raise your hand class

Shy, insecure,
afraid to speak up?
“Act as if,” they say.
Act as if you’re not.

Stand tall when you walk.
Project your voice when you talk.
Raise your hand in class.
Act as if.

Speak your mind. Cut your hair.
Be the part. Look the part.
You can do this.
Just act as if.

If you really knew me,
if you could see inside,
you’d find shy and insecure and afraid.
Acting as if.

Ironic, isn’t it?
The only time I’m not
Acting “as if”?
when I’m on a stage.

—  As If // Every Last Word by Tamara Stone

So my dad used to teach human evolution at the University of Minnesota, right? And his favorite thing was discussing Native American cultures and bashing misogyny. 

So he’d start off class by going “Raise your hand if you think you know why men hunted and women stayed back in the settlements” and most kids would raise their hands. He’d list off a few various reasons and kids would slowly start participating. Then he’d go “How many of you think it’s because men are stronger” and of course most of the males would raise their hands with a few girls. He’d then proceed to rip apart the patriarchal views they had all been taught. “No,” he’d say, “It’s because if five men went out and three or two came back no one would bat an eye. They’d grieve sure, but society would go on. Now if five women went out and three or two came back you know what would happen? Society would collapse.”

And it was true. For many Native American cultures the only reason women did what they did was because the men couldn’t do it. We are (usually) taught a twisted, self-aggrandizing form of history despite evidence suggesting the complete opposite of it. 

As a presidential candidate, Clinton was vanquished. But as a feminist icon, she lives on. She’s the women who withstand the painful misogyny of American society. She’s telling your daughter to raise her hand in class, even if the boys make fun of her. She’s pantsuits and she’s the more than 3 million members of the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation. She’s every qualified woman who had an unqualified man beat her out for a job. She’s the “I Voted” stickers on Susan B. Anthony’s grave. She’s the cracks in the glass ceiling that didn’t break. She’s what could’ve been. She’s the promise of what someday will be.
—  Caitlin Frazier, “The Iconic Hillary Clinton”
little bad memory things :)
  • not knowing if you said something out loud or if you only thought it
  • “did i already ask you that?”
  • “what did you say”
  • raising your hand and putting it down multiple times in class because you can’t remember your question/comment
  • pausing in the middle of simple tasks because you can’t remember what you’re doing
  • “where is my [object i had in my hands literally 30 seconds ago]?”
  • not knowing someone’s name even though it’s the 5th time you’ve met them
  • rereading/rewatching books/movies because you can’t remember basic plot details
  • forgetting to look at the list of things you need to remember
  • forgetting the end of your sentence before you even start it/trailing off
university gothic

-You have to be up by 7 am tomorrow morning. You set your alarm for 5:55. You wake up at 4 am because your kidneys are screaming for release, and by the time your head hits the pillow again your alarm is buzzing. It’s 6:55. You could have sworn you set it for 5:55. You panic. It doesn’t matter. Your first class doesn’t start until 9.

-Your literature class has twenty-five students. You raise your hand often in that class. Only four other people ever raise their hand. Somehow, everyone else has found a way to remain silent for the entirety of the semester. You don’t know the sound of the girl’s voice who sits to your left. There is no girl who sits to your left. You are the only one of two students sitting in the front row. You are an island in a class of silent eyes.

-It is possible that your upstairs neighbors are actually sumo wrestlers, or perhaps professional clog dancers. You’ll never know. The RA on duty has never been around in time to check. The upstairs neighbors remain faceless. But never noiseless.

-Everyone’s schedule is so busy that every time you make plans with friends they ask to take a raincheck for next week. Next week never comes. It is always this week. “Next week” is just an empty promise.

-A student whose age you could never guess walks down the street on his way to class. He wears a t-shirt and worn leather sandals. It is thirty degrees outside. You don’t question it. No one does.

-It is raining today. Classes are not real. No one speaks of happy things. You all wonder when the sun will shine again. If it will shine again.

-There is a new building under construction this semester. There is always a new building under construction. You have never been in a single new building. You plan to take a look in one of them at some point. Something tells you you never will.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Good things:

1. yesterday a freshman girl came up to me after class and said “everytime you raise your hand I get excited because you make the best points that blow my mind.” It should be noted that after 3.5 yrs of school, debate & mock trial I am very articulate at this point, if nothing else my ability to express ideas is like pretty good. 

And it was a freshman girl?? Like, guys speak so much in class, and teachers call so much more on male students and if I can inspire young female students to speak out and show that it’s okay to be loud and have just as much to say as the guys than I am seriously happy.

