Presenting: Scorpius…the rapper. (I’m so sorry - I don’t know what any of this is.)
Doodle inspired in part by the incredible works of @platinasi. 😄Wishing you luck on the upcoming national nursing license exams!! ✨
-Yes, that’s supposed to be the Time-Turner on his chain. Gleams like gold, just the way the Malfoys like it. True, only the adults use this one in Cursed Child, but let’s just ignore that, okay?
-So I like to think Scorpius’s propensity for singing + killer pun game + tendency toward wordiness in general = rapper potential.
-But you can’t deny that the boy who gave us “engorgimpressed” and “it’s time that time-turning became a thing of the past” wouldn’t be able to spit some clever rhymes. Plus he genuinely sings nearly every other line in the play so he’s clearly musically inclined.
-The biggest challenge he faces is choosing a rapper name to use during the one (1) week (albeit the longest week of poor Albus’s life) that he spends fixating on this potential career path. There are simply too many to choose from. I mean…
(Btw, Albus is normal, Scorpius is italics.)
-“Scorpius the Dreadless”
-“Malfoy the Unanxious”
-“Son of the Dark Lord” “Do you really want more people to call you that?” “I thought maybe I should just embrace it…”
-“Pepper Imp” “Scorpius, no, you can’t call yourself that.” “But there’s a Muggle rapper named after a Muggle candy! Have you ever tried Muggle candy? It’s fan-taaastic!”
-“$corpiu$” “We’re supposed to be English, remember?” “Oh, right…”
-“MC Awkward” (I shit you not, I took a rapper name quiz as Scorpius and this is what it came up with for him.)
-“Floorpius.It’ll make more sense when I’m famous for my breakdancing. I’m playing the long game, Albus.” “Please…no more-pius.” (Credit to @ohscorbus for coining “Floorpius.” Bless you for this gem.✨)
-“Hyper.i.on.am”“But you’ve changed it.” “So?” “So it’s technically not your middle name anymore.” “It’s close.” “It won’t make sense now, Scorpius.” “But I’m…so hyper…”
-“Master Malfoy…It’s what our House-elf calls me…”
-“Hyper Ion”“That’s not even clever.”
-“Lil Scorpy” “OKAY, ALBUS! THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.” “No, no, Scorpius, I was kidding - it was a joke!” “NOPE. I LIKE IT. CALL ME THAT.” “S-scorpius…p-please…I’m begging you…no.”
*12 hours later*
-“Scorpioncé”“Go to sleep, Scorpius.”
-He’s also definitely tried to commit the Twelve Uses of Dragon’s Blood to memory via rap.
-And on one hand, I think Scorpius probably listens to songs and is entirely oblivious to any and all innuendo present, but on the other hand…engorgimpressed.