random shit i say at midnight

anonymous asked:

Rebelcaptain + "my one night stand is actually my child's teacher and now back to school night is awkward"

Less of a one night stand and more of a “holy shit I’ve never connected with anyone this much and it was just a random convo in a bar that turned into a midnight walk now what” thing BUT STILL.

(Also, to anyone interested: I hardcore headcanon Rey as autie-spec so just. Deal, I suppose.)

“No,” says Jyn, without looking up from her phone.

Finn scoffs. “You don’t even know what I have.

“I know it’s a no.”

“You suck,” says Finn, but he puts it back, whatever it is. “It’s a party. Parties mean cake.”

“And you’ve had three pieces.” She peers at him through her bangs. “I’m not paying for fillings, Finn.”

“I don’t need fillings,” says Finn. “And I’ve had two pieces.”

“You’ve had three,” says Jyn, in the don’t push me voice, and Finn just scoffs. Finn’s never been scared of her the way other foster kids have been. She must not be all that intimidating, considering his situation. “I’ve been keeping track. So has Rey.”

Rey, sitting in the chair next to Jyn, offers a fist bump. Jyn knocks their knuckles together, and goes back to her emails.

“You’re killing my game,” says Finn.

“Since when do you have game?” says Rey, and there they go. It’s more soothing than anything, to be honest. Rey and Finn never actually fight—they bicker, but they’ve never been angry at each other that Jyn’s seen, not in the full year since she took them on, and so the pair of them playing snap and snarl just means occasionally reaching out and snagging Rey by the back of her uniform skirt to keep her from bouncing right off her feet.

Rey’s overstimulated, she thinks. Finn’s tired. Jyn’s done. Her patience with this event ran out about five minutes after it started, but parent participation is a big thing here, and if she leaves people will notice. Sitting in the corner going through her emails, at least, is more acceptable. And it keeps people from asking if she’s really the mother of the Juvenile Hall Hell Twins.

She turns her phone on sleep mode by accident, and swears.

“Can we go?” Rey flops into the seat next to her again, draws her knee up to her chest. Another mother hisses when Rey’s skirt slips up to her hips, and Jyn absently nudges at her leg, knocks her foot back to the floor. “My head hurts.”

“Twenty minutes.”

“Do you have the stuff?”

“Bag,” says Jyn, without looking up, and Rey drags Jyn’s messenger bag out from under the chair to find the fidget cube and her noise-canceling headphones. “If I meet one more idiot I’m going to stab them.”

Finn says, “Don’t do that.”

“Make me,” says Jyn, and taps him in the ankle with the toe of her shoe. “You finish the list?”

“Everybody but Mr. A,” says Finn, happily. Jyn taps Rey on the shoulder, flashes five fingers—five minutes—and then shoves her phone back into her pocket. “He said he couldn’t come, but I saw him over there, he’s the last.”

“Is this the sweaters one or the blind one?”

“Sweaters,” says Finn. “He always has great sweaters.”

“So you’ve said.” She’s not entirely sure if Finn has a crush on his—chemistry?—teacher, or if he’s just starry-eyed about the sweaters themselves, but she’s sure she’s heard the name Mr. A being tossed around the living room once or twice. Though it might have been in context of Finn getting detention. She can’t quite remember. “Go say hi, then.” 

“You coming?”

Jyn looks at him, and lifts one eyebrow.

“Jyn,” says Finn. “C’mon.”

“I said one more idiot.”

“Mr. A isn’t an idiot.” Finn, thirteen and suddenly remembering that, gropes for words. “He’s—weird. He’s kinda weird.”


“He’s your kinda weird.”

“Nobody’s my kind of weird,” says Jyn. “And I don’t need dating advice from a kid who eats three pieces of cake in fifteen minutes and then swears it has no effect on his game.”

“Oh my god,” says Finn, and when she nudges him with her elbow he rocks back and forth like she’s shoved him off a cliff. “C’mon. Please?”

Pros and cons don’t take long. Pro: get it done, get out faster. Con: make yet another enemy of your foster son’s fleet of teachers. Not that it’s hard. “Fine,” says Jyn. “Where?”

Finn’s smile could battery power the sun, she thinks. Add that to the list of pros.

