queue. are. you

question: why is all the shit that happened to Garcia early on basically looked over?

spoilers everywhere. I wrote this at midnight powered by cherry seven up. read at your own risk.

obviously there’s the stuff with Penelope’s parents that fucked with her, but that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about how in The Fisher King she believed she was responsible for the near deaths of nearly all her friends because of how information was stolen from her system. about how Gideon yelled at her when all she needed was reassurance, because she truly had good intentions. about how her teammates made her feel inferior for the whole thing. about how much she must’ve hated herself for letting the people she cared about get hurt. this affected her so much that over a year later, she still references how terrified she became when Elle got hurt and her team was threatened. think about how hard she must’ve worked to change her coding to protect the team better. all the time that would’ve taken.

think about how she finally finally finally gets a random guy asking her out and making her feel special. think about how all of her friends (who admittedly had good intentions) made her feel like she was probably just being used. and how it turned out that they were right - she was being used. he wasn’t interested in her. not only is that the kind of thing that destroys years of working to love yourself, it just so happens that she nearly died in the process. she was an inch away from getting a bullet to the heart. she saw a light at the end of the tunnel. she jokes about it, but god, we all talk about Reid’s near death experience haunting him, don’t you think it haunts her to know she was that close to being absolutely gone? she had her hopes shattered and was on the verge of losing her life. the whole experience seemingly teaches her one lesson: you cannot trust anyone to genuinely love you. do you know the kind of issues that come with that shit? her meeting Kevin directly after and jumping right into a relationship pisses me the fuck off. no way anyone has the confidence to do that, not even my badass baby. I’m sorry, I love Kevin, but no. so it wasn’t dealt with instantly after. when? was? this? dealt with? when did we see her struggling through this? oh right. we fucking didn’t. her rejecting Kevin because she’s afraid of commitment is not fucking good enough.

not to mention what she had to deal with when she left the hospital. she was forced to wield a gun in her own home. that alone is something that would tear her up her inside, but imagine that right after she had that near death experience. imagine that while she’s convinced one of the people she cares about most, Morgan, is out there, facing the person who tried to kill her, and she has no idea if he’s safe or not, if he can protect her or not. she has to come to terms with the fact that she pointed a gun at him and he pointed a gun at her. these are the kinds of things that don’t go away. these are the kinds of things that come flashing back to your mind every time you go to that place. that place was her home. it’s supposed to be her refuge, her fortress where she brings nobody. she probably couldn’t even go to her favorite coffee place for months after.

think about how just as she must’ve learned to feel safe again, she finds out a network of extremely skilled hitmen is after her. the refuge in her home that she was trying to rebuild is once again ripped to shreds. she can’t even go there anymore. she’s stuck in the place she associates with fear and terror and gore, and no amount of fun colored glasses or card games can take that away. not to mention the terror that has to constantly run through your veins when your life is under such a great threat that there is no safe house safe enough. this was dealt with better I feel, but I still wish there had been some tie in with all the shit she had gotten over previously.

answer: I don’t fucking know why all the shit she faced was looked over, but I’m fucking pissed about it. Penelope Garcia is one of my favorite characters of all time and honestly, the fact that she tried to resign does not surprise me after all the shit they put her and her family through. and as much as I would miss my baby, I do want her to at least take time off. if they sweep this under the rug and say “well, Reid is back, she’ll feel better and won’t want to leave anymore” I’m gonna fucking scream. that is not how feelings work. for the love of god, if they keep this up where they only give her feelings when it’s convenient to make her look like a softie, I’m gonna commit murder worthy of the first five minutes. do you hear me?

and if you dare insult my baby I will fucking deck you.

important

so I’m the kind of nosy piece of shit that always looks through notes on other stories, right? and a lot of the times I’ll see that Person A is a really avid fan of Person B’s work and is always active and has nice things to say. and it’s the best thing ever. so like there’s people out there that have no idea I exist and I’m calling them sweet on a daily basis. and I love them. with all my heart.

and if Person B is a mutual, and said mutual reblogs one of my posts, sometimes Person A will hop on over to my blog. and it’s just like… the most heartwarming thing ever?? and makes me squeal in delight?? like ijdfskjdfjkdsidsfiio I am not worthy!!!!!

so like this is a psa for all the Person As in the fandom world. you may get excited over fanfic authors, but here’s our big secret: we’re way more excited to see you. don’t tell anyone I told you. we’re trying very hard to appear like Put Together Writers. here’s another secret: we are not Put Together Writers. we love you to death.