I want to ask about rage disorders? I can't just grasp the feeling of being perpetually angry.
It’s not so much perpetually angry, but I feel raw and emotional and the best way to get anyone to leave you alone is to start yelling and slamming things. I get ragey when I feel isolated from help and surrounded by people demanding things from me. I don’t know if that is typical, but it is more of a fear response that translates to aggression. Heightened senses, loss of control of movements, uncontrollable shouting.
I don’t have a rage disorder, but I have rage episodes due to my BPD. I absolutely agree with it being a fear response. I get extremely angry when I get uncomfortable, and for me that manifests in being snappy, shouting, and just this feeling of anger bubbling up inside of me.
I have rage episodes due to my PTSD and I experience perpetual underlying anger. You can imagine it like a warm ball in your stomach and when you get stressed or feel cornered your skin feels too tight and you start snapping at people and/or destroying things because you can’t help yourself (also agree with the fact that starting to yell/slam things is a fast way to get people away from you). I don’t know how it feels for other humans but when you feel okay the ‘anger/warm ball’ is like an energy source that helps you get through the day until something sets you off.
For me, the overwhelming anger that came with PTSD was set off any time events were out of my control. My control = safe. Out of control = threat = anger because I couldn’t take control (usually because someone was blocking me or placing themselves in authority). This made me a terrible employee.
Mine kinda goes along the: that warm tight feeling in your stomach you get when you’re angry and want to lash out, but at anything, at complete random. Snappy and stormy. But if it’s something I’m predisposed to get angry at then its REALLY angry. Like need for physical violence or just letting my mouth spill every terrible thing i can think of to get the person to repent or back off. Anything to make that disgusting feeling in your stomach go away
I get this when I’m manic sometimes, PARTICULARLY if it’s “that time of the month”. I think it’s also related to anxiety a bit (which spikes around that time as well) but I have to remind myself to not verbally murder anyone who annoys me. I don’t get it as much when I’m depressed though.