This is my first request and ended up being longer than usual, but I think it’s really good.
Pairing: Laurens x reader
Warning: making out, I guess
Requested: Yes, @secretschuylersister requested #56 (
“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven?”) with Laurens.
Requests are super open.
Word Count: 2680
You met John Laurens the day you were born. Since you were
fresh from the womb, and he was only one, it’s safe to say neither one of you remembers
that day. However, his parents and your parents, being old friends and next
door neighbors, remember it very vividly. They love to tell you how John sat
next to you in the hospital bed and was completely memorized by you, a tiny,
slightly pink baby.
It often times made him blush, especially when his parents
joked that he was taken with you since birth.
You were six and John was seven when John declared you to be
his best friend. It was your first day at school and you were headed out to recess,
where all the first graders were playing. You saw John and ran over to him. You
thought his friends would accept you just like John. Instead they sneered at
you because you were a girl.
“You can’t play over here with us. Go sit on the swings and
gossip with the other girls,” one boy said.
“Guys, it’s okay. She’s my best friend. She’s cool,” John
“Then you can go gossip with the girls too,” the other boy
“Fine,” John grabbed your hand and tugged you away. You
smiled at John.
“Thank you,” you said, as the two of you sat on the swings.
“Anytime,” John smiled his lopsided grin.
From then on, that’s the way you always spent recess.
You were ten and John was eleven when John stopped seeing
you as just his best friend.
You were both sitting on the hill near your homes. It was
the last day of summer. John was stressed about school, and you were trying to
cheer him up. Your jokes were corny, but John couldn’t help but be completely
enamored by your laugh. He couldn’t even remember what you two had been talking
He turned to look at you, deep in though.
“I could marry you, you know?” John blurted out. You turned
to look at him and smile.
“Let’s do it then. Promise me, you’ll marry me, and I’ll
marry you,” you smiled.
On that day, John couldn’t imagine he’d ever marry anyone
else. He sat his head on your shoulder in content. The sun went down and
reflected in your eyes. He couldn’t seem to look away from your beauty.
“You know what married people do?” he mumbled. “They kiss.”
“Kiss?” you said surprised.
“I mean, we’re gonna kiss someday. Why not kiss each other
first?” he shrugged. You smiled.
“Sure,” you leaned in.
The kiss was a hot mess, but the two of you were happy and
content in that moment.
You were thirteen and John was fourteen when you realized you
loved John as well. John got back from a month long vacation in New York during
the summer. He knew that was where you wanted to go when you graduated, so he
snapchatted you a bunch. However, when John got home, you took notice of how
much taller he was and how much deeper his voice had gotten.
“John!” you called. He had come over to your house the
moment he had gotten home.
“Y/n!” John yelled, engulfing you in a hug.
“Look at you! You’re so much taller now!” you marveled.
“Yeah, puberty does that to you,” John smiled a lopsided
smile. “You wanna go sit since it’s actually late and I start high school like
“Sure,” you smiled. You couldn’t help but notice the way his
hazel eyes sparkled in the dimming sunlight.
The path wasn’t far and the two of you plopped down to watch
the sunset. You leaned over to look at him. He had his lip in between his teeth
in deep thought.
“You okay?” you asked.
He turned to face you in surprise.
“Hm? Oh yeah. I’m just…nervous about tomorrow I guess,” he
“Don’t be,” you said. You felt a weight in your chest before
speaking softly. “Uhm…and if you should find you don’t really have time for me
anymore, I understand,” you said, not letting him see your sad face.
“No,” he said. He grabbed your face in his hands to make you
look at him. “I’m gonna be here. We promised to get married, remember?” you
both giggled at the memory.
You both got quiet and the silence grew thick as you were
both close. You saw for the first time the way his hair curled around his face.
The way his freckles made a map of his face. The way his eyes flickered from
your lips to your eyes.
You took a leap of faith and leaned. John was quick to close
the tiny gap. In your mind, you saw fireworks as the two of you kissed.
You pulled apart breathless.
“We should head home,” John murmured. You both sat in the
dark now, the beautiful sunset long gone. You nodded in agreement, but your
mind was running with thoughts of John. You were in love.
