This Is Nothing
Description: After breaking up with Agatha, Simon kisses Baz and keeps him as his dirty little secret.
Word Count: 1411
Warning: Angst, slight language.
Simon Snow was going to be the death of Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. Because he was so damn in love with Simon and the other boy was so oblivious. And this was just a fling. A bad habit. A habit that just occurred after Baz fed one night and Simon kissed him. Baz later found out that it was after he and Agatha broke up, and for a second, Baz had convinced himself that he wasn’t a rebound, that Simon Snow was actually in love with him. But the next day it happened again and Simon Snow got dressed and said “this is nothing”. But Baz let it happen again and again and again. And in the end Simon would pull away and remind Baz that this was nothing and that as soon as he had Agatha back it would stop.
He got Agatha back a month ago and it didn’t stop. Simon Snow would still grab him by his collar, yank him down into the bed, and he would kiss him senseless. But Baz would let him and he would watch Snow get dressed in the end of it all and tell him that it was nothing, because to Simon Snow it was nothing. Little did he know, Baz was living for the secret kisses between him and Simon, because no matter how much it hurt him it was giving him his fifth year fantasies.
But then, Baz was standing in front of Simon, Penelope, and Agatha, holding two empty bottles of vodka (“Bet you can’t chug these,” “Watch me”). And he was trying not to cry as he watched Simon untangle himself from Agatha. It was a mistake going out to drink with Dev and Niall, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t spend his Saturday doing “nothing” with Simon Snow.
“I’m not coming back until Monday,” he had said, pulling on a pair of jeans and not bothering to look at Simon.
“Or,” Simon had suggested, grabbing the belt loops and Baz backwards and into his chest, “you can stay back here with me and we can spend our day having fun.” And he batted those lashes, almost making Baz give in. But Baz pulled away and left for the weekend.
But at the end of the day, Baz came back and he was so drunk he could barely stand. And he wanted to curse him out for breaking his heart, but he couldn’t. Agatha was there, staring at him with wide eyes, coiled around Simon Snow like he was a life preserve. Then, Simon kissed her and muttered something in her ear, before grabbing a water and heading to Baz. And Baz fucking lost it.
“Fuck you!” He cried suddenly, throwing one of the bottles just past Simon’s head (not close enough to get the Anathema to kick in), “You fucking prick! I can’t believe you, do you know what you’re doing to me?”
“Baz,” Simon pleaded suddenly, jutting his head in Agatha’s direction in hopes that Baz would get the message, “don’t do this now.”
“No, no. Three months, Simon Snow, I spent three months wasting my time with you. I have been in love with you for years and you kissed me - out of nowhere, might I add! And you gave me some hope when you kissed me after Agatha and you broke up. And I loved you so damn much I wasn’t going to tell you to stop, even after I found out that I was just a rebound. I hoped that this was something, that you would warm up to it.
“I get it now, Simon Snow, you don’t like me. You don’t want me. You want to go on and marry Agatha and keep me as your mistress. You don’t want anything emotional out of this, am I right? Am I just a dirty slut to you? Something you can fuck then leave?” He was crying hard now, wanting to punch Simon more than ever, “I let you do this to me because I was in love with you. Because I am in love with you. So screw you, Simon Snow, if you want to bang someone you have a girlfriend.”
And then Agatha was standing and she was crying too, but she was wrapping her arms around Baz’s bicep and to say he was confused was the least of it. Because here he was, with the love of his life’s girlfriend on his arm. She glared at Simon, wiping away her tears, “Well, I wouldn’t usually believe Baz, but it hasn’t felt right in awhile and he’s so drunk I don’t think he could make something up if he wanted to. So, Baz,” she turned towards the crying man, smiling through her own tears, “let’s go rebound and go to the Winter Formal together?”
Baz was angry at Simon, sure, but Agatha was a sweetheart (he’d never admit it aloud though, unless he was drunk). So, he wiped away his own tears and nodded, “Yeah, I’ll buy you a nice dress, I’m sure the one Simon was going to go with you in isn’t nearly as beautiful as the one I’ll get you. But not tonight,” he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I’m not sure if you can tell but I’m completely wasted.”
Agatha nodded with a giggle, she liked drunk Baz more than she would assume. “No, I couldn’t actually, now, let’s go get me drunk. I assume there’s more liquor where that came from?” She pulled Baz out of the room, loving the fact that she could rub this all in Simon’s face.
As they closed the door, Baz heard a soft, “Oh, what did you do, Simon?”
For the next two weeks, Simon went through hell. Agatha and Baz were cruel bitches when it came to revenge, using Belt It Out to project their voices across the cafeteria and rat on Simon. The only person who still talked to Simon was Penelope and she was still more distant than usual.
The night of the Winter Formal, Baz and Agatha had went together, his baby pink tie matching Agatha’s magnificent dress. And Simon wore a grey suit, sitting at a table with Micah and Penelope who were carelessly making out. All that did was remind him of Baz and how that could’ve been them, but no, he’s straight. Simon Snow is straight and he would rather make out with a merwolf than Baz.
Simon watched couples dance for a couple hours, mainly keeping his sight on Agatha and Baz. And it sickened him, because they were laughing and he was twirling her carelessly while she giggled. Then, Baz leaned down, pointing to a boy and whispering about him in Agatha’s ear.
A sudden pang struck his chest, jealousy hitting Simon like a brick. Baz was moving on, he was finding someone new. Or maybe Agatha was, but he didn’t care about her. He didn’t want Baz to forget about him, because for the past two weeks Baz only acknowledged his existence when calling him out in front of the entire school. Feeling sick, Simon excused himself and headed to his dorm.
Barely thirty minutes after returning to his room, Baz entered and saw Simon crying on his bed. ‘You fucking prick, you should be wailing,’ he thought bitterly.
Then, Simon looked up, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he sobbed.
“Didn’t know that doing ‘nothing’ hurt me, that being a side hoe made me feel like shit?” Baz hissed, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Didn’t know that you liked me, I thought it was the same thing for you,” and he stood, grabbing Baz by his wrists and pleading, “I didn’t think it was anything when we had it, but now, I see you moving on and it makes me sick. I don’t even care about Agatha, because I want you. I want what we had and more.” Then he kissed Baz hard.
But Baz pulled back, shaking his head, “I don’t want to be your secret. I don’t want nothing.”
“Good, I don’t want nothing either.” He kissed Baz again, but was once again pushed away.
“Buy me dinner first, Snow,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood. He wasn’t going to say no, because Simon was going to try to be with him, and this was everything he wanted.
“Let’s go get dinner, come on.” And Simon pulled him out of the dorm.