2. my teacher: “Only one person in this class got 100%.”

me: lol, not me, I only studied two hours for that test.

test: 45/45, me: hot damn!! (it should be noted I’ve taken classes that have covered the exact same material as this boring ass class, but it’s still like…!!!)

Bad things:

1. I have no idea tf is going on in econ?? Like I’ve only ever got a D in one class and it’s microeconomics. I hate econ so much. I thought that havig to take it a second time would make it easy & put me ahead of the curve, but my brain just doesn’t wrap around any of it. Price elasticity: :((((

 2. My first section of my honors thesis is due Friday haha. Ten pages in two days. I mean I can 100% do it, but I want it to be good, this whole thing determines how I graduate and it’s the biggest thing that reflects me. But the thesis isn’t that groundbreaking or clever so I’m pretty bummed.

  • Yoosung: Is it rude to kill yourself in the middle of class?
  • Seven: You have to raise your hand and ask first.
  • Jaehee: I think you might need a hall pass for that...
  • Seven: "You should've killed yourself between classes, if I let you kill yourself now, everyone will want to kill themselves."
  • Zen: "Excuse me teacher, can I kill myself?"
  • Jumin: "I don't know, can you?"
what the signs remind me of
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>aries:</b> police sirens, the feeling of winning a game, the rush of adrenaline, when I realize I want someone, letting go<p/><b>taurus:</b> the smell of chocolate, touching soft clothes, a museum, cuddling, drinking wine at 3pm<p/><b>gemini:</b> a restless kid, when I know I’ve already asked too many questions but I keep doing it, when I realize I’ve changed, hangovers<p/><b>cancer:</b> when I'm sad and the only thing I want to do is to be at home, the moon light reflecting on a river, the headache I get after I cried a lot, overwhelming feelings<p/><b>leo:</b> painting my nails, when my feet hurt from dancing all night, tan lines, lip gloss, feeding my pet, telling someone I'm always right<p/><b>virgo:</b> white clothes, cleaning my house, dressing up for an special event, painting my body, raising my hand in class<p/><b>libra:</b> red lips, plaid skirts, gossiping, going shopping, telling someone I love them, asking someone about their day, color pallettes<p/><b>scorpio:</b> winged eyeliner, going to the beach at night, getting turned on, talking about death, tattoos, talking about something I love too much, skipping class, knee socks<p/><b>sagittarius:</b> driving fast, the questions I have after a philosophy class, getting drunk with my friends, the feeling of relief when I tell the truth, chipped nail polish<p/><b>capricorn:</b> clocks, the smell of gasoline, my mother teaching me something, smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee, starting something new, laying on my bed while there's a huge storm outside, leather jackets<p/><b>aquarius:</b> counting stars, sharing theories, being high, colorful clothes, telling someone I don't agree with them, when I shock someone and laugh at their face<p/><b>pisces:</b> cloudy days, dreams, when I want to escape, holding my breath underwater until I can't hold it anymore, paintings, laughing so much I start to cry<p/></p><p/></p>
What I associate with the signs
  • Aries: skydiving, reading about adventure, video games, red and orange sunsets
  • Taurus: small bakeries, home, genuine smiles, the color of cinnamon
  • Gemini: giggling, driving around the city, summer vacation, lime-colored paint
  • Cancer: deep oceans, laying out in the sun, studying for tests, navy blue
  • Leo: wild hair, staying up late, talking to new people, the orange-brown of a lion's mane
  • Virgo: plant life, peace and quiet, having the light on at 2 a.m., charcoal-colored hand-knitted blankets
  • Libra: raising your hand in class, reading fantasy novels, windy days, light blue skies
  • Scorpio: witch doctors, comedians, indie music, the black midnight sky
  • Sagittarius: randomly going on an adventure, telling bad jokes, running, yellow sunflowers
  • Capricorn: warm blankets, keeping secrets, chai tea, dark brown eyeliner
  • Aquarius: aliens, leather jackets, deep 3 a.m. conversations with your best friend, metallic silver sharpies
  • Pisces: swimming with fish and dolphins, chamomile tea, sleeping until 1 p.m., the turquoise waters of the caribbean
Life problems of being a Slytherin + an introvert with anxiety


-…but that means you gotta interact with people and that’s a no no

- kinda an asshole to your friends/mutuals but if you even just bump into someone you dont know in the hallway during school you feel guilt crushing you

- you’re actually pretty smart but you don’t ever raise your hand in class because people look at you and it makes you feel judged

- plus it is really awkward when you do get called on and then just either say the answer real quietly or awkwardly stutter out a “never mind”

- basically you’re kinda a smart asshole with a lot to say but you don’t have the guts to

- yeah