random ramblings

I figured out why I’m feeling so uninspired about everything.

I love love love astronomy. It’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. But, with the SKA and MeerKAT being developed in SA, the programme that I’m part of is solely focused on that. Preparing people who can deal with machine learning and big data, and too much cosmology and radio observing.

Which is awesome, but it’s not what I want to do. I want to do astronomy. Old school, optical astronomy. And that’s not what I’m hearing about.

Which leads me to two conclusions - I really need to find a place where I can do masters in something /else/ that’s astronomy-astronomy.

Or, I need to start learning this big data/machine learning stuff on my own so I can find it interesting.

[btw if you’re interested in big data, machine learning, cosmology, or anything to do with signals and processing - South Africa will basically throw money at you to do so]

If you think Riley “fixing” Maya was a GOOD thing for her development:

Before Riley “fixed” her:

After Riley “turned her back”:

“So I can understand what everybody has to say.”

“Riley, I’ve been me. I’ve always been me.”

“What’s wrong with who I am now?”

“My voice is still my voice, Riley.”

Like what was spoken about in GM the Real World, one of Riley’s biggest flaws is her inability to consider other people’s perspectives and beliefs. This is full blown evidence that Maya was not “fixed” at all; she has regressed, specifically into not taking her academic achievements seriously, and the nod to “understanding” all sides is very intentional.

Remus Lupin should be turning 57 today. He should be spending the day with his wife and his son (who would be nearly 20 now!!) and maybe even with Harry and family.

He should be getting a party with dorky hats and far too many candles on the cake.

He should be getting presents that make him smile from ear to ear because he feels so loved.

He should be treated to a special dinner (either from his favorite restaurant or one Tonks tries to cook but royally messes up on)

He should be sitting in his living room at night with Tonks cuddled up to his side while Teddy vents about Victoire, with a small smile on his face because how did he get so lucky?

… But no. Of course not.

When I started this blog, I didn’t know how to study. I was a straight A student in high school, without any effort, but when I got to university I was failing, failing, failing. So I joined the studyblr community to learn how to study, how to achieve again. My lack of success caused my self-esteem to plummet, and I ended up anxious and depressed. All my life, I’d been told I was “smart”, “intelligent”, “clever” and “gifted”. It never occurred to me that success was something I had to earn, rather than something which would be handed to me by fate.

I never really talked about, how poisonous it is when you’re in that somewhat arrogant frame of mind. How you become jealous of others, who are successful and intelligent through their hard work, how it feels as if they’re taking what was owed to you. That toxicity brews and grows, dissolving your self-worth, because if you’re not smart then you are worth nothing. 

My anxiety and depression, my failures, have (thankfully) now taught me otherwise. Although I feel behind, because while my peers were working and studying hard I was stewing in my misery and entitlement, I feel more capable and in control. I know that my intelligence and mental ability are not some once-off, limited quantity, pre-determined stamp on my self, but are flexible and able to grow and change. I am limited to complete success (somewhat) by my mental and physical health, my lack of gender and racial privilege, but I am in control of the work I put in, my attitude towards others, my time and my happiness. I am in control of my self-worth.

So yes, I do want to achieve. I want to get a Ph.D and work for NASA (if it survives the Trump disaster), I want to travel and have a successful writing and scientific career. I want to blog and have a bit of glamour in my life. But, I no longer feel like the world owes me those things just because - by some arbitrary definition of being able to do well at tests at high school - I’m “smart”. 

I want to work for my success.

am i wrong?

so i have a confession
on studyblr, especially with the rise of #studyblr gets real, i notice that i do a thing
i let people believe im dumber than i actually am
why do i do that??
in class, i don’t struggle with anything. im self taught and im first chair clarinet. im everyones favorite student and ive never gotten below a b.
i hate telling people this though! because im so scared of bragging and bringing other people down. it’s so bad that i hate sharing my achievements (like today, i got into one of the top specialized high schools in my city as well as the top arts high school) but i hate telling people about all the good things that happen to me in school. i set high goals bc im an overachiever, and then i achieve them. people call me “Asian” (which pisses me off, because I’m INTELLIGENT and AFRICAN AMERICAN. is that a problem?), “the walking encyclopedia”, and “the computer”.
but i try not to tell people about this, because not everyone is that way despite the fact that everyone i know works their asses off (which is the most important thing)
am i wrong in doing this? should I keep my achievements to myself?