There’s a knot of teachers over by the buffet table (picked clean by middle school-aged, humanoid crows), all gaggled together and laughing and whispering about private school education things that make Jyn’s teeth go on edge. Finn melts away from her about halfway between her wallflower position and the table, slips into the labyrinth to go root out his teacher—biology? Lit? I don’t remember—and Jyn drags the phone back out. Two emails from Bodhi, those she’s already read, a bunch of texts from Saw, one or two from Mara, and—

“This is my mom,” says Finn, in the stumbly way he has when he’s excited, and Jyn looks up from her phone to correct him when she stops.

Sweaters, yeah. Sweaters, and dark eyes, and a surprised little O to his mouth, and Jyn wants to die. He looks almost the same as he did four years—four? Four—ago, just slightly better put together. Not quite as disheveled as a last year uni student balancing on the edge of a sidewalk at two in the morning, laughing like he’s never met anybody as funny, pressing a scrap of paper into her hand.

Call me, please. Please.

She still has the number, somewhere. She’d never picked up the phone.

Cassian’s eyes flicker, and then his face closes down. A small thin smile settles like an angry cat on his mouth. “You’re Finn and Rey’s mother.”

“Foster-mother,” says Jyn, through tacky lips, and looks at the hand he offers, wondering if there’s a bomb in it. Finally, she takes it, shakes once. “Jyn. Erso.”

Finn, oblivious, rolls his eyes. “Mom.

“I don’t know who Mom is,” says Jyn. Her tongue is numb. “I’m Jyn.”

“Jyn, come on.” He fidgets with his blazer. “She doesn’t like to be called Mom, I told you. She said she’s too young to have two thirteen year olds.”

“And I am,” says Jyn.

Finn pokes his tongue out at her.

“It’s good to finally meet you,” says Cassian. There’s a hint of something in his face that she can’t make out without a shot of vodka and traipsing through Islington past midnight because last call sounded and they still had too much to say. “Finn and Rey both have a lot to say about you.”

“And they talk a lot about you, too,” says Jyn. She wants to die. “You’re—”

“My history teacher,” says Finn. His eyes have begun to narrow.

“Rey’s in my homeroom class,” says Cassian at the same time. Oh, God, fuck, God, fuck, fuck me, fuck— “We’ll probably be meeting up again in a few weeks. Parent-teacher events.”

Please, someone, vaporize me right now. “Right,” says Jyn, and looks down at her phone in her hand. She’s surprised she hasn’t dropped it. “Finn, I think Rey’s had enough. We should probably go.”

“Yeah,” says Finn. He gives her one last beady look. “Sure.”

“Good to meet you,” says Jyn. Again.

“Pleasure,” says Cassian, and shoves his hand back into the pocket of his wooly jumper. “I’m sure.”    

A New Years Eve to Remember

Shawn Mendes x reader



“Oh is that champagne?” I ask my boyfriend of three and a half years just as he is lifting the glass to his lips. His eyebrows raise in surprise as as you take the glass from his hand. You smile, take a sip, and give him a wink. He takes the glass back from you, gives it a swirl, and takes a sip himself. 

He then places a kiss on your temple before reaching to the table behind him and picking up a glass and says, “If you really want champagne, you can have this one.” Shawn hands you a glass while taking a sip of his own. His lips linger on the glass as he tries to hide his smile. 

You bring the glass up to  your lips and at the last second you notice the faint grey color of the liquid with black specs floating in it. “Shawn!” You exclaim.

“Yeah (y/n)?” He asks innocently.

“Did you give me the fucking Champagne that is filled with Geoff’s spit and pepper?” You ask.

“What if I did?” Shawn asks, “You should try it, its honestly not that bad.” He tries to force it toward you.

“Shawn no!” You laugh, “I swear to God Shawn if you put that shit in my mouth I swear to God we are breaking up for a week.” 

Oh yeah, you and Shawn are currently at the LA New Years Rockin Eve Pre-Recording show. You have done this before, twice actually. You tell him you are going to ‘break up’, but really you are still together. You just treat him as if he is isn’t your boyfriend so no kisses, no cuddles, and especially no sex. 

“Shawn don’t!” You yell while he continues to forcefully, but playfully, shove the drink your throat. He catches you mid laughing pours some of the drink into your mouth. 

“That’s it Mendes, we’re done!” You laugh. 

