rambling sara

Chirrut accepts a dare from his classmates to kiss the rough, gruff, older, golden boy initiate named Baze Malbus who keeps to himself and haunts the archives (everyone is lowkey convinced he’s some sort of cryptid and hates people; he’s just shy, of course.)

Chirrut does. With pride. And gets a good look at him, at his eyes, which are kind and soft and loving. Chirrut, of course, is now all, “oh no. oh fuck.” because he’s gone. This is it. He just knows.

Baze just sort of smiles, soft, small, too small for any of Chirrut’s classmates to see.

Chirrut starts goading his classmates to come up with more elaborate dares for him that all involve Baze: aka write him a love letter, kiss him again, get him to dance, get him to TALK, ask him about his favorite book in the archives, best him at sparring. 

Chirrut lowkey utilizes his classmates’ fascination with Baze to effectively woo him.

One night Chirrut shows up at Baze’s door, and it’s cold on Jedha so he’s shivering in just his nightclothes. Baze opens the door, wavy hair pulled up in a bun, looking soft, looking relaxed, and it takes his breath away for thirty whole seconds while he just stares, and Baze is somewhat uncomfortable by now, shifting and feeling very vulnerable in only one layer instead of the many he is normally wearing because now it’s even more obvious how big he is. 

“They dared me to visit you,” Chirrut finally squeaks. (He’s been telling Baze the truth the entire time. “They dared me to do x.” “Oh.” “I thought it would be a good excuse to see you.” Because it was never about the dare. Not really. Not since that first time.)

“How long did they dare you to stay?” Baze asks, and his voice is this low rumble like thunder during the rainy season, and Chirrut would fall into it forever if he could.

And Chirrut shrugs because he’s actually lying this time. No one dared him to do anything. He just wanted to see Baze.

“How about forever?” Baze asks, cheeks flushed, not looking at him because he can’t, words basically mumbled to the floor.

And Chirrut tackles him into the room, covers him with kisses. Never leaves.

Years later when they exchange their marriage vows, Chirrut starts his out with, “So there was this dare…”

  • Alec Ryder: Scott, greet the nice Angara. His name is Jaal. Remember your manners. This is a new alien species so be careful. Xenostudies and all that. Language can be delicate. Don't fuck up is what I'm saying.
  • Scott, loudly, voice cracking, probably crying: HoLY ShIt YOU'RE REALLY AtTrAcTIVE?? I MEAN-
  • Alec, softly: dont

Why isn’t anybody talking about how the first thing Michael said after waking up from a nightmare, feverish and in pain, was his brother’s name

In this moment Michael is scared and alone, back to being the little boy who needed his big brother to comfort him when he was having trouble sleeping and I think it’s important

My Top 5 Captain Canary Moments

I’ve been thinking a lot about my favorite Captain Canary moments, sooo I decided to rank them, because why not?

5) The bar fight – It’s hard putting any of these moments at the bottom because I love them all so much. This is the scene in which I fell for Captain Canary. The challenge in her tone and expression with, “Wanna dance, Leonard?” The way he lingers over his words, telling her he’ll watch, and the intensity in his gaze as he follows through on that. The genuine, almost soft smile when she starts fighting and he looks at Mick like, “This woman is pretty awesome.” Seriously, I’ve watched the show just looking for genuine smiles out of him. He doesn’t have many. Leonard is intrigued and a bit enamored already, and Sara trusts him, enough to invite him to dance when she was clearly fine dancing alone, enough to let him hold her open drink, enough to stay out of the fight when she had it, enough to back her up when she needed it.

4) That’s not you anymore – Where do I even start with this one? I mean, okay. They’ve been bickering and bantering and using nicknames all episode, and he’s already been sort of working toward this, but when it comes down to the wire, “Sara, don’t do it.” His voice is rough, sincere, and he uses her name, her first name. I’m not saying it’s the first time he’s done it, but it’s definitely intentional here. He’s not talking to the assassin, the fighter, the White Canary. He’s talking to Sara, telling her something he believes, something he knows she needs to hear. “That’s not you anymore,” he says. She listens. This is the moment that made me finally create a Captain Canary blog and start writing.

3) The kiss – I’ve said some of this before, but it’s worth repeating. This kiss is something of a goodbye, something of apology. Each of them put as much as they can of themselves into it, given the circumstances. You can see it, in their eyes, their necks; this kiss is desperation followed and preceded by memorizing the moment they know will be their last together. Why isn’t it higher in my list? Well, it hurts, for one. It’s a goodbye, for another. The rest of these moments are beginnings, in their way, growing closer. This one’s the end, for now. Still, though, it’s a kiss, an emotional one at that, and I’m glad we got one.

