"All you can do is be honest and real with him as you get to know each other. Deciding not to play games is the best way to go because it keeps things simple: If he messes it up by playing around with your heart, you’ll know he doesn’t deserve you.“
Summary: The reader and Chris have a normal evening when Chris randomly bursts out something the shocks the reader
Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader
Warnings: You could die from the fluffiness
Word Count: 770
A/N: This was requested by @createdbytinyaddiction , #34 and #39. Hope you like this love, thank you for requesting 💕 Enjoy!
You thought that going upstairs and working in your office would help you with focusing. You thought your 35-year-old boyfriend would just let you focus, knowing how much work you had. But this is Chris we’re talking about a.k.a “a meatball”. He could never sit still when he was alone. You were lucky if he sat still for more than five minutes, which he could but only for football. And honestly, you didn’t mind it; his silliness was what attracted you to him. As you started you work you heard him yell ‘ah”, you knew right there and then that something bad was about to happen. And you were right because, after a short while, you heard glass shattering. You groaned while getting up, going to check what had happened.
“Chris!” you called out, worried someone broke in; you really needed to stop watching thriller movies.
“Stay upstairs!” he called back, and of course that made you even more worried. You continued your path downstairs asking,
“No reason,” Chris ’s voice was higher than usual, which called out his lying. You walked into the kitchen gasping, as you seen shattered glass all over the floor and Chris standing there like a child that got caught doing something bad.
“What happened?” your eyes widened taking in the scene before you. Asking yourself what could possibly shatter like this.
“It wasn’t me!” Chris said trying to defend himself which made no sense cause it was only the two of you in the house.
“We live together. You can’t blame this on anyone else.” You said narrowing eyes at him, placing a hand on your hip. Chris took a short moment, chuckled and replied with,
“Right, good point. Well, long story short, I thought there was a spider so to defend myself I grabbed the closest thing I could find which was a vase and threw it at the floor.” You tried really hard to be mad, to be upset at the fact that he broke a crystal vase because his mind played a trick on him; but you couldn’t. You knew how Chris reacted to spiders and you also knew that you would probably do the same thing.
“Right… cause the spider would’ve killed you,” you teased with a smile.
“Hey! Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same thing. Now, please will you go get me the broom.”
“Yes Captain,” you saluted before went to get the broom, leaving Chris to chuckle at your actions.
I am calling this a UPG post because, well, it’s my UPG. I have NOT
been formally trained in any
shamanic system or system of spiritual drug use. This is just my
system of being a drug user stoner witch and shamanic practitioner
for the past five years. So y'know we’re gunna start with some basics
START DOING DRUGS. FUCK. DON’T.
guys. Doing drugs is NOT a spiritual “shortcut.” Trust me. Doing
drugs takes as much time, dedication, pain, sweat, tears, and
metaphorical blood as sitting it out on the meditation mat every day.
Doing drugs one time will NOT guarantee you a spiritual experience,
no matter what Experienced Drug Users™
tell you. In my experience even if a person has an instant spiritual
revelation, it’s like a rare candy – 500xp. And that’s it. If you
want to learn more and gain more, you have to do
more drugs and
yeah for some of
us it kind of becomes a habit, and no one should erase the fact that
for certain spiritual drug users the line between recreational and
spiritual is incredibly blurred.
And drugs come with shit
side-effects. Shit. Pleeeeease trust me. Please do not start doing
drugs. It’s not
worth it. It isn’t. Plus it’s fucking expensive.
in the interest of fuck abstinence-only education, I am going to make
a guide. Because some people are
going to try it. And I’m not going to stand on the sidelines and wave
to those kids as they feel blindly along, laughing and smoking on my
pipe and saying “gosh I sure remember when I desperately needed
guidance and none was to be had.” So I’m going to write this post
drug culture is often verbal and stoners and drug users learn through
tutelary and initiatory sessions with more experienced drug users
around them, I am going to write this post as if the person reading
it knows nothing
about drug use. This is because I cannot determine the experience
level of anyone reading this, so I want to cover every safety concern
that comes up.
