ra's a ghul

Undercrackers (Gotham 4x05)

“So who’s the vegetable?”  “Gangster. Gilzean, maybe Gold? Took a slug in a noodle. Been in a coma almost six months.” The hospital brass wants to free up some beds, so they’re gonna take him “upstate”.

“Rest in peace, Butch Gilzean, Cyrus Gold, whoever the h3ll you are!” *laughter* As I watch my Butchie drop into Slaughter Swamp, I can’t help but think of those logs on the flume ride. *Cue the fantastic monster music and obviously placed Indian Hill barrel.*” Oh sh!t, yall!

Captain Harvey works diligently at his desk. In comes his work husband. Jimbo. He wants to know if anyone’s contacted him about Ra’s al Ghul. The judge’s clerk informed him this case got pushed off the docket. “And?” Downloading Jim’s trademark righteous indignation in 3, 2, 1…

Jimbo fears Ra’s being minister of a foreign country enable him to outta prosecution despite having killed a boy. “That’s above my paygrade, pal. I just bust the bad guys.”

“Do you? *grabs docs* These are release forms -of my collars! Lemme guess: each one of them has a license from Penguin, right?!”

Harvey’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Every mook Jim busts with a license, the Commish orders him to release. The exasperated Bullock asks, “What am I supposed to do?” “Your job!” “I AM DOING MY JOB!”

Harper interrupts the heated exchange with an update regarding al Ghul. Jimbo tosses the papers on Bullock’s desk. As Jim storms out, Harvey asserts, “I’m doing my job.”

D@mn, y’all. Gordlock’s on the rocks. Do y’all think Harvey found out about his hubby’s indiscretion with Sofia Falcone? 

Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred interrupts Master Bruce from “the key to everything”. Bruce hasn’t been sleeping. Alfred tries to convince him Alex Winthrop’s death wasn’t his fault. “Alex is dead because I hesitated.” 

Poppa A tries reason. While it may be true, Ra’s held the blade, and he’s gonna pay for it. Bruce is dubious. Blackgate cain’t stop his evil step-dad. Alfred’s so done with Bruce’s obsession with the bloody dagger.

Bruce thinks Ra’s wants to destroy it so that it can’t be used to kill him. Alfred knows Master B’s all f*cked up about Alex. For this reason, he takes the opportunity to remind Bruce of his vow. “No killing.”

“Taking a life, never mind how justified, will take you down a darker path than you can ever possibly imagine. I know, I’ve been down it.” “I understand.” “Good.” Alfred takes the dagger and locks it away.

Bruce somberly stands before Alex’s casket. He listens to a loved one lament the boy’s untimely death -as well as his opa’s. Alfred notices Gordon’s arrival and excuses himself to talk to him. He’s angered to learn al Ghul’s diplomatic immunity grants him extradition. 

“That monster killed a child.” Jim fears Bruce will do something rash when the word gets out, it’s why he came to give Alfred a heads up. Alfred doesn’t like Jim’s insinuation he’s failed to protect Bruce.  

Big Poppa A reminds Jimbo that the finger he points has four more pointing back at his &ss. He tells Jim to stay in his OWN DAMB lane. Isn’t it always the people who ain’t got their own kids that feel most justified in telling others how to raise their kids? I’m just sayin’. Predictably, Brucie overhears the whole exchange.

This compels Bruce to obtain the dagger Alfred locked away when they return to Wayne Manor.

Babs visits her sugar daddy in his luxury cell. She’s ready to spring him so they can get back and cuddle up with some chianti. (Her quip and accompanying smile remind me of my favorite cannibal, Hanni from Silence of the Lambs.) He ain’t interested in that. He just wanted to bid her farewell.

She’s like nuh-uh. She asks about the promise he made her, “Do as I ask and I’ll give you a gift beyond your imagining? He gives it to her.

It wasn’t exactly the iconic “Oh Billy!” scene from Midnight Express, but Babs definitely gotta little otherworldly somethin’ somethin’. Y’all know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. “What the h3ll was that?” “You’ll see. Goodbye Barbara.”

Butchie rises refreshed from his rejuvenating Indian Hill toxic waste bath. That spa treatment did wonders for him. Wait. Maybe not.

