lit it up.

“Oh ! Yay Im glad I didnt miss it, lemme go shower so I can hurry and watch my baby on TV”, She gushed in a proud voice causing me to roll my eyes although deep down I was cheesing at the thought of making her proud.

“You a trip baby, but Imma let you go and ill call you when Im on my way home”, I mumbled into the phone before inhaling my cigarette at the sound of her turning the shower on.

“Okay baby, love you and good luck !”, She beamed, this time causing me to smile big, “Love you too”, I replied before hanging up and handing the phone back to Brock who was narrowing his eyes at me.

Shaking my head as I knew what he was thinking, I ashed my smoke before standing up, “I wasnt gonna let that bitch touch my dick, if she was the last hoe on this planet”, I assured him causing both him and Remy to shake their heads as they chuckled.

I loved Lani, she was the only woman to ever stand by me and truly love me for me and not for my fame or money. These niggas needn’t worry, they should know that no one and I mean no one measures up to my girl.

Nalani

It has been a few days since coming back from LA. Ive spent most my time in bed with Tyson trying to recover from some sort of bug that I had caught while there. Ty on the other hand has been resting his arm as he went to start his therapy but they told him it was much too soon. So instead we spent the days in bed, together watching movies and cuddling until we fell asleep.

It was calm. Much too calm and we all know the saying ,'Calm before the storm’. Well it indeed was true. A storm was coming, a big mother fucking storm and there was nothing no one could do to lessen the blow.

The hours Ive been sick in bed was spent getting lost in my head as I mentally had conversations and scenarios about how I could approach Tyson and lay it all out for him. Lets just say they all ended up turning to shit with a least a few people getting hurt or murdered.

After having many internal battles I decided to enlist the help of one of Tysons best friends and voice of reason. Jeremiah. If there was one person who could even assist or advise me in approaching Ty with this delicate situation, it would be him.

Thankfully Tyson had left for the day as he had a press conference to attend to than straight after he had a interview on the Breakfast club. Two things he turned down numerous of time but finally gave in when Remy and Brock literally dragged him out of bed this morning. 

Once Ty left I had fallen asleep only to have woken hours later with a ton of missed calls from my man which sparked worry and fear inside me instantly. Turns out baby wanted to check in but I wasnt answering my phone so he got worried. Although he didnt say it, I knew he started to worry that I might have left once I didnt answer the first few times.

After ensuring him I was fine, I quickly jumped in the shower to wash my hair and made it out just in time to see my baby doing his interview. Not having time to get dress, I wrapped a towel around my body and hair and plopped down on the bed while flipping through the channels until it landed on the opening of The Breakfast Club.

Watching on with a wide smile on my face I couldnt help but laugh loudly at the look on Tysons face as he came out and was engulfed in a big hug from both the lady hosts. Uncomfortable was not even the words to describe his current expression, my poor baby looked like he was about to slap the hosts than bolt outta there.

Keeping my eyes on the TV screen as they started with introductions I quickly decided to grab some of my clothes from his closet and come and get dressed in front of the screen so that I was clothed when Jeremiah came.

Yes, I had asked Jeremiah over today knowing Tyson would be out. I needed to speak to him while Ty wasnt around and this was currently the only time I had without raising any suspicions from Ty.

Grabbing some articles of clothing I placed them on the bed and turned my attention back onto the screen to watch the interview. A look of pride washed over my face as I took in my mans appearance. As always Tyson was looking his 100% best. This man was just way to good looking for his own good.

The first half of the interview was solely based around basketball, the accident and his recovering. By the time I was done getting dressed my ears perked up at the mention of getting into his personal life. Hastily taking a seat at the end of the bed, I turned the volume up a little and waited for what I knew was coming next.

“So Tyson, we have to ask as it is all that anyone can talk about. The pretty young woman that has stolen your heart”, On of the hosts stated causing the crowd to erupt in whistles, caps and even some booing which I chose to ignore.

“Nalani, thats her name right?”, The younger host asked causing him to straighten up in his chair a little. If I knew one thing about Ty, it was that he was very protective of me, so protective that he didnt even like people to say my name.

