randalicious

Teen Mom 2, Episode 11: This episode wasn't exactly action-packed, but who cares, because next week Jenelle (finally) gets arrested!

Well, here we are…it’s almost the finale, yo. And from the looks of things, it’s going to be an exciting one! But first, there was this week’s episode, which began with Chelsea getting a notice in the mail that Adam was going to have to appear in court about the back child support he owes.

“What brought this on?” Chelsea’s friend wonders. Was it Chelsea who was making sure Adam was paying Aubree’s child support and alerting authorities when he wasn’t? Of course not! It was Randalicious doing that! Duh.

Speaking of custody arrangements and that kind of thing… Kailyn has lunch with her mom, who convinces Kailyn that she and Jo should have a legal agreement outlining their shared custody of Isaac. 

This is all very sensible, of course, but I still can’t help but find Kailyn’s mom to be a little on the weird side. Even when what she is saying makes perfect sense, she’s still all kind of twitchy and nervous–it’s like she’s on stage playing the role of a normal person but the whole time is freaked out she’s going to forget her lines.

But hey–speaking of lines, Corey had my favorite from this week’s episode. When we head over to get an update on how he and Leah are doing, we see them having a discussion about whether or not they should get married right now. Corey thinks everything will be fine once they get married, but Leah worries, “What if it isn’t?”

Yeah, Corey–what do you say to THAT? What if everything isn’t fine????

“We might get married and it might be perfect. We might get married and it might be hey-yell.”

Yep, that’s right, Leah–maybe your life with Corey will be perfect, but maybe it will be like living with Jenelle hell. Who knows? You’ll just have to try it and see how it goes, I guess. In the meantime, here is a decorative pillow I have made for you as a wedding gift:

Someone who won’t be getting any gifts from me is Jenelle, who bitches and moans to her friend Amber about how much her mom has ruined her life. Nowhere in all her complaining do I hear Jenelle take responsibility for herself and her actions. No. Instead, we find out the following:

1. Jenelle can’t get her schoolwork done because she now has no internet. I guess there are no public libraries where Jenelle lives? Or…her campus doesn’t have a computer lab for students to use?

2. Her mom “took my home away from me.” Jenelle, Barbara didn’t take your home away from you, she just kicked your lying, no-good ass out of hers. There’s a difference, believe me.

3. Jenelle has no money because her mom sent her financial aid check back to the college. Well, don’t you have a job Jenelle? Oh wait–haha, yeah…that’s right–later in the episode we see that you got fired from your job when you up and left town with Reefer and never let your job know you’d be missing two days of work.

People, let me just say that I’m not sure Dr. Drew is up to the task of gettin’ on this girl during the post-finale special. I think we need some Dr. Phil to get all up in Jenelle’s grill with his, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge,” and “You want to know how to tell when Jenelle is lying? Her lips are moving.”

Actually, maybe Dr. Phil and his tough love aren’t even enough for this child. I say, bring in Judge Judy. She can be all, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” or “Dumb ideas come from people with dumb brains!” Amen, Judy.

Whoever leads the finale special, I think we definitely need to have this woman be a special guest:

Word.

Someone else who could use a Judge Judy intervention is Chelsea, who meets up with Randalicious for some lunch. He asks how things are going with her progress toward her GED, and she says it’s hard to get it done because Aubree is just so cute.

Randalicious agrees that Aubree is in fact a cutie, but still, Chelsea needs to get her work done. “I know I’m gonna do it someday. It’s just taking me awhile to get to it,” she tells her dad.

What can be said here?

I think that about sums it up.

Kailyn is also having trouble progressing with her schoolwork, and, she tells us, “I’m starting to feel the consequences.”

I’m sorry, but this shot cracked me up. Who writes an ‘F’ that big on someone’s paper–in fat, thick red pen, no less?! And if the person got less than half the points on a quiz, do you even need to write 'F’? This almost looks like a stock marketing image for school.

