question the carrot

Take Responsibility

Originally posted by wonhosjaan

This is my first story in YEARS and also my first ever smut so be gentle but feel free to give criticism or send asks/requests. I’m slow with everything so…we’ll see how that goes. Ps I wrote this on my phone and idk how to tumblr on my phone. How does one tumbl?

Genre: Smut / Crack

Warnings: Masturbation (male receiving) Bad humor

Summary: You must own the bone.

Keep reading

SKAM S4: abrupt plot lines, cryptic carrots and the ultimate finale

The third season of Norwegian series SKAM ended with a bang: Isak‘s true to life story combined with an inventive approach to storytelling completely captivated the youth all around the world. The ecstatic, thought-provoking trailer for the upcoming Sana season lived up to viewers‘ expectations, but is season 4 a worthy ending to such influential series?

From season 1 to season 3, both main plots and sub-plots are coherent and well-structured. In contrast, season four seems to be a hamfisted attempt to tie all loose ends, while introducing new, but unnecessary drama solely for subpar shock value. To begin with, the love story between a religious person an a non-believer was never properly addressed or explored in the series and ended up with Yousef in Turkey, which qualifies as lazy writing. Sana‘s and Yousef‘s story had the potential to become another grand love story, but ended up being thrown in a nonsensical void. Additionally, season 4 contains a plethora of other flimsy plot lines, that make no sense on the large scale: the anticlimactic Balloon Squad versus Boys Squad drama that ultimately had no significant effect on the story; pre-hiatus Russ Bus conundrum; not to mention Los Losers scene that was both marvelous and illogical. What is more, Julie Andem continuously shows excessive love for Baz Luhrmann throughout the seasons: Noora‘s trailer was clearly inspired by „The Great Gatsby“; season 3 contains an abundance of visual parallels with „Romeo + Juliet“; in season 4, William‘s quasi-magical appearance is accompanied with „Who gon stop me“  from the above-mentioned „The Great Gatsby“. A borderline offensive „This is something like the Holocaust“ line paired with arguably the most notorious character coming back to the screen is a dystopia rolling before the viewers eyes. Another example of distasteful music choice in season 4 is „That bitch is crazy“, while the camera is focused on Even, without any further explanation.

Symbolism was at its peak in season 3, creating extensive dialogues between various medias such as classical literature, state-of-the-art music and contemporary cinema. Furthermore, prominent biblical allusions tied together a realistic tale and an ethereal love story, providing the viewers with a groundbreaking view on a same-sex relationship. The romance line of season 4 appeared to be quite promising at first, but fell flat after the first episode. For the majority of the season, the viewers are forced to engage in a dragged-out love triangle, filled with a sideline story of out-of-the-blue soulmates and perpetual appearances of a moody eye candy that is Noora alongside obscure carrots. Obviously, bright orange carrots are supposed to have a symbolic value, although the true meaning is open to interpretation. At first, a lot of questions arise: do carrots signify a faulty approach to relationships, are they a purely phallic object or a symbol for seduction and uncontrollable desire, but the puzzle gets mundane way too quickly. Moreover, recurring appearance of carrots comes off as overdone and forced, without sparking any interest amongst the spectators, who might experience plain confusion and even unfounded anger.

Finally, after a fair share of clips featuring various characters as main focuses, the last part of episode 10 was revealed, marking the end of SKAM with an inspiring speech by Jonas, meaning that the series came full circle, and an unexpected spectators point of view. What is more, complete obliteration of the fourth wall gives a sense of ultimate reality, although blurring the lines between fictional and real worlds was one of the principal ideas of SKAM throughout the whole series. The tastefully executed final speech, targeted towards a wider audience than only Sana, does not come off as useless preaching, but more as a tap on the shoulder and a friendly: „hey, would you mind listening to my thoughts?“. In conclusion, SKAM gave each and every individual the ability to pick and choose: live now or think of the future; spread fear or love and so on.

All in all, despite obvious imperfections, SKAM dignifiedly represented the reality, which is also heavily flawed and oftentimes unbearably chaotic. To my mind, it is only the beginning: the beginning of the viewers’ own SKAM.