“Yep thats my woman”, He muttered lowly causing the older host to beam as a picture of Tyson and I suddenly came up on the screen behind them. It was one of the pictures taken at the charity event back in NY, both had big smiles on our faces as I looked up at him while we wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“I must say and I speak on behalf of a lot of people, that I never thought someone could steal your heart but it looks like Nalani has done just that”, The older host gushed causing Tyson to look of at the picture on the screen with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

“How long have you been together? Because you are known as a playboy around these parts”, The younger host smirked causing me to frown at the mention of other women 

“Been together since she was 15 but we parted ways for a bit before getting back together”, Ty explained 

“So does that mean Tyson Brown is officially off the market?”, Again the older host asked before the other one could say anything

“Sure am, thats the wife right there”, Tyson stated simply causing me to burst with butterflies as he just claimed me on national Tv. 

“Well than ! Tell us about this women how has managed to get you to settle down”, The younger host seethed causing me to raise my eyebrows in confusion. Why was she so mad?

“I mean besides being beautiful as hell? She smart, funny and shit she puts up and loves me. No one measures up”, Tyson grinned the first smile since starting the interview just as a new photo of me came on the screen. This time it was one of me arriving at the hospital the day I arrived in LA.

“Well I must say she seems like a true rider for you Tyson and it looks like you both are madly in love so I wish you both all the best in the future and who know we might be seeing a ring or a baby Tyson soon?”, The older host hinted causing me cheeks to burn red instantly.

Chuckling lowly, he rubbed the back of his neck due to being put on the spot like that, “I'on when cause right now we just enjoying each other but best believe it gonna be with her and only her”, Tyson assured causing me to squeal with happiness as I dramatically toss myself back on the bed while staring up at the ceiling with a huge smile on my face.

Preparing myself for the rest of the interview, my attention was diverted as the sound of the door bell ringing indicated that Jeremiah was finally here.

Taking a deep breath I jogged out of Ty’s bedroom and made my way down stairs towards the front door where I found Jeremiah shifting on his feet with a big smile on his face.

“How my little Jamaica doing?”, He cheesed as I embraced him in a hug before gesturing him in. “Im good JJ, Im glad your here though. I need my master Yoda”, I giggled at the expression he wore. J was like the Master Yoda of the crew, always with the wise words and giving the best advice.

“Forreal, Imma start charging y'all. Got me playing Dr Phil and shit”, He playfully chuckled as we made our way down the hall and towards the kitchen so we could get some drinks before talking.

“Hey ! I hooked you up with your boo thang so thats payment enough”, I winked causing a cheesy smile to appear on his face at the mention of Jasmine.

“Yer you right, I aint ever thank you for that either. Shes like perfect, no joke. She a good girl, not likes these damn groupies. Hella smart and she really cares about a nigga”, Jeremiah bragged causing me to mirror his cheesy smile at the way he spoke about her. I knew she was the one for him there and then.

“Well I can tell you she really likes you, like really, really likes you. Im happy for you J . Bout time you boys start settling down”, I said genuinely smiled causing him to nod in agreement.

“You hungry? I got some left over pasta bake, I can heat up for us?”, I asked as I opened up the fridge that was packed to the max and struggled to pull out the tray that the pasta bake was still in.

“You made it?”, He asked with a raised eyebrow causing me to chuckle as I nodded my head. As expected he quickly nodded his head with a toothy grin and got settled on the stool that surrounded the breakfast bar.

“So hows Ty doing?”, J asked as I poured us some coke in tall glasses and handed it over to him, to which he mumbled a thanks.

“His doing good so far, I know his bored out of his mind cause he can barely do anything due to his arm but other than that his doing alright”, I shrugged casually while placing his now hot pasta bake in front of him than returning to heat mine up.

“Thats good, thats good. He told me back in LA that you and him aint talked about the whole bipolar shit, still havent?”, He asked with a raised eyebrow causing me to frown at the question. Its been a few days since coming back to Miami and a week and a half since finding out about his bipolar and we still hadn’t spoken about it .

“Honestly? No we haven’t. I think we both have been avoiding it because we didnt want to ruin the quiet and good mood we have been lately”, I stated truthfully while avoiding eye contact as I knew he would not approve of us avoiding the situation.

“Fair enough, but you do know y'all gonna have to speak about it sooner or later, and the sooner you do the better it will be”, He sighed with a raised eyebrow before shoveling a mouth full of pasta bake in his mouth as he moan at the taste .

“I know but you know what Ty’s like. Getting him to open up is like pulling teeth”, I sighed as I grabbed my plate and a fork before taking a seat opposite Jeremiah.

“Who you telling, nigga would be happy if he never had to speak to people again”, J chuckled causing me to laugh as I knew it was true. If Ty could he would avoid the human population at all times.