2) Freezing – Tropes abound here, which is the first point in its favor. Sara and Leonard are trapped together and freezing to death. They’ve still got barriers between them, like they do with everyone, but they’re coming down. They talk about death, about beginnings, the people who matter to them. When it gets too cold to talk—sometime after Leonard gives Sara his jacket off-screen, I might add—Sara leans against him and pulls him close. It’s only comfort, emotional and physical, but Sara seeks it out, and Leonard allows it, and I’m a disaster okay?? They’re already getting to know each other, already growing close, but I think this moment goes a long way toward pulling down the walls they keep up between themselves and everyone else.

1) Me, and you, and me and you – I will NEVER be over this conversation, okay?? Never. Okay. So Leonard knows he’s messed up. He comes bringing cards and conversation, hoping maybe she needs either a distraction or to talk things through, because he could use one or both, but in this moment, questioning his life, even knowing he messed things up with her, Sara is the one he seeks out. He leads with an apology, Snart style. And then, okay, here’s part of why this conversation gets me so much; Leonard uses the flimsiest excuse to segue into talking about their potential future together. You know Leonard has to have regrets; hell, we saw him try to change his own past. But here, he ignores all those, instead using it as an excuse to turn the conversation. “It’s the things I didn’t do that keep me up at night.” His words that follow are innocent enough; it’s the tone and the expression that let Sara know he’s talking about a future together.

for me, and you, and me and you.

He’s considered their future, decided he wanted it, and intentionally sought out a chance to broach the idea with Sara. For someone with as many walls as Leonard Snart, someone who doesn’t do touchy-feely, to intentionally start a relationship talk? Hell. And on top of that, as upset and distracted as Sara is, she doesn’t say no. She says he’d better be one hell of a thief. She challenges him, says something she knows will encourage him to keep trying.

Both of them are interested in a future together, and after this conversation, they both know it. The timing sucked, and season two didn’t fix it, but you know what?

I still think about their future. Always will.

Alternatively
  • Alec Ryder: Sara, this is Vetra. I've never felt more confident in introducing one of my kids to an alien. Sara's great, V. Swear it. Got an A+ in socializing. Super mature. Probably has a future in interspecies relations. Much better than Scott.
  • Sara, in tears, crying with Scott over attractive aliens: wHy IS SHE SO beautiful? You're sO BEAUtiful. I think I l-
  • Alec: why are my children like this

Okay but when Michael goes “that’s why she never responded”

Like it surprised him that Jacob intercepted the cranes

He thought there could have been another reason for Sara not to answer than her not getting the messages

Michael spent 7 years trying to reach out for the love of his life, the mother of his son, thinking there was a possibility she chose not to respond how do you expect me to be okay??

okay I have a question for anti-Otayuri people…

I’ve noticed that some of you ship Mila and Sara

Why is that ship okay, but Otayuri is not?

I know Mila is 18. But Sara is 22.

The girls have been skating competitively for years. I think it’s safe to say that they’ve probably known each other since before Mila was 18. Especially because they seem pretty close in the show. They’ve probably been friends for at least a few years, since Mila started skating in the senior division with Sara. Perhaps since Mila was 15/16 and Sara was 19/20.

Yall seem to have a problem with people aging up Otayuri. Or with them waiting for Yurio to turn 18. Like yall argue that Otabek would still be a predator for “waiting” because that would mean he had romantic/sexual intentions with Yurio from the start or something.

But Sara and Mila probably knew each other when Mila was still a minor. Why is it okay to ship them just because Mila is 18 now? When they probably knew each other when Mila was still a minor. So going by your logic, why is Sara not a predator as well for “waiting” for Mila to turn 18?

Like this is a legit question, I don’t understand your logic, please explain?

Regarding the recent news about Mass Effect Andromeda, I feel the need to say this. 

Yes, the game had bugs, the graphics weren’t as good as they could have been. But go back and play ME3, it’s better by comparison. Your skin has grit to it, your head moves a bit in conversation, your character isn’t as stiff. There were short comings, I’m aware of this, as are a lot of you. A lot of what people had problems with were the body mannerisms. Like the stiffness of the head in a cut scene, it made it feel unnatural. Or the fact that the eyes didn’t move around and they held a steady stare. The asari didn’t have cheekbones, which could have been fixed by making their cheeks less puffy. There were a lot of reused assets (mostly for the Asari for some reason). All these grievances are valid. However, you can’t compare the first game of a new series to a trilogy.

