rainbow boxer briefs

Texts From Last Night Sentence Starters

“Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen?”
“That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we’re drinking tonight in celebration!”
“Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate.”
“Okay I’m officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots.”
“I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I’m very well-rounded.”
“Did you happen to find my bra? I’m pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar…”
“We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she’s the one.”
“So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.”
“I cannot handle Xanax… I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube.”
“I don’t need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios.”
“It was great.  Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!”
“Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.”
“He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can’t hold that against me.”
“Should I get the rainbow boxer briefs?”
“As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can’t handle.”
“Yeah, I mean I’ll probably fuck him regardless but I’m trying to be a lady about it.”
“I swear to god, if you have sex in my bed one more time you’re gonna start paying rent!”
“Reminder- he’s a douche bag. A big one.”
“He took shrooms and didn’t want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn’t want to break.”
“We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.”
“I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar…”
“I feel like you’re the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society.”
“No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.”
“When I’m drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.”
“We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk two blocks and get into our backyard?”
“He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that?”

anonymous asked:

11? if not already answered

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

I have some slightly indecently tight rainbow boxer-briefs that are very flattering. I’ve gotten compliments on my white calvins, too, so idk.

Thanks!