Oh also, I have not been
doing psychedelics and other drugs for decades; I don’t know a whole
heck of a lot about the chemical interactions. All I know are basic
dumb-person stuff that us regular folks really need to know in order
to have safe trips. And that is what I want to share with you today!
Sooooo let’s get started,
curious Seeker. I’m going to assume a drug (besides cough syrup and
caffiene) has never passed your lips before.
it would be of huge help to you if you had an IRL friend experienced
in drug use to guide you during every session. As equally obvious is
the fact that for some people this is impossible.
So I give you this short guide as a tea light in the windy path <3
DO YOU NEED?
need a certain level of emotional competence. If
you cannot control your emotions, acid may not
be your drug of choice. In certain psychedelic situations, you need
to have a certain control over your own state of mind. On the other
hand, it is possible some drugs like marijuana will have a calming
effect on you and make it more possible to gain spiritual
will need a safe place to trip. You
need to have somewhere pretty
away from negative influence. Like, hearing your family yelling in
the living room is not an optimal location to have a mushroom trip.
If you are comfortable in nature, nature is a great place to trip.
“Comfortable in nature” means having the survival skills to
reasonably spend a night alone (or with company as your situation
allows) in the terrain you choose to camp out in. For fuck’s sake,
don’t drop a ton of acid and wander out in to the forest and get lost
with zero survival skills. The trees are not going to wake up and
guide you back. You are going to die.
If camping out isn’t an
option for you, a very good friend’s house makes an excellent place
to take drugs. Especially seek out a friend who is spiritual or very
chill with your spirituality; a confidant whom you can tell anything
encourage everyone to wait and seek out a very safe place to trip.
You have no idea how much your environment directly
influences your trip. You are not going to have a beautiful trip with
nature when your environment is dirty, chaotic, and riddled with
negativity and human negative emotion. It is very alright to wait
weeks or even months until you can have your optimal time to trip. If
this means a camping trip half an hour outside of town, great. If
this means waiting until the most miserable member of your family is
on vacation, great. Do whatever you can. For people tripping inside
homes this means thorough cleansing of the trip containment room
(your bedroom). In the days or weeks leading up to your trip, try to
clean your room as thoroughly as you can. You really want to feel you
are in a beautiful temple-space where you are ultimately protected
and ultimately able to be creatively free. For people tripping in
nature, go to the area beforehand
and scout out the energies and spirits there. Hit up a couple of
different campsites or locations and just see which place you think
will feel best for you. Choose locations which will bring you comfort
and relaxation. Don’t show up at dusk on night 1 and find a pissed
off and very territorial spirit protecting the campsite you chose
will need basic trip supplies.
½ gallon for every half-hour of your trip. Multiply by number of
trippers on your session. Obviously bring more if you are camping as
you should probably not be tripping 100% of the time.
optimally vegetarian (the stomach does flippy things when it sees
rainbows and meat in the same sentence), such as PB&J or grilled
cheese sandwiches, fresh fruit and vegetable snacks, and
vitamin-enforced fruit gummy snacks. Choose things you might feed to
someone coming off a stomach flu. Nothing greasy or too rich. Very
strong flavor sensations such as those found in sour candy might not
be highly appetizing. Prep what you need to beforehand because you
may not be able or willing to prepare food for a while.
cozy space to sleep,
whether this be a sleeping bag reinforced with blankies inside a
tent, or a bed with freshly made sheets and fluffed pillows.
Sometimes when you’re high or tripping you just… need to hit the
survival (or urban survival) kit.