Ok real talk do Norwegians actually go around eating this many plain carrots without anything to dip them in? No hummus??? No ranch dip? And are baby carrots not a thing either? What about mixing it up with some celery sticks??These are important questions to add to the #carrot discourse 🥕🤔

possumpuppy said: to blondie’s fuck friend, what is a hairline?
donovan: your hairline is where the hair on your head meets your forehead and temples. your forehead is the part of your face above your eyebrows. hair, in this situation, means the fine threads made out of keratin growing from your scalp. let me know if ive lost you

soup-place said: I have questions for your characters are they good dudes or spicy ? Huh
donovan: what?
ian: im – im a good dude
jules: i can do both

poptart42 said: What’s Ian’s favorite thing to do in the rare/nonexistent instances where he feels safe?

nerbull said: Hi, @ Donovan, what kind of weather do you like?
donovan: love those huge thunder storms where it feels like the world might be ending. but, more practically, 75 degrees and sunny

Anonymous said: Can we see ians peen again
ians peen is on vacation and is not taking work calls

Anonymous said: Ian, I have a question, do u like jolly ranchers?? If so what flavor?? I like red n blue
ian: im not a fan. they make my teeth feel like theyre going soft. i can say, though, that purple is the worst

fart-czar said: Hey Donovan, Do you have romantic feelings for Ian? Or do you just like him platonically, and occasionally bang for fun?
donovan: we fill each others needs pretty well. thats all i got

parq-stuff said: What are their favorite TV shows /cartoons?
ian watches bob ross & infomercials & cooking shows & like, boxing. or horse racing. mostly to just have some noise & something to watch without having to concentrate. donovan watches bob ross & cooking shows with ian & tries to get him to laugh. he also likes true crime shows. he starts series on netflix but never finishes them. jules watches all the good shit u kno it👍👍👌👌✌

strusork said: How many things has Ian eaten (or atrempted to eat) that he shouldn’t
hes eaten at least one dumpster hotdog. he ate a donut he found in the grass as a dare. once he was walking past an outdoor restaurant patio & there were two half-full glasses of riesling on a table & he drank them & nobody noticed. he ate some questionable carrots, also out of a dumpster, because he thought eating some vegetables would make him feel better, but they didnt

asdclaptrap said: yeah. what’s ian’s relationship with his parents? ive always been curious.
ian is not in communication with his parents and has not been for several years. this is by his design

yorkienator  asked:

Let me ask a question for Youmu, if three carrots make up a flaming potato inside a cabbage underground, then grow kinky legs and run to the forest and does interpretive dancing by itself by a bonfire, why doesn't a cow eat an egg plant out of a banana tree?

The Man in the Carrot Suit

  • short gag story
  • reader x junhui
  • summary: you meet junhui while online dating and think you’ll be a perfect match, until he shows up to your date in a carrot suit


You’d never been online dating before. It really wasn’t your thing. But then your best friend ditched you for the…4th time this week? For her new boyfriend, and truth is, you were lonely.

You scrolled through Tinder hopelessly after only 2 men had swiped right on your profile and they were creepy older men. Seriously older. They had to be 70+.

You had almost lost complete hope until someone by the name of “Junhui” added you.

You checked out his profile and he looked like a nice guy. It read:

Junhui. 21. Chinese. Vegetarian. 🥕

He had beautiful soft skin and big brown eyes. He was tall (it looked like, from the full body pics) and skinny, but not too thin.

You didn’t question the carrot emoji. You thought it was because he was a vegetarian. You added him back and heard a *ding* almost instantly.

Junhui: Hi!

You: Hi Junhui, I’m y/n

Junhui: Call me Jun. So I see you’re near me. Dinner tonight? If it’s not too soon, I’m just lonesome, lol

You: Of course… Where do you wanna go?

Junhui: Let’s go to Chili’s. They have good food that everyone likes.

You: Sounds great. Meet u @ 8

You got ready and hoped for a good night ahead of you. When it got to be 8 O'Clock, you texted Jun to make sure he was ready.

