‘If the sight of my ankles means death to an honest fellow who, no doubt, has a wife and family to support, I must, in all humanity, keep them covered,’ Orlando thought. Yet her legs were among her chiefest beauties. And she fell to thinking what an odd pass we have come to when all a woman’s beauty has to be kept covered lest a sailor may fall from a masthead.
All relationships have ups and downs. Romantic fantasy often nurtures the belief that difficulties and down times are an indication of a lack of love rather than part of the process. In actuality, true love thrives on difficulties. The foundation of such love is the assumption that we want to grow and expand, to become more fully ourselves. There is no change that does not bring with it a feeling of challenge and loss.
I deleted all the unsent texts,
the drafted status updates,
ripped up the letters addressed to you,
and put out the last flame of hope for us.
For I came to the realization I did not want a boy who once made me feel like the world was mine and then be so quick to shatter it at my feet,
I did not want a boy who spat careless comments and threw sharp words to a girl he was once so consumed with,
I did not want a boy who fed me lies to keep my opinions and thoughts quiet,
I did not want a boy who was unsure of his wants and needs and blamed others for his indecisiveness,
I did not want a boy who did not want me.
I do not need that boy back.
I fell in love with you not knowing what love really was. I stayed in love with you because no one else made me feel the way you did.I still fall in love with you everyday because there’s no one I picture my future with other than you
Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all.
Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in.
But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.
Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books like An Imperial Affliction, which you can’t tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like betrayal
She let out a deep sigh “You know I cried uncontrollably every day for weeks. I sobbed and screamed, begging for the pain to go away. I prayed so hard, so fucking hard for him to come back to me. Maybe if he reached out to me durning those days I would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat.”
“But he didn’t”
“One day I just grew tired of crying myself to sleep and feeling so damn exhausted in the morning. I was tired of walking around feeling nothing and everything all at once. I was sick of being broken while he was perfectly okay.”
“That day I realized if he truly did care for me, truly loved me he wouldn’t have caused me that much pain and sorrow. He ran out of chances, he ran out of time, he ran out of my love.”
I promise you sweetheart, you could rake all the drugs in the world, kiss all the sexy girls you’ll meet, drink hard liquor all night long, and dance to the nymphs of the otherworld, but you would never find the same high you found in me.
There were so many books on so many shelves, I knew I could live to be old without coming to the end of them. The sound of the pages turning was the sound of magic. The dry liquid feel of paper under fingertips was what magic felt like.