rat cook

linguini from ratatouille is the most accurate representation of a broke millennial, like he has no idea what he wants to do with his life and has a shitty apartment and gets drunk and has intense anxiety and actually acknowledges how weird his situation is. like, he just found this rat that can cook and can somehow communicate and control his actions by pulling on his hair and that’s weird af, but fuck it he really needs this job so fine let the rat cook, he doesn’t even care how weird his life is anymore he just needs money.

For that person that wanted a recap (7/18).

Today’s feeds have been just as entertaining as Matt’s personality, meaning they haven’t been entertaining at all. But let’s flashback to midnight. Josh and Dominique were having a heart to heart that would have even the most heartless bitch (like me) in their feelings. They discussed what it’s like to be a person of color in the BB house and how this experience is affecting them. It’s during this conversation that Josh learns that someone started a rumor about him peeking on girls in the shower. That person we have learned is Miss Little Salmonella herself. So not only is Casper out here being a scammer and a racist, she’s lying on my main man Josh trying to ruin his reputation. I’m really going to need the ghost she likes to hunt to flip the script and haunt her ass when she gets out the house.

Fast foward a few minutes and you still have One Leg Peg running her mouth about Dominique talking about how she’s going to light Dominique ass up and make an example out of her. And I’m just thinking like bitch really? God already dropped your ass and broke your foot are you really trying to be this nasty. Dominique already told Lief Erikson’s Day yesterday that she’s not the one. And trust when a black girl tells you she’s not the one she is not the one. Spread the word, tell a friend, save a life. So I need National Siblings Day to sit her ass down and shut the hell up because the gag is Dominique is a successful nuclear engineer and she’ll be lucky enough to get a gig as Patchy the Pirate with that one leg of hers. 

The futon, I mean Matthew, mentioned how he hasn’t been called in the DR in 3 days and honestly I don’t think anyone is surprised because who is he.OH SHIT BITCH, ARBOR DAY JUST TOOK A TUMBLE IN THE KITCHEN ON SOME SPILLED GREASE WHILE IM TYPING THIS LMFAOOO. Won’t he do it? Yes he will! God is good lmao. 

Jigsaw and Rizzo the Rat cooked burgers today, but that shit looked nasty af and I’m sure my saddidy ass dog wouldn’t even eat that crap. Casper also accused Dominique of trying to poison the houses food which is crazy because Little Miss Salmonella literally puts raw meat in the microwave and thinks it done. Kinda like Hottie on a flavor of love when she made that raw ass chicken lmao.

Production’s pet Paul and Kevin’s old Oogie Boogie looking self continue to talk crap about Dominique. Kevin is a prime example of why it’s important to moisturize when your young because you’ll be looking like a bag of bugs when you’re 50 if you don’t. Anyways, they plan to have their own talk show Wednesday night while Dominique does her own. Which isn’t surprising since old white men have been stealing the ideas of POC and acting like they were their own before time even started. 

If you actually read all of this you are the real MVP.

anonymous asked:

Just reread your Winter Queen Essays, great BtW, prompting this Question: Do you think that Wyman Manderly went through all the motions just prior to the Frey boy's departing from his care because he was trying to protect his immediate family from any potential backlash from the Frey pies saga or was it to protect the legacy of House Manderly for his future descendants? Was this a personal attack on the Freys, never meant to see the light of day or would he have publicly reveled in his deceit?

Thanks for the question, Anon.

Oh, I definitely think Manderly was being very careful in how he treated the Freys who came to White Harbor. He knew what revenge he wanted, but I think he wanted to be very clear that he was not some accursed oathbreaker like the Freys; he was going to follow all the rules of guest right, and then take his revenge. He hints as much to Davos at what he is going to do:

“The Freys came here by sea. They have no horses with them, so I shall present each of them with a palfrey as a guest gift. Do hosts still give guest gifts in the south?”

“Some do, my lord. On the day their guest departs.”

