greek mythos is a mess
1. people don’t fall in love at first sight. the emotion that throbs through the veins and makes your temple pulse and your blood run hotter than the fire you started at your last camp with the boys is lust, red-hot and bloody and sex-stink filling the air as your eyes trace the outline of the figure standing opposite you in the queue.
2. when hades first saw persephone standing there in the field his blood lit up and cerebus howled from beneath the earth, shaking the world with its excitement. he watched her raise a flower from barren land and thought, wife. he thought, queen, and didn’t understand the emotion that gripped him from within. he called it love: the desire to monopolise something, trap birdsong in a cage and call it his.
3. zeus knows love as this: sticking his dick in a wet cavern and chasing his own pleasure. the coming together of two bodies, slick with sweat and heavy with desire, mouths open and pressed tight against each other as if they could breathe forever just like that – that is love. he is a champion of love in all forms, be it bull or goose. if the girl isn’t open to sex when you’re in human form, try an animal. he suggests a golden shower, if it comes to that point, to get what he wants.
4. to ask for permission is to have someone to blame after everything is all over, and so hades travels to olympus to see his brother lounging on the throne of the gods and he says brother, i love a woman. hades brings the story of how persephone captured his heart like a hunter would shoot down a deer, in between one breath and another and hades doesn’t beg, but he almost does.
5. take her and fill her with seed, zeus tells his brother, because zeus doesn’t know any other form of love. he is a believer of sex and pleasure, a believer of taking nice things for his own and keeping them, and says have your way with her, brother. have fun. he doesn’t think of hera, of how his queen watches him day and night, watches him love other women the way he doesn’t love his woman. he thinks of love in the only way he understands it, and grants permission.
6. love: when you search for a year and you can’t find the person who makes your harvest bountiful. dementer scours the seven seas and all of the land but her daughter isn’t to be found. a mother’s love is a terrible thing, all encompassing and all destructive – she will take her sharpest pitchfork and hold it to hade’s throat and she will not ask for her daughter back. she will look hades in the eye and expect him to give her back. she does not ask what her daughter wants. only mother knows best, and she will wreck havoc until she loves again.
7. zeus loves one other thing: protecting his reputation at all costs, at any cost, and he will smite anyone in his way. dementer screams and zeus winces, the sharp cry of an empty harvest bursting through the clouds and delivered to his doorstop by hermes. he goes to hades and spreads his hands open and says brother. this has to stop. give the girl back. is it really worth it? zeus tilts his head at persephone and tries to find reason with his brother; there is better pussy out there.
8. love is: asking if you’ve ever tried eating a pomegranate. hades lies his way to keep persephone in his kingdom, tears his chest open and lays his heart out, tries to rip his body asunder to convince her to stay. he offers her the sweetest fruit in his palace – the only fruit that would grow – and tells her that this is love.
9. love is: valuing yourself above all. persephone sees the man – the god who stole her from her mother and world, who took her to the place where he reigned as king and made her his queen. she recognizes power in the sinews of his chest, the bones in his body, the dog sitting at the doorstep and she loves herself more than she will love any man. she sits by his side and eats six persimmon seeds, and dementer raises hell when she finds out her daughter will remain by his side.
10. love is: everyone knows not to eat food from the underworld.