Random question ask: gay, straight or in between. What's your sexuality?
Oooh, good question anon.
I’m usually pretty hesitant to talk about my sexuality in any kind of public venue because it is such an individual thing, and for me it is deeply private. But for whatever reason, I feel like answering this tonight.
The term I feel most comfortable using to describe my sexuality is queer, because for me, what it comes down to is that I am attracted to people. Full stop. Gender expression and sexuality to me are so endlessly complex, and people experience them in such different ways, and express themselves in such different ways, that for me, there is no real term I feel comfortable using that would ever cover all the different permutations of gender and sexuality that exist, and that I have been attracted to. In my experience I have been attracted to all different types of people with all different types of biological sex, gender expression, etc. There is no sexual/gendered “type” that could ever possibly describe all the people I have been attracted to/will be attracted to in the future.
(There’s also of course the issue of the complexity of what it means to be “attracted” to someone. This can mean so many different things in so many different ways. What do we really mean when we say we are attracted to someone? Do we mean only romantically? Sexually? As a friend with intense intimacy? How do we demarcate the line between those categories? Is there a difference between romantic and sexual love? Between romantic love and love between friends? To me, this is also an endlessly complex question.)
Like I said, I’m hesitant to talk about this in a public space because I know everyone has their own intensely personal experience when it comes to attraction, sexuality and gender and I would never want to speak for anyone but myself, but for me, even a term like “bisexuality” isn’t enough because I don’t think there are only two genders. I think it’s far, far more complex than that. And to be perfectly honest (and this perhaps is somewhat controversial so I’m hesitant to even voice it here…), the idea of being attracted to a specific set of genitals is completely foreign to me. Bodies are extensions of people- and they’re all so unique and different anyway, the idea of only being attracted to one type of sexual organ, or one part of a person’s body for me is… completely bizarre. I’m not saying this to cast aspersions on people who do have that experience, I’m just saying for me, it’s difficult to even understand what that would be like.
I really hope I did not unintentionally offend or hurt someone in anyway by voicing this opinion. To me, the internet is not the ideal place to have these types of conversations because they are so sensitive and intense and personal and misunderstandings happen so easily in this space (which is why I am hesitant to post about anything potentially controversial ever), so… let’s just say I really hope I don’t regret posting this! If I delete it, you’ll know why.