That same year, you almost lost a best friend. John took you
up on your offer of being too busy to see you. That year, he saw you nine
times. Your parents had dinner every month, and that was the only time John was
ever free to hang with you.
You tried not to let it bother you. John deserved happiness and
friends, and he had that.
In the night, you couldn’t stop the thoughts from creeping
That summer, however, things went back to a more tense
version of normal. You were nervous about high school. John was nervous about
making the softball team. There was still the tension of not talking to you for
a whole year.
When you started your freshman year, John looked out for
you. Your friends were in the same social group, yet there was always an
unspoken division of boys and girls.
That year John had a perpetual blush on his face. His
friends teased him endlessly about his crush on you, but your friends did
exactly the same. Things were going perfectly, until John got a girlfriend.
You were fifteen and John was sixteen the first time you
both experienced a heartbreak.
It was around this time you realized John was actually hot. He
had grown up nicely. John was noticing the same things about you. You had
started to fill out, and John’s friends were taking notice. John had to constantly
smack the backs of his friends’ heads for making comments on your appearance
right in front of you.
John’s friend Charles Lee was the one who finally asked you
out. He was notorious for being a fuckboy, but you were naïve, and John was too
busy with his girlfriend to notice you. You said yes, even though you didn’t
You and Charles had a lovely date at the movies, until he
drove off into a little clearing. You were just thinking how lovely it would be
to have an older boyfriend as a freshman. He could be your summer romance, and
then for sophomore year, you’d have an upper classman as a boyfriend.
However, Charles had another idea.
“So, how did you like tonight?” he asked.
“It was incredible. Thank you,” you smiled shyly.
“Well, maybe I could show you something more incredible,”
“What could be more incredible than tonight?” you asked
naively. Charles just chuckled before leaning over to kiss you. The kiss was
nothing like with John from forever ago. It was too pushy and needy. Soon
Charles pushed his tongue into your mouth and clawed at the hem of your shirt.
You pushed him off of you.
“Stop. I don’t want this,” you frowned.
“Come on. Don’t be such a prude,” Charles murmured, going to
kiss you again.
“No,” you pushed him back. Charles just stared at you
shaking his head.
“I knew you were always Laurens’s whore,” he spat, driving
Tears formed in your eyes, and when you got home, you wanted
to run straight to your room. John however, was outside waiting to see how your
date went, when he saw the tears in your eyes. When he asked what was wrong,
you couldn’t help but spill the whole story, crying even harder. He hugged you
tight, muttering things about Charles.
The next day, he found Charles laughing with your friends
and slammed him against the lockers.
“John! Stop! He’s not worth it,” you said your voice
cracking. John repressed the words he wanted to say. Instead, he pulled back
and let a puff of angry air out. His girlfriend came by like she did every
morning to whisk him away to make out. There you were, heartbroken and alone.
Charles didn’t love you, but that didn’t sting as much as knowing that John
didn’t love you like you wanted him to.
John’s heartbreak came the next school year, when you were a
sophomore and he was a junior. It was a few days before his seventeenth birthday.
The two of you were born one year and two days apart, and you were excited to
show John what you had gotten him. It was a wedding ring as a joke, since you
two promised to get married.
John’s newest girlfriend had other plans. For his seventeenth
birthday, she was going to give him herself. A few days before John’s birthday,
she did just that, after only one month of dating. That didn’t sound like the
John you knew, and it only added to the long list of heartbreak. However, soon
after she broke up with him. John cried.
You two sat on the hill for the first time since middle
school, staring into the sunset. John’s head was in your lap, and you were
lightly running your fingers through his hair.
“I thought she loved me…I thought she was gonna want to stay
with me, but it turns out she didn’t know I was a virgin. She was only in it
for the sex,” he couldn’t look you in the eye.
“She sucks. I’m sorry,” you said, not knowing what else to
“I’m done with stupid love and shit,” he grumbled. You had
planned on giving him his gift tonight, but that seemed to be in poor taste
“Promise me something,” John said, sitting up to look you in
“Sure,” you crinkled your brow.
“Save yourself for someone who loves you,” he said,
urgently. “Don’t make my mistakes.”
“H-How do I know if they love me, though?” you stammered.
