My golden haloed angel baby, nothing will ever rival the pleasure I get from standing here next to you, basking in your feminine glow. Just this morning I was embracing you in my pirate arms, kissing every womanly inch of you as you helped me apply my eye liner. I’m so proud of you. Few have managed to become the timeless comedy icon you are while still managing to keep dudes like me on our toes, wondering if and when they will ever be able to wife you up. Darling beauty, you have accomplished so much and all of it looking as sexy as you do. You deserve more than a star on the Hollywood walk of fame, you deserve all the stars in the sky, a thousand puppies wrapped in bows, a tender hot oil massage– oh wait, this is getting a little personal. And there’s a drawing, there’s children here so I’m just gonna skip the rest of this. Alright, this is a long speech. Goddess, blah blah blah. Perfect in every way, blah blah blah. Body that won’t quit, okay, let’s get to the end. You’re a really good dancer and even better driver. You are the Jack to my Sparrow, the Gilbert to my Grape, the Whitey to my Bulger. Oh, and don’t forget to blow off Rashida for coffee tomorrow. In closing, there’s really nothing this woman can’t do. I love her, please marry me. And from me, personally, Amy Poehler, congratulations. My dear friend, you have the unique combination of boundless talent and unwavering integrity. I am very lucky to know you, you are the real deal, I love you.
- Rashida Jones’ speech for Amy Poehler during Amy’s Walk of Fame