quoteoftheday

“Ti meriti un amore che ti voglia
spettinata,
con tutto e le ragioni che ti fanno
alzare in fretta,
con tutto e i demoni che non ti
lasciano dormire.

Ti meriti un amore che ti faccia
sentire sicura,
in grado di mangiarsi il mondo
quando cammina accanto a te,
che senta che i tuoi abbracci sono
perfetti per la sua pelle.

Ti meriti un amore che voglia ballare
con te,
che trovi il paradiso ogni volta che
guarda nei tuoi occhi,
che non si annoi mai di leggere le
tue espressioni.

Ti meriti un amore che ti ascolti
quando canti,
che ti appoggi quando fai la ridicola,
che rispetti il tuo essere libera,
che ti accompagni nel tuo volo,
che non abbia paura di cadere.

Ti meriti un amore che ti spazzi via le
bugie
che ti porti il sogno,
il caffè
e la poesia.”

– Frida Kahlo.

This is why I left:
I saw a life with you. Not in a romantic way, but the way where when I looked at the future I saw you sitting at my dining table, confessing your worries for the 1,800th time. I saw you meeting the love of my life and introducing me to yours. I saw you loving my kids like they were your own and I saw us loving each other - platonically, simply.
But through our late night conversations about the world and about our futures - mere kids aspiring to be something great in a city that was always so poor - you spoke more about the way my smile lit your world up instead of what you’d do to create your own. You stopped fantasizing about meeting the love of your life and insisted that I was already in it, despite the fact that I said it wasn’t what I wanted. That this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
I caught the lingering stares and the subtle comments. More than anything, I noticed how we changed; how you tried to force something on me that I didn’t want, and how you kept getting hurt in the process - silently blaming me for not reciprocating feelings that I didn’t harbor in the first place. 

Three years later and I feel the hatred steam off of you when you see me on the corner of my block. I ripped you off of me like a dying limb because I knew that if I held on to you, you’d  cling for dear life - never looking forward to another version of your own future again. I left because I’d rather hurt you now and have you move on in due time, as opposed to not at all. I didn’t want you meeting the love of my life with a cold smile and tension wrapped around your first handshake. I didn’t want you to go home at night with no one beside you. I didn’t want you to look at my kids and wish they were ours. I didn’t want you to look backwards. I needed you to look forward.

I broke your heart for your own good. But believe me when I say that you broke mine, too.

—  Fri[end]zoned // n.b.
Usually when I feel lonely it’s not because I don’t have people around me it’s because no one seems to think the way I do. That being said, I feel alone because I’m surrounded by so many people that don’t know who I am.
we’re just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn’t the answer.
—  (via @sturzpoesie)