He happens upon some singing campers. They’ve never seen anything like him, so they’re curious. The zombie-like Gilzean looks frightened. They reassure him they mean him no harm, but their firelight scares him. What happened to your drawers big fella?”

He tosses all them muphuccas around in attempt to defend himself. It’s all so very Frankenstein. A semi-coherent camper asks, “Who are you?” 

The fateful music provides him with his christening name: “Solomon Grundy Born On Monday”.

Mr. Penn informs Penguin his licensing program is an unmitigated success. Os wants numbers.

Apparently 86% of crime is accounted for by Pax Penguina. “Which means that 14% of crime happens outside of my licensing system! Get Firefly! I want examples made!” (I miss her, but why not Fries too? I needs more Icy Hot/Thing 1 and Thing 2.)

Unannounced, Sofia Falcone walks in and interrupts. (Umm, HELLO. How did THAT happen? Where is my Zsaszy? He would have never let her walk in without first announcing her arrival, but I digress.)

“If scorching a few idiots was all it took, anyone could rule Gotham.” He sarcastically thanks her for her input and asks why the f*ck she’s there without invitation. She wants to invite him to lunch. Cobblepot ain’t buying it after he eliminated the Falcone loyalists. “Perhaps you overestimate the pleasure of your company.”

While he may have it all, he ain’t got the Falcone family name -the name that accounted for all criminal activity in Gotham “as in 100%”. She thinks their public lunch will be enough to make the outliers fall in line.

“Mr. Penn. Item #4 on my to-do list.” “Kill Sofia Falcone.” “Add a question mark, will ya?” (I loves this messy b!tch.)

“Tomorrow it is.” She takes her leave.

A cagey Riddler Edward paces around a captive pharmacist in an attempt to get his mojo back. “You have to have something for me!” “I don’t know: a brain to reverse the effects of being frozen and unfrozen? That’s kind of specific.” He ain’t ‘bout to be condescended to by an idiot in a lab coat who’s “NOT EVEN A DOCTOR!”

The pharmacist asks for his symptoms. They include fogginess of the mind, decreased ability to think ten steps ahead and inability to solve riddles. “I have got to improve my brain function. I could take a pill or vitamin, I’ll even consider a natural remedy.” (Does this mean he no longer considers natural remedies “therapeutic snake oil”?)

The pharmacist remembers there’s something that naturally improves cognitive abilities: Smartivia. (I think I saw a commercial for that on TV.) He tells Edward they’re in his desk. Ed looks for them. The pharmacist gets the jump on him. 

“OWWW!” “A fake gun? Seriously?” “Wait. I just need to know. Does these work?” “No dummy. They’re sugar pills. And I’m callin’ the police.”

Edward escapes to a nearby alley. He opens the pills and desperately swallows the whole bottle. Just then Frankenbutch shows up. Ed’s scared sh!tless to see him. He proceeds to throw Tabi under the bus for the whole thing that went down in 3x22, and swears he never had a problem with him. 

Solomon knocks his &ss out and effortlessly hoists him over his shoulder. (I didn’t know whether or not to laugh or fan myself.) “Man talk too much.” (Like everyone else out there, I appreciatively eye-hump  Edward’s lovely emerald-clad booty.)

A worried Alfred seeks out Gordon at the GCPD. He needs to get into Blackgate because Bruce is gonna make an attempt on Ra’s. Alfred promises he’ll let Jim lecture him about the many ways he’s failed Bruce if he agrees because he knows Jim can’t resist a chance to say “I told you so”.

They finally get real. Jim finally realizes how worried Alfred really is. He fears Bruce’s headed down a path from which there’s no return. That’s all he needed to hear.

Bruce breaks into Blackgate, disables the security cameras and steals a keycard. He makes his way into his evil stepdad’s cell. Ra’s is “asleep”. Bruce removes the dagger from his jacket. 

He unsheathes the blade, but can’t do it. He turns to leave.

“You weak, foolish boy. You’re still not ready.”

Ra’s hits Bruce so hard in the solar plexus he knocks his &ss out the cell. Bruce tries to use his affluenza on the guards to deflect from the B&E he just committed. “My name is Bruce Wayne. Stop him.”

