ravage me!

And so a month after they built the fifth Wal-Mart in our county, a little coffee shop opened just a few yards away.  

My coworker Rick said it looked like a giant amoeba just waiting to absorb any surrounding properties.

“The coffee shop?” I asked.

“No, Wal-Mart is the amoeba.”


When I got back to my desk, I typed ‘amoeba’ into Google and realized that I had incorrectly pictured a centipede.

“Fuck Rick,” I thought. “I don’t need any more friends, anyway. I’m on friend overload.”

At dinner that night, the Wal-Mart came up again when my wife Diane mentioned how ugly it was to see another gigantic shopping center taking up space in our town.

“It looks like a giant amoeba just waiting to absorb that little coffee shop,” I said. “And then the coffee shop is like a centipede.”

“I don’t think amoebas eat centipedes. And besides, that’s the point.”

Diane went on to explain that the coffee shop, though legitimate and functioning by all measures, was really an art piece constructed by a group of private donors in response to the new Wal-Mart.

“The idea is that we’re intentionally not supposed to go to the coffee shop. That way, Wal-Mart customers will be forced to observe the gradual decay of a local business every time they enter the store.”

“Well, I’ve been going there all week,” I said. “I think the coffee is top-notch stuff. Plus, it’s on my way to work.”

“The coffee is supposed to be mediocre,” said Diane. “Keeping within the budget of most struggling businesses. It’s supposed to be virtually undrinkable.”

“Hmm…well I really like it.”

“Well, you can’t keep going or else you’ll ruin the project.”

“This is America,” I said. “And if I want a cup of mediocre, overpriced coffee, by god I will have it!”

Over the next several months, I kept drinking the coffee. Some days I even went twice. The quality of the coffee, I was told, gradually worsened as a result of my unwavering interest, but I never noticed and so I had no choice but to doubt the rumors.

My doubt remained intact even after overhearing a private conversation between the coffee shop’s manager and the cashier. I was standing by a tree and watching a teenager back his car into another car and I guess they didn’t see me.

“I know,” said the cashier. “I’ve tried that, but it’s like he doesn’t have taste buds.”

“Well, he’s single-handedly fucking up this entire thing.”

“So what then, poison? Would he even drink poison?”

“Now, that’s an interesting idea.”

“Stupid teenage drivers,” I thought.

In the end, they poisoned the coffee. I made it a month after that, but my failing eyesight and ravaged kidneys eventually left me bed-ridden.

“Well, they just opened another location,” said Diane. “Business is booming. I hope you’re happy.”

And I wasn’t happy, but I was somehow content and I thought about everything: Wal-Mart, art projects, even little amoebas crawling through the forest, one-hundred legs working beautifully in tandem.

“Nobody ever wins in these kinds of things,” said Diane.

“But if you had to pick a winner, you’d probably pick me because the coffee shop was on my way to work.”

Diane sighed and left the room. I dozed off and in my dream, they did pick a winner. They picked me and I was led over to a small stage to choose my prize: A brand new recliner or two new kidneys!

“The recliner,” I inquired. “How far back are we talking?”

The ‘Centaurians adopt every cute thing they see’ factoid is actually due to statistical error. The average centaurian adopts 0 children per year. Spiders Udonta, who lives in a spaceship & adopts over 10,000 each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted 

If u want ‘Yondu adopts the guardians’ fic you should totally check out WHO’S YOUR DADDY. It’s a lot less kinky than it sounds.

Let’s start a petition to have Michael rooker play live action Mary poppins with an arrow instead of an umbrella… WHO IS WITH ME?!!!


Just understood that Yondu had to watch those faithful to him getting killed, had to endure getting his fin ripped from him, and afterwards had to kill those men he had probably worked and lived years with because they would have killed him otherwise, and then he had to blow his own ship and home to pieces to make sure no one is left who could backstab him and his little family again.

And during all of that, all that kept him going was the thought that he had to save Peter.

tell me why namjoon looks like a quirky 30-something single mother who’s just glad her eldest son has finally graduated high school after years of driving him to late night soccer meets and science competitions i’m

if you look up “heartbreaking” in the dictionary you will see this panel

both Skids and Magnus comforting Nautica (while Lottie repairs her)

Cyclonus comforting Tailgate and Swerve

don’t even

Ravage’s tail wrapped around Megatron’s foot

Ten collecting flowers

is Nightbeat still looking at Censerre’s body?? :(

and last but not least

Peter growing up with the Ravagers hopefully included –

One day, when witnessing just how amazingly terrible the Ravagers are at math, Peter just turns around to Yondu with an absolutely horrified expression – because he just witnessed grown-ass men failing at understanding what a third of something really is – and Yondu is there, one hand over his eyes, looking to all the world as if he’s in physical pain while the others still bicker over how much a third really is.

When Yondu catches Peter’s gaze through his fingers, he huffs, dropping his hand and snarls, “We ain’t gonna ever mention that again.”

“You seriously work with those guys?” Peter points at the bickering men, torn between shock and amusement and disbelief.

“What did I just say?”

“You. Work. With. Those?”

Yondu throws his hands up and turns and stomps away. “Tha’s it, I need booze.”

“Yondu, wait!”

“Not if ya still gonna talk about it!”