You: Ready? :)

Junhui: Yeah.. leaving now. I’m excited

You were excited too, but you didn’t want to tell him that. He won’t be expecting it so you’ll surprise him.

When you arrived at the restaurant, no one was waiting outside, except some guy in a weird orange costume. It looked like a Cheeto or something.

Since you didn’t see Jun, you went ahead inside to check if he was there. You still didn’t see him, so you messaged him.

You: Are u here yet?

Junhui: I’m outside waiting.

Maybe he arrived outside while you were looking around inside.

You walked outside and there was still no sign of Jun…

Or was that him?

The orange suit was waving at you from afar.

“Jun?” You called.

“Y/n…. Hi!” He got off the bench he was sitting on and walked quickly over to you.

It was a carrot suit.

The carrot emoji on his profile wasn’t just that he was a vegetarian…

“I love Carrots. They’re my life. I AM A CARROT. Let’s go in now. I have a special order here.” He was talking so fast he was basically rapping.

“What do you order? Carrot stew?” You giggled.

“Not funny,” he said sternly, “and just carrots.”

You decided to let the fact that he was obsessed with carrots slip right past you. You had obsessions, too. Plus, he was good looking and smelt good. Sorta like carrots, but that’s beside the point.

Throughout the dinner, Jun only talked about carrots.

Finally, you’d had enough.


You stormed out of the restaurant and Jun quickly followed.

“Y/n, please. I’m sorry. I can’t help my obsession. But give me another chance,” he said softly.

You felt bad but you couldn’t handle this. If all he was going to focus on was carrots, why would you be in a relationship with him?

“You’re a nice guy, you are. But I can’t handle this whole carrot fiasco. I hope you find someone…” You started to walk to your car and he grabbed you.

“Get the fuck off freak!” You tore away and he let go, leaving you to fall on the ground.

You hopped up and walked towards your car.

On the drive home, you listened to music and paid no attention to anything else. You just let the music hit your soul.

When you pulled in to your house, someone pulled in behind you.

You got out of the car and saw a carrot scurrying towards you.

“I’ll call the police if you don’t leave me alone.” You screamed.

“Not if I kill you first,” Jun grinned with pure evil lacing his lips.

“What did I do wrong?”

“You insulted me and my family.”

“Binch…I said your obsession isn’t my taste. Move on smh you’re so extra.”

He inched closer to you, and pulled out a carrot.

“The fuck you gon’ do with that?” You laughed.

And that was the last thing you did before












There is only one...
  • If you could pick just one meal to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • Kimi Raikkonen: Salmon? Very Scandinavian…
  • If you could pick just one pizza topping what would it be?
  • KR: Tuna - to stick with the fish!
  • If you could pick just one holiday destination…
  • KR: Home. Who needs a holiday destination?
  • If you could pick just one track to race on…
  • KR: Spa, I guess.
  • If you could pick just one road car to drive…
  • KR: A Ferrari, of course. Any kind of Ferrari.
  • If you could pick just one race car to drive…
  • KR: Ferrari - the one I became world champion in (F2007).
  • If you could pick just one colour to wear…
  • KR: Black.
  • If you could pick just one sport to play…
  • KR: Motocross.
  • If you could pick just one song to listen to…
  • KR: Depends on the mood, so any! (Laughs) Or actually, the radio. So you see I’m not very sophisticated when it comes to music, but rather random.
  • If you could pick just one thing to drink…
  • KR: Water.
  • If you could pick just one book to read…
  • KR: I don’t read. No books for me.
  • If you could pick just one city to live in…
  • KR: My summer place. It has a name, but I’d rather not tell you more than that it is in Finland.
  • If you could pick just one movie to watch…
  • KR: Nothing in particular.
  • If you could pick just one person to live with…
  • KR: My family - I’m unable to choose just one.
  • If you could pick just one team mate…
  • KR: This one that I have now.
  • If you could pick just one fruit to eat…
  • KR: Banana.
  • If you could pick just one vegetable to eat…
  • KR: Carrots.
  • If you could pick just one mode of transport to use…
  • KR: Car - what else!
  • If you could pick just one F1 corner to drive…
  • KR: Eau Rouge.
  • If you could pick just one age to be…
  • KR: Any. I am super satisfied with my life so far.
  • If you could pick just one F1 era to race in…
  • KR: 1970s.
  • If you could pick just one band/singer to listen to…
  • KR: When I was young it was Guns N’ Roses - but that’s a bit of a long time ago.
  • If you could pick just one piece of exercise equipment to train with…
  • KR: If I could I would do Motocross for exercise - all the time.
  • If you could pick just one thing to collect…
  • KR: I don’t collect anything. It’s boring.
  • If you could wear just one type of footwear to wear…
  • KR: Shoes! (Laughs)
  • If you could pick just one type of chocolate or candy to snack on…
  • KR: Finnish candy.
  • If you could pick just one memory from your racing career to keep…
  • KR: When I won the championship.
  • If you could pick just one other race series to watch…
  • KR: I watch a lot of motorsport, but my favourite is Motocross. Does that come as a surprise?
  • If you could pick just one person to date…
  • KR: I don’t need to worry about that!