Girl Meets Murray the Moose

Girl Meets Farkle’s Choice is an extremely valuable episode, both meta-wise and at face-value. We get a true view of the different kinds of love that Farkle has for each girl (acting more romantic with Riley and more flirty with Maya). We also see that Riley doesn’t write off Farkle’s pursuit nearly as much as Maya does. But beyond these things, we are given the topic of America’s greatest ally. 

The first classroom scene opens, and Riley and Farkle have this exchange:

It’s very clear by Farkle’s expression that he is self-conscious with his name. After all, what kind of parents would name their child “Farkle”? We know that both of Farkle’s parents are from the original series Boy Meets World. In this series, Stuart Minkus is shown to have a crush on Topanga, but this is of course written off for more comic relief than anything, and she instead ends up with the main character. 

Cory then moves to discuss Canada, and how it is taken for granted. As he says this, the camera pans to Riley and Farkle. This isn’t a surprise, as it is explicitly stated later that Farkle represents Canada. However, it is interesting that only Riley shows up in this shot with him. Maya isn’t shown at all, which implies that this concept mainly applies to Farkle and Riley.

So, Farkle is Canada. And, according to a bunch of war theories (@lucayafever23 ), Riley is America (and not Riley and Maya).

We now move to the episode’s B-plot, which is udder genius, especially in light of what season 3 (and a bit of season 2) looks like for Farkle. Topanga has formed a book club for the kids, and they are discussing Murray the Moose.

Murray the Moose Finds His Mother is intended to relate to the fears children sometimes experience while growing up. In nature, moose calves generally become separated from their mothers at around one year of age. Murray doesn’t handle this separation well but overcomes his fear of being separated from his mother simply by growing into a large bull and realizing he no longer needs her. She has done her job and taught him well. ” X

While I was watching this, I thought that Murray’s struggle sounded very similar to Farkle’s current hidden turmoil. The only issue was that I didn’t see a clear link beyond that to connect Farkle and Murray.


Farkle is Canada… Murray the Moose

So, armed with this connection, it is now obvious that Murray is a representation of Farkle. In the story, Murray struggles with finding his independence from his mother. In this first classroom scene, Farkle shows embarrassment over the name that his mother gave him. Farkle is stuck with the name that his parents named him; Farkle is stuck with the role that Boy Meets World expectations have assigned him. Both Murray and Farkle are afraid to grow up, and the latter is also fearful of diverging from his assigned role in this story. His assigned role?

The guy who crushes on the main girl for comedic relief. The guy who is written off from the beginning to not have a chance. We see this throughout season one and a bit of season two, and now we see him struggling with both growing up and finding himself. Our moose is afraid that he isn’t “growing the right way”. Farkle’s relationship with Riley has lost most of its childishness (Farkle, in general, is a more serious character) now in season three, and it is reasonable to assume that this is because he is growing away from the role he was supposedly assigned. We know that this certainly is the right way for him to grow; “Murray doesn’t handle this separation well but overcomes his fear of being separated from his mother simply by growing into a large bull and realizing he no longer needs her.” So, Farkle will learn through this growth that he is indeed growing correctly and that this growth is the best thing for him. He doesn’t have to follow in his parents’ footsteps; he can be in his own story.

All in all, the writers have done a tremendous job putting in such hidden symbolism and metaphors throughout this series. With Girl Meets Her Monster around the corner, the topic of mind-washing the audience and having little hints hidden throughout that imply what’s truly going on is brought up. In regards to this, I find it intriguing that it is in this episode that Riley goes on a date with Farkle (a speed date, but still a date). Yet, the very next episode is titled “Girl Meets First Date”, in which Riley goes on a date with Lucas. But is her date with Lucas truly her very first date, or was her real first date overshadowed by her second? And her first kiss… was it truly with Lucas? Or was it with Farkle, back in Girl Meets Truth? Very subtly, Farkle has been Riley’s “first” for a lot of things… yet each one is claimed by the characters to be Lucas. It’s things like this that could be the little hints to what’s really going on. Perhaps the audience actually is mind-wiped, just like the characters are. 

This post was really long. Thanks for checking it out! 

After watching the anime and seeing how hateful mimikyu feels towards pikachu… It really creeps me out later in the game finding out all those pikachu drawings/posters/stickers in mimikyu’s “special” room. It studies everything about pikachu, wears something that resembles a pikachu, and at the same time secretly hates pikachu with a passion lol.

Mimikyu you are so messed up. Now get into my pokeball.

This particular scene was what 100% convinced me that he loves him. That much pure adoration in his eyes. That’s how my dad looks at my mom. . I wasn’t into Johnlock from the start. I am pretty slow at picking subtexts.. but this scene. I was just like.. God he loves him already..

This scene is pretty special to me. just wanted to share..❤