“If you can’t decide, just…save yourself for me then,” he
rambled out, surprising himself.
“You?” you asked surprised.
“Yeah. If you’re ready and you don’t want it to be some
stranger, I’ll be there,” he smiled. He wanted to add “because I love you” but
he wasn’t that bold just yet.
“S-sure,” you stammered again blushing.
You looked down, but John tilted your head up. You looked
into each other’s eyes for a moment before kissing passionately. John slowly pushing
you down into the grass. You slowly began to lift your hands up into his shirt.
He broke the kiss momentarily to slip your shirt off. John kissed down your
neck softly, then he began to suck on one spot, nibbling on it slightly. You
moaned out in response. After a minute, when you were sure, he’d left a hickey,
he suddenly pulled back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sadness in his eyes. “I shouldn’t
have done that.”
You were too stunned to tell him it was okay. Your mind
screamed at you to tell him how much you liked it, how much you liked him. Instead,
you sat there. He ran home. You slipped on your shirt.
You slowly drifted apart after that night.
It didn’t take long for the hickey to fade, but it never
faded from your memory. It constantly tormented the both of your minds. You
wondered if it meant John loved you. John wondered if you enjoyed it and loved
You were seventeen and John was eighteen the time the two of
you finally fucked. Although, you wanted it to be sweet and slow and nice sex.
You knew immediately after that it was a casual fuck.
You and John had found your way together at a party, drunkenly
reconnecting. By some grace, you actually made drunk plans for dinner the next
That night John couldn’t keep his eyes off the way you
filled out so nicely, and you couldn’t keep your mind from wondering about how
he had developed.
The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a
The dinner ended with nothing substantial happening,
however, when you got to the street you both lived on, both of you fully aware
your parents were away on vacation together, things picked up.
“So,” John began. “Did you ever…met someone you loved?” John
asked. You fully understood what he was implying.
“Never,” you whispered, leaning in close. “Although, I think
I’ll take your advice from forever ago…” you trailed off.
That was all it took. John slammed his lips into yours. You
trusted him, although in hindsight he was going to graduate and leave in about
ten days. You should have known.
You should have known the way his hands knew just what to do
was muscle memory. You should have known this was routine for him.
But the way his body pressed against yours. The closeness
you felt with the man you loved. You couldn’t hardly stop yourself and justify
it in that moment to your needy brain.
I was incredible, but short lived.
Lying there after, you felt vulnerable and stupid. He rolled
right onto his side and began to fall asleep. You sat up, embarrassed. He
couldn’t actually love you.
His arm shot up and pulled you back to the bed.
“Stay,” he mumbled. So, you stayed. This changed nothing.
The next Monday, John’s last Monday, everything was the
You ignored John. When he graduated, you took one forced
photo with him. You didn’t see him for a while after that.
You were twenty-two and John was twenty-three the next time
you saw him.
You had finally moved to New York. You had gotten into
Columbia college, but had forgotten John was going to graduate school there
until one fateful day.
John was rustling around with his friends when he saw you.
He wasn’t sure if it was you, until Alex started calling out your name.
“You know her?” John whispered to Alex.
“Yeah, I’m the teacher’s assistant in her intro to law
class,” Alex replied as you walked over.
“Hi, y/n! These are my friends, Hercules, Lafayette, and Laur-“
you cut him off
“John?” you asked hesitantly.
“Hey, y/n. Can we talk?” John asked.
“Uhm…We’ll just go now,” Alex said looking suspiciously between
you and John, before raising an eyebrow at John, suggestily.
You and John started to walk.
“So…Uhm…It’s been a while,” he began. You scoffed.
“Yeah,” you said coldly.
“So why’d you ignore me after we…” he trailed off, hurt
lacing his voice.
“Fucked?” you finished. “Because, you were just going to
leave me anyway. You just wanted my virginity for some power trip or something.”
“You have to believe me. That’s not what I meant to do,” he
said, his sad eyes betraying the anger in his voice.
“You can’t prove it. You just feel bad about it,” you yelled
“Yeah, well what if I told you I’ve been in love with you
since I was eleven?” he yelled, his patience gone.
You instantly softened.