“Master al Ghul.” “Take him below.” (Looks like Edward ain’t the only one gettin’ his &ss knocked out tonight.)

Pennyworth and Gordon make their way into Blackgate. The guards inform them there’s no record of Bruce having visited. Alfred knows affluenza’s a real thing. When you got Bruce Wayne’s trust fund, you ain’t gotta sign into nothin’! 

Jim tries to smooth over any feathers BIg Poppa A may have ruffled, so they can take a look around. The guard agrees, but Gordworth/Pennydon (I dunno, y’all tell me), have to surrender their weapons. “Standard procedure.” “Of course.”

Alfred places his piece down beside JImbo’s standard issue. The guard looks to Alfred and clears his throat. Alfred removes the piece from his ankle holster. *ahem* Brass knuckles. Jim smiles at the guard who takes one more pointed look at Alfred. 

Annoyed, he surrenders his knife. JIm: “Finished?” “That’s absolutely it, unless you want to check my undercrackers.” “This way.” Gordon turns to Alfred. “Undercrackers?”

The next day Edward comes to in an alley. “Sugar pills my foot!”

Ed is terrified to discover Gilzean wasn’t a bad dream. “You know Grundy?” “No. No. No. Who’s Grundy?” The giant tells Ed he’s “Solomon Grundy Born on Monday”. It’s then Edward realizes Butch’s missing hand has regrown. (Man, that spa sh!t works.) 

Edward asks what happened to him, but he doesn’t know. “Let me get this straight. You don’t know who you are, or how you got here.” Nygma’s relieved. He tries to convince Grundy he doesn’t know him. “Best of luck though, I hope you get the skin thing figured out. Later.”

Ed tries making a run for it, but Grundy easily stops him. He wants his help and friendship. “I’m attempting to be civil, but I can’t help you.” “Why?” “I just can’t. Alright.” “Why. WHY?” “Because I can’t even help myself. You don’t know who you are? Well that makes two of us. I used to be smart -brilliant, and now it’s gone. I can’t even rob a pharmacy! So you want me to help you? I can’t.”

Solomon offers his distraught “friend” a hotdog. “Well I am feeling a bit peckish.”

(Okay, I have a confession to make, so don’t tell anybody. I found this entire scene comedic and surprisingly touching. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much, but this pairing is so rich with potential. I was delighted.)

Sophia visits an old Falcone family friend, Janos. She wants to know how Pax Penguina’s workin’ out for him. He’s claiming the Szabos’ are fine, but even they weren’t they wouldn’t let on. She’s pleased to hear it. She’s invited him to lunch at Szabos’ joint. She wants it to be something special.

Bruce finds himself in the bowels of Blackgate. Ra’s informs him that Gordworth are upstairs with his crew. Ra’s wants the knife, but not for the reason Brucie thinks.

He last held the knife way back in the day at the Lazarus Pit. It was there he saw a vision of Bruce, his heir. Apparently, Bruce is the only one who can “end his suffering”. “Please…. Set me free.” (DON’T DO IT, BRUCIE! It’s a trap!)

Edward thanks Big Guy for the snack. “It’s been an emotional day. Gotta go.” Solomon’s got other plans. He thought they made a deal.

Just then the dudes Grundy effed up the night prior arrive. They have a score to settle. Ed tries to explain he and Grundy ain’t friends and they’re not tight like that. “Get ‘em.” Grundy’s like DUDE. 

Those dudes try to jump Grundy, but they can’t compete with his Indian Hill mojo. He effortlessly tosses them around, but it ain’t over yet. The one remaining guy tries to barbecue Big Guy.  

Nygma takes off. Grundy cries for help, and what do you know? Ed comes through and does a solid for Big Guy. “Grundy friend not dumb. Grundy friend smart.” 

Looks like someone’s gettin’ their confidence back -and the other someone is a hugger. (Me too, Grundy. Me too.) “I can’t breathe.”

Oswald arrives for lunch with Sofia. The cozy restaurant isn’t as high profile as he’d like. She assures him word will get out about their sit down, and thought some Hungarian food might give him a taste of home. The paranoid Cobblepot has his taste tester go first. He dives in once he knows it’s safe to eat -well, aside from the paprika anyway.