“Perhaps you understand, then.” Wyman Manderly lurched ponderously to his feet.

That giving of a guest gift is a very important stage in the host-guest relationship; the act marks the end of a host’s obligation to a guest. Wyman explicitly tells the Freys in Winterfell that he gave his guests “guest gifts” when they left White Harbor, and that “many and more bore witness to our parting”; Manderly was putting on the most obvious show possible to indicate that his obligations as a host - namely, to do no harm to his guests - was at an end. I have no doubt that the minute those Freys made one step outside the gates of White Harbor, Manderly men had them arrested and executed. 

Still, Manderly is not exactly subtle about what he did:

… Wyman Manderly himself served, presenting the first steaming portions to Roose Bolton and his fat Frey wife, the next to Ser Hosteen and Ser Aenys, the sons of Walder Frey. “The best pie you have ever tasted, my lords,” the fat lord declared. “Wash it down with Arbor gold and savor every bite. I know I shall.”

She gestured toward Lord Manderly with her wine cup. "Have you ever seen a fat man so happy? He is almost dancing. Serving with his own hands.”

It was true. The Lord of White Harbor was the very picture of the jolly fat man, laughing and smiling, japing with the other lords and slapping them on the back, calling out to the musicians for this tune or that tune.

And then, toward the end of the feast, he gets even more blatant: 

Lord Manderly was so drunk he required four strong men to help him from the hall. “We should have a song about the Rat Cook,” he was muttering, as he staggered past Theon, leaning on his knights. “Singer, give us a song about the Rat Cook.”

Now, that said, I don’t think Manderly was necessarily going to point-blank tell anyone “Hey, by the way, I killed those Freys and made you eat them”; even drunk, all Manderly does is give broad hints toward it, and he refuses to admit to Hosteen that he did anything to the Freys who visited White Harbor. I think it’s enough for him that he knows what he did, and that he not only stuck himself to all the rules of the host-guest relationship, but avenged his son and all the men who died at the Red Wedding too. Every Northerner knows the story of the Rat Cook, and Manderly would not be similarly cursed; “a man has a right to vengeance”, as that story went, and Manderly had taken his, but had done everything he needed to do as a host before he took it.

The Queen Regent (NFriel)

Bedtime story

(Child) Robb Stark x (Child)Reader x (Child) Jon Snow

Words: 895
Notes: Y/N = your name.

Warnings: fluff.

Imagine being a child living in Winterfell with Robb and Jon, and falling asleep in Robb’s bed with him and Jon.


***

It was, all in all, a warm night: a wool blanket was enough to keep Robb, Jon and you warm. You three were in Robb’s room, wrapped together in bed with you stuck between them, listening intently to the Old Nan telling the Rat Cook tale. In all honesty, you couldn’t tell which was scarier, if the story or the Old Nan herself. The cook was giving you the creeps, but at the same time you were trembling because of the shrunken wrinkled face that appeared so ghostly by the candle light. As the woman was speaking, you imperceptibly turned to glimpse Jon, serious and focused; then you looked at Robb and saw him smirking off his face. It certainly seemed like you were the only one who was almost frightened to death; anyway, you couldn’t let the two boys knowing about it, so you swallowed your fear and went back to listen to Old Nan.

It seemed like hours until the story ended and you were now watching the woman leaving slowly and wobbly, not before she recommended Jon and you to return to your respective bedrooms. As to make a point, Old Nan left the door open letting the cold air from the hallway in.

– Are we going? – Jon asked you, but Robb started to protest.

– Already tired? – he complained standing up on the furs of his bed while his half-brother, instead, got off jumping on the floor. Jon handed you your little shoes even before he could put his own on, to keep you from touch the cold ground with bare feet.

– If lady Catelyn finds us here, she will scold us again – he insisted looking up to Robb.