“Y-you have?” you asked. He nodded his head in response.
“Well, if you were to say that, I would probably tell you I’ve
been in love with you since I was thirteen?” you smiled.
“I’d probably do this,” John leaned down to capture your
lips in his. From somewhere in the distance, his friends cheered.
You were twenty-four and John was twenty-five when the two
of you got married, and your lives began.
Warnings: Suicide mention, sweariiiing, angst?????? and I think that’s all.
A/N: Hello hello hello! Welcome back to another chapter of “trying to write something coherent with Anna” I hope this is better than the last thing I wrote lol Anyway, Dear EVan Hansen is such a good musical and you should totally listen to it. The thing is that I really liked the plot and I THINK the title is a phrase from the show, so… enjoy
actually happy for the fact that she was going to see the show and not take
part in it. But she didn’t expect it to be because she fell while climbing a
tree and broke her leg.
Daveed. At least I don’t have to worry
about fucking things up like you do every night” The afro laughed and hugged
her before sitting next to her.
judge if we suck. I mean, I may fuck up, but don’t judge them, okay?” The girl
chuckled and said she didn’t promise anything, which was true; she had a habit
of wanting things perfect and if she found even the minimum bad thing she would
make a big deal out of it. After a couple of minutes, Jasmine and Phillipa came
on stage walking like models and posing for ‘the cameras’ “You suck”
us aaaaaaaaaaaand we came to take Daveed, people is about to get in, you should
go and get changed” The curly haired said and disappeared as soon as she heard
the front door open. Daveed got up and kissed her cheek before going to the
dressing rooms just in time to not get caught by that day’s audience. Y/N
laughed when Groff’s voice was played and her eyes shined as soon as she heard
the famous opening song
intermission came she wasted no time in getting up and going backstage as good
as she could with her crosses.
got there, someone grabbed her bridal style making her squeal and almost fell
of those arms.
“Oh my god,
I think I can’t hear anything. You sure you don’t want to use your screams for
a horror movie, Y/N?”
prefer to use them when I need to scream your name to make you cum” Y/N rolled
her eyes at Anthony’s suggestion and made sure Jasmine knew it was a joke and
he wasn’t cheating on her.
damsel doing?” Lin’s voice was heard from his dressing room door and Anthony
let Y/N on her feet and handed her the crosses even though he helped her
walking to Lin’s dressing room. Once there he excused himself and went to his
own to get ready for act 2.
first time I’m allowed to go out after just laying on bed for a month or so.
How are you doing?” She smiled and sat on the couch to rest since her leg was
hurting like a bitch. Lin was trying to not be too direct, he knew something was
up with her but he didn’t know how to ask it so he ended up doing it the best
way; he closed the door and turned to look at her.
are you really doing?”
you mean? I’m fi-”
please, do us a favor and stop acting. How are you really doing?” Lin was
growing impatient. He wanted to hear a real answer and stop hearing lies for
once in 5 months.
“How do you
expect me to be? My brother died and it’s my fault”
not” Two months ago Y/N’s brother died in a car accident when she called him to
come and pick her up. The car was slammed into a wall thanks to a truck driven
by a drunken guy. The driver survived but her brother was brutally killed and
didn’t even get a chance to come back to life. She blamed herself for that
since she was the one that decided not to go home walking or in Lin’s car. After
she received the news, the girl locked herself in her room for one month and
avoided any contact with the world. After that month, Lin received a call that
his best friend was at the hospital in surgery because she fell of a tree.
“YES IT IS!
If didn’t have called him to pick me up he would have been here and I wouldn’t
have a broken leg right now” At this point of the conversation she was crying
and had stood up not caring about the pain that was ranging through her body,
she just wanted to finish this as soon as possible. Lin, scared of what could
happen if she put herself through those efforts, walked over to where she was
standing but quickly stopped when Y/N screamed saying that she didn’t help. “I DON’T
CARE IF I GET HURT, HE’S NEVER GOING TO COME BACK”
outside that dressing room had heard that and stopped doing whatever they were
doing. Y/N never got mad to the point where screaming was necessary so they
knew this had to be something important. At the same time, something clicked
inside Lin’s head, just like a switch, a light bulb went on inside his head.