A basic survival kit would include things like first-aid, a knife,
emergency lights, etc. A basic urban survival kit is a small bag,
purse, fanny pack, satchel, or pocket filled with the following
items: ID/driver’s license, all the emergency cash you can muster up
($5-15 is fine if you aren’t intending to go out; $40 if you are
going out anywhere. I like a bit of change on hand in case the bros
all want to order a pizza, or in case I need to take an emergency
Uber, etc.), a list of all the medications you take including what
dosage, a daily dose of medication in case you are going out and
can’t make it home on time, a list of emergency contacts who are very
reliable, a pack of gum (you will thank yourself later) and a small
healthy snack (you will definitely thank yourself later!)
You need a way to access the outside world. I do not condone
tech-free nature trips :P especially not when they are nature “trips”
and ESPECIALLY if you are thinking of going alone. Take your phone,
take it fully charged, and splurge on a mobile battery pack for it.
$10 at Wal-mart. Support the beast to keep yourself safe.
such as Pedialyte, Gatorade, Powerade, etc. You will need this a
couple hours in when you start to get dehydrated. 1 liter of
Pedialyte or 3-4 bottles of a sports drink.
Shit to do.
You are going to need some stuff to occupy your time with. If you are
dropping acid I can almost guarantee you will lost interest in
meditation well before hour 7 kicks in.
#DrugUserTip! The real
fun of a trip is letting the natural high of your trip wax and wane.
There will be times when you want to connect and be spiritual, and
other times when you would rather be communicating with someone,
making art, writing an article ( ;] ), or watching television or the
starry night sky. Ensure you have planned enough to do to occupy your
are: coloring books and/or art supplies for drawing or painting or
whatever medium you prefer. Games, especially if you are going to
trip with others; Cards Against Humanity is fun (nothing
feels better and gets you more grounded out than feeling like a
horrible human laughing at terrible card combos. Great game.), or a
deck of cards, kinetic toys, a 3Ds, even a playstation or laptop for
will need time.
You are going to need to do
thorough and accurate research on the drug you are going to use. More
on that later, but you need to reasonably know how much time this is
actually going to take. If you drop acid for the first time, and it’s
a strong enough dose, you may be in for a 12 hour ride. So if you
drop at 10am and you have to work at 6pm… not a great combo. Leave
the cool “Imma sneak in some heavy drugs right before work because
I’m a cool drug user” decision making to the kids who like to show
up to work high.
you will want an entire day afterwords to unravel and ride it out. No
work, no school, no family obligations. Just you chilling out with
some hot coco alone in your room, processing what happened and
getting reacquainted with the world. I will say that I’ve never found
this necessary for even the most intense weed trip and I pop right
back up like a weed ;) in the morning. If not optimal, just try to
get 15 hours between the expected end of the trip and your first
obligation. You’ll probably want to sleep a bit between the two.
will need to research your drug of choice.
What I’m telling you here
is just basic shit. You actually gotta go out and look up websites
and books and stuff that tell you things because you gotta know about
You gotta know what drug
interactions you may have. You gotta. This one is not optional. We’re
talking like you could kinda literally fuck your shit up permanently
if you take the wrong drugs together, so don’t fuck around with it.
Go find out your drug interactions.
You gotta have a basic
understanding of what this drug is actually doing to you and your
brain. If you understand the trip, it makes the trip easier to
process, understand, and that makes relaxation easier. If you’re just
like IDK WTF IS GOING ON the entire time it won’t be super enjoyable
for you. It’s not like cracking a new novel for the first time
without reading the back cover first. You’re literally fucking with
your brain so???? do the research??? and find out wtf it’s going to
do to you??
WORDS OF ADVICE
I like weed. But I’ve never ever ever met an Experienced Drug User™
who recommended doing “heavier”, “harder” drugs first. I’ve
actually brought this exact question up to many people and they’ve
all said the same thing: start by smoking weed. If you want to have
wild acid trips, mind-blowing mushroom journeys, whatever – start
with weed. You need to have that foundation level of experience
it’s like to be high
before you go get really fucking high.
Consider weed to be the
tutorial mode of drugs. A…. gateway…. if you will, to drugs. A
portal to step through to get to other drugs. A drug door? If that
do crazy shaman-only drugs. Leave that for the shaman-guided trips.
