I attempt to do a homestuck voice acting meme lmao whoops
JOHN: this one here is so great. it is about this street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and wants nothing more in the world than to reunite with his loving wife and daughter. but not so fast! he has to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by john malkovich, who is wise to cage’s heroic nature and pure heart. they tether a grumpy police man’s awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. cage gets out of the wreckage and hugs his family, and i usually tear up a little. JOHN: that is my working troll title for the movie, i hope it was ok.
ROSE: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady’s invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect. ROSE: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.
DAVE: im wearing them ironically DAVE: because theyre awesome DAVE: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome DAVE: and vice versa DAVE: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen
JADE: well….. JADE: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but….. JADE: it also sounds kind of exciting! JADE: i dont know john maybe this is your destiny JADE: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!
JANE: Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement over it. JANE: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, “Shucks, buster, sign me up!”
JAKE: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!
ROXY: i really dont think we should ROXY: play the game ROXY: the barnoness wants us to ROXY: * baroness ROXY: i dont know why ROXY: everything i know about it says it should be a good game and real important and itll let us all get togehter and do somethin great and be besf friends for maybe eternity? ROXY: but she took all that and twisted it somehow ROXY: all i know is shes banking on us doing this and if she needs us to do this than its got to be to make somethin fucking hoorible happen ROXY: * horbible ROXY: * whore bible ROXY: ^ bullseye
DIRK: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless. DIRK: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to “mean it,” but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you “mean it” then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.
ARADIA: im 0k with it ARADIA: im 0k with a l0t 0f things ARADIA: even 0ur inevitable failure ARADIA: th0ugh it will briefly masquerade as vict0ry
TAVROS: i THINK THIS, iS, TAVROS: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME, TAVROS: iT’S JUST HARD TO FIGURE OUT, TAVROS: iF YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA STRATEGICALLY, TAVROS: oR IF IT’S JUST MORE OF THE THING, wHERE YOU HARASS ME BUT SOUND EXCITED ABOUT IT,
SOLLUX: there you go, you are now offiiciially the liife of the party. SOLLUX: eheheh ii ju2t took an embarra22iing viideo of you cuttiing loo2e there, boy ii 2ure hope thii2 juiicy nugget doe2nt wiind up on the iinternet!
KARKAT: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN. KARKAT: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. KARKAT: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR. KARKAT: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD. KARKAT: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME. KARKAT: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL. KARKAT: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK. KARKAT: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE “PARADISE” PLANET. KARKAT: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED. KARKAT: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN. KARKAT: ONLY MY HATE.
NEPETA: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill* NEPETA: :33 < *ac uses one of her mouths to lick the fresh blood off her paws* NEPETA: :33 < *and the other one to blow you a kiss!*
KANAYA: Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again KANAYA: I Enjoy Listening To It And I Wish Doing So Could Serve As My Primary Form Of Recreation KANAYA: There See I Just Did It Too KANAYA: Saying The Opposite Thing To Emphasize My Contempt KANAYA: But Suddenly I Feel More Primitive And Hate Myself A Little More KANAYA: It Was Like This Funny Miracle That Just Happened In My Heart
TEREZI: JOHN TEREZI: WHY WOULD YOU L4UGH 4T 4 BL1ND G1RL TEREZI: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW MUCH YOU D1SGUST M3 TEREZI: YOUR3 4 TOT4L D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY TEREZI: 1F W3 3V3R M33T TEREZI: 1M GO1NG TO CUT YOUR THRO4T TEREZI: 4ND L1ST3N TO YOU BL33D WH1L3 1 SM3LL YOU D13
VRISKA: Tavros, have I mentioned how cute you look in that plucky little outfit? VRISKA: Why if I didn’t know 8etter, I’d say I was playing with Pupa Pan himself! VRISKA: Isn’t that what you want, Tavros? To 8e like Pupa? VRISKA: Of course you do! What 8oy wouldn’t want to 8e like Pupa! So dashing and 8rave. VRISKA: He is everything you are not!
EQUIUS: D —> I need some air EQUIUS: D —> Or some cold milk EQUIUS: D —> Or a towel, I need a towel EQUIUS: D —> Where the fuck are all my fresh towels EQUIUS: D —> I mean EQUIUS: D —> Fiddlesticks, please pardon my language EQUIUS: D —> It won’t happen again
GAMZEE: MaN eVeRyWhErE i LoOk… GAMZEE: aLlS i SeE iS mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS. GAMZEE: It’S sO sPiRiTuAl, AlL tHeSe mIrAcLeS aNd ShIt. GAMZEE: oK lIkE jUsT bE tAkIn tHiS fUcKiN tItS bOtTlE oF fUcKiN fAyGo I jUsT cRaCkEd Up OpEn. GAMZEE: AnD hOw It’S bEiNg AlL lIkE hIsSiNg AnD sHiT. GAMZEE: mOtHeRfUcKiN hIsSiNg MaN, wHo WeNt AlL aNd ToLd It To Do ThAt? GAMZEE: HoW wOuLd It EvEn Do ThAt, It’S cRaZy. GAMZEE: iT’s A mIrAcLe.
ERIDAN: wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike ERIDAN: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels ERIDAN: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince
FEFERI: I AM -EXCIT-ED! FEFERI: -Everyt)(ing we are about to do next is exciting. FEFERI: It is always exciting. FEFERI: I’m -EXCIT————————ED! FEFERI: Pc)(ooooo.