I wish I had never worn… a jeans-and-T-shirt look for the Choirgirl launch tour. I listened to my husband – he said, “You know, why don’t you just wear jeans?” Don’t listen to your husband unless he’s closet gay. When you look at the pictures, I should have a mop in my hand.
Tori Amos - “My Secret Life” The Independent (UK), October 13, 2012
I was pregnant and I miscarried at almost three months last Christmas. But people thought that was a subtext to the record, and they were getting this so wrong that I decided to talk about it. I just wanted to really have the pregnancy and not rush into doing more music, but when the miscarriage happened, the songs just started to come. I went through many different stages. I couldn’t be the person I was before I carried life, but I’m not a mother, so I was in no man’s land. But there was still a deep connection to this being; the soul and the love doesn’t go. This record is about life force.
#6 - iieee 2011 Position - #14 #1 Rankings - Two Included on 97 (59.51%) of submitted lists
“Some of you know that we like really good wine. So, I wasn’t quite sure if um, the things I was seeing was from that, or if they were really happening. And uh, it was a strange time, I had just uh, I had a bad pregnancy and I lost the baby. And I started having this vision of this little Pueblo boy everywhere I went. And we knew it wasn’t a little boy, so… I really didn’t know who he was. And uh, the wine really wasn’t that good, you know what I mean? So um, I would close my eyes when he would appear and I would follow him and he would say things like, “Come, rabbit, come on.” And I would go. And we had this 1959 convertible and he was a Zuni boy, Zuni or Pueblo boy. And he would sit in the back with his arms like that and we would drive for hours and hours and hours. And I would sit there and we didn’t know where we were going, but when we would get there, nobody would be alive. So um, it was a strange thing, it was like being in, I don’t know, a bad Dustin Hoffman killer virus movie, you know. And I didn’t know what we were supposed to do, so we would leave the town and uh, he would tell me to build a campfire. Um, and I’m an arsonist so I, I really like that bit. So I would build this thing and um, he would start dancing. And um, he would say, you know, “we failed today but we have to go to the next town tomorrow.” And this happened over and over and over again. And we were always too late. Um, and he would sing this thing in my head. And he would go, he would pat me on the head and he’d say, “It’s ok… iieee, iieee, iieee…” Tori Amos VH1 Storytellers 1998
I wrote this record in the tropics. It was very warm and… (long pause) I was recovering from a miscarriage. It was Christmas of 96 and I was three months pregnant. I was going to just take time off and be a mom for a little while and then the miscarriage happened. It was such a shock, I just stayed down there for nine months. And the songs just started to come. And it became a completely different record to what I’d started on.
When you start talking to people who have that kind of loss, somebody piping up, going ‘Well, the angels were there for us during this time.’ Well, that’s beautiful. But people have to understand that they’re not there for everybody all the time. They get lost on the way. That’s why in Cruel, when I say, ‘I don’t know why’ I really don’t know why the angels aren’t there for everybody, but they’re not.