Skip the Ayahuasca for now.
Stick to things we know a little better domestically. If you want to
pay for a trip to Peru and sign up for a guided shaman drug trip, you
do you!! But don’t try to prepare and do rituals that should be
preserved for those with serious spiritual background.
TIME – WHERE THE SPIRITUALITY ACTUALLY STARTS
We’re talking about a
spiritual drug trip :) so at some point, the research ends. You know
your drug interactions, you know how this drug is going to affect
you. You’ve done your best to create the safest space possible for
your trip, with lots of preparations like food and water in the
works. Now it’s time to get spiritual.
You will want to fully
cleanse before any spiritual drug trip. Unless you want to spend five
hours intensely focused on the spiritual grime coating you, please
cleanse. A shower will work great :) Scrub yourself from head to toe,
starting with shampoo, face, neck, and so on, down to the spaces in
between your toes and the bottoms of your feet. As you scrub, just be
aware that as you cleanse physical dirt you also cleanse psychic
dirt. They are connected; as you clean one, you cleanse the other.
If you want to be more
ritualistic about it, here you go:
Take a pot holding about 1
liter of water and boil it. Whenever you add an ingredient, say the
following incantation over it: “Spirit of Substance, I ask
that you awaken and arise, and add your powers of Powers to my
brew, so I may become ultimately cleansed and purified in mind, body,
Add three large whole bay
leaves or pieces adding up to three large whole leaves. Powers:
“divine cleansing and powerful uplifting vibrations.”
teaspoon of any of the following: lavender, chamomile, lemon balm.
Powers: “intense calming.”
Add two tablespoons of salt.
Powers: “wiping away evil.”
Add a teaspoon of rosemary,
pine needles, or basil. Powers: “divine protection.”
Bring boil down to simmer.
Stir ingredients with wooden spoon clockwise, focusing on how they
blend together and form a perfect brew of cleansing, calming, and
protective powers. Sooner or later (sometimes up to 15 or 20 minutes
for me) you will feel the brew is “ready”. When you feel this,
strain the brew out in to a heat safe container. Thank the plant
remnants for their sacrifice and discard, but not in the compost (too
Scrub and clean your tub
very well. Take a shower and wash yourself well. After you are rinsed
and clean, turn the tub on to a comfortable temperature for soaking.
Add your liter of witch’s brew to the bath water. As you pour it, ask
the brew to infuse in to the bath water. Imagine your words touch the
heart of this potion and speaks to all the spirits within. Soak in
the water and let it cleanse you, calm you, and protect you. Light
incense and candles in the bathroom if you can for some effective
No tub? No problem! Use a
cloth or sponge to soak up the brew in the shower. Squeeze it over
your body and pat it on your arms, torso, and legs. Sit quietly and
soak in this brew and focus on the protection and cleansing you
receive. Meditate to feel the calm.
Once cleansed you will want
to place basic wards in the space you are tripping in. If you are in
nature, why not a few nail crosses designed to keep away malicious
and evil spirits? In your home, try brewing another potion. Use the
incantation, “Spirit of Substance, awake and arise! Add your
powers of Powers to my protective and defensive brew.” The
three basic ingredients are cinnamon, cloves, and red pepper flakes
(Powers: “fiery protection” for all three), mixed
with frankincense if you have it, bay leaf if you don’t (Powers:
“divine protection”). The purpose of this potion is to create a
protective barrier. Create a very simple sigil meaning KEEP OUT
MALICIOUS SPIRITS AND ENERGIES. When your potion is done brewing on
the stove, use a paintbrush to paint large iterations of your sigil
on walls, mirrors, doors, and window panes. ENSURE however the
ingredients you have chose will not stain any surfaces first!!
Now that you are cleansed
and prepped your space for protection, it is time for some relaxing
journaling. Light a candle or get in a relaxed atmosphere and ask
yourself what you really want from this trip. Is it communication?
