q:on hiatus

4

“Some people pretend they’re strong, but they’re broken inside.”

I’ve been with Tumblr for years, and it has been a nice journey for me. I’ve been blogging about random stuffs about me, what I feel, words I can’t say, and other shits in my life. But at the moment, I don’t feel like blogging or anything. Today, I have decided to leave this blog. Temporarily. I should have deactivated this one, but I’ve thought abt it for I don’t know, several times I guess. And I reminded myself that this is not yet the right time to permanently abandon what I have here in this blog.

I want to let you guys know, that I’ve decided to stop blogging for a while. I just wanna take a break from everything that has been bugging me for weeks.

I wanna thank everyone, who’s been consistently sending me TA’s and PM’s. The short and long messages, the hate anons and sweet ones. Everyone, thank you for making my Tumblr life worth it. And I am really glad to have met people like you. There are things that I cannot say, or feelings I cannot show, but I am really blessed to meet new people, and that’s everyone here. I just want to move on and forget everything, and I won’t be able to do that if I am here.

I am currently at my weakest state, and I’m about to reach my breaking point. I never thought that my heart could feel so heavy and empty at the same time. I’m drowning in my own fears and heartaches, and I wanna save myself before I can no longer swim all the way up. Only me, myself and I can do that.

I have helped a lot of broken souls here, but mine is more broken, and I want it to be fixed. Some act, as if they care, asking how I am, but that’s just it. They never bother to ask further. I’m sorry for being this weak. It’s just that things are getting worser and I can no longer bear the pain. I’ve reached my limit when it comes to pain. But I need to be strong for myself.

I’ll be back. I promise. I may not be the same person when I get back, but I’ll do my best to have just slight changes in me. I’ll just continue my handwriting challenge when I get back. With regards to TSAMU2017, I’ll do my best to be there. Take care guys.

I’ll be changing my number tomorrow morning. As for Viber, Whatsapp, you can still contact me there, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to respond coz I am planning to deactivate them as well. I’ve blocked some, coz I don’t wanna be contacted by few for a while.

For now; Goodbye Tumblr friends, til we meet again.

y’all my dear smol & tol nerd muffins,

real life is coming at me like an overly enthusiastic freighttrain, what with prepping for and writing my final thesis in History, and all that other, boring af real-life stuff that needs tending to… Anyhow, my queue is prepared and ready to entertain you all! Same applies to my personal side-blog, which also means the queue over there won’t feature any news-posts for the duration of my absence.

…yeah, so I’m taking a break from Tumblr for the rest of this month.

I know this may leave some of you confused, but…the last few weeks combined have created a very big straw that broke this camel’s back.

I am exhausted. I am grouchy and tired all the time and I never feel much better no matter what I try. So I just decided I have had my fill of Tumblr for awhile. I need to sort out the way I feel about a lot of things and just…come up for air.

We’ll see how I feel by the end of March if I want to stay away longer or if I will feel okay again to come back.

Take care of yourselves.

-Evie

Last night, I was writing up a (hopefully) funny post about Funko Pops and something my mom said and before I got it finished, we had to take her to the ER and she’s been admitted with Congestive Heart Failure for the 5th time now. I just… This is really breaking me. In case you can’t tell by my previous posts, I’m super close with both of my parents and I don’t know how I’d ever survive losing them. Good thoughts and prayers very much appreciated. Thanks.

Admin Kira Taking A Break (Hiatus)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for supporting this blog. It really means a lot to me.

I am going to take a break from writing. I don’t know when I will be back. There has been a lot of issues in my life along with schoolwork. Adding to that an incident happened yesterday, my father had a stroke. It really impact me. He is the hospital currently.

I have tried to write, but just can’t do it. I have been having hard time to write anything for the past week.

My anxiety and depression is hitting me harder than before. That I struggle with it everyday.

I decided that I need break from writing. I didn’t want to put the blog on hiatus and leave Admin Bear alone doing the requests. That’s the reason why I was looking for admins.

Which you know, Admin Lizzie, Admin Onyx, Admin Laura, and Admin Katsudon.

I am trusting them to take care of the blog, while I am gone. I will still be here on Tumblr, but wouldn’t be posting any requests up.

I hope you guys understand. Thank you for reading.

-Admin Kira

Oliver: I’m very fond of flying
Marcus: Yes… yes I know.

anonymous asked:

Hello, I know your on hiatus but I wanted to say hope your doing good <3

Hi, friend. Thanks for your message.

While technically I’m still on hiatus until the end of this week, I decided to login today to check messages and install XKit, and decided answering this message was a good opportunity for a small update.

I’ve been doing good. Its been nice having this break from Tumblr. I’m slowly getting my house in order and cleaning up/packing away things I don’t need right now. Decorated a bit and am working on getting organized and setting a good routine.

I’m not ready to return. I know this feeling won’t change by the end of this week. I’m just…I don’t know what to say, really. I’m just feeling a little heartbroken and angry about a lot of things and I’m really not ready to come back here and try to pick up like nothing is the matter. I’m not okay and there has been a lot of things that have happened lately that I’m trying to be okay with but honestly I’m not. I’m not okay with them. I’m very upset, even though I try to pretend I’m not. I try to tell myself I don’t have any right to BE angry, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am. I’m really, really angry right now. And the more I try not to be angry about these things, the more angry I actually become.

I no longer care if I’m right or wrong about how I feel; if it’s justified or not. If I’m patient enough or not. If I’m good or bad for feeling this way. I just don’t care. All I know is that I’m still so very angry, and I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m not angry and that I can go on with my life and that I’m not sad. I’m heartbroken and feeling a bit disappointed, but what can I do? It’s not anybody’s fault and I don’t believe anyone’s done anything specifically to hurt me. It just didn’t work out and that’s what is breaking my heart. Because I wanted things to work and they just…didn’t. And maybe it’s because I’m not patient enough, but…I’m tired of sitting around watching other people have fun and waiting for it to be my turn to join in. I’m not trying to stop people from having fun; I just wanted to be part of it, too. 

And now, I just want to be left alone. I know it’s counterintuitive and I’m probably limiting myself but I’m tired. I realized that the small inner circle I have is small, yes, but they’re the ones I need and want right now. They wound up in my inner circle not because I asked them to be there but because they all chose to be there, whether they know that or not.

I don’t have it in me right now to be happy and cheerful and fun-loving on Tumblr. I don’t have it in me to try to carry on like nothing’s the matter. I want to be left alone to figure out how I feel and who I am and what I plan to do next. I’ve enjoyed not sitting on the computer all night these last two weeks. I’ve enjoyed not refreshing the app every five seconds at work to see if something happened. I like being alone right now because I’m learning what I’m capable of and that I actually don’t mind the silence. I’m getting things done; I’m having fun by myself.

So I’m going to stay away awhile longer. I will check back in around mid-April to see if I want to come back or stay away longer, still. I have no idea how I will feel, but right now I feel like this is the best course of action for me.

Take care of yourselves while I’m gone.