“Come on baby, you love me.” Shawn says as he gently places his hand only your lower back. 

You quickly remove his hand and say, “I don’t let men I’m not dating touch me.”

He pouts and says, “Just tell me you love me.”

“I love my best friend Shawn.” You smile and take a sip of Shawn’s glass of champagne. 

“Do you love your boyfriend Shawn?” He asks partially serious. 

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” You whisper and then you walk away with a wink and  Shawn’s drink. 

The next night is the real New Years Eve and to be honest it has only been 24 hours and you are already missing Shawn’s lips among other things of course, but you find yourselves at a party Cam Dallas was throwing. Usually you simply stay home and cuddle on the couch with a bottle of champagne, but you felt obligated to show up at Cam’s house. 

“You look gorgeous.” Shawn whispers in your ear as you enter through the door of the party.

“Thank you, friend.” You smile. “Damn I need a drink!”

“SHAWN!” Cameron yells the second you two arrive inside. Shawn immediately gets swept away with old friends and you find Madison Beer to chat with. 

“So you two are technically not together?” Mads asks. 

“Well… I guess not. Obviously Shawn and I are still together, this is just my way of punishing him for pouring that shit down my throat” you laugh. 

“So who are you going to kiss at midnight?” Mads asks. 

“Oh Shawn of course, I’m just going to drag it out a little bit.” You say.

“You sly bitch.” She laughs, “Well, I’ve gotta find my man.”

“Oh shit three minutes to midnight.” You say. You search the crowd for Shawn. You find him in the kitchen leaning against the counter talking to Jack Johnson.

“Hi.” You whisper.

“Uh, I’m gonna go man.” Jack says.

“Sure we’ll be in in a minute.” Shawn says. 

“So…” Shawn begins pulling you close, “Do I get to kiss my beautiful girl at midnight?” 

“I don’t usually kiss random men,” You begin, “But, I think I can make an exception tonight.”

“I think we better get with everyone else for the countdown.” Shawn says. 

“Mhmm why can’t we just stay here for a minute and…” You lean in and you can assume Shawn gets what you mean. You are centimeters from touching when you here everyone counting down. 

You quickly run into the other room with everyone else when Shawn grabs a couple glasses of champagne. 

“11, 10, 9!” You all cheer. Shawn joins you and hands you a glass of champagne. 

“8, 7, 6, 5!” Shawn wraps his arm around your lower back and pulls you in close. 

“4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone cheers and takes a sip of their drink. You then look at Shawn with a smile. He leans down and kisses you. First kiss of 2017!

“Come out on the balcony with me.” Shawn whispers to you as he takes your hand. You follow him out to the balcony. It has beautiful string lights wrapped around the railings. 

“Whats your New Year Resolution?” Shawn asks as you take a sip of your Champagne. 

“I want to strengthen the relationships I already have and make new ones so I can say the same thing about them next year.” You smile. 

“Thats sweet.” Shawn kisses your cheeks. “Almost as sweet as you!” He says as he continues to rapidly peck your cheek. 

“Whats yours?” You ask him. 

“Funny you say that because I think I’m gonna complete mine.” He says.

“What do you mean?” You ask. Shawn takes both of your hands. 

“Mine is kind of like yours but focused on one person.” Shawn smiles, “I want to further our relationship. I love you more than you could ever imagine (Y/N) and I think about my future a lot and honestly, I can’t think about my future without seeing you. So… my resolution this year is ask the woman I love to marry me and I know we are young but I think we are more than ready.”


“So (Y/N)?” Shawn says as he gets down on one knee. At this point there are about 20 people looking at you both through the window. “Will you marry me?”

You can’t even believe that this is happening right now. You in no way expected this. “Yes, Yes!” You say with tears streaming down your cheeks. He places the ring on your finger and you bring him into a kiss immediately. You can’t even believe you are going to spend the rest of your life with your best friend. 2017 is going to be an amazing year!

the signs as random shit I've said

Aries: *finds out in gym class that school is cancelled tomorrow* SHIIIIITTTTTTTTT YEEEAAAAAAAHHHH *makes animal noises*

Taurus: don’t you love it wen you get a text from your mom at 11:59 and wen you look at it at midnight it says yesterDAY HAHAHAH YEAH

