queer embraces



i want to take a moment here to kill the stereotypical notion that, as a queer person, you have to “explore your sexuality” by going out on different dates or experiment with different partners to be crowned a True Gay™ 

here’s what’s dangerous about that notion: a queer person can often feel invalidated when they think they’re meant to have more experience as a queer person than someone would tell them if they were heterosexual. you would not tell a straight person to “go out and explore their sexuality” if they decided to only have experience with a certain number of people – for example, two would be considered “normal”, and you would not push them to explore their heterosexual-ness after two partners just to “really appreciate it” or “be very sure that’s what they like”.

it’s important that we don’t make queer youth feel like they’re any less queer if they haven’t explored their sexuality with multiple people. this “exploration” you’re encouraging them to do can vary from dating, sexual intercourse, and even flirting – every single person is built differently, and this does not mean they’re any less sure about who they are and what they like.

do not tell queer youth they should experiment more. instead, encourage them to embrace who they are, whether they want only one partner or ten. remind them that just because they haven’t experimented with even a single person, that does not make their sexuality any less valid. just like straight people, queer people are allowed to make up their mind after no person, one person, maybe two, and they are not any less queer because they don’t fit your standards of what truly makes a queer person. 

hearing this, especially from influential people or older people, can be so damaging to queer youth because they feel like they don’t know any better, and this can be so triggering to some, because they’re told they don’t know. they’re told they’re not being queer correctly. and that is not okay.

you have no right to dictate what makes a person queer and what doesn’t. embrace who you are, but let other people embrace who they are, as well, regardless of their experience as a queer person. just let it be. help people accept themselves. be understanding, not condescending. they are not any less queer than you are just because they have less experience than you. keep it in mind.

I’d say most if not all PCOS support discourse I have heard has been advice on how PCOS people can reach traditional femininity. All I’ve found is how to loose weight, hide excess hair, and get rid of acne. I wish I could find some PCOS discourse that embraces queer and feminist theories by examining what traditional femininity is and how PCOS can resist it. I understand ladies with PCOS may feel less feminine bc god knows I do sometimes but I think it would be more powerful if we talked about how we can embrace ourselves as we are instead of constantly trying to attain traditional beauty. We should be promoting healthy living and loving ourselves not jumping through ridiculous hoops to attain a misogynistic and racist set of beauty ideals. 

On community fracturing

It seems like there’s two frameworks for what the queer community is and how it functions: the oppression model and the possibility model.

The oppression model says people are queer because they are oppressed for certain behaviors and that oppression takes a certain form. It says that the queer community was formed specifically to respond to a certain form of oppression. The activism in this model tends to focus on specific actions to benefit specific groups, which means that priorities must be made for who is prioritized over whom.

Under this model, you need receipts to prove that you belong. There is gatekeeping because the main function is to separate the oppressed from the oppressors and give the oppressed resources to fight the oppressors, as well as to provide spaces entirely free of out-group members. It empowers those who are best represented to act as gatekeepers, deciding who does and doesn’t belong. This provides what I am sure is a profound sense of safety to in-group members. It also means that those who cannot produce those receipts – including many gnc, m-spec, and a-spec people – are entirely excluded.

The possibility model says that people are queer because they embrace gender and interpersonal structures that run counter to the mainstream. Under this model, the boundaries of the community are nebulous and include people who aren’t necessarily directly harmed but who feel a disconnect and conflict between their internal sense of who they are and what society dictates as proper self-expression and behavior. 

Under this model, receipts are not required, just a sense that your personal identity runs counter to what the mainstream accepts and acknowledges. There is activism under this model, but the activism tends to focus on changing the culture to make room for all possibilities, not on championing for one specific group or another. Gatekeeping cannot coexist with this model, because of the nebulous and ever-changing nature of self-definition.

Clearly, I favor the latter model. But the point of this post isn’t to raise one above another. It’s to point out that the fracturing of the queer community seems to come down to which model an individual has accepted. Which is why arguments on one side often fall on deaf ears on the other side. We literally don’t want the same things.

I honestly don’t know how to bridge this divide, but I imagine it has to do with pulling back from these intra-community flights to figure out what we are actually trying to accomplish. If your goal is to make a safe place for lesbians, for example, it makes sense to exclude non-lesbians. And it may also make sense to define what a lesbian is, so that it is easier to make that determination. But if you’re looking to actually achieve cultural acceptance for non-straight individuals, I cannot understand how it benefits anyone to keep throwing different groups under the bus.

I’m trans. During the gay marriage fight, I was told time and time again that this had to come first, before the community addressed my issues. Well, we have gay marriage now. And what did it do for the trans community? It redirected queerphobes’ energy onto us, in the form of bathroom bills. Conservatives know they can’t challenge gay marriage anymore, so they’re going after more vulnerable parts of the community.

Except that these groups hate all queer people, not just trans people. And when gay people tacitly allow the rest of the community to be demonized, that is creating space to maintain hatred for the whole community. Because queerphobes don’t care how someone identifies. They hate anyone that is non-straight. So saying that it’s ok to hate certain parts of the community is really just maintaining hatred for the whole of the community.

