q: not feeling well

i am going to lose my shxt.

thursday and friday my stomach wasn’t bad, but my throat is so sore, swallowing is super painful. the doctors office doesn’t open until 8:30, so i have to wait two hours to see if i can hopefully go in today. i don’t have a fever, but i looked in my throat as best i could and it’s really red and puffy & my glands are so tender/swollen, they hurt. i barely slept because of it. i was really hoping i was going to magically feel better this morning but nope. i am not supposed to take anything because if the gastritis so i am kind of panicking. i have been trying to be positive but frankly i am in a terrible mood because i am sick all the effing time anymore. people are frustrated that i’m not well and i feel terrible about that too. we are supposed to celebrate my sister’s birthday this afternoon and our little pseudo nephew’s this evening and i’m not sure i can do it.

like, what the hell am i doing wrong that this keeps happening?

what the actual fxck? 😣😔😭

sorry for ranting and being cranky. frustration is pretty much at a high i just had to at least get it out.

I just want to say I’m sorry if your requests are taking so long.
I don’t even have a lot - But I’m really not feeling good these days.

Like absolutely not.

I keep having mood swings that are starting to make me angry, I could just wake up as the happiest person of thid world and second after just curl myself up and cry for no reason. This makes me so mad, I don’t understand what’s hapenning.

I don’t remember when it started.
I just remember feeling like complete garbade for a whole week when my mouse Lapis died.
My roomates are both gone, I have no decent internet connexion, I’m constantly feeling like I’m gonna cry.

And now my Rat Steven is not feeling well and I fucking have no idea of what’s happening with him. Like, he eats and drinks like normal but he’s slow and can’t walk properly and I don’t know why. He’s litteraly the same but…weak ? It’s so scary. I guess only the vet will know.

I litteraly have nothing to feel better so I keep staying on my couch wondering wtf is hapenning. There’s no one, I don’t know whay to do.

You’ll probably get some drawings today. I guess ?

i dont even know who i am anymore honestly

like when i look in the mirror i see someone else, some normal girl

not me, not the damaged, mentally ill sack of rot that i actually am

and like on one hand im relieved bc it’s not visible how fucked up i am

but on the other im like please please please pay attention to me please notice how bad im getting

but nah i just look normal as fuck so my issues cant be that bad… im probably just faking