quote about letting go

I met love for the first time at 18. Love was beautiful. Love was kind. Love was funny. Love was mine. Love was consuming. Love was impairing. Love gave me fear. Love gave me tears. Love drove me insane. Love gave me pain. Love was rough. Love wasn’t enough. Love was never a mistake. Love was just a heartbreak. Love was a lesson. Love was a blessing. Love became a memory but never forgotten.

I met love again at 24. Love was not perfect. Love was not what I expected. Love couldn’t sing but somehow it had the right ring. Love was a mess, but that never gave me stress. Love was warm, and I never felt like I was in harm. Love was content, and willing to stay dormant . Love became stagnant, much like a refrigerator’s magnet. Love was predictable, and it made me miserable. Love did not grow, and that was something I could not follow. Love had lost its connection, and we soon headed in different directions. Love ended but we befriended.

I met love again at 27. Love was a beautiful reflection. Love is alone, but happy. Love is still growing, but confidently. Love makes mistakes, but love is still learning. Love loves love.


-This is not a love story.

-m.t.t.

Whenever you’re starting to get annoyed by her, remember how you felt when you first started talking to her and how beautiful her smile is

Whenever she’s driving you insane and you wanna yell at her, remember how at one point all you wanted to do was listen to her and know all her childhood secrets

Whenever you feel like you want her to stay away from you, remember those times when you couldn’t keep your hands off of her because you loved the touch of her skin

Whenever you feel like you don’t wanna spend time with her anymore, remember your first date and how the only thing you wanted to do was to spend as much time with her as possible

Whenever you feel like you don’t want to kiss her anymore, remember your first kiss; how nervous you were and how happy it made you afterwards

Whenever you don’t want to sleep next to her anymore, remember how at one point the only way for you to fall asleep was only if you were in her arms

Whenever you feel like leaving her, remember how it felt when you couldn’t see her for two or three days straight and how terrible it made you feel

And if none of those memories break your heart and make you remember why you love her, then carefully explain to her that she’s the one that has to leave you

—  Because, darling, you don’t deserve her anymore
8

KATELYNN’S ENDLESS LIST OF FAVORITE GAMES

↳ Night in the Woods (2017)

“You know after I sent that kid to the hospital years ago they said I had an anger problem, but that’s not true. I was angry because of something else. Something I’d lost. Trying so hard since not to be angry got me all defenseless and I lost more, and more, and more… that’s not getting better. I want to be angry. When I ran home from college, on the bus I had this dream… or maybe I saw it out the window, last leaf on the tree finally blown off. I’m so scared all the time, and the fear hurts, feeling like everything is over… was over long before I got here, so long, hiding or trying to outrun this. I get it. This won’t stop until I die. But when I die I want it to hurt. When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt. Bad. I want to lose. I want to get beaten up. I want to hold on until I’m thrown off and everything ends. And you know what? Until that happens I want to hope again and I want it to hurt. Because that means it meant something. It means I am… something, at least. Pretty amazing to be something at least.”

I replayed that night over and over again like a broken record. What if I didn’t overreacted. What if we didn’t say the things we said. What if our anger and differences didn’t drove us apart. What if we remembered why we fell in love in the first place. What if we didn’t walk away. What if we actually tried…

-But life is too concrete for “what if’s”.


-m.t.t.

4

and then my soul saw you and it kind of went

I dreamt of him last night and he asked me, “What’s your biggest mistake?”

I reached for his hands, but I woke up before I could answer him. And even though I knew he couldn’t hear me then, I still said it aloud, “You. Losing you. It will always be you.”
—  cynthia go // Always you // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #32
I used to think that this was it. That my life was over without him in it. That I couldn’t be possibly any happier in the future than when I was with him. After he left me, it’s as if my world stopped spinning, and I became afraid of the future. I became afraid to think of the future, knowing fully that this time I have to imagine and rebuild it without him.

Yet, indeed, time heals everything. Days turned to months, and months turned to years, and I found that the world started spinning again, gradually, slowly, yet continuously and unfaltering. And I realized the world really did not stop for me. I’m the one who stopped. I’m the one who stopped moving, I’m the one who stopped caring, I’m the one who stopped trying to live. So with faith and hope for the future, I stood again. And here I am now, happy, complete, and contented with the life I built even without him.
—  cynthia go // A future without him

I came across a lost memory of us that was locked away after things ended. It was a familiar scent that brought me back to the night I realized I had fallen for you. It’s funny how I’ve forgotten all about it and about you, but all it took was an old smell to trigger a cascade of emotions I have long forgotten.

-It hurts, but not as much as before.

-m.t.t.

Can we stay here for a while,
Where you hold my hand,
And I hold my breath,
And I fight back tears as I hold back time
From separating us forever apart?
—  cynthia go // Can we stay here for a while?
I just can’t seem to get you out of my head and it’s driving me crazy. Letting go of you is harder than I thought it would be. All these memories keep popping up in my head; over and over again. Everything just seems to remind me of you. It’s exhausting, but eventually I’ll get over you. Maybe not tomorrow, but I’m sure it will happen one day.
—  L.N.
What if I decide to pack up and leave one day, not a single word, not even a good bye. Would you miss me then?
— 

-Temptations to play your games

-m.t.t.