Gemini: *is asked by teacher which life event was the scariest to me* *lies* yeah idk what event in my life scared me the most hahahh…*everyone stares at me and raises eyebrows* oK THE TRUTH IS I GET SCARED SO MUCH I DONT KNOW WHICH TIME WAS THE SCARIEST *hides*

Cancer: i have way too many fucking stuffed animals


Virgo: waittt if people eat meat from chicken why don’t they eat feathers too


Scorpio: *literally mutters incantations while going to the bathroom without remembering it and is later asked by friends if you’re possessed*

Sagittarius: *sees pumpkin that looks nice but is rotten inside* when he’s hot but has a shit personality

Capricorn: *watches mom slice HOME MADE DOG TREATS into smaller pieces* soo satisfying

Aquarius: look at that dog. that’s a nice dog.

Pisces: *randomly* wHeN aM I GonNa StaRT liViNG mY liFE

boyfriend material: Luke

boyfriend material: Michael

boyfriend material: Ashton

okay so this is a toughie bc i always picture myself with either ashton or michael but here we go

so i imagine lying on the couch in the living room and luke comes home from an extra strenuous day of promoting and recording so he’d be draggin himself through the door and you’d be like “hey” and he’d just come over to you and let his long ass body collapse on top of you and groan and you’d be like “luuuuke get off of me” and he’d just be like “no i’m sleeping” and nuzzle his face into your neck and tuck his arms between your bodies and basically just lie on top of you like a log. and you’d just sigh and end up letting him stay there and maybe rub his back and you’d think he fell asleep bc he’s so quiet, until you hear him whisper “i love you”

and then like one day you’d come home and hear what you figure out is luke singing in the bathroom. as you get closer, you hear he’s belting Baby Come On by +44. You peak into the steamy bathroom and see Luke, only in a towel wrapped around his waist, him hair wet but still standing straight up. he’d see you and suddenly stop and get all blushy and you’d be like “keep singing. i love when you do it” and come in and wrap your arms around his waist and he’d just look down at you and with a complete serious face whisper “i’d rather use my mouth for something better”

and let’s say it’s your anniversary or some important shit and luke cooks you a romantic dinner at home and when you finish it you ask “ok so where did you order this from bc it was amazing” and he’d act all offended that you’re calling him a bad cook but then he’d be like “my mum came over and helped me cook all day”

and when he’s angry and you’re fighting he’d be the vocal type–yelling at you, shouting “i fucked up i fucked i fucked up” and clenching his hands in tights fists until you eventually step closer to him and gently uncurl his fingers and take your hands in his and he’d bring them up to your face and just sigh “sorry.” and you’d just say “i know luke” bc thats what you always say

but then also he’d be the type of dood that when he wakes up he has to wake you up to, like its physically impossible for him to let you sleep and he’d just be so touchy feely and put his cold popsicle legs on yours and like stretch his arms real wide and just let them flop on you and make you groan and cover your face with your arms but then he’d squeeze his face in between them and kiss your cheeks and be like “lemme wake you up properly” and pull you by your waist so you’re against his chest or he’d just dip below the covers and you’d be like what the fuck where’d he go until you feel his fingers on your panties or his lips on your thighs

ok so this part im just pulling out of my ass rn but it just came into my head and is making me want to cry

so like as a present or some shit, you’re expecting like a necklace or stuffed animal from him but instead he’d drive you out into this random field and pull you out into the grass (imagine its nearly midnight) and as he’s pulling you to stand next to him, he’s says to you: “okay, i know this is corny” and suddenly he’d just point into the sky and say “that’s for you” and ofc you’d be like wtf but then he’d pull out a folded piece of paper from his sweatshirt pocket and give it to you. as you unfold it, he’d explain “i named a star after you. it’s so that no matter where am i touring in the world, i will always be able to see you and remember how you are the one thing that will remain and help me when i’ve lost my direction” and you’d just look up at that star in awe (even though you actually couldn’t tell which one it was) for the longest time until you finally look at him with that same look of awe, wondering how you could’ve wound up with such an amazing boyfriend

and any time you’re out with him and you’re cold he’ll unzip his hoodie and kinda pull you into his chest and wrap you up in his arms and sweatshirt and just kinda cradle you

and i also picture you and luke having a giant ass golden retriever or lab and so you’d be just watching tv or a movie and luke would come and lie on you and then later when you’re both watching it your dog would come and sit on you both and voila you’d end up with two lap dogs.