“How can you seriously work with guys who can’t even count to-….!”

“Don’t’cha remind me, it was worse ‘nough hearin’ this shit once!”

“Yondu!” By now, Peter is in tears of laughter – amusement ruling out whatever pity he might have felt for the Captain who had to deal with this on a daily basis – but he still runs after the grumbling and swearing Yondu, unfazed by the snarls directed at him.

“Nope, nah, I ain’t listenin’ to that, I’ve had ‘nough.”



“I promise I will pay more attention in my lessons with Horuz from now on.”

“… Well ya better do, else ya gonna end up like them boys.”


Keep reading

(Spoiler alert for GotG again)

So if I didn’t count wrong, then Stakar’s team as we know it from GotG 2 consists of six people: Stakar, Aleta, Mainframe, Martinex, Charlie-27 and Krrugarr.

And while doing some research for my fanfictions, I realized that, while the Ravager Captains act independent from each other, each with their own crew (which, apparently, all have a different color – Stakar is some kind of dark blue, Aleta black, Yondu is red), they all share the flame badge.



And there are seven tips on the badge. Exactly seven tongues of flames, one in the middle, three on each side.

That makes seven flames for seven Captains.

I dunno, but I really like to headcanon this: The flames represent Stakar’s original team, the core of the Ravagers. The badge was made when Yondu was still part of the team.

He is flame number seven.

And even with Yondu out of the team, after breaking the code - Stakar never changed the design.

And Yondu had one more very good reason to keep the badge, even though he was no longer an official Ravager.

Because it reminded him of his old team, the people he had lost by breaking the code.

Its free real estate

Our quest to rescue a woman from a demon army led us to water deep, which had been ravaged by the demons. Me and my friend play brother and sister rogues. I’m a thief and my sister is an assassin
Me: I look for the nearest house that hasn’t been destroyed and check if anyone’s left alive inside
DM: nobody is in there
Me: *kicks the door in to loot the house and whispers at my sister smiling* its free real estate

I see a lot of posts about how great Soundwave is (I love them all) but no similar posts about the cassettes, so here’s one. 

Rumble and Frenzy: are adorable. 

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw: good birds. 

Ravage: very good cat. 

Glit: also a good cat. How many cats are medics? Just one, probably.

Ratbat: is more of a bat, but also kind of a rat, and that’s awesome. 

Enemy, Howlback, Slugfest, and bunch of other names I definitely do remember: all excellent. 

If there was / is something like a digital camera in space, then that would probably lead to lil‘ Peter running around and taking pictures of everything and anyone, annoying the whole crew with it (especially since he takes to looking at the pictures of certain people – aka Taserface – and be like “Ew, ugly!” before running for his life) until he one day decides – there needs to be a group picture. And Yondu is gonna be in it, mainly because he was the only one Peter could never get a good picture of.

So Peter begs and pleads and yells and fights and always gets “No”s for it, and being stubborn and confused about why Yondu is so opposed to a group picture.

Until Peter one day follows Yondu to his room, determined to get a Yes this time around, only to find Yondu sitting at his desk, hunched over while staring at a faded old picture.

Peter slinks up to him, waiting for a whistle but it doesn’t come, and he pretends not to be interested in the picture – he is, because he can see Yondu on that picture, together with a bunch of people he doesn’t know and would love to hear the story off – but instead he aims for climbing up in Yondu’s lap, balancing on the man’s knees until they are eye to eye.

He offers the camera up to Yondu, knowing that here and now, the Captain could easily smash the device if he wanted to, but he doesn’t, a wobbly sign of a peace treaty, and Peter offers, “So… picture?”

And Yondu sighs deeply, a grim smile flitting over his face as he lays the (oh-so-so-interesting) picture aside and grumbles, “Stubborn brat.”

“That’s a Yes!” Peter beams, punching the air in victory. “Whooop!”

Only if ya get off mah fuckin’ back afterwards!”

“I will! No picture of you ever again, never, ever, nope!”

“’s better be true, Quill.”

“I don’t want another picture of your face anyway, I mean, it’s pretty ug-…”

Git, Quill!”

Peter laughs like mad as he dashes to safety before an arrow can dive after him, hollering the whole way “GUYS COME ON HE SAID YES, GET OVER HERE!” as he goes.

Yondu shakes his head, hides the picture of Stakar and him and the others in his drawer again before he pushes to his feet to follow the excited kid.

(He will later use the new group picture - how Peter even managed to talk so many of them into it will always be a mystery to them - to cover up the old one in his drawer, only ever pulling the both of them out when he wants to look at one of them, because he can’t stand seeing one without the other.)


acowar countdown challenge ≡ april 16 - april 22 [favorite otp]

I did not mind stepping out of the shadows, did not mind even being in the shadows to begin with, so long as he was with me. My friend through so many dangers—who had fought for me when no one else would, even myself.
“Of course I’ll dance with you,” Rhys said, his voice still raw. “All night, if you wish.”
“Even if I step on your toes?”
“Even then.”
He leaned in, brushing his mouth against my heated cheek. I closed my eyes at the whisper of a kiss, at the hunger that ravaged me in its wake, that might ravage Prythian. And all around us, as if the world itself were indeed falling apart, stars rained down.