She went through so many different feelings while loving him…
She experienced the feeling of nerves and happiness combined, the natural state of high, the feeling you have when you start to fall for someone. The fireworks exploding in your stomach when you see him, the undeniable urge to go with your hand through your hair or to pull at your clothes, the feeling of blood rushing to your head when he says hi.
She experienced the feeling of pure, perfect bliss, the feeling you have when you’re inside his arms and you can smell his cologne and you seem to fit perfectly in his arms and you know you are where you belong. That utter bliss you experience when you stare into his eyes and he stares back and you forget everything else exists.
She also experienced the intense pain of heartbreak, the moment you can’t do anything else than try to stop yourself from shaking, excuse yourself and walk away. And walking becomes running as soon as you’re out of sight and you will run until your knees tremble so hard you can’t run anymore and you’ll fall down. You will try to stop your lip from quivering and whipe away the first two tears, but you’ll realise it doesn’t help and you will let yourself break, fall apart. And you will bring your hand towards the place your heart is supposed to be, because you feel an ache right there and you will try to rip your heart out because you don’t want it to hurt so much, but you will realise you can’t.
Another feeling she experienced was the feeling of him entering your life once again. You told yourself you wouldn’t let him every minute of every hour of every day after he left, but there he is and you can’t help but let him. Eventhough you know last time was a nightmare and this time will probably be a horror story, you can’t resist that damn smile, curving a little upwards on the left, only made look more genuine by the softness in his eyes. And you feel yourself handig the broken pieces of your heart over to him.
She experienced all that, but she became immune to feeling, and now all she knows is that she loves him. And for her… that’s enough.