raise it up

grandpa: my facebook screen is small, what do i do?

me: oh, here. you just click this fullscreen button like so, and there we are.

grandpa: HOT DAMN, THATS COOL.

grandpa: i knew how to do it, though, i was making sure you were still sharp.

so I accidentally adopted a bat I guess?

This tiny little bat army crawled under my door and into my room. After researching for hours, i came to the conclusion that no bat sanctuaries, or any animal rescue places that will handle bats, are anywhere close enough to where I live. And since he’s not orphaned, and his mom [and siblings] are still very much in my attic, i decided to just deliver him back to his mom for the time being.

That was last night, and he has made his way back to my room two more times since then.

So I laid out a towel with a damp patch of honey and water, so he doesn’t dehydrate while he’s here, and I’m honestly just letting him chill in my room.

He crawled up to my bed to hang off the ledge of it earlier, and now he’s back on the towel drinking some honey-water.

he’s very smol

how he managed to crawl from the attic to my room three times is beyond me.

2

There were a few requests for deep sea/bio merms so here’s one of those..

2

Don’t threaten me with a good time // P!atd

Requested by anon

2

I know you have rather backwards laws about relations with non-magic people. That you’re not meant to befriend them, that you can’t marry them, which seems wildly absurd to me.

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There was a time before the Pocket Mortys craze when C-382 and D-416 actually got along pretty well. 

Things that I want more of:

Marmora raised Galra Kieth and papa Thace

tbh im so sad that I found this show so late. i missed all the theories of keith’s parents and now im stuck with this canon southern dude when i could have spent all this time believing in papa Thace and tiny, japanese mama kogane with all my heart…

i spent the drive to class this morning thinking about little human mama kogane being the pilot of another mission intercepted by the galra.

meeting thace and falling in love with this deceptively sweet undercover Galra man who tries his best to keep whats left of her crew alive and safe from the guards that like to rough them up to pass the time.

somehow they find the time to get her pregnant, she’s a regular little spit fire hotshot pilot and she loves mouthing off to the other guards and he’s beside himself because wow she’s great but holy shit that mouth is going to get her in so much trouble and it does.

haggar and the druids have been studying her and the rest of the crew since this is probably their first encounter with humans? idk, in my head her crew was like practice for what happened to shiro and his cybernetic arm. anyway thats how they realize she’s pregnant

they don’t realize the baby’s half galra tho, they think she was pregnant when she got there cause she’s pretty far along when they start these tests because the druids are evil scientists and they’re just like lets see how hard you can squeeze until it pops,

and that puts the baby in danger so she has to get out of there. she’s already decided she’ll die for this kid no question

so Thace coordinates an escape, sets up an escape pod and gives her the coordinates to the Marmora outpost

and honestly i really want to write and draw tiny bad ass human mama kogane heavily pregnant with baby keith escaping from the Galra, shooting and flying like a freaking ace because Keith had to get his pilot skills from somewhere, all the way to the Marmora outpost while she’s pm in the middle of labor.

I don’t even know how that timeline would work but i love it??

and once she gets to the outpost she’s in full on labor right?

she stumbles out of the pod and Ulaz, who’s probably received updates from Thace about this resilient little human pilot that he’s totally gone over and is like just ‘holy shit, what do?’ so she coaches him through the delivery cause she’s the definition of badass, and she finally gets to hold her little ass kicker and she knows what he’ll be a part of, knows what he’ll do and she also knows that she won’t be there to see him do it

but it’s ok cause she watches Ulaz clean him up so carefully and tenderly with this spellbound look in his eyes because it’s been so long since any of the Galra have seen children and there’s something hopeful about watching something so pure and innocent be born in the midst of war and she knows that her kid will be fiercely protected by the alien resistance

She tells him to name him Keith after her brother and her copilot who didn’t survive the druids experiments and she kind of just slips away because you have to kill your darlings.