fell or did you let go?”
what I mean. Did you fell of the tree while climbing it or did you let go of it
in hope the hit would kill you?” The long haired man started approaching her
slowly while his eyes filled with water at the thought of his best friend
trying to kill herself. “Is that why you stopped talking to me? You were scared
I would find out the real reason you can barely walk now?”
felt right t-to do it. I mis-missed him, a-and I thought that i-if I did that I
c-could bri-bring him back into m-my life in s-some way” Y/N broke down in
tears and he automatically hugged her trying to let her know all his feelings
through that hug. He didn’t want to see her go. He didn’t want her to think
this was the end. She was too young to die and he didn’t know what he would do
if she wasn’t there for him.
know this can be hard b-but we can sort everything out. W-We can try and get
through this together. I-I promise it can and will get better. But let me help
you, Y/N” Lin didn’t know if it was the heat of the moment or the look in her
eyes, but as soon as soon as he saw how close her face was to his, he didn’t
think it twice before laying a light, sweet and sweet kiss on her lips. Once
they pulled apart he pulled her into his
chest again and kissed her temple.
me, that no matter what, you’ll let me be there for you”
You wake up before Philip and smile. It’s rare that you ever get to see him so calm. You quickly kiss his forehead before going to the bathroom to get ready for school. You’re finishing your makeup when Philip knocks on the door.
He slowly pushes open the door and wraps his arms around your waist. You smile and close your mascara. “Good morning.”
He nods. “Extremely.” He stares at your reflection in the mirror, as you try to finish your makeup with your boyfriend behind you. “Y’know, it’s almost like we’re married.”
You laugh, causing him to frown. “Do you not want to marry me?”
You turn around and grab his shoulders. “Of course I want to be with you. It’s just-I’m exactly sure how I feel about marriage, especially after what’s going on in my house.”
He looks down. “I think my mom made breakfast if you want to go downstairs.”
“Your mom made breakfast?”
“Yeah, just like every morning.”
“That must be nice.” You sigh and turn to leave. “Thank you so so much for letting me stay with you.”
“Anything for my love.”
You are the first person in your English class, per usual.
“(Y/N)?” Mr. Miranda asks. “Would you mind staying after today? I need to talk to you.”
Class goes by incredibly slowly, but the bell finally rings. “I’ll meet you at your locker, Philip. I need to talk to Mr. Miranda for a bit.”
Philip nods and leaves the room. You walk over to Mr. Miranda’s desk. “Why did you send that note?”
He looks up. “I wanted to help you.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but you could not have made the situation any worse.”
“Oh, I am incredibly sorry. I just thought-”
“I know. Just please, don’t try to help. I’m staying with a friend. I’m fine.”
“And your mother?”
Your eyes widen. “She-she’s been looking for a place for us to stay. James knows I’m with a friend; he just doesn’t know why. He should be easier on her, as long as he doesn’t find out about what’s going on.”
Mr. Miranda bites his lip. “My door is always open. For both of you.”
You smile. “Thank you. I’ll remember that.”
“Ready to go?” Philip asks.
You shut your locker and stand up. “Yeah. I finally am.”
He smiles and hugs you. “My dad’s been working late, so you won’t have to worry about running into him. Mom’s got her plate full with watching the kids, so she won’t bother you either. Will is really the only one who will ask you anything, but-”
“Philip, you’re rambling.”
He blushes. “Sorry. I just want you to be comfortable.”
“This is the first day I haven’t been scared to leave school. Your parents are so kind. I’m just grateful that they’re letting me stay with you.”
He cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“You’re so fortunate to have parents who love you and would do anything for you. I hope you realize that.”
“I never thought about it. I just thought everyone had families like that, y’know?”
You laugh slightly. “Growing up, I thought it was normal for your dad to lose his temper and hit you, or for you mom to sleep with other men for money. I was just so used to it. To the secrets, to the yelling, to the bruises. I never thought that there were houses that had caring families.”
His face falls. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s the last thing I want to hear. I know that once my mom finds a place for us, that’s all I’ll be hearing.”
You start to shake your head when your phone starts ringing. You slowly answer it. “Hello?”