So what are you trying to accomplish? A temporary sense of safety that only encompasses those who can and will provide receipts for others – information nobody should ever have to divulge – or a true cultural change that will make the world safer for everyone, not just those who belong to the in-group?

This is an important time. We need to come together to push for full equality – and maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know how we can do that when we’re still distracted by who is and is not allowed to belong.

Because I’ve known a lot of straight people. Even some who could claim queerness if they wanted to. But guess what? People don’t do that. Maybe online, because you can be anyone online, but not in the real world. Who is going to increase their chances of death if they don’t have to?

So maybe we can shift our energy from hypothetical out-group members infiltrating our groups – as if allies weren’t allowed anyway – and focus on, you know, not dying.

[ And no, I will not stop using “queer”. I’ve been using it for two decades without issue and I’m not going to stop just because it’s suddenly considered a slur. If you don’t like that word, there are many many extensions out there to prevent you from ever seeing it. ]

Do you think that you aren’t hurting me? Do you think you can save me from the fatal wound that is your love? You won’t look at me with love only caution. You touch me like I’m glass, not worried that I’ll shatter rather that I might cut you in the crash. I don’t know if you’re trying to protect me by keeping me an arms length away, even if that arm feels deeper than the ocean, or if you’re afraid I’ll break you in the same way you broke me. I like to imagine you’re scared to hurt my heart because you know it’s been broken before. I pretend not to know you don’t want me.
—  h.b.

“Love is it’s own protection.”
― Emma Goldman

anonymous asked:

how did u become comfy w the word queer? cuz i wanna embrace it more and i feel like it's more inclusive to nonbinary genders but this whole "it's a slur" thing is rlly confusing cuz obviously i don't wanna be hurting the ppl in my community?? idk

okay well for me personally the slurs that i always heard were never queer. it was always abstractions on gay & lesbian. so for me when i was first exploring it, lesbian was a rly rly hard word for me to use & even now i don’t say it out loud a lot. now that im exploring the whole “gender is made up & the points don’t matter” thing, it also doesn’t Fit for me bc obviously lesbian is our lovely word for women. in this same way, wlw (& mlm) also doesn’t work & i actually rly dislike it for the way it excludes nb (non-binary) & gnc (gender nonconforming) ppl. i understand that it was an effort to be inclusive of bi & lesbian women in the same category but surprise!!!! we already have queer!!! i just think it’s such an unnecessary step away from this wonderful inclusive expressive word that is so evocative, to me & throughout history, of Community. sure it was a slur & im not gonna dismiss that but it was reclaimed & to dismiss That is to dismiss all the queer ppl who have come before us who have fought so hard to be recognised. to dismiss it is to, i think, exclude the actions of ppl who aren’t as readily recognised in the words we use today. we aren’t fighting the same battles anymore & sometimes i feel like im going crazy, like im coming up with conspiracy theories, but i think some of the battles we are fighting today are with ppl who come into our community & draw straight lines (pun intended) around who we are & where we fit. & we start fighting each other for recognition & for whatever & excluding others & yknow we aren’t standing up for the ppl who need it the most. queer is strong & it’s in your face & it’s inclusive & it’s all of us & im not gonna call ppl queer if they don’t want to be but i am a part of the queer community & i am a queer & idc if ppl are offended, maybe they should be, but queer is as important to me as feminist bc lemme tell u smth i, someone who presents & has been designated as a woman, will stand w my women. & i will stand w my queers, & that’s my spot. that’s where i am. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk if that answered ur question & i definitely rambled for a while , ur welcome.

Hi, I’m Jamara (Juh-mar-uh). I’m 26 and from Maryland, USA. I’m in school and majoring in Speech-language pathology & audiology. I’m a pretty open-minded and quirky individual with introverted tendencies and social anxiety. I love learning about people and their cultures and am respectful of areligious practices, despite not being religious myself. I embrace a queer identity and advocate for those on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.

Some things I’m into:

  • Music – indie, hip-hop, k-pop, k-indie, alt. rock, soul, etc.
    • Some of my fave artists: FKA Twigs, Paramore, Circa Survive, SZA, Sade, Erykah Badu, bluedawn, BIGBANG
  • Art – drawing, crafting, zines, sewing
  • Natural living
  • Tea – red and oolong
  • Coffee
  • Poetry
  • Gaming
  • Makeup
  • Hair dye
  • Lolita fashion
  • Cats
  • Yoga
  • Belly dance
  • Asian dramas

Welp, I think that’s enough for now. If you’re interested in exchanging mail, please message me : marakat @ live. com

On loving your monsters

My friend and game designer Zack, creator of Monster Garden, introduced me to the idea of “monster love.” It’s a kind, rather than fearful, way of seeing monsters in videogames and in our spiritual (and thus, mental, emotional, physical) lives, which can help us get over monsters, demons, and ghosts who haunt us.