We joked around for a little while longer and before I knew it we had both finished our food without even touching on the subject that I so desperately needed advice on.

Sensing my unease Jeremiahs smile died down as he looked over a me with a sympathetic look, “Okay enough beating around the bush tell me what’s on your mind”

 Hesitating for only a minute, I pushed away my plate with frustration and roughly ran my fingers through my now curling hair, “Did he ever tell you we had a baby?”, I suddenly asked as I kept my eyes drawn on my fingers.

“He told Ace and I. Who you think was cleaning up ole boys mess the few weeks after you told him? Nigga was literally tearing up the town, shit broke his heart Lani, almost as bad as the day he found out you ran away”, J sighed out as he rubbed a hand down his face while tears brimmed my eyes.

“When I found out I was coming back J, I was coming back to him. But something happened and I went into premature labour”, I whispered causing him to look at me with sympathy and sadness.

“He mentioned that, said little boy passed away a few weeks later”, J mumbled lowly as he finished off the story for me as he knew it was to painful for me to say.

“Thats the thing J, there more to it, more that he doesnt know and Im so afraid to tell him in fear of what his going to do”, I silently begged with my eyes for him to help me with my dilemma.

“What more is there Nala? Tell me”, J lowly muttered as he placed his hand on top of mine in reassurance and comfort. Not a second later I opened my mouth and spilled everything to him.

————————————————-

After I cried my heart out to Jeremiah and revealed all my skeletons, I felt some what better until I realised that J wasn’t Tyson and I still had to conquer the biggest hurdle of all. 

J was furious when he found out. Ive seen Jeremiah angry but he was livd and it took a while for him to settle down so he could speak to me without wanting to punch a hole through the wall. 

If J reacted that way than god only knows how Tysons going to react. One thing J was adamant on was that Tyson needed to no and he needed to no now. 

After giving me the advice I needed to hear in order to sit there and spill my deepest, darkest secret, I sat around and thought out ways to actually tell him. Jeremiah’s advice was to literally lock him in a room because no doubt he would want to cause havoc when he was told.

Although it sounded drastic it was one hundred per cent necessary, when dealing with someone who had the temper of the devil like Tyson had.

Once J left I was left to drown in self-pity before knocking some sense into myself and turned to cleaning the house instead. Though it was a effective action to forget about my worries for the moment, the house was soon spotless clean and so I decided to prepare for the wrath that was sure too come this evening.

 Setting up the room according to plan, I quickly crushed 2 of Tysons pain killers as well as one of his sleeping pills and slipped them into a glass of his favorite apple and blackcurrant juice I had waiting for him.

Next I got dress in some sexy lingerie and a short summery dress that showed off a little too much skin.  I moved onto my hair and decided to quickly straighten my curls before applying some light make up and spraying some perfume that Tyson loved.

Just as I hid the hand cuffs under my pillow I heard the sound of the car pulling up and my nerves instantly took over as I felt my heart pick up a couple of notches.

Rushing down stairs I grabbed all of Tysons car keys, which was quite a few and hid them in the bottom cutlery draw before rushing to the door to greet him just as he made his way in.

“Hey baby”, I nervously smiled and quickly hugged him so he couldn’t see my eyes knowing fully well he’d be able to read me right away.

“Damn baby, look at you all dressed up and shit. Happy to see ya man , I see”, He chuckled causing me to playfully roll my eyes as some of the nervousness rushed out of my body due to just having him near me. He didn’t no it but he was comforting me which made me feel better for what I was about to do.

Pulling away, I waved back at Remy and Brock who were in the car reversing back out and hastily shut the door.

“I watched your interview”, I cheesed causing me to smirk.

“Lemme guess, you liked what you heard so you bout to show your man some love?”, He asked with a sparkle in his eye, hoping he was finally about to get it in.

Playing the role, I nodded my head slowly as I licked my lips and took his hand. Excitement lit up on his face and I had to quickly turn my head due to the sudden guilt I was feeling.

Once in the bedroom, I helped him take his shirt off and shoes before he made his way over to the glass of juice I left by his side of the bed and greedily drunk it all down with no questions asked.

“Lay down baby, let me do all the work. I don’t want you hurting yourself”, I softly said as I watched him get on the bed and sit up with the pillows fluffed up behind him.

