tbh it’s too bad oliver wood graduated the year before the triwizard tournament, if only bc we missed out on what would’ve been an amazing running gag of oliver repeatedly losing his fucking mind because he has to go a full year WITHOUT. QUIDDITCH.
*during the second task* “OH YEAH YOU ALL WERE SO RIGHT WHO NEEDS TO WATCH FLYING BROOMSTICKS, PEOPLE FALLING OFF SAID BROOMSTICKS, PEOPLE GETTING HIT IN THE FACE ON OCCASION, AND LISTENING TO LEE JORDAN’S WITTY-ASS COMMENTARY WHEN WE CAN DO THIS INSTEAD, SIT IN FRONT OF A LAKE AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO COME BACK FROM FUCKING DEEP-SEA DIVING YOU’RE RIGHT THIS IS SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER”
“mister wood, we must ask you again to please remove the voice amplifying charm and sit back down”
“NO NO NO I’M BEING SOOOOO SINCERE RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, LET ME SHOW MY ENTHUSIASM BY PROVIDING COMMENTARY–”
*oliver is tackled by staff members and is removed from the area*
*being dragged away* “LAST YEAR WE HAD DEMENTORS SHOW UP TO A MATCH. DEMONTORS. HARRY LOST ALL THE BONES IN HIS ARM ONCE. ONE TIME HE CAUGHT THE MOTHERFUCKING SNITCH IN HIS MOUTH. YOU CAN’T EVEN FOLLOW YOUR OWN FUCKING RULES, IT’S A TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT, HOW CAN THERE BE FOUR CHAMPIONS??? IN QUIDDITCH WE STICK TO OUR RULES. WE HAVE NINE ON EVERY TEAM, EVERY. FUCKING. GAME. WE HAVE A YEARLY WORLD CUP, WE DON’T GET CANCELLED BECAUSE PEOPLE DIE. (not at hogwarts anyway) WHAT DOES THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT GOT THAT QUIDDITCH DOESN’T, HUH?! WHAT DOES THIS GOT?!?!”