Some of you say the characters weren’t developed, but ME had three games to give you that development. We didn’t know enough about Garrus in the first game to have a lot of attachment to him. For most players that didn’t happen until the second game. By that second game, you and your Normandy crew had been through hell and high water, and it felt like it. Like you (as Shepard) felt closer to them, they felt like friends, family or lovers (depending on your romance choice). By the third game, I know my Shepard saw Chakwas as either a close friend or a mother figure. 

I really wish that some of you would have realized that and given Andromeda a chance. It had/ has potential, it’s story line is a mystery. I still want to know about the mysterious benefactor (I figure it’s the Illusive Man, who else could have had those resources) and about the initiative basically being a Black Ark. I want to know more about Peebee (even though she is one of my least favorite characters in Andromeda… because we don’t really get to know her. Well, at least I didn’t.) 

We didn't’ get to spend enough time in the world to really get to know. To get in the grit of the story ( the real story) and the characters that came with it. To just judge it based on that seems unfair to the Bioware team. 

Mick Rory and survivor's guilt

A post by @coldtomyflash reminded me of a topic I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while now: Mick Rory and his survivor’s guilt, and how it plays into his loss of Len and his characterization on the second season

Mick’s got loads of survivor’s guilt, from his childhood right up through legends. Mick’s survivor’s guilt started, undoubtedly, with the death of his family. He caused the fire that killed them, even though it was an accident, and his mental illness got the better of him and prevented him from seeking help for his family. That’s the normal survivor’s guilt – living through an accident that others, particularly those you’re close to, do not – with the added heap of self-blame on there to mess him up even further. We see in 2x12 of Legends how that guilt and blame are already starting to sublimate into self-harm – burning himself with matches, at that time. As people grow older, and since we can assume Mick received little professional help being, based on the Legends timeline, and adult or just shy of it at that time (depending on birthdates – his is never specifically given, but 1990 is the year Leonard would have turned 18, and we have to assume they’re at least close in age).
We don’t get to see exactly what happens after they return Mick to the timeline after the fire, but it’s most likely not good. He’s wrapped up in blaming himself, starting to self-harm, and probably a bit of a pariah with the community he came from after the fire. He probably still has Len at this point, but other than that? Mick doesn’t really have anyone else.

The other thing Mick doesn’t seem to have is a whole lot of self-esteem. Len didn’t finish high school; Mick probably didn’t either, if he even went. Rural farming communities do not have the best educational pushes, particularly if your parents don’t think it’s useful, or if they think you’re going to take over the farm or something. So he probably is undereducated and doesn’t think he’s very smart; he may have been told so, as his father doesn’t seem like much of a gem. He never refutes any of the bad things said about his intelligence by any of the team members, even when they very obviously hurt him. Even with the pirates episode, he feels unwanted. Part of it may be because he doesn’t want to admit he has feelings to hurt, but part of it is also probably because part of him thinks they’re right. You can’t argue with facts, no matter how much you resent them.

So Mick’s got survivor’s guilt and self-esteem issues right off the bat when we get to him in Legends, and we can start to see Mick sublimating it into sacrificing himself for the only constant left in life: Leonard.
It’s most obvious in the Gulag episode, where Mick makes himself a distraction so that Leonard can get out. Now, mick’s not one to sacrifice himself for just anyone or anything; he’s not about to sacrifice himself to save Raymond in the yard, because Ray doesn’t matter. Not yet, anyway; not until Raymond takes a beating for him. Then, things change. Because then Mick feels responsible for him.

Mick does not want to be responsible for other people. I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s worth repeating, because his survivor’s guilt is probably a large part of why he doesn’t want to be in charge or responsible for anyone else. We can see it with Sara: being in charge means that you shoulder some of the blame for what happens to your team, at least in most people’s minds. Mick doesn’t want to be to blame for the death of people who he’s supposed to be working with. If he shows up, does his part, and things go wrong and people die, that’s not his fault. He doesn’t have to take on that guilt because hey, he did his part, it wasn’t his fault. Should’ve been planned better, or someone should’ve done their part better, or something, anything that means he’s not responsible for more people’s deaths. (Clearly, he’s fine being responsible for other people’s deaths if he’s working against them, but that’s a horse of a different color.) Is also why he pushes people away; if he doesn’t have friends , he can’t be hurt by them dying or being hurt, which is probably particularly important given his chosen profession, where there’s a lot of violence and death.

But now Raymond has MADE him responsible. Because he took a beating meant for Mick, if he dies because he’s too hurt to get out after Mick and Len left him, Mick would feel responsible for Ray’s death. He’d feel guilty. And Mick can’t bear that much more guilt. That’s why he won’t leave Raymond at the gulag. He doesn’t want to be responsible for Raymond’s death.