– I can hide you! – the auburn haired boy exclaimed and with that he jumped off the bed too and grabbed one of Jon’s boot. Jon tried to steal it from his grasp, but he failed. – And – his brother went on looking at you, – Y/n wants to stay, I know!

He then got closer to you, who were slipping the second shoe on, – Stay here, Y/n – he plead. Meanwhile Jon finally succeeded in having his boot back.

– Jon… – you begged with an uncertain expression on your face, hoping not to make him mad. Actually, the idea to stay alone in your dark room after that creepy tale really wasn’t so appealing. That happened every time and this was the reason you played for time with Robb and Jon so often after curfew. So, it was only your fault if lady Catelyn had dressed the three of you down for the last three days. Being the apple of his mother’s eye, Robb didn’t seem to mind the scolds at all, but Jon, of course, was another matter. Lady Catelyn didn’t like him and he knew it pretty well, and he just wished not to make her upset; but as a little child, he also wished to stay with his friends having fun as long as possible. Because of that, now he was staring at his feet, one still bare and cold on the floor, pondering what to do.

Robb patted his shoulder with a wide smile – Let’s build up a barricade! – he said.

– A barricade? – you asked confused, watching as Robb closed the door of his room trying to be as silent as possible and then Jon giving up to your will with a sigh. He took off the only boot he was wearing and reached you on the mattress, quickly followed by Robb.

– A barricade against the Rat Cook – he explained glancing strangely at Jon, who started to crawl towards you murmuring – Because if you don’t hide…

– He will eat you! – they both burst out tickling you and making you scream. Anyway, Robb was fast enough to shout you up by putting a hand on your mouth, scratching your belly with the other along with Jon. After a while they got tired and exhausted from all the laughs, and let you rest, panting breathless.

– I hate you – you whined moving under the blankets. You covered yourself above your head, and in there you listened to the boys whispers.

You made her mad – Robb said and Jon answered back he was the one who tickled you more. Later you heard the soft sound of the covers raising as the boy slipped down there with you.

– Sorry, Y/n – Jon muttered grasping the hem of your nightdress as Robb laid down next to you too; you felt Robb’s little hand stroking your cheek and then he asked – You’re not crying, are you?

Fully aware you succeeded in your plans, you started to giggle.

– You really are stupid! – and they tickled you again.

***

Catelyn found the three of you sleeping in Robb’s bed when she came to check for her son. Even if you disobeyed her for the fourth time in a week, she could not disturb your dreams. The simple way Robb rested, keeping you in a genuine embrace and holding Jon too at the same time, melted her heart.

– Oh, Ned… – she whispered as her husband walked in, unable to hide a warm smile.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a kiss on her temple.

– Let them stay here for tonight.

Catelyn nodded. They gave a last look to you and went out, closing the door gently as not to waken you.



***

This was very short, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway =)

I think a lot about Tabris leaving the Alienage.

Tabris, who’d known nothing but city slums all their life seeing nature first hand. They realize the air isn’t supposed to smell like chamber pots and stagnant water. That grass can be soft and thick and grow in more than just patches.

Tabris, who believe a good meal was a fat rat cooked in water gathered from the rain that leaked through the roof. They learn that it’s okay to eat more than once a day and seconds are in fact a thing. Then feeling guilt because they should have saved that for someone else.

Tabris, who upon finding their armor getting more snug cries not because “oh no I’m getting fat”but because they have never not been able to count their ribs.

Tabris, who is hostile towards humans not because they hate them but because they’re scared and all they’ve ever known is abuse from shem. It takes a while to adjust and to learn that not everyone treats elves with such disregard.

Tabris learning there is life outside of dividing walls and derelict buildings

              ✧・゚:*✧・゚:* ✧・゚:*✧・゚:* \(◕‿◕✿)/ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

sometimesangryblackwoman  asked:

Prompt: Regina thinks Roland has an imaginary friend.

If Regina thought being a single parent was hard, it was nothing compared to being a quasi-stepparent.

