"Do you know how to make good coffee, or should I not bother?"
Just a little anecdote from today.
I’m working behind the machine when a guy dressed in a full suit,
wearing Ray Ban shades indoors, spots me from the entrance and strides
directly up to my counter (walking past the cashier, who is supposed to
take his order). No hello, how’s your day been. Instead: “Do you know
how to make good coffee, or should I not bother?” he grits out curtly
(thus fulfilling the title prophecy), glancing down at his iPhone as
he’s clearly an important business man with important business things to
attend to and doesn’t have time for this.
Offering him a tight-lipped smile, I reply “I’d like to think so.”
“Mhm. Blend?” Still blunt, but this time spoken with an added air of
superiority. A pretty vague question, but nonetheless I answer as best I
can, which he seems satisfied with.
“Do you know how to make ristretto?” (Italicised because he
affected a slight fake Italian accent.) I tell him I do. He asks for a
ristretto piccolo latte - well, demands it, really, since he ‘can’t
stomach’ a full regular shot. Makes zero sense, but okay buddy, sure
thing. Normally I’d send him to the register where he’s supposed to
place his order, but whatever, we’re not busy.
So I take his change and start making his coffee - to go, of course,
his valet is waiting (/s) - while he sends a few texts. I imagine those
texts were tersely worded, too.
Wanting to get some kind of revenge on this arrogant douchewad, but
not being able to spit in his coffee while he’s standing so close, I do
the next best thing.
I make him a normal shot of coffee.
Outrageous, you say! You’re scandalised, I know; a shocking and
defiant display of breaking the barista code with wild reckless abandon.
Admit it, you’d do the same.
What makes this petty crime worth sharing, though, is that after
making his drink, he takes a sip and looks genuinely surprised. “I know
quality, and that,” he says with another taste, “is an excellent ristretto.”
He also mentions something else about 'the ristretto difference’ which I
don’t quite remember because my mental laughter drowned it out. I smile
and thank him, he unexpectedly thanks me in return, and we part ways
Turns out he really just prefers ordinary coffee.
TL;dr I was being petty, made a slightly incorrect order for a
pretentious know-it-all customer, he couldn’t tell the difference and
Totally had a sweet day riding at Ray’s, blasting airs on the big jumps. But I rode for almost five hours so now I’m sore as fuck. And I thought my Duke of Wellington frame was going to be too sketchy and twitchy on the jumps but it was right at home in the air! W00t!