anonymous asked:

Do you have any good mug cake recipes?

oh my goodness. thank you for this question.

Carrot Coconut Mug Cake

Chocolate Brownie Mug Cake

Chocolate-Chip-Cookie Mug Cake

Coconut Mug Cake

Gooey Chocolate Mug Cake

Meyer Lemon Mug Cake

Microwave Cinnamon Rolls

Microwave Coconut Buns

Microwave Pumpkin Pie

Red Velvet Beetroot Mug Cake

Those are some recipes to start you off.

Here’s how to make up your own recipe.

You will need: 

at least half of an egg, ideally a whole one

something dry (coconut flour, nut flour, cocoa, desiccated coconut, ground flaxseed) OR a big tablespoon of softened cream cheese. I don’t know why this works but it does in a pinch

maybe some oil or melted butter, or other wet ingredients like greek yoghurt or coconut cream or mashed avocado or, indeed, more cream cheese

maybe some other flavours (sweetener, salt, cheese, lemon, vanilla, carrot, pumpkin, coconut, cream cheese, ginger, berries, cinnamon, olives, herbs, rosewater, matcha green tea powder, lavender, feta, garlic, pesto, anything you want)

and maybe some chunks (walnuts, other nuts, chocolate chips, fruit, vegetables, etc)

pick some ingredients that go together, and mix them up until the consistency is somewhere between a runny pancake mix and a less-runny brownie mix. (be prepared for a few kinda-average cakes before you find the perfect ratio of ingredients and attain the perfect cake.)

put on a topping if you want (cinnamon, sesame seeds, olives, cheese etc)

microwave for like a minute. sometimes less, occasionally more, depending on your microwave. if psyllium husk is anywhere in the mix, you might need to cook it a bit longer.

and maybe you want some icing! like, mascarpone or whipped cream or butter or aioli etc.

Now you have all of my secrets! Good luck :D

and if anyone else has a keto mug cake recipe or idea to add, please feel free!

anonymous asked:

There've been a lot of fics where beca is the one to have a baby for medical reasons. Could you do a fic, where instead of the usual sad reason, beca has their first kid because if she has to watch Chloe give birth first she'll chicken out and never go threw with it for herself

“Beca,” Chloe said, eying the way Beca was nervously fiddling with her fingers. “Spit it out.” 

Keep reading

I was thinking about the baby carrots joke in the Sausage Party trailer (”They’re eating children!”) and not only is it not a very good joke, it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of how baby carrots are made. They’re not carrots prematurely ripped from the ground, they’re cut and shaped from ugly, “unsellable” regular carrots. Which begs the question, weren’t those carrots sentient to begin with? Aren’t all baby carrots in the SP universe born of intense trauma, and wouldn’t they then already be aware of the cruelty humans can inflict?

And where does sentience begin in this universe? Does it begin when food is packaged? When it grows? Do the individual byproducts of a hot dog have sentience? Do they scream and wail as they are shoved together and mashed into a sausage casing? Do hot dog buns come alive in the oven? Are their first memories that of indescribably hot temperatures and being baked alive?

