qubool hai

Guide to Every Indian Drama Ever

1. A humble heroine with big dreams

.. and a filthy rich hero with an attitude problem

2. Heroine has a strange disorder where she keeps falling on the hero

3. Magically transport to a forest, where the couple plays a game of Survivor

4. Right when it heats up, introduce the “vamp” (aka hero’s superslutty girlfriend)

5. Couple has huge misunderstandings, which could be resolved with a 5 minute convo

6. In a strange turn of events, hero force-marries heroine 

7. There must be an absurdly long drawn-out wait until the consummation

9. Throw in an an evil mom/grandma/ex/random twat to separate them

9. When the couple finally gets down to bizness … bam! heroine becomes pregnant the very next day

10. Actor becomes popular and gets the hell outta the show

11. Director tries to pass off a random guy as the hero

12. Show dies a slow, but swift death

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OMG BENGU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Stay tuned for next week’s newsletter, with the following amazing features: 

  • Using Your Love Interest’s Sibling As a Bargaining Chip to Ensure Matrimony (Because No One Will Marry Our Damaged Asses The Normal Way) by Arnav Singh Raizada (guest contributor: Shivaay Singh Oberoi)
  • Tehzeeb and Tameez: An Introduction to Moral Pontification by Asad Ahmed Khan
  • How to Do a Complete 180 Personality-Wise by Omkara Singh Oberoi

  • I’m Not As Bad As These Other Guys (and Thus I Died Without Getting The Girl): A Warning Tale by Aahil Raza Ibrahim 

  • The Idiot’s Guide to Arson by Advay Singh Raizada

  • Fitness Tips and Fat-Free Recipes from Rudra Singh Oberoi! 

  • I’m a Werewolf/Vampire/Lord-Even-Knows-What and I Still Found Love! by one of those randos from QH Season 40 (who the fuck knows their names? not me.)
  • Healthy Coping Mechanisms Post Breakup by Shivaay Singh Oberoi

  • Discussion Topic for the Week: “Tum Jaisi Ladkiyaan…” - Why are these middle class girls so annoyingly irresistible? 

  • Meet Up Location for the Month: The Dargah. (Aloo Puri for Lunch after!)

  • Special Deal on pools that are too shallow to swim in! (Up to 30% off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Tellywood
  • Lead Couple: "Oh nothing can separate us now, our love is too strong."
  • Villain-Type 1: I will separate them. I hate them together for some reason.
  • Villain-Type 2: I am pregnant with your child because we had sex the night I drugged you.
  • Villain-Type 3: Kidnaps one person of the lead couple or instigates them against each other.
  • Lead Couple: misunderstanding
  • Lead Couple: cry forever
  • Male Lead: Becomes a total asshole
  • Female Lead: Cries but doesn't do anything about her predicament.
  • CVs: sad songs
  • CVs: flashbacks
  • CVs: oh look they are getting back together
  • CVs: NOT
  • Villain: "I have succeeded."
  • Lead Couple: after months they use their brain and realize that they have been played.
  • Villain: fails but promises to avenge their death/failure.
  • Lead Couple: "No one can separate us now"
  • CVs: One romantic scene before we screw shit up again.
  • Fandom: "Here we go again."