rantythoughts

Sometimes I feel really down and I feel a swelling in my skin that wasn’t there before and I’m aching all over because when I’m down, I’ve also never felt so alive because I can finally feel something more than just blades to my wrist and paper to my lips and for once, I’m sad but I know that I won’t be for long and that’s so fucking terrifying because as agonizing as it is, I’d rather feel infinite amounts of pain than finite amounts of nothing.

I don’t think people understand the severity of anxiety sometimes. Not being able to breathe SUCKS. Not being able to attend class SUCKS. Not being able to interact with people you don’t know fucking SUCKS. Feeling your heart rate accelerate and pound out your chest until you feel like you’re dying fucking SUCKS. It really fucking sucks. It’s not a choice. People don’t wake up one morning and ASK for this. People don’t ASK for panic attacks because let me fucking tell you, if I could be completely normal, I WOULD DEFINITELY CHOOSE THAT and I would really appreciate if you were supportive af to people who are struggling through this instead of saying some bullshit “everyone gets anxious !!!! get over it !!!!” Like seriously, fuck that mentality and fuck you.

I finally blocked people that have been fucking ruining me for a while now and idk I feel so RELIEVED and lowkey proud of myself because I know they probably didn’t intend it that way and they’re probably going to be mad but yknow, I need to stop putting other people ahead of me tbh because that’s what fucks me up: giving my goddamn heart and soul to someone and expecting them to do the same (and they never do). But it’s okay, yknow, I’ll be okay and that’s what’s so fucking important rn.