In the script, there’s a pizza that complains of its legs being eaten. When did the pizza gain a sense of self? Did its individual pepperonis, sauces, and cheeses have identities before they became the pizza? Does the pizza remember them? Or is the pizza more akin to a Hetalia country, where the personifications of countries have their own identities but are also aware of their citizens? Is pizza a country?

I fucking hate this movie.


Lazy days, Levi’s head pillowed on Erwin’s stomach and Erwin’s fingers carding through his hair. The grass prickles softly beneath their weight, sandwich crusts and empty bottles of lemonade scattered around as the last vestiges of the summer slip away. 

“That one looks like a heart,” Erwin murmured lazily, his hand reaching up languid to point at the sky, where puffy clouds skitter cotton-ball across the blanket of the sky. Levi doesn’t see it, he thinks the cloud in question looks like a carrot, but he smiles and snuggles back into Erwin’s stomach anyway, wondering if this is a preliminary indication to the ring box he can feel digging into his back through the pockets of Erwin’s coat.

Zootopia / Robin Hood fanfiction Take A Stand Chapter 10: Wilde and Wilde and Hopps

(AN/ Hey guys it’s Garouge AKA Crewefox here with another chapter of Take A Stand. Wow you guys really liked the last chapter, thank you so much to all you fine folks who reviewed, faved and followed the last update. Ok so this chapter went a little off course, I wanted to show a political rally with a certain cameo of @helthehatter OC but I decided to focus on the Luna situation and how Nick and Judy are dealing with this bombshell. So without further ado let’s get cracking with this chapter…) link:

Chapter 10- Wilde and Wilde and Hopps.

Nick had finished escorting the brawling wombat to the cells and was whistling a tune as he walked over to the office coffee station at the edge of the offices where Clawhauser and Nala were chatting. “Hey Spots, Rocky.” Nick greeted with charm.

“You know I hate that nickname.” Nala huffed, holding a half eaten donut in her paw.

“You get used to it.” Clawhauser commented with a full mouth. “If he gives you a nickname it’s means you’re a friend.”

“See Spots gets it.” Nick smiled, pouring himself a mug of coffee, his brush wagging slightly.

Keep reading

Similar Words in English and French

I’m baaaaaaaack :D

The opposite of false friends, sort of.

Branch - La branche

Scissor - Les ciseaux

Chair - La chaise

To cross - Croiser

Bronze - Le bronze

Medal - La médaille

Construction - La construction

Blue - Bleu

Night - La nuit

Potato - La patate

Music - La musique

Instrument - L'instrument (f.)

Park - Le parc

Police - La police

Fire - Le feu

Card - La carte

River - La rivière

Dance - La danse

Passport - Le passeport

Tourist - Le/la touriste

Gas - Le gaz

Mask - Le masque

Paper - Le papier

Cream - La crème

Cat - Le chat

Tablet - La tablette

Art - L'art (m.)

Era - L'ère (f.)

Alcohol - L'alcool (m.)

Juice - Le jus 

Coast - La côte

To turn - Tourner

Parliament - Le parlement

Minister - Le ministre

Priest - Le prêtre

Tea - Le thé

Coffee - Le café

Question - La question

Nation - La nation

Carrot - La carotte

Verb - Le verbe

Cousin - Le/la cousin(e)

Uncle - L'oncle (m.)

Frontier - La frontière

Space - L'espace (m.)

Planet - La planète

To measure - Mesurer

Radio - La radio

Person - La personne

Lamp - La lampe

Alarm - L'alarme (f.)

Guitar - La guitare

I hope this encourages anyone that thought the two languages were too different to learn! Feel free to add other ones, because there are a ton! :)

A Night No One Will Forget (Part One)

Hey everyone! This is my first Zootopia fanfiction and I fell in love with this movie when I saw it. If you like the story, don’t hesitate to drop a message!

Dedicated to @northmelody and @faith-xx-love for being my main fangirls when there was no one else to fan with.


Judy Hopps smiled happily, her long ears perking up at the sight of the finished paperwork on her desk.

“Done!” she said triumphantly.