I’m going to express the idea of monster love, in my own words, and I will pick up from where my friend said, “I think how monsters are viewed often reflects how the unknown is viewed, which is why they are usually feared and thought that they have to be controlled.”

Liking and loving the unknown is an act of loving yourself. Of accepting that part of you which has doubt, which has fear, anger, sadness, jealousy.

See, monsters and demons exist as representations and manifestations of those feelings, from giant beasts who express our anxiety about our small place in the universe, to tiny and cute critters who, like us, get angry or sad about small things, to the frightening mirror images of us who represent the hatred or evil inside us.

Monster love, then, is an act of self-love in that you can have empathy and care for these creatures; for a small beast who is misguided, a big one who is proud but lonely, a creature who is hurting, who is angry, who is afraid or lost, a ghost who is bearing a deep grudge.

Instead of attacking these monsters, monster loving is an attitude where one is getting to know these creatures, understanding their way of seeing the world, and, by allowing them to exist and letting them live out their lives, healing them (and thus healing oneself).

If you don’t fight your monsters (your inner demons, the demons of the world, demons of other beings), and instead practice monster love, then perhaps you can actually learn to live alongside your monsters.


I thank the demons who guided me to the insights above. My own demons have been speaking to me, and I’ve been trying to listen, instead of shunning them completely. It’s hard, sometimes, when the fear or anger threatens to drown, but the Truth always brings me back to a place of love and understanding.

Humbly yours,
– raghaaav

PS Follow me on instagram.com/raghaaav to experience my physical manifestation.

anonymous asked:

Do you mean "homosexual" historically used as a slur? A slur is attached to a word through attitudes, and changing a word isn't going to stop that. Didn't retard undergo changes to be referred to as special needs? "Are you special?" is used today offensively. Homosexual literally means attracted to the same sex and it's up to people to use it offensively or take it offensively.

nah bro i mean i get what you’re saying and there have been some effectively reclaimed slurs (or at least, for the most part reclaimed) such as queer, which many people embrace despite the historic violence behind that word, but the word homosexual is still used to pathologize same-gender attraction today by homophobic groups, not to mention the shockingly recent history of its use within clinical contexts that attempted to ‘treat’ same-gender attraction through outright torture–which, unfortunately, still occurs today through conversion therapy. 

there are many more effective words to use–even gay is preferable to being referred to as a “homosexual” for many people. that’s why we have terms like same-gender attracted (SGA) or similar terminology. 

here are some further readings that explain it better than i do: x, x, x.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any modern Credence x reader headcannons, by chance? Also your account is absolutely brilliant.

sure, honey, i’ll come up with a few for u!! also thank you so much, you are too kind!!

  • i imagine him really loving the 1975–hear me out. exploring gender and religion and where it all fits within the personal experience and wanting to be yourself/have a good time while also having Issues.
  • he embraces modern queer aesthetic–once he’s free from his mother, he finds All the Glitter and rainbow buttons/shirts/etc.
  • he absolutely loves coffee shop bands and the acoustic homey feel that goes with it.
  • he is a fan of the Candid Photo, taking pictures of his friends all the time, trying to capture happiness on camera so that he can remember it when it seems far away from him.
  • he loves wearing big, colorful sweaters, in an attempt to be warm and also shine as brightly as he can in the drab colors of winter.
  • he becomes an activist–in child abuse issues as well as queer issues.
  • in this sense, he is very ambitious and gains his personal strength by fighting for the rights of others.
  • i also see him learning how to play the piano, once his mom is out of the picture. this isn’t necessarily modern, but it’s just a personal love of mine.
  • he goes to lots of concerts, of every genre, even if he’s never heard the band before, because he loves to hear people express themselves on stage and to a bunch of people they don’t know.
  • all in all, he embraces himself in the various spaces that modern life allows.

After getting through Twitch’s unmute requests (9 months) and then audio/video syncing issues in Premiere, this video is finally a reality. This episode doesn’t have much gameplay footage because there’s so much exposition, but there will be more in upcoming episodes I promise :) 

Life is Strange is a choose-your-own adventure game featuring Max, a high school budding photographer who has just moved back to the tiny town of Arcadia Bay. A midday daydream kicks off a tumultuous day as the town’s secrets start to unravel before her. After witnessing a traumatizing event, Max finds that she can time travel. In this first episode of the five part series, she’s trying to keep herself afloat while exploring her new powers as well as a rekindled relationship with her childhood best friend, Chloe.

This game has rich story and superb voice work. The world of Life is Strange is beautiful and fantasical but, at the same time, relatable. It’s great to play a game centered around so many multi-faceted and different female characters. It embraces queerness and teenage foolishness but doesn’t shy away from other issues like bullying, violence, and sexual assault.

Gamers who like dimensional, non-sexualized portrayals of women and narrative games where your choices have impacts on the world and people around you, this is a game you can’t pass up! Because of the language and subject matter of the game, I wouldn’t recommend this to children younger than 14.

Total playtime: 2 hours (this episode); 14 hours (all episodes)