I could tell the pills I slipped were already working as his eyes indicated that he was tired and woozy. Although it may seem like a betrayal on my behalf to slip the pills, it was completely necessary. If I knew anything about Ty it would be his rage and anger and the only way to control it after I told him this news was to get him hand cuffed and calm as much as possible.

Straddling his lap, I softly kissed his plump lips as I discreetly moved my hand under the pillow and pulled out the handcuffs. Without a second thought I intertwined our fingers and slowly placed the cuff around his right wrist of his good arm and cuffed it to the side of the bed head.

Jerking his head back, he looked over at his cuffed hand before looking back at me with a raised eye brow, “You tryna get into something freaky?”, He smirked causing me to playfully chuckle before I quickly straightened out and realized this was no time to play around.

“Ty, we need to talk”, I whispered lowly causing him to chuckle.

“Baby Im all for chatting and shit but right now my dick is hard as fuck and I wanna be inside you before I crash out”, He yawned in a tired tone although I knew he was fighting against it as he wanted to have sex.

“Tyson! Im serious, this is serious!”, I suddenly spat out with a slightly raised voice causing him to stop trying to reach over to kiss me and instead pulled back with a confused look on his face.

“Fucks going on Lani? You aint tryna fuck then why you got me cuffed to the fuckin bed?”, He suspiciously asked as his eyes narrowed at me trying to read my expression. Tensing under me, I knew that he knew that whatever I was about to talk about was big.

“Ight Lani stop fucking around, whats going on?”, He gritted out although I could tell there was nervousness under it all which caused my tears to build up.

“Please don’t hate me”, I whispered as tears began to fall down my cheek.

“Lani you really starting to worry me now, what did you do? Why would I hate you?”. He breathed out, panic was evident in his voice and it only caused my tears to fall as he tried to wrestle with the cuff and pull against it.

“I know who ran into your bus. It was my step father, Ty”, I suddenly blurted out while keeping my eyes down but quickly looked up as I felt him un tense which confused me.

“That’s it? You got me cuffed to a bed, telling me not to hate you all cause it was your crazy ass step father who rammed into the bus? Shit Lani you gave a nigga a heart attack thinking it was something serious”, He sighed out in relief causing me to shake my head as tears continued to fall.

“No Ty, no you don’t understand”, I cried out as I gripped his chest trying to get the right words out but was cut off before I could saying anything else.

“Baby, it wasnt your fault how were you to know he was a drunk fuck and couldn’t drive. Seriously Lani you need to not worry and forreal uncuff a nigga so I can hold you”, He chuckled as he again pulled against the cuff.

“That’s not all. His the reason why our baby boy is dead”, I blurted out again this time his whole body went tense as I feared to look up. When he didn’t speak I decided it was now or never and I began to tell the one story I hated more than the one of my first rape from Ty.

“The beatings? It was him. When I found mom in LA she took me in with her husband, my step father Terrence. At first they were kind and nice and I thought everything would be okay but than it all changed so quickly.”, I breathed out as I refused to look him in the face in fear of what I might find so instead continued.

“My step father is a drunk and addicted to drugs. He used me as his personal punching bag, almost every day Ty.”, I cried as I wiped away my tears angrily

“When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a sign from God. Telling me I needed to come back to you, our chance at being a family and I was, I was catching the first flight back. He found the pregnancy test and he beat me so bad, he kept kicking and punching my stomach and I tried so hard Ty, I tried so hard to protect our baby but he was too strong. I woke up in the hospital, the nurse told me they needed to do a emergency c section as the baby suffered trauma all over. The damage was done and a few weeks later I woke up one morning only for the doctor to tell me he passed away over night. I didn’t even get to see him one last time, they just took him away”, I sobbed for what seemed like forever with my face in my hands while I still sat there straddling his tense body, with him not muttering a word.

“Un cuff me Nalani”, His voice so low I barely heard him through my cries.

Lifting my head up, I carefully slide off his body and stood a few steps back as I took in his appearance. His cuffed hand turned white due to how hard his hand was fisted, his jaw was clicking every few seconds while his breathing was deep and hard.

“I cant let you go”, I whispered softly

“Un cuff me Lani”, He repeated again this time his voice was so icy it sent shivers down my spine.

“No”, I cried as I shook my head as he began pulling against the cuff.

Closing his eyes for a few moments, my breath caught in my throat as they reopened. The once light brown eyes I adored where now the midnight black that haunted my nightmares.