It was an early Friday evening and her week had been jam-packed with cases that with her partner, Nicolas Wilde, had managed to solve.

Judy had just finished packing up when the suave fox walked in. “You ready to go, Carrots?” he asked with a smirk. Judy rolled her eyes at the nickname but nodded. They said good night to Clawhauster, who was listening to Gazelle’s latest single, and walked out into the street.

“Well, goodnight Nick. I’m heading home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Judy grinned as she turned around. She hadn’t even taken a step when she felt his arm on her shoulder.

“Are you kidding me? Judy, it’s a Friday night.” he said turning her around to face him. “So?” she asked raising an eyebrow. “SO, you should be on your way to a party or a club…or both.” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Nick, as much as I would love to go out and party, we have work tomorrow-.” Nick interrupted. “Judy, we are on holiday for the weekend, and I know this because we decided to take leave at the same time.”

He gave her a mischievous smile. “C'mon, Carrots. It’ll be fun. I heard of this new club called ‘Radical’ that just opened up. The line will be long but I know a guy that works there. He’ll get us in, no biggie.”

“Nick, it’s sweet of you to offer but clubs aren’t really my thing…” Nick stared at her, his eyes wide.

“ But how can you deny the bass that vibrates your soul in the mosh pit? Or the sweet taste of strawberry shots going down your throat?”

Judy looked down, embarrassment radiating off her face. When it dawned on Nick, his eyes widened in surprise. “Judy, you’ve been in Zootopia for…what?..a year now? And you’ve never been to a club?”

“No….I’ve never been to one…and I don’t plan on going.” she replied angrily walking away. “Carrots, that’s not what I meant. C'mon, just one night of fun. If you hate it I’ll never take you to a club again.”

“Yeah, right.” she said sarcastically ,dodging two rhinos arguing about the weather. “Judy, I’m serious. Fox’s honour.” he said holding his hand across his heart. Judy sighed. He was never going to give up no matter how hard she resisted.

“Fine. One night.” she mumbled. His green eyes light up in excitement. “But, the second I feel uncomfortable, I’m leaving.” she said.

“Noted. Now let’s see, we need to get you a dress…”


The music blared from the speakers and the club was foggy from the smoke machines. Pink and green lights flashed on the dance floor. Judy bit her lip and tugged at the dress she was wearing.

It was a tight red number with sequins on the bust and hem. She had taken a seat at the bar and was waiting for Nick to return. He had gone over to thank his friend Mr Solomon Koko, a koala, the owner of the club.

Judy’s stomach nervously. “Nick, please come back soon.” she whispered under her breath. “Hey, you alright?” Judy’s head snapped up and realized the bartender was talking to her. He was a jaguar with bright green eyes and silky black fur.

“Yeah, I’m fine…just a little nervous.” she said shaking her sweaty paws. “Lemme guess, first time in a club?” he asked pouring some beer into a glass and sliding it to a giraffe. Judy groaned. “Is it that obvious?”

The bartender grinned. “Don’t worry, I know your buddy, Nick. He will help you. And for now I will keep you company.” he said pushing a glass of vivid pink liquid with a carrot in it towards her. “On the house.” he said with a friendly smile.

Judy took a cautious sip of the drink. It was sweet with a hint of berries. “What is this?” Judy asked taking another sip.

“Carrot Cosmopolitan. Rabbits do like carrots right? I’m sorry if I’m being biased-” Judy laughed. “No, it’s fine. I’ve gotten weirder questions.”

“Hey, Carrots! Sorry to have left you for so long. I see you’ve met friend Johnny.” Nick said patting Johnny on the back. “Good to see you Nick.”

Nick was wearing all black, making his muscles from training prominent and his teeth whiter. His emerald green eyes were bright under the dark lights. Just as Judy downed her drink one of Gazelle’s new song started to beat through the speakers and the crowd went wild.

“C'mon Cottontail. Let’s go dance.” Nick said taking her hand and leading her to the middle of the dance floor. Sweaty bodies rubbed against her and she felt boxed in.

“I don’t know Nick…I can’t dance very well-” Nick grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. “Judy…” he whispered making a shiver run down her spine. When did he suddenly make her feel like this?

