queue: out

The Truth pt 17: The Closeted Life of a Football Player

Update

I’m not going to go too much into it. I’m not going to explain shit. I’m not going to be the one to remove the posts on how much I liked him, because I did. I do not regret anything I put on here or said to him. So, yes. We broke up. It ended with a smile and a hug… maybe a tear or two. But, hey, people change and people move on but it’s all just a part of the journey. The most important thing is that I’m happy, and so is he.

Did I ever tell my father? Did I fuck (no). I don’t really feel I need to either, they say it lets them know everything about you but he wouldn’t know half of who I am even if I did tell him. There is more to me besides the fact that I can fall deeply in love with a man: the music I like and the food I don’t like… most of which my father has no clue about but it’s not necessary to sit him down with tissues and a hug and announce. Well, the point is I honestly don’t give a fuck… he will find out when he watches me kiss and say “I do” to the one I will be with for as long as I breathe.

At least the brother who is closest to me now knows, and if I were to tell you how… it would be telling you why Connor and I broke up (hint). We talked and he hugged me and then smiled, laughed, jokingly called me a fag, lightly punched my arm and walked out with a shrug. A few nudges now and then is the only reminder that I’ve even told him… well, I didn’t tell him (hint hint).

My friends are honestly the best I could have. It’s not like I told them because I didn’t, but it’s like they have known for years and accept me as Orion. I’ve had a few heart-to-hearts with the guys, none of which included the word “gay”, they just hint with a nod and a smile, they place their hand on my shoulder and say “you’re good, man.” That’s all I need. That’s all I ever needed. I’m good, no, I’m great. I’m free.

Since my last post I’ve ate, slept, drank… a lot. I’ve travelled, got more tattoos, partied, kissed boys, kissed girls, fucked boys… not fucked girls. I’ve had a great fucking time and maybe I will post about it here or maybe I will go missing for months again. I don’t know, and I don’t care… but that’s the fun of it.

youtube

FTM Transgender: Why I’m Coming Out After Living Stealth for 7 Years- TheEvolutionofMan

Very interesting video and perspective on being stealth and being out. 

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