Prom Queen is on a diet, so he’s stuffed. He makes a big production about thanking Sofia and the Falcone family’s support before he rises to leave. She convinces him he must try the goulash before he departs. It’s a house specialty.

He dismisses her suggestion because Big Momma Cobblepot made the greatest goulash in the land. She used a recipe from Budapest handed down for three hundred years. He knows this sh!t ain’t gonna hold a candle to it. He takes a bite. 

He briefly sits in stunned silence before he announces, “I’m leaving!” He storms out.

(Is it just me or do y’all also find it very interesting that Sofia uses the same moves on Oswald that Fish Mooney used on her daddy with her secret weapon Liza? Penguin had better keep his head in the game.)

After he leaves, Sofia consults with the cook to ensure she followed the recipe. The woman insists she did exactly, and asks if the little man did not like it. Sofia ain’t sure.

At Blackgate, Jim questions the guards because he knows they’re heading to a place secluded from the inmates. The guard tells him there have been changes at Blackgate since his stint in the clink. He questions Kowalski (who he knows ain’t Kowalski).

Alfred: “I gotta say man. I really love what you’ve done with the old place. However, I’ve gotta question for ya. Where are the real guards?” A brawl ensues. Gordworth take every guard but one. He says Ra’s al Ghul has plans for Master B. “You’ll never find him.” “You underestimate my resolve, pal.” He dispatches of  the last “guard”.

Back at the Iceberg Lounge, Pengy sits at the bar. An uninvited Sofia arrives. (Okay, y’all. I’m sorry. Where DA FUQ is my Zsaszy? I ain’t seen him once.)

“Did you really think I’d believe this was all some coincidence? That goulash tasted exactly like my mother used to make!” “You can’t fault me for the restaurant’s authenticity.” “He narrows the gap between them. “You’re buttering me up, but for what?” Sofia questions his ability to trust people’s kindness.

He informs her the only person who did anything for him without expecting anything in return was Big Momma Cobblepot. She claims it’s more than she ever got from Big Daddy Falcone.

“Go. I’ll decide what to do with you later.”

He goes to sit. He informs her if she wants to help she can GTFO. She observes his foot is causing him pain. He insists It’s just the weather.

She kneels before him. He demands to know what she’s doing. She moves to touch him. When he flinches, she assures him, “It’s okay. I won’t judge.” She reveals Oswald’s ravaged leg. As he looks away, she holds it in an attempt to comfort him. He watches in stunned silence.

She shares a childhood memory about when she broke her ankle playing. Her dad used the whole “just rub some dirt ice on it” routine and told her to suck it up. Her momma, however, went with her to the hospital and told her that cold increases the pain. “What’s needed is warmth.”

Oswald softens. “My mother. She used to sing.” Sofia immediately begins humming. (I gotta hand it to this girl. She. is. good. If this continues, she’s gonna skewer his &ss and he’ll be smiling the whole time.)

Ra’s tries to convince Bruce he’s SO OVER being immortal. Apparently, the dagger’s the only thing that can free him. Bruce thinks it’s another manipulation. He shows Bruce his true form in the water’s reflection. We had Frankenstein earlier, so I guess it’s Mummy time now. He wants Master B to end his suffering because every moment is agony.

Bruce’ thinks Ra’s deserves every bit of misery he’s suffering for all the sh!t he’s done, so he ain’t gonna kill him. Ra’s breaks down Bruce’s future if he fails to do so. He paints a rosy story about happily-ever-after (white picket fence included). Bruce gets all heart-eyed emoji.

Ra’s assure Bruce when he least expects it, he’s gonna come back and kill everyone he loves, just like when he watched his parents die, and when he sliced Alex’s throat. 

Exit heart eye emoji. Enter rage emoji. Bruce stabs Ra’s.  

Gordworth arrive at the last minute to witness the end of Ra’s al Ghul. (Gotta give the man credit. He knows how to make an exit.)

Bruce wants to know if Jimbo’s gonna arrest him. Jim confesses he doesn’t even know WTF happened. As far as he’s concerned, al Ghul’s henchmen tried to spring him and he got away. Bruce fears he betrayed his parent’s memory by taking a life.