“Judy, you are a badass cop. You take down some of the most dangerous animals in Zootopia and you’re afraid to dance? he asked spinning her around. “Just let the music move you.” he said dipping her low and then pulling her close. Judy was grateful that the light were pink because she was blushing like a fire hydrant.

Judy started to get the rhythm and was soon dancing with the beat. Nick watched in amazement as she moved her body and getting lost in the music. The song had ended and was replaced with another fast one.

Judy hadn’t realized how hot she was until she felt her wet fur matted together at the base if her neck. She excused herself to go to the bathroom and freshen up while Nick went to the bar to get then a drink.

“Well, she’s quite something, Nick. I didn’t know you were the cute, bunny type.” Johnny said with a grin. “Don’t call her cute, Johnny. She will kill you. Oh ,and two waters.” Nick said opening his wallet and paying for the waters. “You have a good thing going on Nick. Judy sounds like a great girl. Just don’t screw it up.” Johnny chuckled. Nick rolled his eyes but a small smile creeped on his lips.

“Don’t worry, Johno. I don’t plan on it.”


As requested, comparison photos of all the colors of fur in my shop, and maybe some that aren’t. I tried my best to adjust the colors so they were accurate, but I had some trouble and’t it isn’t perfect. Also, they still may not display correctly on all screens. I make wigs from these furs to fit a variety of BJDs, Monster High, and American Girl dolls (must be bald).

I get a lot of questions about carrot colored faux fur, and I haven’t found a good carrot for sale ever. I promise I’ll buy it when I do. 

Also, I’ve found most colors/types are discontinued by the manufacturer by the time I get them, so consider every color I have limited. 

Thanks for looking!

"Why Honeycrisp Apples are the best apples," or "seriously fuck your other apples"

Okay, it’s time for you to get some fruity info. Let’s set some terms.

1. Cultivar
A cultivar is what we call the specific kind of plant (often fruits and vegetables) produced once we’ve bred it a bunch in captivity (Guantanamo Fields) with other plants of similar type. Think of it as sort of… the final solution to the carrot question. Used in a sentence SAT style: Red Delicious is a TERRIBLE GODFORSAKEN cultivar of apple.

2. Rootstock
It’s the part of the plant you put underground to grow new stuff above ground. If you’ve ever heard the phrase “tip of the iceberg” you know the implication. The rest of the iceberg is under the water, and it’s the really important Titanic-sinking part. Same thing is true for root stock, except for the boat thing.

3. Apple
I know you know what an apple is. But let’s talk about Apples for a little bit. Did you know there were over 7500 kinds of apple? You did not know that, you’re a liar. Apples are good for pretty much three things:
Eating; Cooking; Cider. This post is going to be primarily about eating apples.

Okay, terms set. Let’s talk apples.

Red Delicious: “The worst apple”
Invented in the 1880s in the U.S. it was basically bred for its stark color, early harvestability (they can pick it earlier and more often) and hardiness. Described as “plain and starchy” in patent applications as early as 1977, with “a thick bitter skin”, they are disgusting to actually have to eat. In the 80’s it accounted for almost 75% of Washington State’s apple production and it nearly destroyed the market. If you’re in your twenties or early thirties (and you probably are, you’re on Tumblr) you likely had these motherfuckers staring at your mournfully from your packed lunches every day. It took an ACT OF CONGRESS to stop it. It’s a hate-crime against tongues.

Fuji: “The passable replacement”
Bred in Japan in the 30’s (dodged a bullet there) - it’s a cross-breed of the accursed Red Delicious and another apple called a Ralls Ganet, so unimportant I’m not going to tell you anything about it. It retains a lot of the hardiness and growability of the red delicious, has a pretty mild flavor, but unlike the Red Delicious, isn’t unpalatable garbage. It’s one of the most widely grown apple on Earth today - and there’s a good chance there are some in your grocery store right now.

McIntosh: “Apple O.G.”
Early 1800s Canadian apple, bred for battle and harsh winters. This apple is “cloned” a lot, as in added to other new cultivars to increase their cold resistance (your apple gets +1 ice resist).

