q: not feeling well

i am going to lose my shxt.

thursday and friday my stomach wasn’t bad, but my throat is so sore, swallowing is super painful. the doctors office doesn’t open until 8:30, so i have to wait two hours to see if i can hopefully go in today. i don’t have a fever, but i looked in my throat as best i could and it’s really red and puffy & my glands are so tender/swollen, they hurt. i barely slept because of it. i was really hoping i was going to magically feel better this morning but nope. i am not supposed to take anything because if the gastritis so i am kind of panicking. i have been trying to be positive but frankly i am in a terrible mood because i am sick all the effing time anymore. people are frustrated that i’m not well and i feel terrible about that too. we are supposed to celebrate my sister’s birthday this afternoon and our little pseudo nephew’s this evening and i’m not sure i can do it.

like, what the hell am i doing wrong that this keeps happening?

what the actual fxck? 😣😔😭

sorry for ranting and being cranky. frustration is pretty much at a high i just had to at least get it out.

i dont even know who i am anymore honestly

like when i look in the mirror i see someone else, some normal girl

not me, not the damaged, mentally ill sack of rot that i actually am

and like on one hand im relieved bc it’s not visible how fucked up i am

but on the other im like please please please pay attention to me please notice how bad im getting

but nah i just look normal as fuck so my issues cant be that bad… im probably just faking

Thor 3 thoughts...

I honestly feel like I’m drowning and I’m terrified. The movie franchise I’m most obsessed with and always think about when I’m sad, depressed, happy, nervous, etc. And have been attatched to for the past 4 years Is being torn apart in front of me and there’s nothing I can do but to sit back and watch Marvel destroy it.

I don’t mind the Hulk/Banner being in the movie. In fact it’ll be kind of fun if it was a cameo/a couple quick scenes. It’s the fact that he’ll be the second main character that’s slowly sucking my soul out. Really? The hulk? You forgot about all the under developed characters in the Thor franchise and you decided to go with the Hulk, who as far as I’m concerned, has NOTHING to do with the Ragnarök storyline and is only probably gonna be in the movie for comedic purposes… Oh yeah, because “Ragnarök” (NORSE APOCALYPSE) will be the funniest Marvel movie yet! Wooo!

You could’ve picked Loki to be the second main character because maybe, you know, I don’t know, he’s been Thor’s main antagonist and pivotal character to the franchise and to Marvel itself since Thor 1. And because fans have clearly showed you how much he’s loved and wanted. And also because there are so many unanswered questions and deep complex things that we need to delve into more to make the chemistry between Thor and Loki (which many would say is the best Marvel chemistry between 2 characters) even more richer and beautiful.

You could’ve also picked Sif. Everyone can see that she was horribly underused in Thor 1 and 2 and if written better, can have a big impact on Thor and what happens in the story. She’s a badass and has as much potential to be a second main character as anyone else. (She’d also definitely be a way better love interest for Thor than Jane was!)

You could’ve also chosen any of the Warrior’s 3. Hell, you could’ve even picked Vision since he’s been proven trustworthy, can lift the hammer (therefore help Thor during battle), and can also fly. Also, imagine how much depth he would bring to the Thor franchise if he used that smart little brain of his to understand Thor and Loki’s convoluted relationship and try to mend it back together and finally bring unity between them through his logical persuasion and pacifism.

You could’ve made Odin the second main character next to Thor. Imagine how fascinating and intriguing it’d be to have Thor and Odin work together versus Loki and Hela working together and they all face off in an epic climatic ending yet Loki (being a confused antihero and all) decides last minute to join Thor and Odin side by side which could eventually (possibly?) bring the family all back together in a deep wrapped up trilogy that when watching after Thor 1 and 2 can really see how everything tied together beautifully.

But NOOO… let’s ignore all these great potentials and pick the one that would suck out time from the other characters’ developments IN THEIR OWN MOVIE to only give comedic elements and “more smashing” as we’ve seen in Avengers 1 and 2. -_-

This is why I’m drowning.