Anyway…from here we go back to Chelsea, who is trying to hit the books book that she is working through to prepare herself for the GED. Here she is at a cafe with Aubree, trying to get some studying done:

I can’t for the life of me think of why Chelsea thought it would be a good idea to get studying done at a cafe with a toddler. Obviously she’s going to run around and what not, and Chelsea being the mom is going to have to run around after her. Randalicious seems to have some moneys–can he not pay for a sitter once or twice a week so Chelsea can study? I just don’t get it.

While I’m here I might as well also say, “Oh my God, Chelsea–lay off the leopard print already. Leopard is cute, don’t get me wrong; but everything you own does not need to be animal print. Just…FYI.”

Adam doesn’t have anything animal print, but he does have a new girlfriend:

She listens patiently as Adam complains about paying child support for Aubree. Hey there, Adam’s new girlfriend! Here’s a tip: If you’re with a guy who complains about having to financially support his child, he’s probably a guy who is not worth dating. He is also probably a huge, huge, HUGE deadbeat, which is why he moved into your house immediately after breaking up with his previous girlfriend.

We learn that Adam is only required to pay $275 a month for Aubree’s support. $275. People, that barely covers food for a month, let alone diapers and clothing. Adam notes that by the time Aubree is 18, he will have paid a whopping $58,000. 

For the love of God… We’ve seen this math before. Remember when Ryan’s friends were all amazed at how much he was going to have to shell out over 18 years? 

Let’s just work this shit out once and for all. According to the USDA in 2008, “For middle-income families with a child born last year, the costs of providing food, shelter, clothing and other necessities will total $204,060 by the 18th birthday.”

So basically, Adam will be contributing roughly 39% to what it will cost to raise young Aubree. Just so we’re clear, Adam: 39% is less than 50%, and 50% is half of something. So you are not really going halvsies on this child. But whatever. $275 a month sounds like a lot to you because you don’t have a job. Maybe you should get one!

Whatever. 

Anyway…finale is two days away! Corey and Leah will marry, Jenelle will get arrested, and off in the wings somewhere Amber will be watching that arrest and thinking, “See, America, at least one of these bitches is way more fucked up than me.”

A Rockies Kid


This year for Father’s Day, Bre and I decided to get Rockies tickets for Dad so we could all go together. Unfortunately, summer schedules don’t always allow much flexibility. So in June, when we picked tickets, we decided on a late summer, evening game. On Tuesday, we finally went to the ball park.

Aiden has been to baseball games before, the first one when he was about 6 months old and being used by Uncle Nik to pick up girls ;) And again even this year with Papa – but he slept through the whole thing.

He was definitely awake and alert for this game. There was a lot of interesting stuff going on – like peanut cracking and eating, water fountains, ice cream, and since we were sitting along the foul line he got to see lots of fly balls up close and personal.



The Rockies had a very exciting come back and win on Monday night, and we thought they might make it a repeat performance on Tuesday night (thus the fountain going off) which made for an interesting game at least. But unfortunately, Giambi doesn’t get to bat three times in a row.

Aiden didn’t seem to mind though. He was too busy playing musical laps and keeping the ground beneath our seats clean - he’s a very neat little boy.


After the game, it was pretty precious – Aiden didn’t want to leave with out saying “Buh-bye water, buh-bye baseball, buh-bye Rockies” – I think he’s gonna be a big fan of baseball games.

Growing up too fast


Monday was Aiden’s first day of pre-school. As I mentioned before, pre-school has become quite a big deal since I was doing it. We had to pack a lunch and a back pack. This is serious business.

Luckily, Aiden lightened the mood Monday morning.


I woke up feeling so excited for him, I was smiling and cheerful as I got his things together.  But as the time drew closer to drop him off, my tummy started turning in circles and knotting up. Did he have enough food in his lunch box? What if  he needed more that one pair of extra clothes? What if his new tennis shoes hurt his feet all day? 
What if he cried when I left?
It took everything I had to hold it together.

When Steve and I gave him his back pack to try on, he wanted nothing to do with it. Until Mommy tried it on – he thought that was pretty cool so he gave it a shot. Then I gave him his lunch box to carry. It almost pulled him over! Maybe I packed too much food?? But what if he was really hungry??


We went outside to take some pictures, and he loved the extra attention, but I don’t think he knew what it all meant yet.