Granny Smith: “The apple boring people say is their favorite”
In the wilds of Australia in the 1860s, the Granny Smith sprung from some crab apple cores discarded near a creek. Exceptionally tart, uniquely uniform in color, these are particularly useful in cooking, as pie apples, but they’re pretty popular for eating too. They’re a little healthier for you than most other apples, lower in calories and higher in potassium and antioxidants - so you’ll see them called out by nutritionists, etc. Generally speaking, people who have moved away from Red Delicious apples gravitate towards Granny Smiths, as being the “not terrible kind of apple”. Those people are missing out though.

Newtown Pippin: "The patriot’s apple
Despite the name which sounds very much like a character Hugh Laurie would play in an SNL skit, this apple is actually as American as… tort reform. Much beloved by our founding fathers, this weirdly misshapen apple prone to russeting (that brownish stuff you sometimes see on apple skin) is primarily a cider apple. If you’ve ever had Martinelli’s sparkling cider, you’ve tasted a Newtown Pippin - that’s pretty much why we still have these. Also because freedom.

Jazz: "A New Challenger Approaches”
In 2007, some crafty Kiwis (three large New Zealand companies, actually) realized an apple they’d been growing in their backyards since 1985 had everything they were looking for. Great color (bright red with yellow underbody), complex flavor (tart to sweet), and a juicy texture. A cross between a gala and a braeburn (a couple of other local, now globally important, New Zealand apples) it was a business major’s dream, like discovering Krispy Kremes being baked in a local bake shop, buying them out, and taking it national. They took this “Scifresh” apple, gave it a cloyingly saccharine name (Jazz!), and relaunched it in 2007 to worldwide acclaim. They’re damn tasty, but they’re not the best apple.

Honeycrisp: “Seriously. SERIOUSLY.”
Science is responsible for many great things. Vaccines. Microprocessors. Hell, we landed a spacecraft on a goddamn comet this morning. That’s all well and good, but - I’m here to tell you these achievements pale in comparison to the Honeycrisp apple. In 1960, the Minnesota Agricultural Experiment Station’s Horticultural Research Center (I’m not making this name up) at the University of Minnesota, patented apple cultivar MN 1711. Immediately recognizing its greatness, they promptly slated it to be discarded.
Then, to prove that we do truly live in the best of all possible worlds, one of the scientists decided to eat one. Then another. Then another. So sweet! So firm! So tart! So crisp! So juicy! They knew they had a hit. After three short years of cultivation, in 1991 Honeycrisp apples hit shelves, and their inexorable ascent to the top of the apple heap began.

Other weird facts about Honeycrisp apples:
- The cells in a Honeycrisp apple are significantly larger than the cells in most apples, leading them to rupture and erupt with juice with every bite like a Gusher’s fruit snack.
- So prized is this apple, that patent royalties alone have generated tens of millions of dollars for the scientists and the University of Minnesota, which they presumably used to buy more Honeycrisp apples.
- They’re self-sterile, and need to be pollinated by lesser apples planted nearby to successfully grow. They’re truly the aristocratic upper class of the apple world, held aloft by the toiling crabapple masses.
- You can’t grow your own from the seeds. Because they’re self-sterile, the seeds of a Honeycrisp you buy in a store will grow into some kind of horrific mutant Honeycrisp/pollinator hybrid, the most common pollinator being the much maligned crabapple.
- The Honeycrisp apple is the state fruit of Minnesota - because apparently “state fruits” are a thing.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of biting into a Honeycrisp apple, I posit that you have not lived. Go to your store, buy yourself a bushel full, store them somewhere cool and dark, and get ready for your life to change. They’re the real deal, and it’s not going to change unless scientists stop landing on comets and get back to the important work of cross-breeding apples like it’s the Orchard of Dr. Moreau.

Even with challengers like the SweeTango and the Zestar! (Oh how I wish I was making those names up) - Honeycrisps always come out on top.

I think we can all go to bed tonight, safe in the knowledge that the Honeycrisp apple’s reign will be long, and benevolent.