“Just because you know you’re capable of doing something, doesn’t mean it has to happen again. Bruce, you and I have known each other a long time -since the night your parents were murdered. You may not feel like you’re that kid anymore, but I know that you are: one who believes in doing good, and fighting for what’s right, who will do anything to keep the people he loves safe. Nothing that happened today changes that.”

Alfred finds Bruce standing in front of the fire. He holds the crime-fighting couture Foxy gave him in hand. Bruce concedes Alfred was right. It’s over. Alfred confesses he was wrong and Master B was right: he can make a difference in a fight larger than he ever imagined. Bruce replies, “I’m not the hero Gotham needs…. I took the dark path.”

“Yes, you did, and it’s gonna be a long bumpy journey back. But I believe in you Master Bruce. I always have and I always will.” 

Alfred takes Master B’s suit and assures him when he feels worthy/ready, it’ll be waiting for him, “as will I, sir”. (I’m not crying! You are!)

Return to Grundler Grundward. They need cash. Big Guy questions Ed about whether or not he really knows him. (This oughta be good.) “You deserve to know. You and I were the very best of friends.” He explains that whatever happened to him made him unrecognizable to Ed.

Nygma explains his Grundy muscles can make them money -and they can use said money to make Ed smart again “-and we’ll figure out what happened to you. Just trust me, okay?.” Grundy looks dubious.

They walk into Cherry’s. Ed smiles. You can practically smell the cheap booze, sweat, blood and puke (which makes me wanna go). There’s a match taking place. A smokin’ hot mowhawked blonde taunts the guys in the ring. “What is this a knitting circle?! Let’s see some blood!” Nygma approaches her about talking to the person in charge.

“You’re looking at her. What do you want, squirt?” (I think I just fell in love.) “If there’s money to be had, we’d like to put our hat in the ring. She laughs. “And who are you?” “I”m this fine gentleman’s manager. *cue that smile* 

Trust me, he’s a monster.” “Well, more grist for the mill.” She says they’ll talk after they see to Big Guy’s hand. She shouts at someone to get “the doc” -who’s currently patching up a fighter on the bar with some liquor.

She takes a big swig of it and replies, “I’ll be right there.”

Lee Morticia’s BACK, y’all! And hotter than ever! RAWR.

so i was watching teen titans go! “yearbook madness” when suddenly these came up in starfire’s yearbook -

harley quinn of course signs starfire’s yearbook

the joker tries to fill up as much room as possible, naturally







and lets not forget the people who wrote in raven’s yearbook -


of course clark saves the day and the riddler apparently has a crush on raven??? apparently a lot of villains like her, including -





because of popular demand i’ve decided to add the rest of them -

first, from starfire’s yearbook

the flash, always commenting on how he’s the fastest man alive

i assume the WW stands for Wonder Woman

aqua man with a smiley fish :)

oliver queen aka green arrow

and where there’s ollie there’s dinah

blue beetle omg

u cant really see it cause of the logo but it says “stay cool!” -captain cold

speaking of staying cool -

can u even write while in that cryosuit, freeze?

your questioning why she didnt beat u up, bane?

and of course the DOG signs starfire’s yearbook. or clark. probably clark.

and then all three green lanterns -

hal jordan

john stuart

and kyle rayner with a drawing of her

and now for the other signatures in raven’s yearbook -

that’s cute superboy, with all that brooding i never would have pegged u as someone who writes “c u later”

all the demons love raven

and the best one -


  • Tim: I'm not Batman. I have friends.
  • Ra's: You sure about that?
  • Tim: Yeah! Like Conner.
  • Ra's: He died.
  • Tim: Oh yeah. Well what about Bart?
  • Ra's: He died too
  • Tim: Lonnie?
  • Ra's: Coma
  • Tim: Steph?
  • Ra's: Faked her death without telling you and now you can't trust her
  • Tim: *scratches head* Well I guess I still have my siblings-
  • Ra's: Two of them hate you and the other one has no time for you
  • Tim: ...
  • Tim: ...
  • Tim: ...
  • Tim: Okay but at least I'm still not Batma-
  • Ra's: Out of all your siblings you are the one most similar to Batman in skill, emotional distance, intelligence, and traumatic experience
  • Tim: *cries and stomps away in frustration*

Prompt: Combination of Jason Todd imagine where reader used to be part of the league angst maybe? And Can you please do something with Jason x reader? (They’re boyfriend and girlfriend) Specifically something really fluffy like reader and Jason are partners on patrol and they help each other out during fights. They also have witty banter and flirt while fighting. After patrol, they are going back to the batcave and it’s really cute and romantic. I don’t know. Hopefully this works. We don’t get a lot of Jason fluff.