When Henry had imaginary friends from his not-so-imaginary storybook, Regina put him in therapy. Now that Roland had imaginary friends – talking mice and transforming robots and friendly ghosts, Regina was seriously considering cancelling her Netflix subscription.

She couldn’t decide what was worse, Henry (rightfully) thinking that she was the Evil Queen, or Roland demanding that he let his rat friend help her cook dinner, because, as he said, “You don’t use enough salt.”’

Oh, she could show him salt.

It wasn’t a coincidence that his imaginary rat friend showed up the first night that Robin and Roland had spent the night at her house. She wasn’t a bad cook, exactly; she had a few things she did well – lasagna and apple turnovers, with or without poison – but Roland hated tomatoes and his father was more than a little turned off by apples, so she improvised.

Improvised, and nearly set fire to her kitchen. Thank God for fire extinguishers and peanut butter sandwiches.

Thank God Robin didn’t like her for her kitchen skills. Well, how the hell was she supposed to be a good cook? Her mother raised her to marry well and rule kingdoms, not to make tuna casserole.

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theblazeofmemory  asked:

60 Jehanparnasse it impooortant

60. You’d be a great father

It wasn’t that Montparnasse didn’t like children in particular. He didn’t like most people, and the last time he’d checked, children were people. Tiny, noisy, and often dirty people, but people nonetheless.

Then again, as with any given rule, there were exceptions. The Thénardiers kids were one of them. He’d seen them grow from shrieking and wrinkly bundles to restless sprouts, and that process had undeniably left him fond of the bunch. It was a weakness Eponine used pretty liberally, having found in Montparnasse a babysitter she didn’t have to pay. Montparnasse complained for good measure, but never actually resented the job. Having an excuse to laze around wasn’t exactly a chore. And since he was allowed to bring Jehan along, it was an excellent excuse to stay indoors and make out on the couch once the little ones had been put to bed.

Most often, he’d end up sandwiched between the two youngest Thénardier siblings while they watched a movie of their choosing. Today’s pick was Ratatouille, and though Montparnasse wasn’t paying much attention to the story, he couldn’t help but smirk at the postcard version of Paris he was looking at. You can always tell when a movie set in Paris is directed by an American. They all have that “Vie en Rose” filter with swelling accordion music and a hard-on for Montmartre. Gullible tourists.

“So why’s the rat good at cooking again?” he asked.

On his right, the older one shrugged, keeping his eyes on the television.

“He’s just good at it. He’s read cookbooks, so now he can cook.”

He sounded very serious for a six year old, as though he was merely pointing out the obvious.

“Must be a very clever rat if he can read,” Montparnasse played along.

He felt something tugging at his shirt. On his left, the youngest Thénardier was craning his neck to look at him.

“Parnaaaasse, I’m thirsty.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll be right back.” Montparnasse nudged the older boy. “Do you want anything while I’m up?”

The boy shook his head and Montparnasse got up from the couch. In the kitchen, Jehan was hunched over one of their heavy textbooks, taking up all the space available on the table with various papers and post-it notes. They had mentioned something about readings they had to catch up on. Montparnasse dropped a kiss on their hair as he walked past them.

“The movie’s already over?” Jehan asked, looking adorably confused.

“Guillaume’s thirsty.”

He opened several cupboards, looking for the fruit juice boxes Eponine bought in bulk because they were way cheaper that way. The boys were so fond of that stuff she had to find strategic locations to hide them before they gulped the whole thing down.

“The juice boxes are under the sink, chaton,” Jehan supplied helpfully. “I saw them earlier. There’s only orange juice without bits, though.”

There they were indeed. Montparnasse bent over and retrieved one.

“Without bits is alright. Guillaume always complains when there’re bits, he says they get stuck in his teeth. And apparently it makes his teeth hurt, too. Go figure.”

Jehan smiled brightly at him and pull on his sleeve to kissed his cheek.

“You’d be such a great dad.”

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