I’m just saying this sounds better that whatever explanation they’re planning to give me for Tim Mcgraw over there…. (even though mama galra is a super awesome idea :))) )

Miscellaneous Clark Kent headcanons as relate to my little fic universe, that may or may not ever come up because who knows:

  • Little Clark was really susceptible to childhood superstitions for some reason. He didn’t go under ladders, he did the salt over the shoulder thing, he did not fuck with that Bloody Mary shit like NOPE I’M OUT THIS SLUMBER PARTY IS CANCELED, LANA GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND TAKE YOUR MURDER GHOSTS WITH YOU. He believes that he is over this as an adult but whenever his foot is about to fall on a crack in the sidewalk it actually stops like a half inch above the ground and hovers there. He does not notice he is doing this. No one notices, ever, because it is the weirdest subtle unconscious thing in the world. At least Martha’s back is safe?
  • I covered the picky eater thing in Christmas in Kansas but to be more specific his tastebuds are just really sensitive to certain chemical compounds? Not just in terms of things he won’t eat but also in terms of things that he expects to be there and he doesn’t really like foods that lack those things. Your two options to make him eat anything are to cover it in sugar, or cover it in garlic.
  • He goes through a lot of breathmints. Can you imagine if Superman saved someone and they were like “man i appreciate being alive but he had some really bad garlic breath”? He would be so horrified.
  • He has a ratty, fucked-up old shirt that he wears whenever he is making pasta with red sauce. Even Superman cannot stand against the ability of red sauce to end up on whatever you happen to be wearing. HE WAS SO CAREFUL THIS TIME, HOW DID A STAIN END UP ON HIS BACK THAT JUST MAKES NO SENSE. Clark Kent’s weaknesses: kryptonite, tomato stains.
  • His ability to perfectly imitate anyone’s voice was one of the first things to manifest themselves, but this wasn’t the kind of thing anyone noticed was weird. It definitely didn’t seem like a power. He was just a small child who could do a really good Kermit the Frog. He sang Rainbow Connection at a middle school talent show and all the moms cried.
  • He definitely has a playlist to cheer himself up and get pumped and it has Eye of the Tiger and You’re the Best on it. Probably also half the Top Gun soundtrack.
  • Clark Kent’s twitter is pretty standard snarky newsman except with more farming memes. No one can tell how ironic the farming memes are. They might not be ironic at all. Clark Kent might be really sincere, or he might just be so ironic that he has circled back around into sincerity. No one knows. He’s also really good at that thing where you retweet two things from a person that side-by-side reveal they are a dingus. I don’t know if there’s a word for that.
  • His Snapchat is all dogspotting, with occasional rare dance breaks. He’s a pretty good dancer since he found those YouTube tutorials. He does this thing with his hips that Lois finds deeply upsetting for reasons she cannot articulate.
  • Jimmy asked Clark how he got so fit once and Clark was like “uh, farming. farm. eyup.” But he kept pressing for deets and Clark ended up just telling him that he’d pulled a Milo of Croton??? He lifted a newborn calf over his head and then just did that every single day until he was lifting a cow over his head. Jimmy knows nothing about farming or cows or physical fitness and this seemed plausible enough to him.
  • He has a blog where he posts rejected articles and it is the wonkiest thing in the entire world because that is why they got rejected. Perry takes one look at these articles and is like “it will take more words than I want to pay you for just to explain the setup for this article and also there are five people total who care, in the world, including you”
  • He has to be really careful when he buys clothes because he needs to make sure that they aren’t too tight and he has full range of motion. He does not want to relive The Skinny Jeans Incident. Shirts that say ‘I flexed and the sleeves fell off’ are only funny until it happens to you, then they are just horrible reminders. Popped seams everywhere. There is no way to explain that without looking like a huge tool.
  • Even when Superman has a really shitty day he keeps it together until he gets home, but then he shuts the balcony door and peels off his costume and Clark does the Tina Belcher groan for like ten minutes while he takes a shower because he got covered in sewer mutant or space crab or god knows and UUUUUUUUUUGH. Fortunately the nice older lady in the apartment next door always seems to know when he has had a shitty day and she brings him pie.