or he’d be the type of boyfriend to make you play fifa or mario kart or gta with you and when you’d be winning, he’d get all pouty and competitive and lean closer to the tv on the sofa and try all things to distract you like throw pillows at you or tickle you or kick his foot so your cord comes unplugged

ok last words bc this is really fuckin hard to think up but i must always end with sex

so luke hemmings is a tough egg to crack. i really don’t see him having many kinks. i feel like he’s definitely a kisser during sex, like always kissing you on the mouth and using his tongue. i feel like he’d be into mutual masturbation or whatever its called when you both just watch each other get off. i must address how hot he would be getting a blow job…definitely a moaner. and he’d bite his fucking lip as he stares down at you with his dick in your mouth. i like to think of doing luke in the missionary position just bc that guys got a lean body made for being on top, but then again he’d have you ride him but he’d be sititing up cross-legged (butterfly is that called?) and your legs are wrapped around his waist and maybe he leans back a little so his head rests of the headboard, his face close enough to your chest to leave hickeys and shit. oh damn i forgot bout the hickeys. i feel like he’s also the kinda dude to be into hardcore making out in your/his car, clothes on, leaving hickeys beneath the collar of your shirt

ahh but that’s all i have for luke sorry if it was shit. calum is coming up shortly. Mashton’s are listed above if you haven’t read those.

Preference #1: Sassy Texts

A/N: i decided to start making this, sorry if they aren’t that good:) I’ve included Sam, Dillon, Jacob and Hayes. Hope you like them.

Taylor always tried to use the ‘are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you’re the only ten I see' pick up line on you…, a lot. So of course it annoy the fuck out of you and one time you had enough:

He was a bit hurt, but after a phone call from your part apologizing and telling him that you hated that pickup line everything was good, but he continue to use annoying pick up lines, making you either explode out of the blue or you giving him the cold shoulder.

One morning,while Shawn was on tour you woke up and felt like being just weird to everyone and everything, so when he texted you a good morning text your response was no surprise:

He just laugh it off, knowing you were weird some days, and decided to tweet it, writing 'My girlfriend sure loves me..' as capitation. No matter what he still love you. You later one spend an hour texting back and forth, weird texts and sweet ones. 

You were on twitter the night when Shawn accidentally leaked Jacob’s number on twitter, so immediately you deleted Jacob’s number, knowing he was going to change it. A few hours later he texted you letting you know the information:

Jacob was confused when you answer him back, he was already angry and kind of annoyed when his number was leaked, so he got only more annoyed. He rang you up, and after both explain everything was good. But, you couldn’t help but tell him he was exaggerating about such a little thing, he agreed.

It was around midnight when Dillion texted you,asking for your nudes. You,already on the bed and half asleep,decided to mess up with him, since he was messing with your sleep:

After you send him that he didn’t answer back, letting you fall back asleep. Later in the morning he call to apologize for disturbing your sleep time and asking for nudes in the middle in the night, which was ‘dumb and rude thing to do to such a beautiful girl.’ You forgave him, telling him to ask for them whenever he want;)

One afternoon when you were studying for your history exam Nash kept texting you, trying to get you out on a date, claiming you guys hadn’t gone on one in a really long time. Finally you found a way for him to shut up:

Later he arrive to your house apologizing and offering to help you study, which end up worst since you threw your books to a side, cuddling and making out on the couch, with a bunch of movie a background sound.

A high Sammy was a weird Sammy, everyone knew that but what they didn’t know was that when he was high he liked to text you random shit and I mean a lot of random shit. So after a really crappy day you were really annoyed and Sammy’s high texts were making you even more annoy:

After that he continue texting you, claiming you were ‘a mean poppy head’ and ‘a mean girlfriend that he loved a lot’, after he sober up he called you, laughing and saying how that was soooo going on twitter and if you really thought his voice sounded gay. You laugh telling him it was a joke.

Jack Gilinsky:
When Jack was on tour you always have random midnight texting to replace the real talks you had cuddling up on your bed. You were a really cheeky girl, but never really show it, so your answer to Jack’s text had him smiling and blushing like crazy:

Immediately, Jack J. call you up, saying how much Gilinsky was blushing like crazy and giggling like a school boy, and that you were a cheeky girl. You only laugh and went back to texting your boyfriend, who was cute lil’ shit. Jack knew he was lucky to have you, and he embrace it.

