rat patrol bike club


Levi came ashore for the Flotilla this year. Having never attended, and being a ship builder himself, he was excited to build the trashiest boat in the fleet. He and Max went dumpstering a few days  in advance and picked up a couple hundred pounds of usable, and not so usable wood but when in came down to it, Levi only had 7 hours to build a frame, skin the boat, and figure out a way to haul it to the launch point. He got to work early using an old cedar chest to piece together the floor of his vessel and building the frame out of old chairs and futon slats. The waterproofing and skin came down to the line and with inadequate materials he put together a cardboard and sunfish sail skin that kept water out long enough for him to think about thinking about getting in the boat.

He christened it with no name and proceeded to get wet and mess with ballast. It floated even though it had filled entirely with water by the end of his trip. He got the award for first inadvertent swimmer, a little tiger towel, how cute. At the end of the night, like all rat patrol failures, we lit it on fire and threw it in the river. I mean… we disposed of it properly.


Max had a little build day in the snowy backyard of bummer city. Winter hits hard so he built this stupid house Trike, officially named “Safety Third: the bummer city house trike” Alexis loves long names like that. Its made from an old unicycle donated by Caitlyn. And don’t worry, its take apartable so it can still be used as a unicycle. Hooray! There’s talk of slapping an odometer on it to find out how much “indoor triking” we do this winter. There will be video of action riding soon!


New Patches! Krissy put in the hours making the new screen and drawing up designs. That Salty face that you know and love can now be worn on your arm! Are you a pain in the ass sometimes? What about all the time? don’t be surprised if you wake up sticky and confused with a new “beast of burden” patch sewn to your colors. Matt the Rat added designs to the rats on bike series including a rat on a smalltall, a rat on a swing bike and two versions of a touring rat. McD’s “el Kabong” patch has arrived for those who have smashed a guitar on a rat ride. Obscure! Max had the idea for the “eat trash ride bikes” patch for a year or so but he cant draw. Krissy to the rescue! His and Hers eat trash ride bikes patches are now a reality. Lagoon Patrol? Duh.


St. Ratricks is also a time to say goodbye to loved ones… and not so loved ones… Bikeasaurus has been Yly’s tallbike forever. It was Yly’s functioning tallbike for many years as well. It took him on countless dumpster expeditions, urban explorations, and rat rides.  Danny’s tallbike probably did all that too, but it kind of sucked so he just wanted to get rid of it… So we lit them on fire and… y’know… disposed of them properly… 


The Flotilla had tons of awesome successful boats this year. Matt the rat brought back his little styrofoam speedboat with added propulsion this year. John Edel brought his awesome, tried and true, super rad John Edel boat that doubles as a kid trailer. The were a couple of backyard barges with fake grass, picnic areas, and mini golf. One of which had quite the scare when it took on water about 20 feet off the dock and had many unsuccessful casts of the line before, at the last second before sinking, getting the line to the dock and being pulled in. Boats boats boats boats boats bikes boats.


The Alley Rat was a rousing success! We had 5 different bars that made you drink a dumb drink and do something stupid. The Puke-A Island was a tropical paradise with “Surfers on Acid”. The Chubby Hole was a gay bar with “cum shots”. Honky Tonkin at The Church of Randy Travis you had a Rat Patrol Favorite: “Uncle Grandpa”. South of the Border at La Rata Borracha there was “Sangria de Rata”. And at the Crusty Concertina, an old timey, bike mounted, Wisconsin polka bar, they had good old fashioned “Jeeferson Juice”. Activities at each bar included riding stupid and nearly unrideable bikes, throwing wet food at peoples face holes and “t.v. relay races” which involve carrying a heavy t.v. at high speeds. Danger!

In the end the winner was deciced by shot gunning a beer and having a dance off.


At the crack of noon everyone rolled out of their beds/cots/beer can piles and headed out to another St. Ratricks Day. This year started, as so many have before, with a cookout at the boathouse. Strangely, the security guard told us to move, suggesting that if we were going to break the rules, we should make less of a spectacle of it. After an ice-lagoonside cookout, everyone took to the streets with full bellies and a trailer full of snacks. Because you always need more snacks. We arrived at our first destination quickly. Foot-down was the name of the game. It started slowly, with nobody taking any charge in knocking other people off of their bikes. After a formal 3, 2, 1 footdown, everything got going. The last two contestants were Bad Taste Tom and, of course, Mitch from Mosh and Brew. A surprise upset left Tom with a shiny new Ratricks foot down medal and a pair of embroidered knuck-tat gloves.