Wow, thanks Wednesday, April 9th for this extraordinary migraine. I’m truly honored. I would not be here were it not for a team of amazing people and perfect circumstances, so in no particular order, allow me to begin.
First I’d like to thank the MTA. Without you none of this would be possible in the first place. I never would have thought a stalled train on the Brooklyn Bridge would allowed such perfection.
I’d like to thank my fellow commuters. You are the real heroes of the day.
To the individual who had the the foresight and intuition to douse yourself in eau de faux rose- you nailed it. Few truly recognize the power of scent. But not you. Truly extraordinary. Not only have my nostrils been wiped of cilia, but I believe I lost a few eyelashes, too. Thank you, for hair removal is the worst.
To the woman who chose to stand in the center of the car holding the horizontal and vertical poles, thus creating a perfect isosceles triangle shaped pocket of empty space, I salute you. That was an exceptional use of your lady wiles, and showing that no, you need not commit if you don’t want to. You can take and have it all! Just ask the lady standing in front of the train doors who won’t budge for anyone as she’s absorbed in a rousing game of Candy Crush. Having your oversized leather satchel resting on the small of my back and jostling to and fro as the train lurched was a really nice touch. Brava, diva! Brava.
At this time if like to thank everyone for wearing wool and leather, that last semblance of a chilly spring is a tough one. Today was the day to bundle up. To that end, I call back to the MTA and your astounding reserve when it comes to the use of air conditioning, or any air at all. Thanks for saving the planet this morning. Thanks.
Now it’s time to turn my attention to someone I truly it owe it all to: Me. Thanks, lady, for what can only be described as a series of questionable life choices. Thanks for choosing an apartment in Brooklyn, and thanks for working in Midtown. You are a genius. My gratitude goes out to you for changing your “outfit concept” multiple times this morning after a sleepless night, thus causing a later than usual departure.
Lastly, I thank the true star of today, my body. Body, you did a great job today standing up, virtually swinging from a metal bar like an urban lemur. Moving with the train and dealing with every body else’s body and stuff pressing against you in the confines of a metal canister whilst taking shallow breaths of “rose” stanked up air. You did especially well 15 minutes into the trip when you decided to cool off by releasing little beads of sweat at the forehead and behind the knees. Lest we forget the beguiling sweat Fu Manchu you provided me with, as well. Thank you body, that really helped cool things down.
Finally, my migraine would like to thank each and every one of you. You are all the best.