And the Len takes his place at the Oculus.

Leonard is, by Mick’s own admission, his only friend at the time. He’s known Len for very nearly thirty years, based on their ages and the timeline we’re given. And Leonard has, to Mick’s mind, died because of him, because honestly, if Raymond had still been the one at the Oculus? I do not for a minute believe that Leonard would have sacrificed himself. So Mick wakes up and finds that, essentially, everyone he’s ever cared about has died, because of him. Keep in mind – this is only a few episodes after they took Teen Mick from the fire. Mick JUST revisited those painful memories and most likely reopened all the wounds and made the guilt even worse.

That’s probably a large part of why Mick and Sara – who both start season 2 dealing with the loss of a family member, as you can consider Len Mick’s family at this point – deal so differently ,and why it seems to affect Mick much deeper. Sara lacks that guilt about Laurel’s death – she wants to change it, of course, and she certainly wasn’t pleased that she wasn’t there when it happened – but I think she believes Rip when he tells her she wouldn’t have been able to stop it, and her initial quest to kill Damian shows she does blame him for Laurel’s death (as she should). Mick, though – all that anger and pain are reflecting right back onto him, and he sublimates it the way he always has – self-harm, this time in the form of suicidal behaviors.

Mick can’t quite bring himself to just end it – there may be a variety of reasons, but it’s not uncommon, when dealing with survivor’s guilt, for the person to have conflicting feelings of a desire to end their life, while still feeling that they’re not allowed to. After all, they lived through the event, so if they kill themselves there tends to be a sense of having wasted their survival. Mick deals with this by throwing himself into dangerous situations there’s a good chance he won’t live through – running into gunfights without ammo, setting off explosives he doesn’t intend to leave, picking fights with speedsters on the Waverider. He wants to die, because he feels like the cause of everything bad happening to people he’s close to, but he can’t bring himself to be the direct cause of it, because that would, in a sense, be wasting Leonard’s sacrifice.

Which is why it is supremely shitty, to the highest degree, for someone to say to this man – to his face – that he shouldn’t give advice on partnerships because look how his turned out.

Like, holy shit.

When he said that, Stein was all but saying that Leonard died because Mick wasn’t a good partner. He says that to a man suffering from survivor’s guilt and self-esteem issues who he KNOWS has been hallucinating his dead partner out of sheer grief. And he just throws it in his face, and then proceeds to take the advice Mick gave him anyway because IT WAS GOOD ADVICE!

I nearly lost my damn mind.

Dallas Margolin comes from a jewish family! Not really tight-knit, but he loves his mom a lot. His dad was a famous mlb player. Just like his dad, Dallas loves baseball. He plays with Malek and Poppy at his school! He has a really fleeting and somewhat sulky personality, He’s quiet most of the time, and he minds his own business. He finds it really hard to open up to people. 

Malek has a very warm and welcoming attitude. He’s smart! He tutored Dallas at Math and he’s the only person who understands that Dallas can’t do well at class because he (Dallas) has dyscalculia. If their baseball team had a captain, it would be Malek. He plans to go to Cali for college. He loves camping and he’s going to be a major in bio.

Malek: rambling about analytical geometry

Dallas: *GALAXY EYES*

Malek: Dallas, are you listening?

Dallas: uhuh. Keep talking. (I really like your voice,)

Poppy’s full name is Ponnilai Rajkhowa. Her parents are immigrants, originally from India. Poppy is really over-protective when it comes to Dallas and Malek, it’s why she shifted from playing roller-derby to being the only girl on their baseball team. She has that kind of personality where at first she sounds like a really blunt jerk but she’s actually a huge sweetheart. She stands at 5′6, and she looks dainty, but she can sure pack a punch. She is a year below her friends.

Parker is a benchwarmer on the baseball team. He’s Originally from Manhattan. His full name is Jonas Nathaniel Parker, but that’s a mouthful, so most people just call him Parker. He’s very quiet, (even more so than Dallas) and he lives with his grandmother. If he wasn’t so introverted, He’d be popular like Malek. His favorite subject is geography. He’s mostly content with drifting and staying anonymous, always being talked over. He just wants highschool over with.

Sara is the new kid in town. She’s always looking stony, deadpan. After what happened to Malek, she joins the baseball team. She really likes fruit shakes and music. Sara is adopted, and there’s more to her than meets the eye.

It just honestly breaks my heart that malec can’t be shown as equal to all the other couples. I don’t need make out scenes or whatever because I know that malec are more than that and I know that the show isn’t all about them.. BUT they need longer scenes, more time for conversation… I might be alone in this but I just wish they were respected more :(