Learning divine truth? Trying to see spirits? Just hearing from the
Universe itself? Whatever you are seeking, write it out. Write out
questions as if you are preparing for an interview. Write out
thoughts and what your greatest hopes are for this trip. Keep this
journal with you to reference while you are high.
Right before the trip, the
moments before you take the drug, do a ritual of dedication. This can
be as simple as sitting cross-legged and closing your eyes and
thinking, “I seek my highest good during this drug trip.” It can
be as complex as a full ritual calling the quarters and announcing
your intent to the Universe. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Here
is a small example ritual if you would like one to reference:
Cast a protective circle.
Take two of the following: a stick of incense, a candle, a dish of
water, or an earthy stone. Sit in front of them and Name each as the
element it represents. For example, “I sit here with this dish of
water, which brings Water to my circle. I sit here with this stone,
which brings Earth in to my circle.” You do not need all four
elements present, this is only a simple ritual :) I think two is a
good number but include all the elements you like.
Meditate with the good
feelings these elements bring you. Surely it brings you a feeling of
calm when you may be nervous about taking a serious drug. When you
are ready, say,
“Element of Element,
I brought you here today so you could support me and protect me
during my trip. I am seeking a spiritual journey, and I want your
guidance and support during this time.” Repeat this for each
element. Speak to them honestly; tell them about your worries and
fears. Get your anxieties out. Tell them about what you hope to
achieve and what you are excited about!
When you are done talking,
place the representations somewhere nearby. Ask the elements to stay
with you, and if they are willing then you have a good valuable ally
during your trip :) Erase your circle as you should no longer need it
within your fully warded trip space.
LET’S DO SOME DRUGS
Food and water? Check. All
spiritual preparatory steps? Check. All physical safety preparatory
steps? Check. Nothing left to do now but take some drugs, amIright?
At this point it basically
becomes a personal experience but I can tell you some common things
you may run in to and how I personally handle them.
Once I take a drug I
usually feel a rush of nervous energy. I just strapped in for the
rollercoaster ride and now, welp, I’m still sober and gosh that
anxiety is getting bad…. some drugs, such as LSD or marijuana
edibles, can take a long time to kick in. Do not take extra
doses because nothing has kicked in after 30 minutes. You should
know how long this drug is going to take to kick in for you.
You should know how long you need to reasonably wait, even
hours, to feel the effects.
I find that marijuana
greatly increases the intensity and effect of every other psychedelic
I take. If you are a marijuana smoker, try smoking weed to calm
pre-trip anxiety and to help the trip “kick in” once enough time
has reasonably passed for the drug you took.
Sometimes, laying down
during a trip is really nice. But if I’m too high it turns in
to a nightmare. If you are not feeling good, ask yourself if you are
being very sedentary. Why not get up and move around? Try an activity
like a coloring book or a simple task like taking a shower :)
Stay in communication!!
Whether that be with your IRL trip buddies, your online friends, your
spirit friends, your gods, the Universe… stay talking :) don’t go
too deep inside your own head. Shit just gets weird in there. To me,
the point of drug trips are the increased ability to communicate.
Doodle and journal whenever
you feel the urge. It is quite nice to be able to reflect on your
mushroom trip homebrew psychedelic drawings later on. As you practice
being high, you’ll learn to write more accurate and concise
reflections of your mental state that make more sense while you’re
sober. Don’t mind if you can’t decipher your ramblings right away! It
does take a bit of practice.
Allow your thoughts to
carry you. Don’t trouble yourself with forcing a certain path.
These drugs defy force and certainty. Let the trip take you where it
wants to go. Of course you can guide it and stop negative thoughts :)
but if you wanted to have a trip about seeing spirits, and it turns
in to a trip about learning messages from your higher self, let the
trip take its natural course. Don’t try and force it in to your
idealized version of a trip.