You and Hayes were one of those on & off kind of “relation ships” if you could even be consider a relationship, but for once you broke up for good. A few weeks later text you, and you had enough:

You never really talk again of how much you were hurt. After school he waited for with sad smile and a list of 50 things of why he love you and need you in his crazy life. He explain he was still young, and he didn’t had a clue of what to actually do. You forgave him, and with a hug and small peck everything was fixed.


When Aaron left for Magcon it wasn’t easy, he miss you too much and you had nobody to cuddle with, also the time zones made you stop talking for some time. Aaron was a typical romantic and cute ass boyfriend, and sometimes you were too sassy & sarcastic, without noticing. One day he realized he missed you too much, so he texted you:

Your answer sounded a lot more rude that you expect it to sound, you were trying to joke off the sadness but, he was actually hurt and thought you didn’t love him anymore. You call him a few minutes later, apologizing and telling him how much you love him,and miss him making him smile.

Jack Johnson:

Both, you and Jack, were known for being sassy and sarcastic lil shits, so it was no surprise most of your texts were like that, but when Jack tried to be romantic you answer back like always:

He got annoyed that you didn’t took him seriously, and call you up asking you to be a bit more sensitive. You laugh and told him you were joking, and that he shouldn’t be taking this stuff serious, because no matter what, you’ll always love him, sarcastic or not.


You had known Matt most of your life, so when he told you he had feelings for you, things got a bit awkward, but only for you. You were a bit too rude and sarcastic for a person so sweet like him, so you didn’t knew what to answer back once he told you he love you:

Matt felt stupid and dumb for thinking a girl like you like a guy like him, so he ran to your house and pour out all of his feelings to you at 2 o’clock in the morning in your house porch. You eventually kiss him, telling him you were just afraid your friendship will get fucked up. You end up cuddling up in bed.

Carter was known was a flirt, being with girls here and there, which eventually broke you guys up, you couldn’t handle it anymore. You started texting about the topic one day, and when he suddenly blurt out his feelings you were a bit mad and shocked:

He arrive the next afternoon with flowers, a pair of speakers and your favorite song blasting to them. He apologize, told you he love you, and even cry a little, claiming you were the one he love. You laugh awkwardly, kiss him and let him inside your house, cuddling up to a movie.


Cameron was a little cute romantic mother fucker who send you cute texts at random times, making your insides crunch and butterflies appear in your stomach. One day that he was way in Magcon you receive his daily text, but after a crappy day at work and in life you weren’t in the mood: 

He instantly call you, knowing something was wrong with you since you weren’t that straight forward. The moment you picked up the phone and hard his sweet voice you broke down, crying & sobbing about how shitty was your fucking day and your whole life and telling him how much you missed him. He tear up and told you he love you, but that he didn’t want you to send him stuff from the toilet. The joke made you smile, and be grateful for you lil’ angel call Cameron Dallas, aka your prince charming.

(None of the texts belong to me, omg this is more of a blurb kind of thing. Tell me if you want me to write more, requests are open:D)

A word of advice if you’re going to a Sun/Moon midnight release, or any video game event in general.

Don’t be that guy.

Don’t be that guy who thinks he/she’s hilarious and tries to talk loud so everyone in line can get a taste of how “funny” your memes and jokes that date all the way back from elementary school are.

Don’t reply to random peoples’ small talk with shit like “Yeah, it is cold out here… like my soul.” then have the most punchable grin on your face because you think you’re so fucking hilarious by saying shit some chubby fuck who bragged about his Pokémon cards in 3rd grade said while making that same, punchable face.

Because I WILL fight you.

Yes, this has everything to do with the fact that “that guy” exists in my area and attends just about every Nintendo-related midnight launch since Brawl.  His antics date back to 2008 where me and a friend were first in line and he attempted to subtly cut in front of us by making it look like him and his weird friend who wouldn’t stop staring at me were just kind of surveying the line, then inched closer to it as midnight approached.

They ended up behind us because we guarded that door with our life, but nobody else called them out for cutting.

Basically, if you don’t see me after the 18th, I’m either playing Sun or in jail.