  • She can hear his melodramatic bullshit from over at her place, that’s how she knows. They share a bathroom wall and it practically echoes. If she times it right he will answer the door before he has put a shirt on because he doesn’t want to leave her waiting in the hall. She does not know what his day job is and it definitely does not occur to her that he is Superman because her primary interaction with him is that he acts like a whiny bitch and she brings him pie so she can ogle him. She is a simple woman who enjoys life’s simple pleasures.
  • The Kryptonian language is really complicated in terms of tonality, context, word order, musicality, etc, and the written language reflects that. Things like the order things are in, how things overlap, colors, etc, are all important. So basically I really like the idea of his symbol being one that represents his family name and says that he is of the House of El. It’s really just basically his last name.
  • If Starfleet gets to have replicators then Krypton gets to have replicators and Jor-El definitely stuck one in the ship so his son would have, you know, food and clothing. But only Kryptonians can use their tech because they’re who the neural interface is designed for so whoops they got real lucky that Kryptonian babies love milk from Earth goats. Clark only started using the replicator later but it only knows how to make Kryptonian things and only some of those are useful to him.
  • Okay so here is where I tie those last two bullet points into something fucking dumb that you will take out of my cold dead hands: Clark got the costume out of the replicator. It didn’t necessarily understand what he wanted though? Like, the concept of a costume didn’t really translate, but it got the idea that he wanted an active uniform, so that is what it made. It’s brightly colored and has his last name on the front. Clark is wearing a Kryptonian football jersey is what I’m getting at. Later Kara will be VERY confused by this. Imagine ending up on an alien planet and meeting your cousin and he’s been fighting crime dressed like a quarterback.
  • Most telepathy does not work because different neural patterns. Diana can only manage it if she uses her lariat and even then it’s like trying to lasso a freight train that does not stop. It’s extremely disorienting. J'onn has just accepted that Superman can hear him but he’s not going to get anything back. It’s like the psychic equivalent of a dial tone for him. He’s trying to call his bro but their family has dialup. He tries not to fuck with it because he doesn’t want to poke around in Superman’s head blind and break something.
  • Clark can’t type with super speed because he’ll break the keyboard and the computer can’t keep up. Instead he uses shorthand along with a custom set of AutoHotKey macros and it is honestly infuriating how fast he can get things written with this setup. But also if he doesn’t have AutoHotKey on whatever he’s typing with then sometimes Lois will get an email like: ll] dyk f pw mde a dec wrt t $l stry? ]ck
  • A woman was told by her therapist to try talking to at least one person once a week but she decided to cheat by just talking to her empty apartment under the guise of telling Superman about her day because lol he can hear everything allegedly so this definitely counts and is what the doctor was going for with this. When she has to go to the hospital for a medical emergency she comes home and there is a note on her counter wherein Superman explains that he was worried because he hadn’t heard from her in a while, so he swung by to check on her. When he found out what happened he watered her plants and fed her goldfish and also that cat that he thought might be hers (she does not have a cat). She is completely mortified because she was just being full of shit she did not actually believe he could hear her oh god what all did she even say and whose cat is this???
  • Look if you are in Metropolis and you loudly say HEY SUPERMAN there is a very good chance he will hear it even if he doesn’t mean to. He is not trying to eavesdrop, that’s just what happens when you yell someone’s name in earshot.
  • He doesn’t wear the costume under his clothes because you may have noticed a running theme here where the universe is conspiring to ruin his clothes and leave him running around shirtless all the time. I mean thank god for the rest of us but he would rather not risk someone spilling their drink all over him somehow and suddenly his shirt is transparent and you can see the big S. It’s bad enough when it happens under ordinary circumstances. How often can one man get drinks spilled all over him? You would be shocked. Shocked. His eyes are up here, Lois.