rapper cap

Presenting: Scorpius…the rapper. (I’m so sorry - I don’t know what any of this is.)

Doodle inspired in part by the incredible works of @platinasi. 😄Wishing you luck on the upcoming national nursing license exams!! ✨

-Yes, that’s supposed to be the Time-Turner on his chain. Gleams like gold, just the way the Malfoys like it. True, only the adults use this one in Cursed Child, but let’s just ignore that, okay?

-So I like to think Scorpius’s propensity for singing + killer pun game + tendency toward wordiness in general = rapper potential.

-Albus…disagrees.

-But you can’t deny that the boy who gave us “engorgimpressed” and “it’s time that time-turning became a thing of the past” wouldn’t be able to spit some clever rhymes. Plus he genuinely sings nearly every other line in the play so he’s clearly musically inclined.

-The biggest challenge he faces is choosing a rapper name to use during the one (1) week (albeit the longest week of poor Albus’s life) that he spends fixating on this potential career path. There are simply too many to choose from. I mean…

(Btw, Albus is normal, Scorpius is italics.)

-“Scorpius the Dreadless”

-“Malfoy the Unanxious”

-“Scorpion King”

-“Son of the Dark Lord” “Do you really want more people to call you that?” “I thought maybe I should just embrace it…”

-“Pepper Imp” “Scorpius, no, you can’t call yourself that.” “But there’s a Muggle rapper named after a Muggle candy! Have you ever tried Muggle candy? It’s fan-taaastic!”

-“$corpiu$” “We’re supposed to be English, remember?” “Oh, right…”

-“MC Awkward” (I shit you not, I took a rapper name quiz as Scorpius and this is what it came up with for him.)

-“Floorpius. It’ll make more sense when I’m famous for my breakdancing. I’m playing the long game, Albus.” “Please…no more-pius.” (Credit to @ohscorbus for coining “Floorpius.” Bless you for this gem.✨)

-“Hyper.i.on.am” “But you’ve changed it.” “So?” “So it’s technically not your middle name anymore.” “It’s close.” “It won’t make sense now, Scorpius.” “But I’m…so hyper…”

-“Master Malfoy…It’s what our House-elf calls me…”

-“Hyper Ion” “That’s not even clever.”

-“Lil Scorpy” “OKAY, ALBUS! THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.” “No, no, Scorpius, I was kidding - it was a joke!” “NOPE. I LIKE IT. CALL ME THAT.” “S-scorpius…p-please…I’m begging you…no.”

*12 hours later*

-“Scorpioncé” “Go to sleep, Scorpius.”

-He’s also definitely tried to commit the Twelve Uses of Dragon’s Blood to memory via rap. 

-And on one hand, I think Scorpius probably listens to songs and is entirely oblivious to any and all innuendo present, but on the other hand…engorgimpressed.

50 Random Questions

1. Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

2. Indoor or outdoor person?

3. Pizza or burger?

4. Shoes or sandals/flip flops?

5. Jackets or tank tops?

6. Shorts or pants?

7. Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme?

8. McDonald’s or Burger King?

9. Drake or Meek?

10. Adidas or Nike?

11. Taco Bell or Panera?

12. Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon?

13. Booty or boobs?

14. Interest in boys or girls? (or both?)

15. Do you put your right or left shoe on first? 

16. Curly hair or straight? 

17.  Tattoos or no tattoos? 

18. Gatorade or Powerade?

19. Yeezy boost 750s or 350s? 

20. Chris Brown or Trey Songz?

21. Supreme Clothing or Bape Clothing?

22. Tumblr or Facebook?

23. Coke or Sprite?

24. Cats or dogs?

25. Giving or receiving oral?

26. Being on top or bottom?

27. Cake or ice cream?

28. PARTYNEXTDOOR or A$AP Rocky?

29. Favorite Disney movie? 

30. Spongebob or Fairly Odd Parents? 

31. Swimming in the ocean or a pool?

32. More male friends or more female friends? 

33. High socks or low socks?

34. Marvel or DC?

35. Batman or Superman? 

36. Skinny jeans or baggy jeans?

37. Nicki Minaj or Beyoncé?

38. Muffin or cupcake?

39. Shower or bath?

40. Saved By The Bell or Fresh Prince of Bel-air?

41. Wild Thornberrys or Rugrats?

42. Pokémon or Digimon? 

43. Snapback or ball cap?

44. The Weeknd or Drake?

45. Hot or cold weather?

46. Justin Bieber or Kylie Jenner?

47. Favorite actor or actress? 

48. Last thing you ate?

49. Favorite singer?

50. Favorite rapper?