“UN FUCKING CUFF ME LANI!”, He roared out causing me to jump back as a whimper escaped my lips. He sat up higher and began pulling against the cuff so hard that blood began to drip down his hand. Any hope of the pills working to put him to sleep was lost as his adrenaline was sure to pump it out.

“Ty ! Stop it, your hurting yourself! Please stop”, I begged him although he was hearing none of it.

“You better un cuff me before I do it myself and get my hands on you”, He gritted out in a tone that frightened me to the core.

“Im not letting you go Ty, Im not gonna lose you over some stupid shit!”, I screamed causing him to grind his teeth as he continued to pull at his cuff so hard that the wooden pillar began to splinter .

“FUCK LANI!”, He roared out before pulling the cuff one last time causing it to break through the bed post as more blood poured down his arm .

 Fear bubbled inside of me, not because I was afraid that he would hurt me no the fear was for what would happen if he leaves now on some sort of killing spree.

“Tyson”, I whispered through a shaky breath as I watch him roughly pull his sling off and stretch out his arm as if he hadnt just broken his collar bone.

“Ty, stop your going to damage it even more !”, I yelled out as I took a step closer to him but quickly stopped in my tracks when his head jerked up and glared at me.

Breathing hard, he began making his way over to me until he was standing so close that our chests were touching each other. Suddenly his hand found its way to my straighten hair, where he proceeded to fist his finger in it and forcefully yank it back so my face was looking up at him.

 "I wanna hate you so fuckin much right now but I love you so god damn much that I cant", He seethed out with so much anger that I closed my eyes to avoid the look on his face but he quickly pulled my hair again that I had no choice to open my eyes due to the pain.

“Im sorry Ty, I tried okay? I tried to get away”, I sobbed as my vision became blurry due to all the tears that was pouring out.

“How can you let him do that to your son Lani?”, He suddenly mumbled with a painful tone that crushed my heart.

“Ty, baby I - I tried so hard to protect him”, I cried causing him to shake his head with disgust before letting my hair go so he could push me away .

“This is all your fault! If you never ran away my son would still be alive. I could have protected you !”, He yelled out as I looked at him with hurt eyes. 

“Ty dont say that”, I cried as I shook my head.

“Fuck Lani!  YOU GOT OUR SON KILLED, DONT YOU SEE THAT?!”, He roared as angry Tyson started to come back. Of all the things he has ever said to me that had to be the most hurtful.

Dropping to my knees I covered my face in my hands and cried so hard that I began hyperventilating. My biggest fears were coming true, for the first time ever Tyson was beginning to hate me and I would rather die than live with that.

Suddenly anger took over me and I threw the one thing we promised to never mention again in his face,“If you didnt rape me all those times I woulnt have ran away from you in the first place!”, I screamed as he clenched his jaw tight and looked at me with nothing but pure hate and disgust.

 ”You fuckin loved it ! You loved me, but ya stuck up ass tried to make it out as if I raped you!”, He roared as he stood up and hovered over my body but I refused to shy away this time.

“You stupid mother fucker ! Your nothing but a rapist, our sons better off dead then with a father like you”, I spat out causing his face to drop instantly while I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth and looked at him with regret for what I had just said.

“T-y-y Im so sor-”, I began to babble but he just shook his head and looked at me like I betrayed him.

“Yer, well his better off than with a whore of a mother”, He chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders as I looked up at him with a hurt expression.

“I never want to see you again”, I stated calmly as possible.

“Yer will I’on give a fuck and just so you know Ive been fucking bitches this whole time too”, He chuckled bitterly causing me to look up at him with tears running down my face as my chest began to hurt.

“Why are you doing this to me? I just wanted to let you in. Tell you everything so we didnt have any more secrets”, I sobbed as I picked up the framed picture of Isaiah and sat on the bed with my head down.

I cried for a while as Tyson beat his fist through the walls of his bedroom as he vented and released his anger, standing up my mouth began speaking before my brain could stop me.

“You know Ty, I love you so much that it consumes me . But your therapist was right. You DONT deserve me, you never did and you never will. Now you will never have me again”, I said softly as we stared at each other with nothing but love and hate and in that moment I realised I said something I instantly regretted because as soon as the words left my mouth I knew I lost him.

“Goodbye Tyson”, I sighed as I backed away and turned towards the door and made my way out .

I tried. I tried so hard.

He could never be fixed.

The devil was who he is and you cant save the devil.