If a negative thought does
come up, there are some things I have trained myself to do: don’t
dwell on it. When I trip, dwelling on a negative thought is like a
freefall through the ocean depths. I spend just a few moments focused
on negativity and when I’m ready to come out of it I realize I’m
20,000 leagues under the sea. So my trick is to squash that shit.
Here are some methods I use to squash negative energy thoughts when
Put the thought in the
Vault. Just lock it up in that box in the back of your brain that
never opens and you can only teleport stuff in and it never comes
back out. Just boop, in the vault. Locked up.
Put the thought on a leaf
floating down a stream, to be carried downstream to a very tall
Obsessively think about
something else. Browse Tumblr or Reddit. Sketch. Talk to people.
Distract yourself hardcore and get fun and energized and kinda
dig the trenches for some good energy to flow back in.
Chilling with plants is
DOPE while you’re on psychedelics, especially a beloved plant that
has been treated well. Chill with some house plants or a nearby tree
:D Try this if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
No shame in hitting the
blankie fort. Sometimes I get very over-stimulated. If you are
feeling like input is too much, flop on the bed and put a pillow over
Try keeping lighting low to
minimal depending on your comfort levels. Very bright lights just
seem… harsh. It’s not fun. I typically do not prefer natural flame
because I am very safety conscious while I’m high, so usually a dim
lamp in a room is enough for me.
When you want to get
started meditating, become comfortable and use your favorite
techniques. Don’t focus too much on controlling your thoughts.
Just focus on your goals for this session (you know, the ones you
journaled about in the preparatory phases!) and let yourself relax,
try to stay focused, and see what happens.
water. Even when you don’t feel
particularly thirsty. Switch between water and your electrolyte
system. Don’t over-do it and get water poisoning, obviously. Just sip
water regularly and drink electrolytes regularly.
double-dip. Eventually your
trip will wear off. Don’t be tempted to take extra doses to make the
trip last longer. It won’t work, you’ll waste drugs, and you’ll be
disappointed. Even if you didn’t get your “guaranteed” full hours
of trip, just let it go :) you got what you were there for! This just
means more time to come down, get sleep, eat, and decompress before
your responsibilities coming up.
should definitely already know the come-down effects of the drugs you
took. With a lot of psychedelics this can mean feeling like trash for
days after. Combine this with a mental illness like depression or
bipolar disorder and you’re gunna feel riggity-riggity-fucked up in a
bad way, son. Get your support systems in order.
These drugs are no joke
and they will make you feel terrible
under the right conditions. Hopefully you’ll be riding an amazing
spiritual high that will get you through this time but in any
situation, be prepared for the come-down.
are things you can do to improve this process. In the days leading up
to your trip catch up on chores so you have very little to do in the
days following your trip. Prepare food ahead of time. Even trade
shifts if you need to. Spend a lot of time with IRL people and
friends, this helps take the edge off. Chamomile tea and other bright
flavors and herbs will help “brighten” you up. Spend time in the
sun. Get LOTS of sleep and lots of good nutritious food (your body
has to rebuild all the chemicals it lost… needs good nutrition to
BUT I WAS JUST SMOKING WEED THIS ALL SOUNDS KINDA HARDCORE
so you’re just smoking weed! Basically all this info still applies.
Scale as necessary. You may not need such hardcore preparations and
you won’t have a “coming down” phase.
prepare things to do. Still do a dedication ritual, a cleansing
ritual, and set up protections. A spiritual drug trip is
not the same as a recreational drug trip. You are calling and
attracting and connecting with greater forces, and this does attract
negative attention sometimes. So DON’T skimp on protections, even for
weed. If you’re a lazy stoner
mage like me, just permanently ward your room and have a few handy
amulets you can carry with you when you need to go out. Easy-peasy.
Yep! This is all I got for
ya! I hope this was helpful in a practical sense to anyone seeking
spiritual drug use guidance. Again, I do not advocate anyone
start using drugs. But as I stated earlier, I do not support
abstinence-only education so this is why I have written this post :)
I hope this can help keep at least one person safe on their journeys.
Message me with any questions!