Requested by: ANON and bitch-jerk-assbut-idigits67

    “What is your deal with her?”

    Jason can only smirk as he ignores the question … again. Some things were private, and his relationship with you was at the top of that list. “Seriously Jay, is this a Selina and Bruce type romance?”

    That made Jason frown. You weren’t casual. You were a committed and loyal person. Of course, they had no way of knowing that. All they knew about you was your mask and the fact you showed up when anyone was in trouble. Well, that and the constant flirting.

    Removing the helmet, Jason ran his fingers through his hair before facing his brothers. Dick was in full swing big brother mode. Dick had made it clear that he was tired of losing people, that had led to him being more nosy than usual lately. It had also left him sounding like a mother hen.

    The rest of the family was curious, but they weren’t going as far as to demand answers. With nothing left to do, Jason did the only thing he could; he chucked the helmet at his brother and grinned in satisfaction when he caught it; it gave him just enough time to rush forward and sweep his feet out from under him.

    Leaving him on the floor, Jason made his escape. It didn’t take long to get home. The mere fact that you were waiting for him was enough to make him hurry. Sure enough, you were there.

You were lying on the couch dressed in your favorite sleep pants, and one of Jason’s shirts. He’s still dressed in his patrol uniform when he collapses on top of you. You giggle as he steals a few kisses.

You sweep his hair behind his ear before kissing him properly. “Welcome home.”

“It’s so good to be home. My brothers are annoying.”

“Especially when I’m trying to save them.”

He laughs, “Told you so.”

He links his fingers with yours. His thumb twirls the band on your ring finger. You’d been

a part of the League when Talia had brought Jason to the compound. You’d watched him come back to life, and had been part of the force to help restrain him in the early days.

    It had become apparent rather quickly that he calmed down around you. He had allowed you near him, to help him. Your bond had become solid and concrete within a year. And Ra’s had been consumed with it. Jason was one of the best, that was clear. He was strong, and fast, and he could endure.

    And after several years of being partners on the battlefield, you became partners in life. The two of you had been faithful to Ra’s, to the League. You’d been so grateful for the gift of each other, that you hadn’t questioned him. Until he derived a plan to destroy Gotham.

    Years of memories had come flooding back to Jason. It became clear what the two of you had to do in the days that followed. Jason had fled, and you’d remained as a spy. When the time had come you had foiled the League with the help of Jason’s family.

    You’d appeared a week later, dressed in a mask, and your own costume. Playing with Jason’s family had been too good of an opportunity to pass up. So you patrolled the streets of Gotham with Jason, and when he was busy with his family you did it alone.

    From time to time, you showed up when Jason’s family needed help. You pulled them out of sticky situations, flirted with your husband, and retreated home.

    Jason’s lips on your neck draw you out of your thoughts and you giggle, “We can’t.”

    “Why not?”

    You kiss his cheek, “Because there’s a little girl in there waiting for her daddy to check the closet for monsters.”

    His brow furrows, “She’s still awake?”

    You nod, “Oh yes. She wanted to see her daddy.”

    With a smile he heaves himself off the couch and you watch him disappear into her bedroom. A moment later you turn towards the window and smile, “Took you longer than usual.”

    “Grayson kept complaining about how you’re potentially dangerous.”

    “I’m lethal.”

    Damian snorts, “To everyone but Jason and Rosie.”

    You wave him away, “Go spoil your niece squirt.”

    “Technically she’s my cousin, Aunt Y/N.”

    You roll your eyes, “Be gone brat.”

    He shrugs and walks into your daughter’s room, settling back in with your book you listen to the sound of your daughter’s giggles and smile.