Both Steve and I were beaming with pride. I can’t believe how big he’s gotten and how well adjusted he is. Truly, he is a brave little boy.

After a million pictures with Mom and Dad, Papa tried explaining to him where he was going to go and all the different things he was going to learn.


Then we all piled into the car and headed to school. We decided to go a little early in case of any potential melt downs. Plus he would have time to scope out the class room before it was busy with other kids.


He carried his stuff all the way inside and wouldn’t let anyone help.


When we got to his class room, we gave him his cubbie to look at. He really liked it, both as a cubbie and as a hat. He even took it down the hall a little ways.


When Mrs. Hastings got there, she let him go in and play with some toys. He took to the cars right away and started playing with other kids.

We took a few steps back and Steve went outside to see if he’d notice. I was already tearing up, did that mean I had to leave too?

But sure enough, he wasn’t paying any mind to Mommy or Daddy or Papa. So we all went in the hall and watched through the one-way window a while as he met new kids and played cars.

I sobbed.



After about 10 minutes he stood up, looked around and said, “Mommy’s gone…”

I don’t think I have ever felt more pain square in my chest.

Luckily, the teachers were on their A-Game and distracted him with the pet fish.

He was just fine. Even if I was totally falling apart.

And he brought home some awesome artwork –


This is going to be good. It’s strange how a glob of yellow paint can fill up every empty space in your heart.




Momma’s waiting at the finish line
And wipes the teardrops from her eyes
She says, “You did just fine honey, that’s okay
Sometimes life’s just that way
"You’re gonna lose the race from time to time
But you’re always gonna find

You can’t lose me
Bet your life
I am here and I will always be
Just a wish away
Wherever you go
No matter how far
My love is where you are
You won’t be lost if you believe
You can’t lose me

Momma used to say It won’t be long
‘Til it’s time to go out on your own
Chase your dreams find your place in life
I know you’ll do just fine
When that day finally came
There were things she needed to but could not say So I whispered softly as I wiped
The tears from Momma’s eyes


 
You can’t lose me
Bet your life
I am here and I will always be
Just a wish away
Wherever I go
No matter how far
My love is where you are
You won’t be lost if you believe
You can’t lose me

Young at Heart


After what felt like months of planning, we finally celebrated Randalicious’ 60th birthday this last weekend at one of his favorite spots - The Morrison Inn.

Bre spent a good amount of time trying to track down not only his old work colleagues but also some of his really old friends (as in they have known my dad since high school or grade school).


We reserved the upper “sun-room” of the restaurant and went early to set up with 60 black balloons - we really wanted to make sure he felt…distinguished.
The trickiest part was getting the balloons into the upper sun-room of the restaurant, but once we had it figured out, we had about an hour to kill before people started arriving. So we had a nice leisurely margarita.

Dad’s Birthday cake had his graduation photo on it – it got a lot of giggles and “Who is that?!” comments.

The gift we got for him, besides his awesome party, was a framed photo of the 3 of us having margaritas together at…The Morrison Inn of course!
Randalicious was the first to arrive, mostly because we wouldn’t have recognized his old college pals ourselves. And sure enough, they were the first buddies of his to follow in after him.

On the far right is his best pal Gary, who he has known since 2nd grade and lived with a couple times in college…sounds familiar huh? I was very impressed with this bunch for behaving so well…maybe old age is making them docile?? Doesn’t sound right…



We got a couple good family shots, which of course means more fancy photo frames for Christmas and then Aiden helped Papa blow out his birthday candles.


A couple of my pals who came (because in my small circle parents are interchangeable) helped out with birthday cake distribution, so I got to relax and enjoy Aiden’s meticulous cake eating for a couple moments…




After everyone was filled up with tequila, jalapeno poppers, and raspberry cake, we wrangled the old guys for a couple group shots.



Goofballs.

It was so nice to see Randalicious catch up with the guys, he certainly needs it from time to time. And it was a wonderful way to spend the end of the weekend - margaritas with friends. 

Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum
You came along and everything starting to hum
Still it’s a real good bet, the best is yet to come
The best is yet to come, and babe, won’t that be fine
You think you’ve seen the sun, but you ain’t seen it shine